How to let my parents know that I'm going to visit my ldr gf?

I'm being as vague as possible because I don't want to dox her or anything, but she lives in Oklahoma and she invited me to see her play at a sports thing, I live in California, how do I tell my parents what I'm going to do? [I already have in mind how I'm going to go to Oklahomla]

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"I'm going to Oklahoma to visit my gf"
I'm presuming they know about her.
If you can make your own way there and back, have accommodation and a way out if it goes wrong, they can't really have an opinion on the matter.
That said, LDRs are a waste of time if you haven't spent a considerable amount of time NOT being long distance.

test
[i keep getting connection errors]

We met online so, we're already used to being away from each other? we met on r9k. Thanks for the help user. [She said her Housing situation allows her guests, but its complicated because she's sharing the place with her big brother, she said she's going to figure something out]

I don't think ldrs are a waste time, and we met online so I think spending distance away from each other... is already not a problem? because we already do spend most of it long distance

a waste of time, I forget words in general aaa

>I don't want to dox her or anything
They’re you parents, you absolute retard. If you wanted to tell them you were seeing someone, her name, and even the address of the place you were staying, it’d be 100% normal.

>we met on r9k
ABORT
B
O
R
T
>its complicated because she's sharing the place with her big brother, she said she's going to figure something out
Get a hotel room or something. How the hell long are you staying?

I don't want to abort/end the relationship, I like her a lot.
Just a night, I want to do a lot of stuff with her before I go back to California

I meant I don't want to post like.. indentifying information in the thread
please don't call me the r slur

One night??? And you’re traveling from Cali to Okla? Are you daft? Spend a weekend. Christ. You might as well be just getting with a hooker on the road.

Also, for fucks sakes, meet in a public place first, before you go back to her place or whatever. And look at her ID; make sure she’s not underage.

S-sorry I'm so dumb, I might as well spend three days then. And she's not a hooker, she's my gf, the comparison makes me sad. Yes we're going to meet in public, we need to talk about the details. she's eighteen she's not underage, she's two years younger than I

>she's eighteen she's not underage,
CHECK
HER
ID
WHEN
YOU
MEET

People lie. Especially people who say they’re 18 on the nose.

Okay if you say so, she's gonna be living on her own so I doubt she's lying to me

She’s living with her brother. And could be lying about that.

Look, you’ve never done this before. There is a fuckton of risk involved in meeting someone you met online. There is literally nothing she can say or you can do that can actually eliminate the risk that she’s lying about something that will absolutely fuck your life over.

>she's my gf
No she's not. At least not yet. Until you have met she is just an internet crush.

This. Even if your feelings are mutual, she’s not your gf.

OP, literally get a room at a hotel instead of staying at her place. If she’s a psycho, you can enjoy a nice vacation. If she’s great, you don’t need to have sex in her brother’s shitty apartment.

Have you ever booked a hotel room before? It’s easy.

We mutually agreed on it, she agreed to a relationship and so did I, its offical.
I don't wanna dox her but she gave me proof, that's all I'm saying.

The thing is, I'm autistic and I avoid eye contact, so its complicated.. and We cammed on discord, I turned on my camera for her.

Just book a hotel room ffs. You are an adult, right? You can afford one and know how to book one.

I can, but its complicated. I'm twenty years old and my parents stop me from getting a job [I have autism bucks] [obviously I need money for a hotel room] Tldr Yes I can book a hotel room but its complicated in my case

user was saying that telling your parents her information is normal, not post to post it in the thread.

Are you guys both 14 or something?

No, we're both adults>

I understand, they misunderstood what I said, I meant telling my parents is okay, when I said "I don't wanna dox her" I meant I don't want to post identifying information about her on this thread. miscommunication. She's eighteen and going to get a degree

Oh jeez my reply is a mess sorry
To team mini person; no we're both adults but I need Advice because I'm a mess.

Not even the annoymousity of the internet can erase the shame I feel at people thinking I'm fourteen, I'm treated like a kid both online and irl

How old are both of you?

You need to fuck off back to Tumblr. You sound like a 13 year old girl.

