Hi guys. I'm 16 and have recently started a relationship with a guy online - he's 21

Hi guys. I'm 16 and have recently started a relationship with a guy online - he's 21.
He thinks I'm 17 (I really don't know why I lied) and initially said he didn't want to risk anything lewd, but now it's a regular part of our relationship. Things are becoming quite intense and we're video calling every day, he wants me to fly to his country so we can spend some real time together. He's actually specifically said he would like to sleep with me when that happens.
He knows I'm at least 4 years younger and he suspects I'm lying about my age as it is - is this creepy on his part?

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this is just fucked up on every level what the fuck. you're gonna throw a guy in prison already because a creepy fuckwad wants a teen girl. jesus. romeo and juliet laws exist for a reason user. this is just fucking creepy and wack in the first place, even if you were 17.

run. just. run. for your fucking life user

What are Romeo and Juliet laws?
Important notes: we are extremely well suited to each other and have almost the exact same taste in everything. It's only been about 3 months but I am definitely falling for him.
ALSO. my older brother is a police officer and extremely protective of me - this guy knows both of those things and gets angry whenever I discuss my age over text chat rather than video.

I really like him, but I'm worried I'm falling for someone who's trying to take advantage...

romeo and juliet laws are basically adults can date minors if there's a 3 year age gap or less.

also, 3 months is nothing. i've had friends get creeped on by older men even if they dated for years. you may have the same taste in shit but i would be VERY VERY cautious. good to have a brother like yours, you're lucky.

if theres any red flags at ALL, run.

>he wants me to fly to his country
Dropped. What the hell is wrong with you?

>we are extremely well suited to each other
>we have almost the exact same taste in everything
Pick one.

What. The Flying FUCK is wrong with you?

Good friend of mine got catfished by a guy for five years. Five. fucking. years. Phone calls, video chats, everything. Turned out she didn't even know his name... freaky shit.

>16 year old flies over the border/river to go see a dude she's never met in person and to whom she has no accountability
wow what could possibly go wrong crazy it's almost like that's begging for fucking trouble.

I want to fly to him too, I like him an awful lot. I think eventually, if things keep going this well, he wants me to move there permanently (I'm not opposed to this either).

Also, we have the same taste but still disagree on things. I find debating with him actually pretty fun, and it definitely makes things more interesting.

I'm mature for my age and definitely couldn't date a 16 year old boy... with all if that in mind, is it still that weird?

Sounds like she didn't do enough background checks? I definitely have his real name, and access to some irl friends of his.
He doesn't have my full name, and I'm lying about my age - if anything I'm kind of catfishing him??

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it's official, can't save you

can't wait for you to be fucking murdered because you think you can dedicate your life to a god damn pedo that you've known for 3 months

OP think about it. most people date for years before even think of moving together, and this motherfucker is trying to brainwash you to move to a different COUNTRY after THREE MONTHS.

if you still are questioning it you're a lost cause

>I'm 16 and have recently started a relationship with a guy online - he's 21.
>he wants me to fly to his country so we can spend some real time together. He's actually specifically said he would like to sleep with me when that happens.
user, take a deep breath, read these two sentences and ask yourself: Does the person who wrote this sound like a naive fool that is asking for a ruined life?

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>16 year old thinks they're invincible, plans to fly away from safety and family to go pursue something they think they know

Wellp, whatever. Another teenager gonna go to the UK and end up in lil' girl rape rings thanks to Pajeets. Rest in pepperonis.

They were like you. They knew friends, they talked to people. Turned out, they were all in on the story... wild, huh?

I mean I'm obviously not about to move now! That's not what I meant at all!
I'm considering visiting him once I turn 17 (which is more that 8 months from now), I just meant that the relationship has the potential to be something pretty serious.

It's the "pedo" thing that's still stopping me. The other day he mentioned wanting to be my first and... it kind of freaked me out a little bit. Idk if I'm ready for sex (or even want it, at least right now).

