How to get confidence plz

How to have faith in myself? It feels like I'm not deserving of anything good. Everything I do feels subpart and I never feel proud of anything. It has come to the point that I don't even try anymore because it's never good enough either way

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What is your environment like user? Do you have a routine and what kind of people are you surrounded with?

You sound like me 5 years ago. I might be of help but it'll take some more info and alot of effort from your part.

I just don't care about being good. I push away any expectations and just do stuff, fuck it.

Bumping cause im also having this problem

Work out. As your body improved it will also boost your self confidence, especially when you notice how girls starting to checks you out in public spaces.

24 y/o male
Not much of a routine, doing an online study at home (if I can bring myself to actually do it) In the middle of moving house which is nice but also stressful. Not many friends, most of them are toxic but not bad people per se. Had a nasty breakup half a year ago that scarred me and still causes me pain and sadness, thought I was over it but it came back a few weeks ago

Not OP but, is working out at home also good?

Tried it but couldn't find the motivation to keep going

It's also important to get yourself out the house and away from your literal comfort zone. If you don't have anything to get you out of the house on a regular basis yet, working out outside is advised. Go for a jog

First off all you need a fucking routine. Get a job, ofcourse you're not confident you're not doing anything. The online study is something you're probably using to let yourself think you're atleast doing something, but we both know you aren't.

The move is perfect, it's a new surrounding, a new start and ideal to start working. Having a job will also keep your mind busy and not let you think about the relationship that much. Having to mich free time in a moment where you dont feel so well will make you focus and ponder on negative shit.

Getting a job and routine was the second step I took to change my life. The first one was to break away from my toxic parents but that didn't help much. Everything slowly started to fall in place after I got structure and a goal in life. Even if it's flipping burgers it's good, atleast you'll have some purpose. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do while living the life you are now.

The school thing isn't right, it's difficult to explain because I'm from the Netherlands but it's a valid study. It's funded by the government and having a job besides it wouldn't earn me any money. The study is actually a perfect set-up for the kind of work I want to do, social work with the focus on youth.

I cut ties with my family as well, still one of the best things I have done to date. Mother was a lowlife whitetrash hag and haven't had contact with my father for well over 12 year till he decided to end his life.

It's no shocker that my mental state is the way it is, I just want to know how to grow beyond what was given.

Routine is a good idea but how do I keep doing it?

Hmmmm, ik snap u hoor. Heeft me ook een paar jaar geduurd voor ik mezelf eruit heb getrokken en had ook een relatie met een meisje met borderline achter de rug wat mij ook gemerkt had.
Structuur is echt belangrijk maat en de studie die je nu volgt geeft je heel veel vrijheid en ikzelf kon vroeger niet met die vrijheid overweg en zou nooit eruit geraakt zijn zonder de verantwoordelijkheden die mijn werk me gaven. Het is inderdaad beter dat je blijft studeren zoda je iets gaat doen wat je wilt doen. Het enigste waar ik op kan komen is vrijwilligerswerk, elke dag een paar uurtjes of om de dag zodat je tg 1 op de twee dagen kan focussen op je studies. Maar je moet echt een reden vinden voor je dag te beginnen en cobtrole te krijgen over je leven. Je studie is goed voor de toekomst maar doet niet veel voor het heden en dat is toch wat ik nodig had.
Wat de andere user zei hielp ook wel, liften en lopen hielpen me structuur te houden, gezond te eten en op een degelijk uur te gaan slapen. Het is nog altijd 10x beter dan je tijd te spenderen voor de tv of pc.

What I'm about to tell you is one possible avenue

You have low confidence because you have low self-esteem. You seek esteem from others and when you don't get it, you take it personally. So ask yourself, how can you create value to yourself? Answer: by helping others less fortunate - and it can be in anyway you feel. There are many citizens advice agencies out there helping people with debt advice, family problems, homelessness, domestic abuse. You can help these people and make a difference.

Achteraf denk ik ook dat mijn ex borderline had, ze sneed zichzelf continue. Het was mentaal slopend en ik moest altijd mijn best doen om er kalm en rustig op te reageren terwijl ik zelf kapot ging aan depressie. Op het eind is ze vreemd gegaan, heeft er over gelogen en wilde zelfmoord plegen. Twee weken later had ze een andere vriend dus waarschijnlijk moest ze ook mentaal afhankelijk van iemand zijn.

Het probleem is dat ik routine één week of twee volhoud en daarna weer terug val. Normale slaap tijden werken bijna nooit omdat ik een nacht persoon ben en ik anders melatonine moet nemen wat opzich niet erg is maar de ochtend er na ben ik wazig voor uren. Gezond eten is gelukkig geen probleem, wel klote met vitamines omdat ik een vegetariër ben.

Vrijwilligerswerk heb ik al eens gedaan maar dat hield ik ook niet vol maar denk dat dat meer komt omdat ik een stuk ouder was als de andere vrijwilligers. Maar misschien wel een goed idee om verder te kijken naar wat er in de buurt is

I'm studying to help people, though mosty the youth. The thing I'm afraid of is that I'm such a mess myself that I first have to help myself before helping other people.

Last time I helped somebody it costed me dearly and I'm afraid to get hurt again

Van iedereen, waarvan ik heb gehoord die die studie volgen, hoor ik dat ze het ook gebruiken om hun eigen problemen te verwerken.

Get a gym membership. If you try to workout at home, you'll end up losing motivation in doing so. Also, change something about yourself. For example, I started growing my hair. (I would cut the sides every other week and trim the top every now and then.) I got a boost of confidence after realizing that I don't look that bad. So, either get a haircut, or grow your hair out. Whatever you think improves your appearance, do it. I know people say you should be happy with yourself, but it seems like you want to change some things. You don't necessarily have to talk to people to gain confidence, however, let's say you're at a fast food restaurant and they call your order, make sure you look at the person (or at least try) and smile. Oh, and say thanks, even though it's kind of awkward.

Hoor ik ook vaak maar hoor ook hoe vaak mensen worden geconfronteerd met dingen waarvan ze het niet hadden verwacht.

Mensen komen altijd naar mij toe voor advies en tips. Ik kan mensen meestal ook wel helpen maar advies voor mezelf lukt gewoon niet. Zelfde verhaal met mijn studie, ik sta te dicht bij mijn eigen problemen om de big picture te zien

Your friends are toxic. Try to get rid of them. If you're trying to change they're most likely going to say something and discourage you. Even if they're your friends, they're TOXIC and that's exactly what you don't want when you're trying to improve yourself.

My gym membership is still active, haven't been to the gym for two or three months. Guess it's easier to pay than to cancel it. Having said that, after I'm done moving house I'm going back to the gym.

Gonna get a haircut this week so that might be a good pointer, hope it doesn't come out bad.

Where I'm from it's quite normal to thank people for minimal tasks like that but I get where you are coming from

Volgens mij is dat ook helemaal niet zo erg. Mijn psychologen komen in ieder geval ook nooit met hun eigen verhalen of problemen tijdens een sessie. Ik weet dat zij natuurlijk ook zelf problemen en moeilijkheden hebben zoals elk mens. Zolang je maar weet hoe je de ander moet helpen denk ik zo

The problem is that they are not toxic enough to cut them out, just very rough around the edges. Hell, doubt I'm even a hair better than them so who am I to judge?

I'm gonna talk to them and if they discourage me and keep being toxic then I'll get rid of them, that's the least I can do