I really hate myself for a stupid mistake I made. I hadn't been talking to my dad for a few years. Then one day I had like a psychosis or something, I had paranoid thoughts, and I was stupid that day, I noticed when I was going to top up my public transport card that I was stupider than normally, could barely manage to do it. I don't know why this happened. I thought God was going to send me to hell if I didn't contact my dad, so I did. But I was an idiot because I told him about a lot of stuff that he doesn't need to know and that's what I hate myself for now. I told him about the paranoid thoughts I was having that day. And I told him that I had been to a psychiatrist in the past and that he had mentioned Asperger's. Nobody needs to know that I talked to the psychiatrist, least of all my dad who's been having an attitude towards me for 20 years or more that I'm not normal. That attitude is part of the reason I have talked very little to him for 15 years, and for many of those years I didn't talk to him at all. Now he's probably thinking he was right etc. I fucking hate myself for being so fucking stupid that day and telling him too much. I will probably cut the contact again and I will probably not forgive him before he dies, he's almost 70, I will probably never forgive him, I hate him.
I really hate myself for a stupid mistake I made. I hadn't been talking to my dad for a few years...
What should I do? My dad has probably told everybody I have Asperger's, my sister, his wife etc. And then my sister probably told my mom. The psychiatrist didn't even say I have Asperger's, he said he thought I had it and I was going to have it examined further by a specialist, but then I quit. I don't remember what I told my dad but I think my dad asked what the psychiatrist said and I just replied "Asperger's". But I didn't say he only said he thought I might have it. It's so fucking annoying that I told my dad about this. He doesn't even need to know I talked to a psychiatrist at all. I really hate my parents and sister, all my extended family and their friends. I think I will go back to not talking to any of them at all like I used to and I don't give a fuck what they think about me.
Well, it's very clear that he was right about you. You're evidently mental. Why you're blaming him for you being a mental case that doesn't know how to conduct themselves though, is beyond me. You have nothing to forgive him for. He didn't wrong you. You're just a nutjob.
This precisely.
Didn’t you make this thread before already?
Your dad is right though, you are unstable. He probably just wants to help.
>I really hate myself for a stupid mistake I made.
It wasn't a mistake, it was a moment of clarity which you have now shoved back under the rug. It doesn't sound to me like assburgers, it sounds like something more severe. It also sounds like your family is rightfully worried about your happiness and well-being. They probably just love you and want to see you doing okay in life.
>They probably just love you and want to see you doing okay in life.
No, they're assholes just like the people in this thread.
>there might be something wrong with me
>yeah prolly
>wtf you're such an asshole
Stop being retarded.
If you are actually OP, you really seriously should get some help. Not to satisfy your family, fuck them. But because you are clearly miserable and nothing will ever get better if you don't.
Take it from me, I have rather severe narcissistic personality disorder and it's fucking awful to deal with. But admitting to yourself that things aren't right and you're not equipped to fix it all on your own is the first important step towards trying to live a life that isn't constant torture.
I truly wish you luck and happiness.
Bullshit. I saw that psychiatrist for half a year and didn't get one iota out of it. However that's not the topic of this thread.
If you saw someone for a full half year and got absolutely nothing then you're not trying or interesed in getting better. (Even though you will try to tell yourself otherwise, take it from me). There's a chance you have something like I do, many have thought I'm aspie/autist as well.
Here's the long and short though. You can dedicate yourself to truly trying to change and improve, which is fucking hard but worth it. Or you can give up and just be a miserable sack, which is very easy but you will forever fall back into feeling like garbage.
It's your life and your choice so do whatever you want with it. Just at least don't lie to yourself that you have no choice in how you feel.
Good luck and shit.
No, dumbass. The psychiatrist prescribed SSRI but after doing some research I wasn't interested in taking it. Unfortunately though I payed for a package, contributing to the revenue of the pharmaceutical industry. The psychiatrist had no clue what he had done with me because he asked several times if he had prescribed me SSRI. He mostly just sat there and listened to me talk. I asked if I could get therapy. He said no and then said something about how the politicians don't allow that because it's too expensive. After I thought I had been there for a long time doing nothing I suspected he intentionally was very gentle towards me because I had previously talked to other professionals and skipped around because I disliked them one after another, so I thought he was very careful not to make me do that with him too, and therefore didn't tell me straight up things that might offend. I told him I thought this was the case and that I was tired of going there doing nothing and asked if he could speed it up and care less about not offending me if that was what he was doing. That's when he told me he thought I had Asperger's and he was going to send me to a psychologist who was specializing in Asperger's and I was going to be examined. But I stopped going because at that point I was fed up with everything related to psychiatrists and psychologists. I don't believe in that stuff, but each to their own, if it suits you then good for you.
