Parents

>21 years old
>Mixed-raced
>Hispanic looking
>Work with White dad in carpentry
>Get irritated because I'm being mentally violated with every movement I make, and I have nothing to live for except more work
>He tells me I make him sad
>Ask him why
>He says it's because I get angry at work
>Tell him that I can't help that

I feel like he's lying to me about me making him sad.

I think he's just complaining at me to get attention toward himself and his problems, and he's taking my life and misery and twisting it around for this goal.

I try and love my father, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm just his tool. It's in everything that he does toward me. He tried to cut my sister out of the family as soon as he heard she was getting married.

It was like her life was worth nothing to him at all, and I think I'm held in the same regard.

He has given me the house I've grown up in, but he only did it involuntarily due to filing and once it was done, he pretended it was all for me. He has debt, and he doesn't want to be homeless in the event of a bankruptcy, and he knows I won't make him homeless.

I still can't shake the feeling my and father and mother don't care about me.

My father pays me well, but he only does that so I don't run away from him for good. I would probably move out immediately/join the military if he forced me to work without pay.

My mother loves Nicaraguan children more than she loves me. Back when I was 18 and she had cancer, I secretly wished the cancer would continue so I could masturbate with the family dog more.

I did nothing to comfort her, and I didn't care once I got used to the reality of it.

I think she's the same way toward me, but she lives in denial of that fact. She pretends to care about me because she's 30% black, but she doesn't really care, and she's just abiding by mental rules she built for herself as it provides stability for her.

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nypost.com/2018/02/04/father-daughter-couple-arrested-for-incest-after-having-love-child/
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you make a thread about what you think is wrong with your life every day, but then don't seem to implement or even acknowledge Jow Forums's feedback.

also
>masturbate with the family dog
what the fuck?

>Get irritated because I'm being mentally violated with every movement I make
What do you mean by this?

On the most basic level, I don't want to do the work I'm doing, but I have to suck it up and do it anyway.

I really start to feel it after 6 consecutive days of labor, and it's a feeling that just keeps building and building week after week until it makes me want to cry that I'm a part of this earth.

It's not strange when I haven't been close to a female in 21 years despite having average intelligence.

I've got serious problems from being mixed-raced, and I refuse to pretend they're not all connected to this.

your life sucks and your mind is in a mixed up place. the only thing I can think of is seeing a counselor (not one of the drug-pushing ones). you keep asking Jow Forums to be your counselor, but that is ridiculous, like many of your other ideas.

But if you start seeing a counselor and then refuse to stop seeing everything through your own schizy lens, then you might as well not waste your time.

Race plays a role in everyone's life, but you need to start taking responsibility for yourself and your circumstances.

again, all I can think of is a real counselor. they work with families and they work with people who feel they are stuck and unhappy in life.

>that is ridiculous, like many of your other ideas

I would think they're ridiculous too, but I keep seeing people love their family more than me.

I keep seeing people angry over someone insulting their mother, and I can't possibly hope to feel the same way about my own. Everything is telling me that I don't love my family as much as other people love theirs.

I've never cried with my mother.
I've never had an emotional connection with her, and it's rare with my father, but it's there.

I went and analyzed my DNA, and there's a 28% racial difference from me and my dad, but there's a 50% racial difference form me and my mother, and I look like neither of my parents.

I don't think the lens I see the world through is schizoid. I think it's just evolution, and I'm unwilling to look at the world from any other perspective.

My father was even sexually attracted toward his own daughter, and I've observed that this isn't normal in mono-racial households.

It happens all of the time in mixed-raced homes though.

nypost.com/2018/02/04/father-daughter-couple-arrested-for-incest-after-having-love-child/

>My problems are all deeply rooted in something I can't control
>Can't possibly have any sense of agency or loyalty because I'm a mutt
>Speaking of mutts, where's that dog

Our conversation is not as clear as it could be. My apologies. Not too much can be expected of a Jow Forums conversation. These issues are really something better discussed with a counselor. It sounds like there really are some problems in your family.

>I don't think the way I see the world is Schizoid
That's one of my conversational bullshitting words, "schizoid." Forget about it. What I meant is that your view of race seems a bit obsessive and overemphasized. There are a lot of problems in your life that could use work, problems you have the ability to realistically address.

If you keep thinking of yourself as a victim, it will limit your ability to improve on your circumstances. If you dislike your life so much that you almost don't want to live it, then it's time to start making some changes.

Sexual attraction is rarely convenient. Father are probably attracted to their daughters more than they would like to admit. But if your father doesn't talk to his daughter anymore, maybe it's because his conduct was selfish or perverted. That's really bad. People aren't supposed to perv on their daughters, even if they do find them attractive.

So you're right, your family system is dysfunctional, and your life is out of balance.

The issue is that agency and loyalty stem from the individual in a collective.

Human beings are social animals that succeed when they've got others they care about to compare themselves to.

People that grow-up like I have are fucked in life. I've never hated or deeply loved another human being except for my Sister, and we never had a competitive relationship.

