How do I get over the fact that there's someone she likes more, considers him better in every way, and prefers spending time with him? And how she won't even give me the time of her day because she wants to spend time with him instead?
I feel pathetic for even asking this question but I love that girl. We have a history together.
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There will always be people that reject you. All you can do is move on.
How long has it been since she dumped you?
>How long has it been since she dumped you?
Why do you ask?
I want context. Advice will be different based on your answer.
It will be helpful to know how long you two dated and how longago it ended.
Going through the same thing op. Girl led me on for 3 months. Finally got her over to my place and she drank all my booze smoked all my weed and ate all my food. Next day she said she wasn't looking for a relationship.
Wouldn't even kiss me. Sent me nudes talked about sex. People suck that's all there is to it.
Look at the way she's treating, fuck that bitch
Go fucking have a good life and meet someone else, that's how you get over someone who no longer wants you
I bet you make it obvious as fuck to her that you're still pining for her
That bitch isn't suddenly going to turn around and realize what she left
Well, it depends how you look at it. Been 6 months since we ended it (both actually) but then I came back, orbited her, we eventually sorta got together but then she said she doesn't love me in february. Then for two months we wouldn't talk and only recently we re-established contact. All because I couldn't get over her.
I don't know, man I still have feelings for her AND I genuinely consider her really interesting and attractive. The bad thing is that I tried moving on but all the new girls just fucking suck and are completely boring to talk to.
Besides, me and her had a connection. Something she either forgot or tries to forget desperately.
That sucks. How long have you dated before the big breakup six months ago?
It would help to spend less time around her, though. Would keep those feeling in check.
>Besides, me and her had a connection. Something she either forgot or tries to forget desperately.
People change. She is not necessarily lying, she could have just moved on.
Yes I know the feeling, but just because you feel that way it doesn't mean she will ever feel that way again
You need to value yourself a bit more, I know it hurts like hell but you need to move on or you'll lose precious time that should be invested in improving yourself and finding someone new
You're trying to make her see some connection you had and I know exactly how you feel but look at what she's done. Do you really want to kiss the woman who has been swallowing that guy's load all this time?
You need to move on and treat her like any stranger on the street, no anger just indifference
>She is not necessarily lying, she could have just moved on.
Which is what bothers me so bad. I can't move on because she still feels like that someone for me. Knowing that there's another guy who's better than me and probably has a better connection with her makes me feel terrible.
>It would help to spend less time around her, though. Would keep those feeling in check.
I know. I still want to be with her because I love her. And when I'm not, I still keep thinking about her 24/7. I know I'm obsessed but still...
>How long have you dated before the big breakup six months ago?
A very intensive month where we dated, cooked, fucked, made plans and so on. But then we kept hanging out and talking (obviously less) and got to know each other even better.
>Do you really want to kiss the woman who has been swallowing that guy's load all this time?
I don't care to be honest. She had boyfriends before, just like any other girl. It's normal. I got over that.
>You need to move on and treat her like any stranger on the street, no anger just indifference
I can't. I can't let go of all the memories with her. Those were some of the happiest memories of my life.
I don't even feel lonely. I just feel like I want her back. I don't need other girls. I tried it and they were boring as hell.
>A very intensive month where we dated, cooked, fucked, made plans and so on.
Dude, perspective. This sounds like a good fling, but one that didn't last long. Don't beat yourself over a fleeting thing, allow yourself to have a long term relationship with someone else.
>Knowing that there's another guy who's better than me and probably has a better connection with her makes me feel terrible.
There is no better and there's no worse. He is different, not better dude. You two had fun, but either she goes from guy to guy like she didwith you or you two just didn't click. Neither option makes you less of a man.
The Chadier eats first, etc.
>This sounds like a good fling, but one that didn't last long.
Yeah because I ended it. But then again, there's the later stuff so you could say it took much longer. I don't know. Fuck.
>He is different, not better dude.
