I just woke up from a terrible nightmare almost crying, I guess I get another night of no sleep...

Shut in for 2 years, I know the more I wait to do something the harder it'll be to get back to normality, I just can't force myself to do anything, Its like I already know suicide is inevitable for me.

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boutta get kicked out of uni hahaha

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Yep

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Hi then. Not that late here but I will probably stay up to like 4 am browsing this shithole or trying to get pirate RTS

tell me about your nightmare

I'm fascinated by dreams and keep a dream journal (w/ illustrations). I always love to hear about other people's dreams

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When did it all go wrong? Think hardly.

I can't even remember the last time I enjoyed a video game, it used to be my favorite form of entertainment and now I can't even force myself to play something for more than an hour

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I have nightmares where my dad is a monster and he's chasing me around in big, empty buildings (schools, hospitals etc) that I can't get out of

I often have pretty surreal nightmares with very meticulous details. If you lurk this board, I'll let you know the next time I have a story that's worth your read.

I don't remember the exact context anymore, but it was me being bullied in hs, getting kicked and beaten to the point I can't walk anymore and getting laughed at by everyone around me, all my dreams are about me getting humiliated and failing, I never had a single dream where I was happy in the end

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Are you trying to do anything else? Like gym, biking or at least going to a park? Simple things like that can be relaxing and help with stress

There is no major, singular event that is responsible. It was due to many lesser defeats that accumulated unaddressed as time went on, eventually destroying my will to exist.

Theres a 24/7 convenience store next to my house, I usually go out and get myself beer, smokes and some cat food, I go out to a park and just sit there feed the cats listen to music and drink myself until I'm numb enough to fall asleep

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Do you like animals, user?

sure

personally I can only remember waking up from nightmares twice, both in my childhood and early teens. both of them involved seeing spooky faces/ghosts.

apart from that I don't really have any nightmares. I often have anxious dreams, though.
recently I had a dream were I was lost in space and landed on strange planet. I was able to breathe the air there only thanks to a drug I had taken, and unless I somehow managed to make it back home (to a space station where I lived with my family), I would end up suffocating for sure. through the entire dream I was followed by a feeling of impending doom and homesickness. it was still a pleasant dream, though. oddly nostalgic. the planet was populated with man-like people, and I could talk to them.

that's strange. it doesn't sound like there's any real threat, or even anything spooky.
like I said above, all my nightmares have been associated with ghosts or spooky faces. literally anything else is just an interesting story.

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I do, Animals unlike humans would never hurt another being unless its for the sake of survival, animals kill and harm to eat and survive, not because they want to. Unlike humans who would kill out of greed spite jealousy and lust. Theres something in me that just wants to see animals being happy and treated well.

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All the dreams that I remember were always about the real world, never had any fantasy like dreams, I also thought its weird how everyone has these cool dreams and I only dream about real world scenarios

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That's nice, and an oportunity. Does your country have dog/animal shelters around? You could volunteer in one and take care of them and enjoying their happines.

I also thought about it, but seeing all these poor cats who didn't anything wrong just locked up and just want a home and to be happy would probably just ruin me on the spot.

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Hmm. Well, maybe you could rescue stray animals on your own, take care of them and find them a good family.

Already have a rescue that I adopted, it was either me taking him or him getting killed in some shelter, The little guy grew on me and hes really attached to me, Hes always so happy that I'm with him, I would rescue more but my mom doesn't make that much

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You could walk dogs if that's something around there. What else do you like or have interest on?

Not much else really, I'm a neet shut in who only goes out at night, I just really like animals, cats in particular

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those same reasons
i feel so alone

er du stadig i traaden

Hmm I see, don't you have any friends? Someone with whom to talk and maybe get to socialize? How old are you?.

20 years old, I was a ghost through out my school years and never had any friends.

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Yes. I hate insomnia so much. No fixing until you can rest your mind

Have you always been like this? Or did you get depressed around 14 or something and never were able to overcome it?

