I'm Going to Kill Myself Tonight

I've been waking up from nightmares every night for the past few weeks with this fucked up anxious vibration through out my body. Every night I wake up and my heart feels like it is about to explode in my chest, and thoughts of nihilism cascade over me. The thoughts that I deserve my current state of loneliness and that there is no opportunity for me to make real human connections because even my acquaintances (work, etc.) are just automatons placed within my reality to give me the illusion that everything is just fine and I should keep going.

I have been having nightmares every night to the point where it is not unusual for me to wake up screaming in fear. The police literally came to the door of my apartment the other night because I was screaming so loud that my neighbors reported it. I cannot do this anymore. I work 40 hours a week, do a song and dance during the day, but inside I am crying, screaming, I want to fucking cut myself until I am drowning in my own blood. The only things I appreciate in life are drugs and alcohol because they allow me to push down the pain enough to get through life. I have no friends but I do have some family (although most of my family is dead or in prison), and the thought of them mourning my death brings me pain. The question is whether or not this pain outweighs the impulse to just say "fuck it" and end it all.

I have seen so many people close to me die. I have suffered more physical, sexual and mental abuse than I can even remember. My family is religious to the point where they shame me for having tattoos... I cannot even fathom coming clean about my sexuality. Ultimately, I am a broken human being. I do not deserve to occupy space or consume oxygen on this planet. I don't even want to waste the time of a mental health professional because I've tried that already and I know that it is a futile endeavor.

I'm going to drink a ton of whiskey and lay down in front of the train tracks tonight. Have a good one.

Attached: 1515093032449.gif (500x280, 826K)

Come on have a Lil bit of fun with your life and then let it end.

Real talk, not a great way to go. Do you have a well thought out method? If you get cut at your mid section you could still be awake for quite awhile and totally aware of everything.

dont do it

Can I have your stuff?

your just going to die? your not even going to try anything before you end it? dude that lame take out a loan then go on vaction before you off yourself just as a final FUCK YOU to the world

I understand if you've made up your mind, but do you wanna talk for a bit first?

I'd like to hear your story so far since you're ending it early

Your going to regret it since there is an afterlife and whoever kill him her self is going to suffer in the hell fire and worse forever

Since you are having nightmares try drinking 3 glasses of water before going to sleep

i dont know you OP but i dont want you to die tonight

what kind of asshole would condemn people suffering so much as to take there own lives to eternal torture? if believe in a god like this you believe in a cunt

Bullied constantly through elementary and middle school.
Fucking piece of shit fucking trailer trash mom beat the fuck out of me every night when I was kid, dad was always in and out of prison and killed himself when I was 12. Brother shamed me throughout my entire life for cutting her off, finally to the point where I have a "good" relationship with my mom who somehow doesn't remember the years of abuse. I have to just tuck my fucking dick in between my legs and be nice and act like none of that FUCKING SHIT HAPPENED, fuck dude.
I was sexually abused repeatedly when I was 13 by a gay male friend of my cousin, fucked my puberty up and now I have a fucking shemale fetish and I hate myself for being a fucking faggot.
I've been addicted to opiates, cocaine, marijuana and alcohol just to dead the pain. Managed to kick all of that by virtue of being broke and having no connections but still a heavy alcoholic, can't go a day without drinking.
Anxiety and depression is killing me, I have no friends, I live thousands of miles away from any family, work a full time job in a shit city where I barely make enough to pay rent, in massive debt and constantly walking the line between being broke and over drafted. Feel like a fucking failure piece of shit loser cuck garbage human being, I fucking hate this world, I want to either kill other people or myself. FUCK.

Hell fire sounds great right about now.

I have nightmares every night, I'm convinced my dreams are versions of myself in alternate realities living their own lives and setting up a meta reality in which my waking reality causes my own destruction. Life is hell, nothing means anything, I want to just start breaking shit and hurting people. FUCK WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF LIVING I JUST WANT TO FUCKING BE A PIECE OF SHIT TO EVERYONE FUCK EVERYONE I FUCKING HATE THIS

They will get eternal torture because they take the life they don't even own since they didn't creat them self they don't own it you cunt faggot

i dident ask to be born you cunt faggot!

Since you didn't like to be insulted you do care about your self then stop lying to ur self and try religion since you have nothing lose and I suggest islam

I wouldn't listen to the religious types they're just trolling at this point.

If you do it you'll just cease to exist. But think about what that means, you will no longer be able to continue your story. It will end eith you being the failure you think you are, and that is the only remnant of yourself you will leave before you are forgotten completely.