Everyone keeps saying that but he is better. More interesting, more fun stuff to say. She used to love me for talking to me. She found someone better now and no longer finds me interesting or wants to talk or hang out. Maybe because I hurt her somehow? Maybe because I'm a cynical autist? Fuck knows. He's better though. More normal I suppose. She wants normal.
>you two just didn't click
But we did. I feel like we did click but there were some objective reasons as to why she wasn't having it.
Where the fuck does it stop?
You cannot control who she loves, user. Influence slightly, yes. But not control. And if you could control her thoughts and feelings, would you? Would that even be the same girl you're in love with, or would it just be an extension of yourself?
>But we did. I feel like we did click but there were some objective reasons as to why she wasn't having it.
DId you click or not? It sounds like you were into her but she had reasons not to.
>Yeah because I ended it. But then again, there's the later stuff so you could say it took much longer. I don't know. Fuck.
So you more or less "friendzoned" her. You broke it off but still tried to talk with her, and now you are mad because she moved on? Wow, dude, I don't usually get to say this, but you are 100% in the wrong here.
I know, I don't want to control her. That said, I still want her to love me. I juts want some events or whatever to change her mind. To just realize that I was the right guy. It sounds pathetic but I just love that girl.
>DId you click or not? It sounds like you were into her but she had reasons not to.
We did. The first time we've met we already felt like we knew each other for ages and we could talk for hours. Even she said it once how it's funny how we connected so quickly. And how we can argue and then come back together every time (which I found kinda weird because we never argued really).
>So you more or less "friendzoned" her. You broke it off but still tried to talk with her, and now you are mad because she moved on? Wow, dude, I don't usually get to say this, but you are 100% in the wrong here.
No... It's not like that. She said she still loves her ex boyfriend. So I decided to do the right thing and go to her, wish her the best and say my goodbyes. I basically wanted to end it before I'd fall in love with her.
It was too late because I already did fall for her. Or perhaps I just realized it once I ended it. Anyway, shortly after it I actually tried talking to her and told her how I feel but she said she doesn't reciprocate.
>but she said she doesn't reciprocate.
>She said she still loves her ex boyfriend.
> And how we can argue and then come back together every time (which I found kinda weird because we never argued really).
I guess you weren't so in sync as you thought. Which is fine.
You only dated for a SINGLE MONTH. Life is not a movie, love doesn't develop like that. Love is about wanting to be with each other, and she doesn't.
Let me ask, do you think of yourself as a lonely dude, with few friends and mostly by yourself?
>I guess you weren't so in sync as you thought. Which is fine.
I think we actually were. She still loved someone else but we were. I can't quite understand what the hell was going on exactly but even later on when we did get back together all that time we would spend wonderful time together. Every single moment we cooperated very well with everything. "We make a great team, user!" is what she'd say.
>You only dated for a SINGLE MONTH. Life is not a movie, love doesn't develop like that. Love is about wanting to be with each other, and she doesn't.
Yeah, we did. The honeymoon period is what it's called. I think love can definitely develop that quickly. It did for me at least. For her too... Just not with me.
>Let me ask, do you think of yourself as a lonely dude, with few friends and mostly by yourself?
Yes. And when I met her I was lonely and so was she. Neither of us is now. I mean I still keep to myself but I feel totally okay with it. I'm alone but not lonely.
>Getting led on for 3 months
>Not jumping ship after a month of no-show
Gotta step up your game user.
Not him but it doesn't work like that. The girl will always do just enough to fuel your desire for her but nothing more than that. It's very hard to end it.
>Yes. And when I met her I was lonely and so was she. Neither of us is now. I mean I still keep to myself but I feel totally okay with it. I'm alone but not lonely.
That's the most important detail. You are blowing this out of proportion because you need social interaction. Say you are fine, that doesn't make it true.
You need to get off your ass and develop a support network. You need to admit that you got hooked so fast because you needed the attention.
You need to move on and improve your social life.
Not him but if you have more than one girl in your life you quickly see who really wants you and who doesn't. That crap works on lonely people.