I was always a more quiet kid who had trouble connecting with people, but it got really bad around early middle school, parents divorced and seeing my mom cry on a daily basis ruined me, also being the only boy in the house made me pretty much the punching bag of the family, my abusive dad also didn't help at all. It was just a bunch of things pilling up over the years until I couldn't take it anymore . parents' divorce made me develop trust issues and depression, social anxiety made me isolate myself and the isolation made me socially numb, I can't connect to anyone and I feel like a freak. I see everyone on Jow Forums and outside looking for a gf and to achieve their dreams, and the only thing thats on my mind on a daily basis is suicide, Its been like this for so long now I forgot what its like to wake up with a smile in the morning and not feel like you're dragging yourself through life, hoping the inevitable happens as soon as possible

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Fuck man. Well, I don't really know of how much help I could be from here, but personally I would advise you to move out if possiboe and try doing it. A fresh beggining somewhere else, as pointless as it seems, would be the best. Just leaving your house more often would probably already help.

Thanks user, I'm not really looking for advice, just someone to listen to me vent a little bit, it always helps letting things out sometimes, I can't keep it in me all the time.

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>I just woke up from a terrible nightmare almost crying, I guess I get another night of no sleep, fuck insomnia fuck depression and fuck nightmares, why are you awake euro bros?
Same i got 5 hours of sleep.
Its raining outside and i need to go run a few kilometers otherwise the aforementioned problems won't even begin to fix themselves.
Also i'll be fasting and praying today, 100% will fix and heal it always works for me that way.

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I just woke up too but I was sleeping since 3PM.

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That's good, I won't do anything productive in life for a month at least so I'm always around here to listen.

Good for you, user

Basatto

>Good for you, user
Im back from the mountain.
This time took a little longer (8km run) not only because my nose was running but also because im a fucking smoker.
Right now i made a coffee with some cocoa and i'll take a cold shower when my sweat dries up.
Nose stopped running and i feel much much better.

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Listen habibi you need to start slowly attempting productive activities and building yourself bit by bit. Man is animal bounded by nature and you've fallen into a prisoners lifestyle and have been suffering for it. Its easier said than done but you have to actively search for the beauty in this world and create a purpose for yourself to get out of this mindset

"Welcome to the NHK" really makes for the best images for these sorts of threads

Also, Israelianon, just a little piece of advice: a few years ago I was also a depressed friendless directionless 20-year-old (and coincidentally this is also when I watched "Welcome to the NHK" IIRC). Now I'm 25 years old and, in that time, nothing has changed, because unsurprisingly I've done nothing to change it. I know this is probably pointless and already obvious advice, but objectively you're better off at least trying. I wonder if you, like I did (and still do to some extent), have that faint little "things will maybe just fix themselves" voice in the back of your mind which makes it okay to do nothing. But don't be mistaken: things can very much just stay the same. Of course, I write this knowing full well that I won't do anything either, and 10 years from now I'll be writing the same exact piece of shitty advice to some other 20-year-old user.

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I know that nothing will change if I don't do anything, I know the more I wait for something magical to happen the more I'll go insane, I know the more I wait the harder itll be to get back into normality, but god fucking damnit I don't know what is it with me. This comfort zone, this room I've been sitting in for 2 years is the only thing I know and I can't fucking escape it, I know how to better myself, i know what I need to do. Yet I can't fucking change myself. it just makes me so fucking frustrated, It just makes me want to beat myself to death and hate every fiber of my being for becoming this failure and a joke of a human, It's like I'm a rabid animal that knowingly entered a trap and can't escape it, I know nothing will change, and I know I will change nothing, I don't have the will power to change it, There's this evil force inside me that pulls me deeper and deeper into this melancholy and theres no escaping it

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You need someone to push you and make you do stuff until it becomes a habit. You're too isolated for this to happen so you have to seek a "master" for the time being

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Why?

The only way I can think I can force myself to better myself is for a girl that I love, but what kind of girl will want a shut in? If I want a gf I need to improve myself, and if I want to improve mytself I need a gf, Like you said I can't see improving my life for my sake

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Find a "MASTER" and then leave him after he's built you up. A girl will destroy you at this point in your life.

lmao @ you.. anime poster

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Or "prolly" your neet rhytm

Where do I find a master and how?

Stop holocausting him

I get the most vivid and lucid nightmares when I'm under a lot of stress.
They're not so much scary, but some pretty dark shit that I used to hope was behind me, but the old memories crop up and punch me in the dick from time to time

Get a job as an apprentice with someone who cares