She;s eighteen and I'm twenty, I have heard her parents on call and she has heard mine, basically she's not a catfish.

because you act like a kid, you don't sound like an adult

Yeah I get that even irl, my own dad says it.
:/ I'm twenty.

Why come to adv if you don't want to listen?

Get a hotel.
Meet in public.
Check her id.
Have fun.

You honestly should tell your parents however as it sounds like you have some problems functioning in outside world. If some shit came up such as you getting hurt or stuck some place, would you be able to deal with it or have someone to contact for help?

Yeah I'll be telling my parents, that;s why I made this thread anyway to ask how to deliver it to my parents.

I won't be checking her id, but I'll bring my own student ID when I go see her, I trust her and I don't want to like... interrogate her or accuse her of anything

Is she J?

J? can you email me at [email protected]? I don't want to dox her in this thread,

Also sorry for the late response, I was doing something else and forgot to check the thread.

and by dox I mean I don't want to reveal her personal details here and say who it is

I wanna join autism discord!

Is it bad I cringed at this, Please Don't ever talk like this ever again.
also @team creme email me in private Please I am Shook

I'm really shook, Team creme if you're out there please email me @ [email protected]
I really want to know and talk about it in private [the one who asked if it was J]

Last initial M?

No thanks.

I don't understand, are we talking about the same person? can you email me in private?
I really don't want to say their name in the thread

Are you S? I thought you were supposed to be 17 but now you're saying you're 20. Hmm.

I'm not S, I'm twenty, are you talking about Jay? I really don't want to talk about this in public because I don't want to dox her. are you the person who asked if it was J? Can you just email me please

You call her Jay? Not Jaq? That's weird. Maybe it's not the same person.

I was so shook, you had me scared user

if this is your post OP then you should have started the thread saying that you're autistic, some of the things you say don't make whole lot of sense so that would have explained it straight away. if your parents aren't the kind of people you can just say "I'm going to Oklahoma to meet my girlfriend" then pretend you're going there to meet a very good female friend you've known through the internet for a while. And listen to the other user, as much as you trust her world is a shitty place. People lie to each other and if you have autism it might be even easier for someone to lie to you and manipulate you. Just make sure if anything happens, you'll be able to stay in a hotel and listen to the other user, if you have seen her id then that's good, if you haven't then make sure you see it at least when you meet her.

I dunno. Super depressed, super whiny, wants to do a lot of things but only tries them once and then complains about how she isn't good at anything? Chronically repeating things she sees on the internet that aren't actually funny?
Obsessed with terrible TV shows? Recently moved because of family issues? Her name isn't Jay if that's what she told you.

>she agreed to a relationship and so did I, its offical.
That's still not a relationship, user. It's not the same thing, and you're massively underestimating the difficulty of having a relationship if you think all that's involved is you saying "u my gf?" and her saying "yup".

It's not complicated, you just have money problems because you're on disability. But ffs, it's not expensive. I'm assuming she's in a city in Okla. I'm looking online, you can get places as cheap as $40 a night (which I wouldn't do because it's probably a shitbox), and more believably around $65-$85 a night.

You have a credit card, yes?

>I won't be checking her id, but I'll bring my own student ID when I go see her, I trust her and I don't want to like... interrogate her or accuse her of anything
You're a fucking retard and you're asking to get taken down on a statutory rape charge and spend the next five years in an Oklahoma prison.

This is your first time meeting someone online. You are JUSTIFIED in taking heightened measures to protect yourself. This is why you're meeting in a public place instead of you driving straight to her house.

Fuck, you could even play it off as a joke.
>Cathy?
>Yep!
>Got anything to back that up?
>Uh?
>Identification please. [shit-eating grin]

You need to see her ID user. She could be lying about her age, she could be lying about her name, she could be lying about a number of things. DO NOT TAKE RISKS.

>I'll bring my own student ID
Why aren't you bringing a driver's license or a state ID card? How the fuck are you getting there??

Hey man if this is the same J I know in Oklahoma, you need to watch your ass. I can't contact you with details because I need to cover my own ass, but just make sure you know what you're getting into, in *all* respects. We guys have to stick together man. Don't be a chump.