Everyone I meet that is driven in this world comes from some semblance of a stable home, and they've got interaction with uncles, aunts, brothers, etc throughout their lifespan.

The life I've lived is highly corrosive toward the human species despite being a nuclear family. My sister is the only person I've ever really been close to, and she's gone now.

so race is one factor, a dysfunctional family is another factor. what else do you think might be holding you back? more importantly, what are you going to do to address this? your sister married and got away. maybe you can make some bros and get away, until you are well enough to marry. me, I found mentor figures in my life to replace the role of my shitty father, but to meet anyone I had to put down my fears and just do it.

I think it was a deficit of love and increased attraction due to race-mixing that did it.

so you think your father is perverted and not loving? do you know what caused your sister to run away, specifically, like was he a molester?

A part of me doesn't see myself ever making real friends that are 21 or older.

They're very developed as people, and they've grown-up at a totally different speed. When I buy things, people pity me because I remind them of a young boy.

Everyone I've gone to school with has a girlfriend/goes to college and lives a totally different life from me.

I don't hate my father as I've forgiven him. On a certain level, I can see why he hurt my family when we were growing up when I stare at reality from an evolutive lens, and through that, I can forgive him. He used to take me and slam me against wall for making noise back when I was a very small boy. Ever since that point in time, I never really opened up to my father, and I'm now 21 and still haven't disclosed to him I don't even believe in a god.

I also find that there's a lot of evil in my own brain toward races that aren't my own, and a lot of people subconsciously feel the same way.

I fight an internalized war of indifference with everyone I talk to because they're all a different race from me, and it can't be helped, but I know what's doing it now.

I didn't know I could feel something close to love for another human being that wasn't my sister until I met two Puerto Rican men in a warehouse, and they looked just like me. I realized why I was never able to talk without anxiety when I felt what I felt.

I think he's loving in his own way, but he was at war with himself for decades because he race-mixed and brought something really nasty down on himself.

He tries to justify his behavior by saying he never touched my sister, but I know, for a fact, that most young girls never find out their father feels that way. I don't think it's even his fault though. He's just a man.

Also, my sister was 23 and looking for stupid shit in her life like a lot of women do.

She wanted adventure in a very mundane world, and she realized her youth is fading.

So she married.

>when I buy things, people pity me as though I were a young boy
You can use this to your advantage. Maybe someone can act as a sort of mentor for you. But you probably won't meet them at Walmart. Look to women who have extensive schooling or to men who have made a lot of money. Successful people have a lot to spare, and they have a special way of navigating the world that is good to emulate.

>He used to take me and slam me against the wall for making noise when I was a boy.
Your father is sick as a person. Again, to function well in this complicated and demanding world, you probably need counseling.

>I forgive my father and I know he's loving in his own way.
It seems like, at the moment, you rely on your father for survival. So, you were able to maintain your relationship with him and work things out with him to an extent. That's good, but your father isn't able to help you with these social problems, and everyone needs to build their own nest eventually.

The people who served as mentors for me were natural helpers, and spiritual people. On top of being successful, that is another thing to look for in a potential mentor.

I think you're right about me needing a counselor.

My father grew-up in a big family, and he grew-up working and communicating on top of this.

He always had success in socialization even if he denies it. He had to learn how to make friends quickly and talk to everyone, and he doesn't care about my life like he should.

He has never asked me about my friends.
He never asked me about how I was doing in school.

He said "it's ok" that I don't have any real friends even though public school is where most people make life-long friends. He's even aware that I'm long past the average age for driving, but he doesn't care to help me. Everyone else I knew in school had at least been driving in a car by senior year, but it was not so for me.

I don't think he'll ever tell me what I need to know because he can't because he thinks it's all just natural because he can't appreciate what he has had in his life outside of himself, and that, too, is not his fault.

The end result of all of this is I don't know how to navigate in reality and I don't have a natural substrate to go off of that others do. There's too much life experience that I don't have because my life was never a healthy thing for a life-span even if it was alright in the moment. Other people have an inner confidence that I've been robbed of through inactivity through indifferent parents.

Who knows why they're indifferent. Maybe they don't even know. All we can do is theorize. My family is very indifferent, and that indifference is has been very destructive generationally. Life isn't getting easier or simpler for young people either, so it's time to kick it into high gear.

Some counselors are retards, but others are genuine life savers. A good relationship with a mentor or a counselor is probably one of the best things you could get at the moment.

I don't know if you experience physical pain during work, if you force your body to perform through things that are challenging, but facing fears is kind of the same way.

goodnight and don't give up

I know this old white man who molested his foster children. He wasn't convicted until his 60's. I am trying to figure out how many more kids. So far 2 have been confirmed.

Everyone I know who's a molester is white as well. Probably because most people I know are white.

I know both white and brown molesters.

But those are foster children.
There is no biological relation there, and that's why such pairings are dangerous.

If I ever reproduce into this world, it will be with someone genetically close to me (my race). I never want to inflict misery onto the people I'm supposed to love.