Living may be hard and painful for you now, but killing yourself won't make that stop, it will prevent you from ever getting better. Try to do something different, if you have nightmares so often you can't keep your current routine. Bring some change to your life. You seem to have a lot of memories that are hurting you. Why not start by talking to someone. And not just a bunch of faggots on a message board, someone who can actually tell you how it can get better.

I don't think you want to die, you're just looking for a way out. It's until you're at the brink of death that you cry out for life. I think I understand your feelings when it comes tonight terrors. I had been having nightmares and night terrors since I was 12. Very vivid dreams that I still remember. I would call out in my sleep for someone to come and wake me up. The nightmares stopped when a bearded man in a white robe with a brown rope tied around his waist started to appear in my dreams. He was always surrounded by white light and when he would appear the fear and dispare would disappear. In the last nightmare I had evil was knocking at the door, it stopped and disappeared when I realized. That there is someone that loves me and cares for me, Jesus loves me and cares. After that the dreams went away. OP there is someone one that loves and cares about you, the love of mankind has failed, but Jesus's love is eternal. Call out to him and put your trust in him. He is always there.

lmao go fuck yourself , god isent real you moron. no genuinely good omniscient being would allow all the suffering and misery that happens here to occur

Have you tried lucid dreaming to help remove your nightmares? I remember people stating that it worked for them in the past

You will see in the end lol

You fuck your self faggot cunt

Sorry for you . I hope for a miracle or something .

lucid dreaming is super fun , i recommend even if it doesnt help.

The language of dreams is hard to understand.. maybe you should make it your mission to try to find what the archtypes of your soul are trying to tell you.

At least don't die until you've solved that, and then tell us what you found. You've had a hard lot, OP, but how you grow from it is what defines you and you can be a pillar to others who feel your anguish. You've got an opportunity to have a strong soul forged by all this pain you've experienced. If you come out of this, you'll be a holder of that fire inside you and a far more awakened being than those around you. There is a price, pay it now by living and facing the turmoil inside your soul. Its your struggle and only you can pull yourself out of this, no one can help you, as sad and tragic as that is. It's alone your fight.

please don't do it. See a therapist, they can help you. You might be broken now, but you don't have to be broken forever.

> lay down in front of the train tracks
No, you fag,you'll make a huge mess and make some poor admin's life hell for the next month if you do this.

bye

What your feeling is temporary. Death isn't temporary. It seems like you understand that suicide isn't the answer. That it will bring your family pain. Be grateful. It seems like you're in a much better place then the places and moments you've lived through. You have to have patience to connect to people on a more intimate level, with friendships and such. Not everyone will understand the intensity of what you've gone through. Do some pleasant activities. Look up DBT. Try to find and share whatever beauty in life that you can. Be happy you are in a good place with your mom. The past can't be changed. You can try to understand it, it may help. But you have a life, don't give up. Give time a chance.

If your going to do it, do it with pills. It’s reletively painless and not a mess for the poor bastard that has to clean it up

Remember, the real trick is not giving up on giving in. Give @ 1st you don't succeed, try try again.

Fix your sleep schedule stupid.

I don't agree with the moralfags but can you even tell me what "good" would mean to an omniscient being?

Attached: 1521503032866.png (485x55, 5K)

If you're gonna kill yourself at least fly down to Mexico and overdose on every drug ever instead of shooting yourself in the face like a virgin.

The first thing is first. You need an outlet, not a fix. Drugs are a cure for nothing, and they're certainly not helping to contribute to your emotional well-being. Yes, standing up is going to be a lot more difficult than laying on the ground, but you've got to put your feet down and realize that you're more than your past. What was done to you was wrong, and it isn't something that anybody deserves. You did not earn that. It was done to you. None of that can be changed, the only thing you can change is how it affects your life moving forwards. You need to stop letting the past drag you down, and let yourself process and work through it properly instead of trying to repress it. It will not go away.

You hold the same right of every other human on this planet to happiness. Don't let your story end here. Things can only start to look up when you stop looking down.

Man, that's one shitty way to off yourself, especially if you have been working and probably have some money left
Go on a fucking bomb ass vacation, fuck bitches try stuff like lucid dreaming, massages, car racing or my personal favorite: skydiving
Then, when you had the most fun you've ever had, think again about if you want to end it all
If you still do, then do it with style like off a cliff while streaming or jumping off a building with fireworks or crashing your car into a cliff
If you want to off yourself, do it well m8

Attached: skydiving-nc-prices.jpg (800x300, 129K)

please dont

start hurting people... i want to do it so much but i lack the resolution
killing myself is the other choice

But how about the all anime you're gonna miss out on this year?

>I'm Going to Kill Myself Tonight
No, and I tell you why. You are seeking attention, you are a pathetic coward and this is just ridicolous, stop, seriously, stop humilliating yourself.

Ignore everything, worked with me...