Hi OP I did this when I was 17

Basically what I did was I told them I planned to do it a few months in advance, then left a note with contact info when I left.

Granted, I was a minor at the time. If you're an adult then this shouldn't really be something you need to worry about

Hey is this a troll? Is it because she's a trans girl?
Email me with a throwaway account if you like, I won't tell

And yeah, I just call her jay its her online name, I know her real name she said she doesn't want me calling her by her birth name because... obvious reasons

>That said, LDRs are a waste of time if you haven't spent a considerable amount of time NOT being long distance.
wrong
it obviously involves less physical contact, and I admit that they're damned to fail if you don't have any plan of eventually doing something about the ld part, but that considered, you can very well build a good functioning relationship without having spent much time together before

>this thread
wew
OP how are you planning on getting from CA to OK? It doesn't sound like you'll be able to manage a flight plus renting a car, or even just driving there.

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Please don't call me the R Slur, and we aren't going to do lewd things, she's going to pick me up from the train station and then we'll go eat and we'll hang out somewhere.. in public

>trans girl
No she isn't lol

OP you need to see that license. People who say they're 18 rarely are. Either they're underage and say 18 because that's the most believable adult age, or are in their mid-20s and say 18 because they want to appeal to men who are into younger women.

I'm not saying there are no girls who are exactly 18 online, but you're taking a massive fucking risk here.

That she's trans and this is Oklahoma is another big red flag. You said she's living with her brother, which I think is why you assume she's over 18. What you're missing is the very real possibility that she was thrown out of her house by her parents because she's trans. People still do that outside of California, you know.

This is VERY relevant even though the AOC in Oklahoma is 16; under federal law, if you travel between states for the purpose of having sex, the AOC is 18. Don't be stupid OP.

>we aren't going to do lewd things
Wait, you aren't gonna be having sex? But you're traveling across state lines? Are you insane???

I can take a train there, I can handle it, Its complicated in my case don't even worry about it

aaaa please don't mock my gf this thread is a mess

Wait, so OP is a kiddy diddler, or what?

OP I don't know you, and usually I like seeing people fail, but if this person is trans, and you actually plan on travelling this far to see them without knowing much about them at all, I'm telling you this is a bad bad idea and you should abort.
I guaranfuckingtee you that there are plenty of awkward cute girls in your own home state who are actually girls and not fucked-in-the-head dudes three states away.
It's not a matter of mocking so much as making you see reality.

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>I can take a train there
wew lad. just wew. How much are your tickets? I bet it's around $400 round trip and will take over 30 hours. I guarantee you could fly the same for around $200 round trip. Go fucking get an actual ID card that you can use to board an airplane and get assistance dealing with the airport because of your severe disability.

No I mean she's going to college and sharing a room with her big bro, I didn't want to share many details because I didn't want to accidently dox but people are Asking so much in this thread

And I'm telling you that could be a cover for her having been thrown out by her family at 14 and her brother having to take her in.

You really have no idea how this works man. Really.

If I were in your same position I'd be saying this:
>I need to see a pic of your real ID card before I'm going to commit to this. Not because I don't believe you, but because the consequences of anything being wrong here are so disproportionately damaging to my life that I'd probably never be able to recover. If that is embarrassing, I apologize. If that hurts you, I apologize. I can promise to make right your hurt feelings. Promises can't mitigate the risks, however.

Hey this thread is so wild I just wanted simple advice
She's Eighteen and I find it creepy to date minors, I'm twenty. aaa the accusations here. I will break up with her if she's a minor and she's not, i trust that's she's eighteen.

This sounds bad but whatever aaa

I want to take you by the shoulders and shake you and tell you you're dumb because you aren't listening to a word anyone's saying.

>I will break up with her if she's a minor
How are you gonna know if she's a minor you absolute cretin? Are you gonna cut her in half and count the rings?

Ugh I knew I worded it badly, but I doubt she's a catfish this thread is annoying me

>she invited me to see her play at a sports thing, I live in California
You're crossing state lines... for that? How much fucking money do you have and where do I get some? It must be nice to be so wealthy you can drop everything and travel to another state to see a play.

What do you bet OP's "girlfriend" hasn't even really invited him, she just said it to be nice, didn't actually think he'd come, and is now hoping he doesn't actually come.