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this is bait or i've really underestimated the emotional intelligence of teens. saged

>i've really underestimated the emotional intelligence of teens
Don't you remember being what is basically a shimpanzee on a hormone-overdose?

he's going to expect you to be legal by then. what if he finds out youre still a child when you get there? he might get pissed and actually hurt you.

so many god damn red flags already oh my god

>I'm mature for my age and definitely couldn't date a 16 year old boy
lol every 16 year old girl thinks this.

I don't think he could hurt me (if I didn't ask - self identified maso checking in). He hasn't come across as that kind of person at all.

But I feel bad. If my brother finds out about any of this, he'll probably at least try to have him arrested.
Do you think I should come clean about my age? I'm worried if I do he won't want to talk to me any more.

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You're baiting. :) You're baiting, right? Because everything you said is parroted. It is a mentality full of irresponsibility and immaturity.

Since when the hell have same-tastes and satisfying debates even been important for a relationship? The level of responsibility between you two is important: responsibility, benevolence, extraversion, understanding, humility, intelligence, sensibility/psychological skills, outgoing level, social skills compared to age, etc.

Same-tastes and satisfying debates is what I do with my circlejerk on Jow Forums, my circlejerk of losers and fanboys which I would never in my rightful mind even invite back home for checkers because of what a bunch of idiots they are.

And if you want to get shallow and ridiculous at your low level did you at least ask for his exact cock size and his body weight if you want to have sex with him on a daily basis?
Does he even party or he sits all day at home like a pathetic neet? is he angry all the time?

I'll tell you one thing. Age is indeed just a number. Your maturity depends on how you lived and perceived your life and your in-born personality traits.
My father is a 50 year old man with the maturity of an uneducated narcissistic 17 year old nerd. My uncle is a 45 year old man with the maturity of a 14 year old arrogant jock with testosterone issues. My stepfather is a 47 year old lazy introverted loser who can't hold a job who enjoys bullshitting, leeching off and lying exactly like a dumb 14 year old caught lying.

I've seen goddamn 7 year olds with more honesty, smarts and cognitive abilities than middle aged men, because those 7 year olds came out of naturally intelligent parents themselves.
I've seen 16 year olds more mature, wise and capable of handling money than middle-aged men.

So, would you rather have a naturally talented wise and fun person or a pathetic manchild who drinks beer and has to fuck children and landwhales because he can't attract a mature person?

>Mods still haven't deleted an underage thread

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ask your brother for advice and he'll repeat everything that this thread is telling you kid. if 4+ people are telling you that you're doing something really immature and retarded, maybe its time to look at your relationship from an outsider's pov.

>guess his payment.png
Is it... But it couldn't be...

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Well 16 year old guys kind of suck to talk to!

Obviously that isn't the extent of our compatibility. There are a lot of reasons why I enjoy talking to him as much as I do, and I wholeheartedly believe he is "naturally talented and fun", just to start. I haven't met anyone who could make me laugh quite as much, also.
I guess what I'm saying is, that's exactly my internal conflict.

It's a good discussion. I don't ordinarily post.

Maybe I know all of this already. I think deep down I know it's really bad but I like him a lot... and I've had a relationship with a guy almost his age before.

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Place your bets, will sense be knocked into OP before a mod finally notices and deletes this thread?

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No, not free...

>It's a good discussion. I don't ordinarily post.
It's not a good discussion, nobody in the whole world except you thinks it is a good idea

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I meant it's one a reasonable amount of girls my age face.
Isn't there a chance he just really likes me? He says I'm mature, all the time...

OP is either bait or just a pussy trying to find some sort of validation; if OP genuinely had any plan in motion to actually go visit him, she would not need the approval of a bunch of strangers online.

So, OP is most likely baiting. But in the event that they're not, my guess is that they know full-well that getting on that plane probably means not getting on the one back to family and friends; or, at the very least, that the trip will be as disappointing in reality as it was projected to be in this thread.

Teenagers, man. Fucking complete idiots. I remember being at least fairly cognizant of my ignorance as a teen... but I guess my case is odd.

