What do normal, sober people do for fun?

I've spent way too much time thinking about what I want. That's part of why I stopped drinking. And I'm seeing a therapist. And frankly? I don't know. I feel like I've done everything I want. Which is both nice and terrible.

But yeah, not to turn this into a dating thread, but Tinder doesn't work well for me, since this is a tourist city. I'm not going to invite a girl to a park at 30 years old, either. But looking for "love" probably isn't in the cards anyways, for the reason mentioned previously - I don't even really know who I am right now.

Alcoholism is normal. But anyway, it seems like you don't know where to socialize without it. Like many people, you are probably closed-minded to new ideas. For example: "Exercise club? No, those people are too good to deal with me." "A book club? Yeah I guess I'm a grandmother now." "Oh, I can't ask this guy I met at the gym out to lunch because my social anxiety will be painful."

They hit white balls into holes using sticks with Spider Forests

Yeah, as I typed through my replies, I realized it's really the social aspect that I'm missing. I took your advice and logged into Meetup.com, and I guess I realized I must be kind of boring or something, because I can't find anything that looks appealing. At least nothing I'd want to consistently immerse myself in. That's kind of a scary thought - that all of this seems bland.

I think my passion for just about anything has died. I mean, my career is legitimate and time consuming as is, which makes me less inclined to want to immerse myself in these things.

But man, is the concept that I'm boring scary. I have lots of good stories to tell, but they're mainly related to partying/travel.

Thanks for the in-depth post. I can go survive not drinking at concerts and events and such, but I can't hang out with friends where drinking is the primary focus. I get too dialed in on how much fun everyone is having, and how desperately I want to be having fun like them.

My sobriety actually isn't going to be permanent, I already know that, but I'm trying to move myself into a spot where my default isn't "go get fucked up." (It really can't be, for certain reasons.)

There isn't any social anxiety in interacting with people, but there are certain issues that make me uninterested... "Exercise club? I hate exercise, it makes everything on me hurt. I only do it out of obligation to myself." "A book club? I can't even finish a book on time when I like it, because I'm too busy with work. How can I set myself to a schedule to talk about it? Also what if the people are dumb?"

It seems like you might be more interesting than normal actually. The fun extrovert type that might like more edgy adult things and gets bored of vanilla things easily. Someone that's fun to be around.

Maybe you could try a sport? Something competitive that's likely to get the adrenaline running. Racing? Even drone racing?

I've always been really bad at sports, unfortunately. Sports and working out really, really hurt me. So much so I think there's something genuinely wrong with me, but I'm probably just being a little bitch, or my muscles are fucked up from constantly having booze flow through my body.

I do like driving, racing isn't totally out of the question, but I don't really have the car for it. I could at least go out to the test track and give it a try...

My true passion is traveling, but it's not easy to do every weekend... and harder to do without stopping into a bar for a look at local culture.

Okay well those are lame bullshit excuses and that's why you're in this situation.

Well, it's a reason they don't sound fun to me. It's not like I've never experienced them in some form. It'd be like a man who hates onions buying a cookbook called "cooking with onions."

If you want to move to a position where you can enjoy a drink or two then having the predetermined attitude that your sobriety won't be permanent is going to fail you. You'll simply be chasing the point where you can finally drink again and it will effectively be a huge relapse. You need to go in with the attitude that you will not drink again and reach the point where you don't see the point in drinking, only from there with your brain reset can you move to enjoying alcohol normally. It took me 3 relapses and 2 years of sobriety before I felt comfortable having a drink again. It was a glass of expensive whiskey at my best friends wedding.

Prior to that it was me telling myself that I'm a responsible person if I went XYZ amount of time not drinking and then had a few beers. I would go and watch football (soccer) with my friends and where they would have 1 or 2 beers I would have 5 or 6 and get home drunk, feel shitty the next morning and then force myself not to drink for another few months to not face the embarrassment of people thinking I relapsed again. Maybe I wasn't drinking to the point where it was affecting my life anymore, but I was definitely still an alcoholic in my mindset where drinking would default into drunkeness.

As for your friends, if they know your problem, I'm sure some will be supportive and understanding. If you find that you start hanging out with them and then get focused on how much fun they're having while drinking then you can leave before they get drunk. Arrive home and do something you enjoy. It sucks at first, but slowly you learnt eh social skills to be able to expose yourself to more and more time and for it eventually to be fun while completely sober. You can also get everyone together to do something fun that isn't drinking, go to the park on a sunny day and hang out, go go karting together, paintballing etc

no its not. why do you form two bit philosophical bullshit and excuses instead of doing something other than Jow Forums? you literally deserve your predicament at the moment.

Another appreciated post. I think the concept of my sobriety not being permanent is a bit of a backlash to the heavily pushed AA tenet that even one drink counts as a full, terrible relapse, where the one drink is just as bad as being put in jail for a DUI. The goal is to set a routine in which having a bottle in my hand isn't the default setting for browsing the internet on a Tuesday evening, where downing a bottle of wine after a "bad day at work" isn't my only coping mechanism.

I'm seeing a therapist about this - she agrees that the "zero or 100" concept when it comes to recovering from alcohol is a poor one.