>I suspected he intentionally was very gentle towards me because I had previously talked to other professionals and skipped around because I disliked them one after another
Yeah, I was correct about you not seriously thinking you need help because you think you know more than everyone and they piss you off. Ditto with researching a drug just enough to convince yourself not to try it.
Everything you say is very very familiar. Help is possible but you have to trust others and take it seriously.
Or don't. Your choice.
This discussion is off-topic.
Emilio?
No it's not. It is literally the only topic. You have deep mental issues which you are trying to ignore, but can't. The issue isn't that your family are assholes. The issue is that you think they are for being concerned about a problem that you do everything possible to avoid.
And that's really the crux of all of this. Telling your father how you were feeling wasn't a mistake, it was you doing the right but difficult thing for once. You just now refuse to acknowledge it.
Even if your family were tuly assholes though, it wouldn't change anything. You can be weak and lazy and waste your life in misery, or you can face your fears and learn how to be content.
That is your choice either way. I sure don't care what you do, but acting like a victim because your family is worried is pretty pathetic. You don't have to be pathetic if you really don't want to be.
You're drawing far-reaching assumptions from the little information in this thread when you really know fuckall and should keep that in mind. You haven't lived my life and seen the attitude of my parents towards me. And no I didn't tell my father how I was feeling, I was psychotic or something that day and stupid, and I'm not just saying that because I have regrets, I literally felt stupider that day, but I also have regrets. But my thoughts were just part of it, one of the main things is I told him about the psychiatrist and his mention of Asperger's but that was totally unnecessary. But you will never understand, because you are one of these sheep that just instantly accept as truth whatever you're fed. I really don't care what you or any idiot on a forum, or my parents and sister or anyone in my extended family and their friends thinks. Keep taking your pills and contributing to the pharmaceutical companies, keep being a happy sheep. My dad thinks he's superior to me but I think I'm superior to all of them, I'm the chosen one, they're the sheep, like you.
I don't take any kind of pills whatsoever. Never have.
You're the one having a fit to the internet because you told your father how you were feeling. Everything you have said here makes you sound pretty damn crazy as well as miserable.
All I'm saying is that I have felt many, many of the things you have described here in this thread and saying from experience that you don't have to keep feeling like this if you don't want to.
>Then one day I had like a psychosis or something, I had paranoid thoughts, and I was stupid that day, I noticed when I was going to top up my public transport card that I was stupider than normally, could barely manage to do it. I don't know why this happened. I thought God was going to send me to hell if I didn't contact my dad, so I did.
Wow I wonder why your dad thinks you're crazy
Yeah his family are such a bunch of mean assholes for being concerned when he has a full on mental breakdown. They're the crazy sheep though, he's totally fine and handling life like a champ lol.
>I don't take any kind of pills whatsoever. Never have.
Yes you have, the bluepill. Yeah I told him about thoughts I was having but, AGAIN, I ALSO told him about the psychiatrist and his mention of Asperger's. Both things were totally unnecessary. Yeah I don't have to feel aversion, I can just accept their attitude as truth and my instinct as wrong. I could do that but I would only do it superficially, because deep down I would still know that I'm the chosen one and they and other "normal" people are sheep. I could accept as truth all of their scornful and arrogant attitude, but only because I don't care what they think, because their delusions doesn't affect truth and the truth isn't their opinion or your opinion. Hypothetically I could, actually doing it is different. I don't love them, simple as that.
lmao this is a larp
Fucking idiots. That was one time, one day. That has only happened that one time. I'm talking about experiences throughout my life.
Just in case you're not aware, you're completely incoherent.
>Yes you have, the bluepill
Ahhh ha ha. Okay fruitcake, enjoy your misery lol.
No, I'm not. I've mentioned their attitude throughout my life in the thread, but that wasn't what was in the OP, because initially I wasn't talking about that, that one poster shifted the topic, so I mentioned other stuff. Next time read the whole thread and stop making assumptions.
Also this. I started replying to this thread out of a genuine desire to help someone clearly having a shit life but now it's comedy. Should serve me right for thinking a frog poster was worth effort, but at least it turned into lols by the end.
If you don't want to associate with your family don't associate with them. It's a personal decision. I'm not seeing how we're supposed to give you advice about this.
Even told through your lense of batshittery your family only looks concerned and caring. You're just too stupid and fucked up to see it.
I haven't told about their attitude and behavior beyond that it's shitty, I've only said I have experience of it and you people don't. This behavior is so typical of forums, taking a post or two and blowing it up using all kinds of assumptions. Read more than two posts and stop making assumptions and this wouldn't be a problem.