>Isn't there a chance he just really likes me
No, he really likes to fuck you though
>He says I'm mature, all the time...
I say that to my younger cousins all the time too and I lie. Nobody thinks 16 year old girls are mature, neither girls nor boys, people say that because teenagers are emotionally unstable and need some validation from time to time to feel more adult

Stop lying. Go slow. Ask yourself why he is interested in a 16 year old girl online and not an adult woman in physical proximity to him.

A lot of men go for teenagers because they feel deeply insecure or powerless and the inherent power dynamic in that sort of relationship is heavily in their favor. They have the experience, they have the money/car/home, they get to make the decisions. It's s very common set up for controlling, manipulative, or abusive behavior. Having you travel to him would also put you entirely at his mercy because you would be in a foreign land with no one else to depend on, nowhere else to go if you needed to leave.

I'm not saying he's a monster. He may not be. But do not give him nudes + face (for one it's child porn) and take. it. slow. Years slow. I know you don't want to hear it but there's a hell of a lot he knows about how the world works that you just have been alive long enough to experience meaningfully. Be careful. This is a dangerous age gap - the prefrontal cortex (responsible for impulse control and ability to fully understand consequences for behavior) is not fully developed until the early 20s. Your brain is literally not even fully formed into an adult brain; please do not make risky decisions that could ruin or end your life.

If you are in love, you will still be in love in a year or two. Waiting to progress to physical presence or setting boundaries on sexual intimacy will not have negative effects on the relationship if it is a healthy relationship.

>sincerely, someone who dated an older guy online between 14-18 and it went okay and we exchange holiday greetings still but who got very, very lucky that he was not a predator

I'm not torn between visiting him or not. I want to know if you think he's using me, or if it's at all possible that this connection is real. 5 years isn't much of a difference, once I'm 20 or even 25.
He says he likes me DESPITE my age, and that it's not at all a factor in his attraction to me.


Ngl, that hurts. But I guess if that's your 2 cents, thanks for contributing user.

I would definitely be at his mercy. I'm actually mute, so I would be relying in him somewhat if I visited. I would certainly need to establish a lot more trust before that happened.
...we've already crossed the boundaries you've mentioned. I'm worried if I don't want to do anything lewd with him he'll lose interest in favour of someone who will - and seeing as it's a normal part of a healthy relationship I couldn't blame him.

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>I'm mute
It has been a long fucking while since I have met a 16 year old nearly so fucking clueless.

>a mute teenager in a foreign land with nobody she knows nearby and no family nearby to get her
>what could possibly go wrong

Wait until you're 18 at least. More than that, I'd say. And bring a wingman, or wingwoman.

Healthy relationships don't fall apart because one person has an invested reason for not wanting sex early on.
They fall apart when sex hasn't been part of the equation for three years after marriage after it was part of a six year relationship.

Christ, you teeny-bopper, my relationship has lasted longer than you've been a teenager.

You need to get over yourself and recognize the kind of grave jeopardy you could put yourself in, traipsing about as if your self-assurances of your own maturity are tantamount to divine recognition.

You have a lot of growing up to do (and if we're being honest, so does he probably).

OP

It sounds like he is intentionally manipulating you. With all the "we're so similar" and "he says I'm mature" comments.

Please be aware that sex trafficking is a very real and very serious problem. An estimated 320,000 girls under 18 are trafficked as sex slaves each year. That's more than the population of Pittsburg, PA. Look up the population of your city and really try to grasp how many girls that is. Being raped, sold, tortured, killed.

People keep asking if this thread is bait because you are playing right into exactly how these things can happen. We're all familiar with the narrative, and we know it doesn't end well the majority of the time.

I don't care if this thread is bait; I just cannot say nothing where there's a chance a young girl is in this situation and having concerns and could possibly be helped to avoid a life-threatening mistake.

He lives in another country?

Wait till your 18 and dont get naked for him to often

Well first of hes not a pedo, i mean you got tits and you got an ass soo....... liking teen girls is pretty normal for guys in their early 20s its just not very accepted

You are vulnerable. You are an easy target. He is definitely taking advantage of you. A healthy man would look at you and know it would be improper to pursue you because of the massively skewed power dynamic.

