Just to get it out of the way let's pretend that there is no real solution here that involves me not being miserable. I've dealt with severe depression for the past seventeen years and there isn't anything anyone here can suggest I do to cure it that I haven't done myself already. I'm still open to figuring it out, obviously, but that's not what this thread is about.
Right now though I'm just interested in any techniques and methods you guys can think of that will help me hide my symptoms around other people so that I stop worrying/losing friends over it. For the past couple of years I've kind of been on a kick where I've had a lot of feelings of abject worthlessness, and me vocalizing that off hand is obviously depressing as fuck for everyone around me. I know you can't buy confidence, but is there any way I can pick up some wholesale bravado without destroying myself?
I know this thread is a bit silly, but if someone could indulge me I would appreciate it.
Let me ask you a question before I give you advice: What do you want from your friends? How do you wish they would react when you talk about your depression? What kind of support would you like?
Chase Powell
>I know you can't buy confidence, but is there any way I can pick up some wholesale bravado without destroying myself?
The trick is to not try to act like you're super confident and happy, but just act like you don't secretly want to kill yourself
James Ortiz
>What do you want from your friends? Pretty much what anyone wants. I want them to be happy, I want them to be healthy, I want them to live good lives, and I want spend time with them and have fun with them while enjoying or discussing shared interests.
>How do you wish they would react when you talk about your depression? In a perfect world it would never come up. As it is I wish they would tell me to not talk about it when it does come up, because I do think it makes them uncomfortable. I want to respect their boundaries in that regard and just not talk about it or allude to it but I have trouble avoiding self depreciating remarks and just general references to it in general since it's so ingrained at this point.
I mean, if I can really lose myself in something then I can get over it for a while, but the problem is in those inbetween moments where I can't hyper focus on something or some subject. That's usually when it comes up and where I just kind of reflexively mention shit that I shouldn't sometimes when there isn't anything else to talk about or when I'm trying to fill some awkward silence.
>What kind of support would you like? Honestly? Truly none. Absolutely none at all. All I want is for people to tell me to fuck off with my bullshit if I'm killing the mood or if I'm making them uncomfortable, because a lot of the time I won't realize it right away. What would someone like me need support for? Can you put a strut under The Tower Of Pisa to make it stand up straight? No, it isn't that simple. The problems are foundation, and it tears me up inside when someone says that they want to help when they really can't.
I just want people to be themselves around me and for them to not feel like they absolutely HAVE to worry about me. If I need extra support then I'll ask for it.
Daniel Myers
Thanks, Sherlock, but can you perhaps be any more specific?
But seriously, I'll let you know straight up that there is no risk of me acting like some happy go lucky schoolgirl from a Chinese cartoon in the 90's. So let's not bother with that particular part of the equation, alright?
Ethan Hall
Ok well since you aren't going answer what you want from your friends, let me just say:
If you find you're losing friends, it may be because a lot of them don't know how to deal with your illness, and that's what makes them uncomfortable. Rather than pretend everything is going well (which, come on man, you must know that's not going to turn out well for you), my advice is to explicitly tell your friends how they can help.
"When I talk about how unhappy I am, I know that that can be hard for you to hear. But I really appreciate having you here to listen. I don't need you to try and fix my problems. Just listen when I need to talk. Having you around is really good for me."
Something like that. That's my advice.
Jace Reyes
O, you responded while I was typing
Austin Jenkins
It's kind of hard. People can literally smell your mood..
Gavin Sullivan
Different fag. There is no more specific than that. It's very simple.
You just haven't wrapped your head around it yet. Not because you're dumb or anything, just.. it is simple and you get there by progression and then you'll get it.
Charles Diaz
Ok, so tell them so. Tell than that you want them to keep being themselves, that it's ok to tell you to fuck off. They might just need some guidance because they're in unfamiliar territory. Just let them know that the best thing they can do for you is to just keep being your friend.
Adrian Brown
Yea, I was in the middle of a game and and also taking the time to think about how to word my response. Sorry my dude.
I'll try staying downwind from them then I guess lmao
>You'll just get it Ok, sure. That's not helpful, but it is what it is if that is how it is.
>pic related I suppose I could be more direct about it. I'll have to figure out how to do that without spooking anyone with some sort of ifonlyyouknewhowbadthingsreallywerekennedyface.jpeg sort of speech.
But... >Just let them know that the best thing they can do for you is to just keep being your friend. Do I have to tell them that they should keep being my friends though? I would rather tell them all to fuck off and to find better people to hang out with tbhqh...
But a lot of it is just keeping yourself healty active and stimulated and building a social circle and work place that works for you.
And in extreme cases medicating.
Nolan Young
You don't HAVE to tell them anything, but I do not advise you to tell your friends to fuck off when you've posted this message here asking how to avoid losing friends.
Robert Foster
>And in extreme cases medicating. Nah, only thing meds would do for me is allow me to commit slow suicide by liver failure. My natural tolerance to basically everything is so fucking silly that there is no point.
So it goes.
Nathan Diaz
Yea, true, kek.
Austin Gutierrez
Well I'm on meds for another thing entirely that'll probably stop my heart pretty early, but it helps my quality of life so much that I can't give a fuck.
You ever think of it that way?
You can live to 80 and hate every moment or live to 50 and have at least somewhat of a good time and actually accomplish shit and be happy with your time here.
Maybe you and I are just different people but I do not see how this is a conundrum
Leo Jenkins
Well the thing is it's an instance as to where either the dosage would kill me in a decade or less for almost no effect or there's literally no effect at all. I would rather not and live past 35 while being genuinely miserable most of the time, so long as I can have my moments.
And I do have my moments, rare as they may be.
Meanwhile I'm reasonably sure that the doctors that I've worked with would like to keep their licences.
Bentley Diaz
How many meds have you even tried? There's many different ones that have different effects. Not all would be organ damaging..
Xavier King
I don't want to get into it my dude.
Connor Rodriguez
It's funny how people always expect everybody to be Normal, Successful, Happy. But in nature, it's impossible. Saw that tree growing there by the street? Ever wonder how many of the same species failed to made it to be that big?
Just know this, it's okay to be miserable. And it will only make you more miserable trying to fit into this model role that others are expecting of you. If you truly want happiness, maybe not having contacts with people is where you seek happiness.
>If you truly want happiness, maybe not having contacts with people is where you seek happiness. I think about that sometimes, but I don't want to go down that road just yet.
If you are not ready for it, it's okay too. I think you should still consider that as an option, and then listen to your heart which is your most desired. Make sure you are not trying to look for Friends just to fit in the norms. Remember, personal happiness > most
