Is my dad a narcissist?

Less than an hour ago, I had a bad encounter with him. Greentext:

>be me, male, 18yo, have 3 younger brothers
>dad plays MLB: the show for 3 straight hours to start off sunday today
>I dont have a car yet, so i have to ask him to drive me places, he doesn't mind for the most part usually
>"dad, can me and brothers go to the mall to buy stuff?
>"sure, get ready guys"
>he looks in fridge for a quick snack before leaving
>notices his fancy dutch gouda cheese is missing
>wheres my cheese?
>reply with "I saw it get mouldy, so i threw away this small block of cheese"
>you threw it away?! (shocked, angry expression)
>"yea, it had blue and white fuzzy spots on it, so i threw it in the trash"
>leaves for 2 mins, comes back
>"that cheese was from the dutch town of gouda, from the museum of cheese in the netherlands!"
>me and brothers seriously thought he was telling a joke to de escalate the situation, so I crack a smile
>"haha, thats funny, but sorry about it"
>he quickly walks up to me and says "you think this situation is funny?"
>"i thought you were telling a joke"
>"so you think this is a joke?"
>"i thought you were just kidding"
>"you are something else, user. you're going to pay for that, and it was really expensive"
>"dad, it was mouldy! and how was i supposed to know of its worth?"
>he doesn't reply, instead aggressively opens his laptop and watches baseball with a blank face
>"im sorry, dad. i didnt know"
>he gets up again, 5 inches away from my face
>"i told you to shut up, and stop talking to me, go away"
>my dad has never said those words to me in my life, i start crying in shock
>he gets back to baseball on his laptop, sees me crying
>"get out of my sight, user"
>i stand in the kitchen, right behind where he is sitting and just try to process all that happened, still crying and red faced, really angry, wishing i could punch him, but knowing id go to jail, resist it
>after 5 minutes of silence, i sniffle, he hears it and turns around (cont)

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>he says,"you just dont know when to stop mocking people. youre so naive, and dont know your boundaries
>i decide not to listen to him, and for literally the first time in my life, i walk away from him, knowing he is blowing hot air and that i did nothing wrong in the first place
>"are you really walking away from me speaking, user? your punishment will be huge!"
>"fine, dad, take my laptop, take my cash"
>"oh, thats too small of a thing to take away"
>i dont know my punishment yet, this just happened

My whole life hes had this thing where he displays a charismatic character infront of other people, but when hes with us, were never allowed to say anything bad about him, and if we do then he says everything bad about us, telling us were this and that, and we make all these mistakes. he says he was a really good child, and that he is really successful now, and that we need to be like him.

No crying. Stand your ground. It had mold growing on it which is deadly to humans. Apologize for not asking, but don't buckle.

thanks, user. will do, is this a proper way to disarm a narcissist?

>is this a proper way to disarm a narcissist?
No clue. I've also dealt with an abusive father, though. As I got older I realized many of the things he did were nonsensical or unnecessary and I stood my ground each time. He grew to respect me and doesn't pull stupid shit anymore with me.

Note: you do need to apologize for touching his shit without asking. Look him in the eye.

Just emasculate him. Beat his ass and stand over him demanding an apology. You’ll destroy his power entirely.

lmao i did apologize, ill do it again when hes not moody. however, my family throws away mouldy/spoiled things without having to ask all the time, considering nobody can eat it. nobodys gotten upset over it before

Dont touch a mans food.

Also you want to go shopping hes probably upset at your masculinity.

Watch baseball with your dad faggot

I mean if your mom threw into the trash something you paid a lot for because she failed to recognize its value you'd be pretty mad as well.
I think he was just really mad and you trying to make light of it because it was just cheese didn't help. He was an asshole after that, sure, but most people are when really angry.
Try apologizing again like you mean it.

Is this unusual behavior for him? It honestly sounds like he's upset/stressed about something else, he was really really looking forward to eating his fancy cheese to cheer himself up, and now he's taking it all out on you. He'll probably apologize when he cools down. I don't think you're right to diagnose him as a "narcissist" just because he yelled at you

You should fuck his girl to show him who's boss

the food wasnt labeled, it had blue fuzzy spots on it, it was in the back of the fridge in a sandwich bag. tell me how i fucked up

this is very usual. read the the second reply, he gets easily upset and offensive towards us when we do the slightest thing

Idk if you'd call that narcissism but that's pretty ridiculous to get that upset over a block of cheese.

i want to call it narcissism due to how he showed no emotion except anger and began to tell me how i need to change to be like him. hes done that forever

I dunno. He sounds like a prick, but nobody's got perfect parents. If him telling you to shut up and get out of his face was shocking enough to make you cry, it could be a lot worse. As others in this thread have said, you just gotta man up and stand up to him when he's being unreasonable

youre right. i cried out of frustration because ive never argued back against him in my life. my sister got kicked out for doing it, and hes instilled such a fear of fighting back in us. i want to grow some balls and resist his mind games. if you think he sounds like a typical upset parent, then you have no idea how emotionally manipulative he can get

I'm not saying he's in the right, or that there's nothing wrong with his behavior. I'm just saying that, in my experience, a "typical dad" IS petty, emotionally manipulative, easily triggered by small stuff, and demands respect without giving it in return. If he provides for your family and isn't physically abusive, then really none of this is abnormal. This is typical father-son conflict, you just gotta find your backbone and argue back when he's in the wrong

that helps, user. glad to know the situation isnt that serious, and that this is normal of fathers.

He wasnt even mad at you bitch he was mad he let his Gouda go bad.