Most of the people in my life don't know that I'm an alcoholic, besides my close friends and parents, and I haven't made it a big show that I'm alcohol free right now unless someone asks.

Everyone is supportive with a few outliers. But ultimately this comes down to personal responsibility, and that's what I'm trying to maintain. However, just because the sobriety "isn't permanent," doesn't mean that I want to jump right back into the old ways - it means I'll have only a few drinks every couple of weeks for occasions that really merit it.

There's nothing to go do today because I have a commitment in two hours. So I'm killing some time with the internet and trying to get help. You're literally saying "go force yourself to do shit you don't like."

I agree that the all or nothing AA approach is a little bullshit, but I think it stems from the idea that that one drink opens the door for many, and for a lot of extremely severe alcoholics it's all or nothing. I'm not going to preach any particular approach as what worked for me might not work for you, but really changing that routine comes from taking that teetotal attitude to the point where it is so ingrained in you that you forget about it. That's where you can begin a new more normal relationship with alcohol. In regards to your friends, you may feel a variety of ways about telling everyone, I found that telling as many as I could created a degree of accountability to answer for.

Really, to get to your key problem we need to find you a hobby. You have things that you like. What are they?

>an OP argues with everyone thread
not that you have any real knowledge as to whether or not you'll like something that you haven't tried, but if you only like Jow Forums and drinking then maybe you ought to do something you don't like.

To use the same analogy as you, that's like me telling you to eat food and you saying, "I ate several dishes I didn't like, so I'm off food now."

Depressives do such dumb mental gymnastics to justify doing or not doing things, which makes them more depressed. Fucking obviously I'm not telling you to abandon your obligations to go try new things. You're presumably going to be alive and able to try new things once your obligations are over.

And yeah you deserve your shit if you won't do anything to change it and just argue with folks giving you the answer.

Yeah, I have a hard time teetotaling because that comes with the implication that alcohol is somehow evil or somehow responsible for you. Ultimately, it's just like losing weight, it's technically the easiest thing in the world. You just don't pick up the bottle, you don't pick up the fork. There is nothing easier than not doing something. There's no invisible hand forcing you to do it.

Sure, it takes willpower, but it's just a yes/no decision, not like working out to get strong or something.

Anyways, I kinda mentioned them... I like comics, videogames, sports (watching not playing), travel, writing (but work stress keeps me from doing this), storytelling, socializing, comedy, and, uh, drinking, haha.

That was one of the things identified above though, that it's more of a social thing I need replaced, rather than solitary pursuits. And that's where it gets tricky.

I've gotten some really good advice in this thread and have appreciated it, and will look to work it in. It's just that I'm not having any luck finding clubs that appeal to my interests or available time investment. It's really just that one guy who wasn't being productive. I understand clubs are a good thing. I checked meetup, nothing looks fun. I selected a bunch of genres and ended up with meetings where one or two people are going.

It's a matter of finding something I'm going to enjoy - and where to find it. It doesn't seem particularly logical to my OP question though, I highly doubt that normal people are logging in every day to find meetups, they must have formed a routine that keeps them engaged and happy in life without drinking all the time. It feels like we're too specifically getting into clubs.

You have a good line of interests which can replace that social aspect, where currently they take up the solitary aspect. Go find ways to use these as an avenue to be social. My Toyota and I were a lonely pair until I started getting involved in the classic car community.

Well, one last concern here... I like comics and videogames and such but I absolutely despise the communities. I'm normie as fuck outside of having an interest in these things (and message boards and such), so sitting with a bunch of greasy nerds who have never been with a girl drives me nuts.

I've kinda been avoiding talking about the tabletop game/e-Sports scene because while I know these can be *social*, I'm more of a "bro let's go check out the game and hit on these girls" type. My roommate is really into the community, and I just can't handle that much concentrated nerdiness.

Club is just an example but it is a potential solution you haven't tried because you aren't willing.

Most people are satisfied with one romantic partner and a handful of good friends, so they achieve that and then are relatively happy compared to channers like you and me. How fulfilled you will be depends on who the people are and how your relationship is.

I am a shut in and I understand how perplexing it can be. I also understand, very well, when circumstances outside of your control stifle you and limit your options.

But honestly I stand by what I said. You're not inquisitive enough to new options and in that case it might be better to hang out with the drinkers if that's where you had success.

I'm not the only one. The user replying at the same time as me is telling you to get a damned hobby. You probably need a social hobby, considering all you have said. But you don't want to engage in social hobbies. You clearly prefer, at the moment, suffering a false world where Jow Forums and alcohol are your primary options.

>I can't sit with gamers because they're all virgins
you are baffling, and a liar.

I have a very social life normally, but cutting out the booze has meant I've been ditching my friends' invites to go out and have drinks or go do things where drinking may be happening, because I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to hang out and not drink.

I was very happy with my friends, and the drinking, and all that but I was realizing that it was hurting my health, making me fat, and I needed to get it under control. So yeah, I'm trying to figure out what normal people do. I don't want to be dismissive of clubs, but my area doesn't have anything that looks available, and I'm too old to go to a college one. I want to engage in something social, I happily will.

I didn't call them virgins. But most of the gaming/comic scene is full of people who are autistically obsessed with their hobby.