Not really. It all depends on whether you love her or not. You could have hundreds of girls but out of those only one will work for you. I literally had 3 girls going after me when I was being led on by just one.
>You could have hundreds of girls but out of those only one will work for you.
People love to say "love", but what does it mean? How can she work for you if she isn't into you at all?
>Say you are fine, that doesn't make it true.
I mean it, though. I have a shitload of work and don't really have time for girls right now. Two girls keep chatting me up constantly, and one of them is into me pretty hard. Yet... I don't do shit about it. I don't even feel like meeting them. I just respond to them in a nonchalant manner and funnily enough it seems to draw them to me even harder.
>You need to admit that you got hooked so fast because you needed the attention.
I think I did. So did she. But that said, there were girls before her in the same way but I was totally okay with letting them go. Yeah, I got attached but I had no issues to juts drop contact and be like "whatever".
>You need to move on and improve your social life.
I do have *some* social life. It's not like I'm a total robot. I have a job, a few friends I sometimes go out for drinks with. Hell, even one time I'd go drinking with my buddies and then call her up to just casually converse, back when things were cool between us (that good month I mean). So she did know I'm not a total loner too.
I think it's this connection, the chemistry and this "something" that makes you just feel drawn to her and makes you actually want to talk to her, see her, be with her and makes her so interesting. When you find such girl, you just know she's the one.
>How can she work for you if she isn't into you at all?
It's unreciprocated love. Still, it's love. And in fact, it can often be that she may be into you, just not as much as you're into her.
>So she did know I'm not a total loner too.
The problem is not her knowing, the problem is you needing the attention.
How is it different from a desperate obsession, then? How do you know it's lovexand not loneliness?
I don't know. She needed the attention too. Besides, it's not like I needed the attention. I liked it, and well I did need it in a way, but I didn't just obnoxiously push for it.
In fact, she was always the one to chat me up and to push the whole thing into something. I was just reciprocating.
And now she moved on but you still go after her. Who is pushing now?
It's not different. It all depends on how you look at it. If you have a guy going after a girl, despite her acting uninterested you could either say he's persistent or desperate. All based on how it eventually ends, because I think we both know that some girls will act unavailable and uninterested but once the guy stops showering her with attention, she's gonna crave it back.
We're all lonely in a way. It'd be a total lie for anyone to say they aren't lonely (at least in terms of people who don't have a bf/gf). Nature made us in a way that we want someone in our life.
So it's always about killing loneliness.
I'm the one pushing. But that's not because I feel lonely. It actually WAS because I was lonely some two months ago. But since new girls appeared, I changed my outlook and didn't speak to her for those two months, I can safely say that I want her not because I'm lonely, but because I find her interesting.
All that time gave me perspective and I understand why she acted the way she did, and why she keeps acting how she does. I still see a very interesting passionate and intelligent girl in her. Now that I've met other girls, I see that even more. So I want her. And I'm in pain because she doesn't want me.
>So it's always about killing loneliness.
Not when you also lack a suport network like OP and can't move on. There's nothing wrong with wanting to date, but if someone goes away, you need to have relationships to fall back on, friends and family.
Being single is not the same as being alone. That's not how nature works.
>There's nothing wrong with wanting to date, but if someone goes away, you need to have relationships to fall back on, friends and family.
And what does that give you? None of those can replace the girl you have feelings for. Sure, they can tell you that she was bad and you deserve better but you could very well get that from anons here.
>Being single is not the same as being alone. That's not how nature works.
It is the same, no matter how you spin it. Deeply inside all of us crave someone. There's literally nobody (at least without a major mental illness) who could actually live their life without ever feeling the desire to be with someone else.
Sure, you can be single and not feel an immediate need to just desperately find someone, but that doesn't mean you'll not ever feel a little lonely.
If friends are the same as Anons to you... you are not a good friend.
Don't let your life revolve around girls. You need more conections.
If you really think a girl you knowxfor a month is perfect... well, I can't help you wake up from that. I don't think a post from an user will break such a delusion.