Grow a fucking pair and apologize to him.

So much story for a piece of cheese is excessive behavior no matter how you put it.

I'm not really sure there is anything you can do from there. It's a matter of time before he realises by himself he's just making a fool of himself. Just do your best to keep cool, getting defensive would make the situation worse, but on the other hand you should probably not accept an unfair punishment without having a honnest word it is.

Yes, that's narcissism. You should watch some old movies. They highlight personality disorders, as cautionary tales. That behavior of your dad's is exactly what a male narcissistics character would do. See Mutany on the Bounty (1935). One of the debacles actually was about cheese.

Now, disregard when people try to make personality disorders out to be medical conditions - personality disorders are behavioral conditions by definition, although they do arise more in people with certain physical traits (ex: EUPD and a small amygdala).

He's basically not feeling anything but rage and indignance, because he believes (maybe just temporarily or in a delusional, surface sort of way) that his cheese really is important enough to justify being abusive. He values his own shitty attitude over the quality of your relationship, and that's a mark against him as a father.

You are learning these traits, even if you despise them, so be careful.

My dad was the same for a long while. He had never even thought about being wrong so when something down and I confronted him, he lost his temper like a child. One day he picked me up from my bf's. I kept him waiting 5 mins and when I got in the car he was furious (probably stressed/mad about something else). He started screaming swearwords at me and by the time we pulled into the drive way I'd had enough and got a taxi back to my bf's. Stayed there for about a week or so. By the time I came home he calmed the fuck down and made me my favorite meal. He hasn't acted like that since. That was when I was 17, I'm 18 now. Maybe you need to make a statement. Prove to him that you can't just act like that, it's ridiculous. He'll probably start to realize that he acted like a fucking toddler.

You don't know if OP's dad can afford to act like that or not. My dysfunctional family would only change after I was homeless, thoroughly traumatized, and in desperate need of help. After that, they finally let me move back in and stopped antagonizing me. Was running away the right thing to do? Well, it changed them eventually, but not in time to prevent the devastation of youth homelessness. Women can usually leverage sex to not be in need, but a man specifically can end up in a lot of trouble for disconnecting from his parents, especially if the local economy is rusty and the rent expensive.

So be careful telling OP to place consequences on someone who is the dominant figure, out of control, and potentially someone he is dependent on.

gg you're right man

Gouda cheese is not expensive. Especially since it is basic af here in the Netherlands. Either your father got scammed or he is lying. Also, who the fuck gives a crap about moldy cheese.

You have a good point, though. It seems like the only thing that changes dramatic traits is consequences. Setting up a consequence in the form of a boundary and negative reinforcement, like you suggested, could work.

Both my Mom and Step-Father are Narcissists and I feel for you OP, I really do. You could have stood up for yourself sure, but people like this will destroy you FOR standing up for yourself then turn around and ask WHY you didn't like it's a fucking game.

your story reminded me of my own dad.
god i hate that fucker.
stay strong user

You and OP are idiots. Mold that grows in cheese isn't deadly to humans and can be simply cut off.

Also, many cheese actually use mold (gorgonzola, brie, and blue cheese).

mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/expert-answers/food-and-nutrition/faq-20058492

Don't touch things that aren't yours and always ask, remember this especially when you move out and have roommates.

Dude holy fuck there are so many cheeses that are supposed to be mouldy. Your dad should have told you beforehand, yeah, but you're in the wrong for acting before asking. Apologise for your mistake, and pay up. Don't be a child about it.

Sounds like my dad and he was a massive narc. Everyone hated him and he's going to die alone.

this

>wishing i could punch him, but knowing id go to jail, resist it
>implying you could even touch daddy

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Lool my dad was like this. My brother is starting to act that way too.

Just tedious, tedious, tedious anger. Anger unleashed purely with the knowledge there will be no repercussions.

Man, even thinking about it makes me angry.

Nowadays I just go, "My bad," and if they keep going I just say "Do you wanna fight or something cause I apologised and you're still giving me shit?"

Usually it either explodes at that point, and I walk away and put in headphones, or they just huff and puff and continue berating me while they walk off.

Be stoic. Don't show emotion, and be as rational as possible. Like one of the anons said, "you should've said there was expensive cheese in the fridge. If what you say is true, he seems to be a sociopath.

Man up user just say yes i was a fuckwit....and did not respect yor.....cheese.....but genuine rhought it had gone off....but do not cry and sniffle. You fail if u do thay u fail ur dad ur self.

>He's basically not feeling anything but rage and indignance, because he believes (maybe just temporarily or in a delusional, surface sort of way) that his cheese really is important enough to justify being abusive. He values his own shitty attitude over the quality of your relationship, and that's a mark against him as a father.


i think the dad is also psychopathy. that he is so rage, he can't feel user's feeling and sadness.

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op, what was your dad like normally? he always so quick temper? or he just got raged this time?

user, when ever the stake got super high, it became a good opportunity for you to develop deeper relationship with your dad.

you got to talk to him, you got to talk to him about your feeling, but you also have to rephrase what he said to you with your understand, so you and him can make sure that you didnt misinterpreted the dialog.


check out the book "crucial conversation" if you had chance.

maybe one day when you grow up, you led soldiers into combat and bring them back home safe to their family, and then you realized that you don't have a family to go back to.

that is very narcissist.

well. user, you got to learn to deal with ppl at the end of the day.

generally speaking, you got to spend less time with narcisisst ppl.

son this story was funny as fuck. my grandad is just like that though, wonder if that's narcissism or what. I think it fucked my brain up.

He did apologize, but his dad still blew up