I know you like him and I know how important it is to feel heard, and loved, and valued. But he knows that to. Especially at your age. He is taking advantage. This is not okay. Stop doing it. You will develop other relationships in the future. Stop.

He lives with his family, whom I've seen/heard several times so the trafficking thing is less of a fear of mine. The manipulation point, though, very much so is. I think he's very manipulative, and there are lots of little mind games I suspect he plays pretty often which is both a point of interest and concern for me...

This is good advice. But it involves coming clean and I'm worried he will lose interest if he thinks of me as a child.

I'd really like to hear more from you!! This is my whole point, it could be completely innocent! The way we click feels real and I'm certainly not a little girl, Ive been told i also look at least 18.

....
Scary thoughts. Thank you for your advice user.

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>The way we click feels real and I'm certainly not a little girl, Ive been told i also look at least 18.

Yes you are a fucking kid... Why are teens so goddamn stupid

Enjoy being murdered.

>I'm mature for my age
Maybe you're mature for a 16 yo, but you're a child for even a 18 yo, let alone a 21 yo.
The problem is that he's 21, he can easily trick you without you having the experience to know what he's doing.

>He hasn't come across as that kind of person at all.
lmao, do you live with him to say that? It's fairly easy to keep a "I'm a good guy" face online, and ffs, 3 months isn't enough even for a IRL relationship

>Do you think I should come clean about my age? I'm worried if I do he won't want to talk to me any more.
Yes, fucking do. If he's a good guy, he might go to jail, if he's a bad guy, I hope your brother will find out about him and fucking arrest him.

>I'm actually mute
Holy shit OP, you're like the Holy Grail for the predator.
If you do go and visit him do like said and bring a wingman, or wingwoman.

>He lives with his family, whom I've seen/heard several times so the trafficking thing is less of a fear of mine
You think a family will stop that? Careful girl, it could be a family business, or he could bring somewhere else and tell them that you went back home
>The manipulation point, though, very much so is
Are you serious? He constantly raised red flags, and you still think it's serious?


Real advice, go away, and if you want a romantic relationship with someone older, try in at least 3 or 4 years because this isn't healthy

Very productive.

You too, wow.

You raise lots of valid points. I'm not sure I can argue with you on any of them, but put very simply I like him too much to want to stop talking to him altogether.
And the longer that we talk, the more of an issue that becomes - I don't want to go back to a roulette of online friends that change so constantly they don't mean anything.
I think I don't have much self preservation in me, and generally speaking I'm quite sad a lot of the time. It's nice, to have met someone I connect with.

I guess this thread just proved there's no saving me aha. At least I've learned that, I'll see how it plays out I guess.

Thanks guys.

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advice from a 20 something who dated men ~7 years older than me when i was in my late teens (i was still legal):
just don’t.
you may think you have so much in common and love all the same things, but there’s a HUGE difference in mental/physical maturity between a 21 year old and a 16 year old. he will do everything in his power to make that distance not be felt, but it’s there. you’re 16! give yourself time to be a kid without having the influence of an older man. Please. learn from my mistakes, you will regret this later, especially if you get physically intimate. good luck user

you can’t know if you’re a masochist if you haven’t had sex. what feels good in theory/fantasy doesn’t necessarily correspond to what you want in reality

lmao this is the redpill that no teenager wants to swallow.

DISCLAIMER: everything I've said in this thread is a work of fiction on my part and purely hypothetical, I am neither underage nor being groomed by anyone.
I'm also not posting from my own phone or PC.

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You're way too defeatist for your age, but good luck with whatever you decide to do

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>but put very simply I like him too much to want to stop talking to him altogether.
I kinda get that, when you're used to have someone it's hard to let go, but 3 months isn't that long. If you do, you'll feel like shit for a while, but life goes on and you'll get better.

Also, it seems like you don't have a lot of IRL friends, do you?