>If friends are the same as Anons to you... you are not a good friend.
Again, what can friends give you that anons can't? At least in terms of getting over a gf, of course.
>Don't let your life revolve around girls. You need more conections.
It's not about "girls", it's about one girl. It's like as if you lost a family member. Sure, having friends to talk to is a good thing, but that said, anons can fill that role very well.
This, you are delusional with love, good luck on your emotional rollercoaster.
Whoa hey, read the thread, mate. I knew her for far longer than just a month. In fact, after a month of intense talking (we seriously talked about a LOT of things) I did know her rather well, but I did talk to her a lot longer. I only got this feeling of actually knowing her well after 4 months. At that point we both felt like an old married couple (yes, she did too).
And then there's that deeper connection we've had. We shared a lot of things so I sorta... knew her better than anyone simply because I've been through similar shit myself. I related with her I suppose.
I can't show you what a real friend is over the Internet. But just the fact tha you don't even know my name should point out that I'm not your friend.
I find it hard to really get in your head when you are so alienated from himan interaction. 4cjan is not your friend. You need real people, really by your sidem
Your "deeper conection" happened after you stopped dating and she got back with her ex. You had a friend, not a gf.
You can just give me an example of what could a friend do that an user couldn't. Look at us here. We're both talking to OP and trying to help him out. A friend could do the same at best, if OP actually had the balls to talk to a friend about shit like that. Because that's not so easy. either. Talking to your friends or family about such deep emotional issues.
A friend could follow up on the develoments. A friend could knock on your door until you open and help you get out of the house and stop thinking about her. A friend could stop a suicide attempt (doesn't apply to this guy but it applies to this board)
No. It happened before, and it remained there. Seriously, is it so hard to understand?
I mean, the root of every girlfriend/boyfriend relationship is being friends, right? So that's what we were. Therefore the deeper connection. But it remained there, even despite her just not wanting to be with me in such way. Maybe she wanted the cock carousel and just didn't want relationships at the time? She couldn't be with her exbf and that was the main issue she had.
I can't figure it out but the connection was definitely there. Maybe now it no longer is... But I suppose if we actually managed to hang out enough, it'd reappear. And I get the feeling that she knows that and that's why she just doesn't want to have me around anymore. Because she already managed to get over it all. Fuck I don't know.
>A friend could follow up on the develoments
Anons can do that too. Internet friends you make on discord even can.
>A friend could knock on your door until you open and help you get out of the house and stop thinking about her
Well, if you have a job then I suppose it does a good enough job at that too. No need for friends here. Besides, you can have vidya or other shit that has about the same effect.
>A friend could stop a suicide attempt (doesn't apply to this guy but it applies to this board)
Okay, fair point here, but I feel like this happens so rarely that it doesn't really matter.
>But I suppose if we actually managed to hang out enough, it'd reappear.
Are you trying to be a cliche? Listen to yourself!
And I thought she was still hungup on her ex during the single month you two dated. Can't you see you were to her what those other girls are to you? She hd someone else in her mind
Vidja is the same as friends? Do you read what you write?
>Are you trying to be a cliche? Listen to yourself!
Look, it already happened once. After the first time we split, there was some time where we didn't talk and see each other. Then when we did, we hugged deeply and things progressed forward into getting closer together. "So good to be hugged by you, user" is what she said.
>Can't you see you were to her what those other girls are to you? She hd someone else in her mind
I can. I can and it bothers me a lot to be honest. But that said, I want her because she's just genuinely interesting. Back then it was probably me just being used to her and to her attention and whatever but now? It's different. And those other girls only reinforce that in me.
It's all about taking your mind off of things, right? Vidya does that, just as a friend that takes you out. So in that regard, yes.
What is different? She is still with him. She dodn't change.
She's not with her ex. She couldn't be and she isn't. There's someone else.
A game doesn't care about you.