>the internet
For reference, anyone can say anything on the internet.
I could tell you I'm a girl. OR that I'm trans. I could tell you anything and it could be totally untrue.

Have an exit strategy, OP.

tldr; I am not wealthy and its not a play, im watching her PLAY A INSTRUMENT, shes performing at a football sports thing I don't know what it is because I'm stupid

"I'm replying on op's behalf because they're getting a error of "try again later"

OP don't do this.
Your parents, if they care at all, will hopefully say something similar.

Seriously you are obviously new here. Fuck off back to Tumblr.

J isn't trans she's just a girl with special snowflake syndrome and she dropped out of school already. Maybe you should be asking how she has you if she's so lonely and still in love with her ex.

>I don't know what it is
How could you not know what musical instrument your girlfriend plays?
>football sports thing
Uh. When is this whole thing supposed to take place dude? Cause football season is over for this academic year, and if it's the fall, how does she know she'll still be in the marching band?? I don't think they make cutting decisions this early usually.

Seriously, what says applies twice as much now. If you're not wealthy, who do you think you are traveling across 3-5 states just to watch a marching band performance?

typical team peep really

Seriously getting more and more scared for OP with every post. Please man, don't make the biggest mistake of your life.

It being Oklahoma, you can still get your ass beaten for being in a non-hetero relationship, and there is no fucking way this person passes if you're too afraid to ask to see the driver's license.
You can also just get your ass beaten for making moves on someone's younger sibling over the internet.
Then there's the possibility that there's no 18-year-old at all. My brother almost got snookered by a sexual predator in Kansas that way who was flat out pretending to be a girl, and not a transgirl.
Even if this whole fucking thing is on the level, you could get there and it'll turn out this person didn't want to see you at all.
And you say you're not going out there for sex? What would happen if you went back to your hotel room and one thing led to another? Would you turn it down? Then what happens a month later when you're broken up and the false rape accusation comes out?

The worst part is you actually think there's some way you can explain away these risks. It shows just how unrealistic your thought processes are regarding this person, and how brutally inexperienced you are when it comes to interpersonal relations. This goes way beyond what the current situation is, which has the potential to be life-altering in some pretty fucking horrible ways.

Granted, most of these are risks we all deal with, but the way we mitigate virtually all of them is by primarily dealing with women—cis or trans—that are nearby, that we already are acquainted with to some extent, and who are generally vetted by our good friends.

What you're doing is the risk management equivalent of doing pirouettes across the highway while blindfolded and wearing earplugs.

>he thinks OP will go
I appreciate your enthusiasm and genuine reply.

OP can I offer some advice? Drop this "relationhsip", it is not real and will never work. I've done an LDR before and look back on it with nothing but regret, let me explain to you exactly why it won't work for you.

>Neither of you has enough mnoey to move your lives to the others state
You live at home and she lives with her brother, since you're both on R9K I'm guessing you're both NEETs which means you probably don't have any money. It costs a lot to uproot your life to be with someone in a different state so until you're both working and have enough saved you'll never be together

>You've never met in real life
The only time LDRs SOMETIMES work is if they started off-line first. The fact you have both never met and you're already having problems meeting up shows that it won't work. What happens if you both meet up, fall in love but then have to go home? Will you be able to wait that long until you can live with each other?

>She's a girl on the internet on R9K
She is surrounded by dudes who are desperate enough to do anything for her no matter how much time it will take or cost. It doesn't matter whether you're in love or not, she has guys surrounding her that will do things you might say no to. Every MMO you play together she will have guys who will buy her things, every community you join she will have guys who send her money. I'm not saying she will "cheat" on you, but there will be a lot of opportunity for her to fuck someone in real life or have phone sex with some dude

>You don't know her
It's online, which means she has only shown you the best bits or her and not the worst. She may even by lying to you or catfishing you. Girls can be very very good at lying and hiding things. You haven't fall in love with her, you've fallen in love with the perfect image of her
Do yourself a favour. Find a job, hit a gym, move out of your parents place and find real pussy or a real GF.

