I’m pretty sure a coworker wants to date me. We talk a lot and she’s offhand mentioned restaurants on two separate occasions and said “I don’t like to drive to them though” and I think even referencing not having anyone to see in this area.
Problem being 1. She’s a coworker 2. I don’t have a car 3. I’ve dated a coworker before so it might look scummy. I’m very alone though
Are you a native English speaker? It's good to remember that "single" and "alone" are not the same thing. If you are "lonely", a girlfriend by herself can't provide all the social attention and interaction you actually need. You'll drive her crazy very soon.
Outside of that, go with your gut. If you don't think this is a good idea, don't do it. After all, being alone can mess with your perception. Maybe she is not so into you, and you can almost tell. Don't rush.
Do try to make friends, though. Don't be lonely.
I cant make friends is the problem. Certainly not right now
I mean I really like her, she’s attractive and fun but it seems like the other factors might be an issue.
>I cant make friends is the problem.
Then how do you expect to date long term?
I cant make friends (new friends) because I don’t have a car. Also why I cant see old friends. I’ve been just working for 4 fucking months with like 3-4 things with friends
>I cant make friends (new friends) because I don’t have a car.
Do you live in a rural area? Because cities have public transport and shit, you can easily find something to do near your home and hang out.
But that's beside the point.
Again I ask: If you can't make friends, how can you date?
No bus system where I live, only in nearby city.
I don’t understand what you mean
So you live in a rural area, then.
What is it that you don't understand?
do you live in the city? how can you get to work without it being a problem, but lack of car makes friends prohibitive?
uber/metro? whats really going on OP
I ride with people to get to/from work.
Not rural just suburban.
I don’t get what you mean about finding friends/vs having relationship with someone
>I don’t get what you mean about finding friends/vs having relationship with someone
I will explain it to you, but first, I need you to reply to a question. I promise I'll make my point after that.
Explain to me why you can't make new friends. Don't just say "I don't have a car", explain to me why that is a problem, please.
move out of the suburbs/get a fucking car
No it’s not an actually problem liking and meeting new people but since I don’t have a car I can’t go out to bars or events. Not a social issue in my head or anything
Ok rich white kid buy me one
>since I don’t have a car I can’t go out to bars or events.
How can you go on dates, then?
See my point now?
Uber, ride with someone, ride with her.
And why doesn't that work for friends? The same should apply to non-date events.
>only jared kushner can afford a car
where do you live that a beater car is a luxury
I mean it does but I view a gf as more important and I can’t spend $20 on Uber rides a week unless it’s like a gf
I’ve been in uni and didn’t coast my way through like you. Had to work after pell grants were removed after my dad died
>I mean it does but I view a gf as more important and I can’t spend $20 on Uber rides a week unless it’s like a gf
And that's how we go back to the beginning:
> It's good to remember that "single" and "alone" are not the same thing. If you are "lonely", a girlfriend by herself can't provide all the social attention and interaction you actually need. You'll drive her crazy very soon.
Don't put girls on a pedestal, don't overdo it just to get laid. It won't work.
So what just let myself keep getting more and more depressed and emasculated
Dating coworkers is fine as long as you're both capable of being adults. Like if you want to break up with her, do it in person, do it firmly, agree to be professional at work, DO NOT DATE ANY OTHER COWORKER IMMEDIATELY AFTER.
Of course if the girl is a psycho-bitch then there's not really much you can do about it regardless so there's always that risk you run.
Why? Why do you feel that way?
no, you invest in yourself, and you get and maintain friendships you pity-partying fuck.
fuck yourself. i worked through undergrad, and did well enough to go to a top tier law school. you know what kept me emotionally grounded? my fucking friends.
And could afford a car on your white suburban money
Rejections and no friends around...idk what to say
But you are the one that doesn't want to try to make friends. You are the onesaying you will only spend money on a girl. So you can see how to fix your friend problem, don't you?
How do I fix it
Try making friends
i'm not gonna do a disadvantaged dance with you, but i worked a summer job in high school, the money with which i used to purchase an 80s VW golf. i lived in the city during undergrad (went instate), in run down student housing with my friends to offset costs (we shared rooms, and dumpster dove, among other things). i stored the car during this time, to save upkeep/gas/insurance costs. there was no "white suburban money"-- i was raised without a father, and by my teen years, my mother was on social security disability, in deep clinical depression.
play the victim as much as you want. but you came to this thread looking for advice. you're getting good advice-- everyone needs someone to talk to and be open with, everyone needs confidants, everyone needs someone to cheer them up. everyone needs to be called on their bullshit. everyone needs friends. the great thing about friends, real friends, is that they cost nothing (well they don't cost money. they do require your time and attention.). imagine communities of the lowest of material conditions-- there are deep friendships, how else would they survive.. its a universal.
you're handwaiving in bad faith: oh i can't afford friends. that's the thinnest excuse. and when you really can't reach out to old friends, or initiate with new ones, you absolutely need to see someone, a counselor or a therapist. they can help you. your university has student resources, so drop the excuses. i'm sorry for the recent loss of your father. that must be devastating. but we implore you, please have the courage to help yourself. cheers.