>Knowing that there's another guy who's better than me and probably has a better connection with her
What a sad world we live in considering we all go trough this phase thinking this. The world of humans is about possesions. Such a thing as love doesn't exist.
Does that matter? I don't see how
What? So two guys? She is bouncing around, she didn't even rebound back to you.
Why not pick you after giving up on her ex?
And that's why you are a bad friend. A friend is there for you because they like you, not to use you as a distraction.
You need to get over her
>Why not pick you after giving up on her ex?
Because I was gone for two months.
Easier said than done.
Don't let her see you cry old boi
Why not pick you now? She had no issue telling you she wanted her ex, she can do the same to the current guy.
You're pathetic OP.
Kill yourself.
I think she got over her ex and just went with the guy she likes more now. Not longer than a week ago she was mad as fuck on me for how i acted during the second split.
Then she is not into you! She keeps oicling other people over you.
Picking*
user I knew that before I made this thread. I just need a way to get over this feeling of inferiority. Nothing so far helps me achieve that
You feel inferior because you think you "lost" something to those guys. But your "connection" was the honeymoon phase on a rebound.
Can't you see how her rejection doesn't make you less of a man?
Time and maturity
i've been in this situation
I was turned down for being 'too deep' and she always went for this dude that was dumb as fuck. (because she wanted to fuck him)
it hurt, but years later I realized, that girl is a fucking dumbass and I was infatuated with her just because of her looks.
now I have a hottie with a brain and a personality
It does because if she didn't want to pick me at any point despite all the compliments she gave me even later on then clearly something is wrong with me. I just want to be the guy she wants and that's all there's to it
In my case it doesn't work because I genuinely think she's smart as hell, unlike other girls. If anything, her looks aren't the thing that convinced me to her. I'd much rather be with a girl I can talk to than a dumb but attractive one
>I just want to be the guy she wants and that's all there's to it
So you put your self worht in her hands. Guess what dumbass, just because some people prefer chocolate doesn't make vanilla ice-cream bad. Everyone has their taste. If shedoesn't want you, it doesn't makke you less of a man. You'll never be the best for everybody. Some people will just say "no" when you offer yourself up.
At this point you are choosing to torture yourself by fixating on her.
I don't know man. She wouldn't call me handsome and love cuddling with me and say other compliments if I wasn't her type, right? Meaning I fucked up at some point and am now paying for it.
>if I wasn't her type, right?
Do you know what "rebound" is?
>1 month "relationship"
You need more confidence, bro
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I do. So?
Just because someone hooks up with you doesn't mean they have to love or even like you.
You had fun, and she was happy for that time, but it wasn't enough to make her forget the other dude. Move on man, she was never really "yours".
This makes me feel even worse because I now realize that it was all lies and I fell for it
It was not lies. She had fun with you. She probably cares. What she said was true then. She just doesn't feel what you want her to feel.
I just miss talking to her every day and getting a sweet goodnight. I miss seeing her and spending time with her. Now somebody else occupies that place in her heart and gets those privileges which fucking kills me. She doesn't even bother to talk to me normally anymore and every idea of meeting gets shot down.
How am I supposed to stop caring?
First stop trying to reach her. She has made it clear she is not interested.
Then, time. Getting over a breakup takes time. Go out, have fun, realize you have more in life than just her. You'll get over it.
>Sends nudes to someone she isn't fucking or dating
When will you cucks learn to spot a whore?
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Similar situation, OP. Especially with the connection part. I know that you feel as if you weren't "good enough."
I love someone who doesn't love me back as well. Yet, I never thought about not being "good enough." Life doesn't work like that. Everything happens for a reason and it is what it is. A girl may give you everything you want, and you might feel like you're what's best for her, but sometimes it just isn't meant to be. You can't choose who you love, who you're attracted to or why. It's just a game of seeing who clicks well enough.
I'm just like you. But I see it differently. And I know that time will help. Nobody will ever be her, even without the thought of you being a rebound, but there will be others who will have different and awesome traits that you'll appreciate. Traits that you aren't even thinking about until you run into them.