Kek. Very good point. Something's gonna scare him into not going. I'm still kinda concerned re: the going after people online. It's something that's got the potential to get him busted for online child grooming. Even if not with this "girl", with someone else pretending to be of age.

>even if you technically need to believe the person is underage to go down for child grooming, it's one of those situations where you're probably gonna get prosecuted anyway and a jury's not gonna believe you

>going to
The entire operative behind OP's thread was to try and construct enough backbone to do it. In fact, it's a miracle if he hasn't already plotted the end of this little charade in his head because this visitation plan is a bust before it got off the ground. Knowing he creates self-fulfilling prophesies of disappointing people close to him, OP will find some way to sabotage the relationship-- a relationship that may not really have ever happened in the first place.

OP's young, though. It's not like the end of the world; he'll grow up, grow out of this, and look back on it fondly as a lesson.

Hey I didn't expect this thread to pop off, I changed browser to waterfox and it finally let me post, I didn't get the captcha.
She's a trans girl and we fell alsleep on call, I really like her and I want this to work.

OP is a girl. The girlfriend in question is a girl.

OP you better tell J to stop being such a chronic liar. It's going to ruin all of her relationships.

>OP is a girl.
Wait seriously?
>I really like her and I want this to work.
LDRs just don't work, especially not online-only or originally-online ones.

Okay I can finally post again, I really like her so i want this to work out

>thinks gender or identity matter
>brings his Discord drama LARPing onto Jow Forums
God as my witness, I want you to disappear.

>OP will find some way to sabotage the relationship-- a relationship that may not really have ever happened in the first place.
Oh yeah, absolutely, OP definitely comes off as that type.

As I said before I can post again, she's a trans girl and we fell alsleep on call together, I'm really attached to her but you guys she right, she may be humoring me. Its gets to me. and my heart skips a beat when she msgs me.

>thinks gender or identity matter
They definitely do within the culture of Oklahoma and they definitely do when the other party may be lying about his or her age.

>met on r9k

Just don't be surprised when she whips out her cock

>she may be humoring me.
wew, this is what did it? fear that the person on the other end is being deceptive about feelings, but not about things like age?

She's not lying about her age, she told me she turned eighteen a month ago and she told me her full name.
Jeez this thread is stressful. I know for a fact she's not a catfish. all I wanted to was how to tell my parents

>his drama
No.
>larping
No.

Yeah no fuck off. If you want to make the same mistakes as people before you then that's your problem. You're obviously nearly braindead to begin with.

"Brb mum and dad just taking a 4 hour flight to meet my girlfriend whom I've never met before but had an interaction with via a Peruvian basket weaving forum"

>thinks I'm OP or something?
I'm in a six year relationship with my lovely girlfriend that I know in-person, met in-person, and have dated exclusively in-person.
You best pull your cremey head out of your ass, whippersnapper, because your LARPing Discord bullshit will only fly with someone as emotionally atrophied as OP.

I think you're a piteous example of everything wrong with humans with all the weight you place on internet identities. You, and your claims to know OP, are a fucking pack of bullshit and you know it. You're LARPing for (You)s because everything else in your life is that dried-up and hollow.

Yeah no, mate. You fuck right off to your Discord and tongue-punch your own fart-box. You're the shot your daddy should have fired into a sock. You're the load your momma should have swallowed.

By telling them, you gigantic, tremendous dipstick. What are you going to do, imply it? Quiz them? Make them go on a scavenger hunt for easter eggs with clues in them?

You sit down and explain the situation. I did it. I had to do it because my internet girlfriend of the time sent me a game in the mail, and my mom picked it out of the mailbox. I was 15 and in high school. Assuming you're neither, I found the balls to say "yeah we met in September on this game I play and we really like each other."
I'm sure, somehow, you'll manage to get the point across.
>inb4 but ur chad
>implying my ass is a Chad when I bust to Shadbase

>she turned eighteen a month ago
Uh. I hope to god you weren't chatting before this.

I also hope to god this person isn't as confused about being of age as about "her" gender. Tumblrinas genuinely think "trans-age" is a thing. This is why you need to see the ID.
>implying my ass is a Chad when I bust to Shadbase
Sasuga team peep. Pic related.

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