I've read every post you've made and replied to most of them. You sound nuttier and more unstable with each post. You call them assholes but never described anything even slightly assholey that they do. Aside of course from thinking you're a mental case, which you clearly are.
>deep down I would still know that I'm the chosen one and they and other "normal" people are sheep.
Your father is so wrong about you. You really ARE the chosen one!
To clarify, the paranoid thoughts I told him about was thoughts I was having THAT DAY, not something that had been going on continuously and that's why it was so stupid of me to tell him about it. I don't know what was happening that day but the next day I was normal again so therefore I should have just let it be, because I'm not like that normally. Normally I'm just bad with people, but he doesn't need to know about the psychiatrist or his mention of Asperger's either, seeing that my dad has said "you should seek help" as an insult and said and done many other insulting things where he meant I'm inferior or inadequate. But it was the paranoid thoughts that made me contact him after several years of not talking to him because I thought God was going to send me to hell if I did not contact my dad.
Well, you don't know.
Yeah you're right some crazy tart who breaks down and then screams that he's okay and everyone else around him are assholes is the divine "chosen one". You're a delusional sack of shit and everyone you meet knows it.
You normal people never think beyond appearances. You always accept as truth right away what's fed to you, and are very easy to control.
You're even more stupid than you are crazy. You're like a poster child for dunning kruger. Trying to sound like a know it all when you sound like an absolute retard telling everyone that he's the "chosen one".
>The psychiatrist didn't even say I have Asperger's, he said he thought I had it and I was going to have it examined further by a specialist, but then I quit
lmao
Hey he doesn't need advice from some fucking normie who has studied brain chemistry and mental disorders! He's the CHOSEN ONE. He's perfect as he is and fuck his fucking family for thinking he has a problem when he breaks down.
>but it's not arrogant at all to say or imply that someone is mentally disordered
>normie logic
Thanks for proving my point of how you're group-thinkers, you sheep.
I didn't say I am THE chosen ONE, error of interpretation. I said out of me and my parents and other normal people I am the chosen one. I don't expect normies to be capable of such subtle distinctions.
Sure thing Mr Chosen One!
>My dad thinks he's superior to me but I think I'm superior to all of them, I'm the chosen one, they're the sheep, like you.
We're just going by what you tell us. You're the one that's so fucking nuts that he thinks he's better and smarter than everyone around despite acting like a retarded lunatic.
One example of why I hate my dad is a few years ago I had dinner with him and his wife at a restaurant. The waitress was hot and I know she would reject me, I know she wasn't attracted to me. My dad and his wife talked positively of her, said she was charming or whatever.
Man, (You) really do come off as an autistic person.
I don’t think anything I say will sway you, so good luck with whatever the hell you’re trying to accomplish.
Are you really OP or are you someone else false flagging? Because that is over the moon batshit crazy behavior.
That really sucks dude. It must be super hard being the chosen one and knowing everyone around you is a fucking sheep, and then have your family compliment some tart of a waitress who doesn't even appreciate you. I hope you told your father to go to hell for that. You don't deserve to be treated like a normie.
They didn't compliment her if you mean saying anything to her, they were talking positively about her when she wasn't at our table. When I've had lots of women just like her treat me like garbage yeah I don't like it when I hear them praising her.
Yeah that was so mean of them! Doesn't your family know you're an insecure loser by now? If they really cared your dad would have gone to the manager and asked for an uglier waitress so you wouldn't have to feel rejected.
you're stupid
And you're mentally unstable loser who keeps telling everyone he's special even though he gets upset that a waitress is out of his league.
I feel bad for your father having a son this retarded.
Nah. Most autists I have met are a lot more rational than this guy.
Most autists/aspies are bigger groupthinkers than me.
Don't worry OP. Your dad is the asshole not you. You did nothing wrong. It's okay.
Put your face on my big boobies and cry
>father fears for his son's mental health, urges him to get help
>son thinks he's an asshole
>son has breakdown to the point of non-functioning and calls father
>father says it sounds like he needs help
>son runs to Jow Forums to scream about what an asshole his father is for wanting him to get help
>has rage fits at everyone else who tells him he needs help
>thinks he's a "chosen one" and eveyone else is a sheep
>has another meltdown because a waitress is too attractive
>everyone else is an asshole but him
Ohh Jow Forums!
No, it's not just that he said I need help that's why I think he's asshole. It's a scornful attitude he's had for at least 20 years. And no it wasn't that the waitress was hot, it was the fact that they praised her. Retard.
I'm so fucking ashamed because I told him a lot of embarrassing and stupid stuff. I wasn't myself that day. Fucking hated myself a few days later, still hate myself for talking and behaving like I did.