How do I deal with an oppressive mother?

>How do I deal with an oppressive mother?
>She:
>- yells at me for no reason (often frantically, freaks me the fuck out)

Let her yell and let her tire herself out. Just say "mm-hmm yes" to whatever she's screaming about, not in a condescending way but like you would in a regular conversation. Screaming and yelling is a sign of weakness, cooler heads always prevail.

>- since I'm the only guy who can translate things for her (she's foreign living in the US) I'll ask people all day long and call them on her behalf, only for her to yell at me at the end of the day when I compain that some of the questions we are asking these people are a bit too obvious
>- everytime I try to teach her English she says "I can't do this" and then blames it all on me in front of everyone else, like I'm not good enough to teach her or I was being "too strict"

Let her learn on her own or at some adult education community college place where teaching english to 60 year old immigrants is their job.

>- last time I had a girlfriend and she met her, she made a scene and told me she would DIE if I kept on talking to this girl and has made me swear on my her own life 3 times that I wouldn't talk to her ever again (and she still makes me do it, even though I barely ever talk to this girl!)

Don't have you gfs meet your mom unless you're like already in a year-long serious relationship

>- constantly, everyday, complains about how I play videogames and it's useless, be it 1 hour, 3 hours or 0 hours a day, even though I go to University and strive to do my work well

how does she know about that if you don't live with her and only show up on weekends? Tell her that you don't play video games so she'll stop giving herself a heart attack.

I play on the weekends when I'm there, but solid advice on everything else. I'll save it and look at it for inspiration and knowledge.

Thank you, user! You're awesome.

slap a hoe

Let her get sick, I guess. That's probably what I'd do. That's kinda what I did, my girlfriend's mom has cancer creepin on her lungs and she keeps huffing down cigarettes. Fine bitch, y'all wanna be dead to coughing spasms, y'all die to coughing spasms.

The older I get, the more 'family' seems like a thinly stitched ruse. Was a one-income household really the wrong way?

Have you considered setting a date and time, telling her “Mum, I’m coming over, I’m going to cook dinner for you and we can relax together” (maybe suggest sharing a bottle of wine or something).

I can very much see how you feel she is smothering you. She will surely be overjoyed at the thought of you willingly spending time with her and “going out of your way to repay some of the kindness she has shown you throughout your life.”

>She plays a lot on your guilt and love, so you have to reverse that in a way she cannot be angry about.
Though, truthfully you will never fully be able to break away from the burden she has put on you. All you can do is slowly reduce the amount of control she has, in a way she is comfortable with.

Here is the key part: after you have eaten and maybe had a glass of wine.. explain your concern for her health. Every time she loses it, she gets sick. You don’t want her to be sick, you love her and you worry for her. You understand the hardships she endures, you understand she wants the best for you and for you to be the best man possible. You love and appreciate her for this.

However.. you need to both work on improving your relationship in a way that doesn’t affect her health.

This could mean encouraging her to remain calm. Constantly remind her, you know it won’t be easy, but you couldn’t bear to lose her and you want to help her as much as possible. This may sound backwards at first but bear with me...

>you call me everyday and get angry, why don’t you try sitting down and writing out a message to me in the evening instead. That way, you can put everything you want to say or ask in writing and I can respond. It avoids you getting worked up on the phone and the less worked up you get, the better.
>learning English should be a priority to you, as the language barrier causes you a lot of frustration. I know we both struggle sometimes but reading and writing in English makes it easier to learn.

Wow, you get it. This is what I've been needing to know for a very long time. I myself am bad at communication, so you coming with examples of things to do or say really helps me out a lot! Thank you so much!

Honestly OP, the more you make her feel like all of these thing are her idea, the better.
If shit really hits the fan, and she starts losing it at you, if honestly burst into tears and say “Mum, please, I feel like I am failing as your son.. you don’t need to be angry or shout at me. I am here, I am listening, why do you do this?”

She cannot be angry for you telling her you love her. Worst case scenario nothing changes except she becomes more aware that care for her and you know you tried.

It's worth a shot. Thanks, user.

Can't even imagine!

That makes it really rough man. I have a super overbearing mother as well and the solution for me was to just stop answering calls. She was pissed for a while but eventually she just accepted it. And now even when I spend an extended period of time back at my parents house (like a week or so) she is much better at respecting my privacy and not shitting on me for no reason (she also used to nag me endlessly about videogames even if I was trying to be productive because everything on a computer is a game apparently). You have to let her understand that you're an adult, you have your own life to worry about, and she needs to respect your space. But yeah I don't know how to do that while respecting her health. It's a bummer OP.

MENOPAUSE !!!

Sounds like your mom has a bad case of borderline personality disorder. Google has tons of advice for dealing with BPD people.

OP you are going to have to learn to establish some bounderies with her. Establish boundaries and be consistent. Also BPD like to do things like lie or fake/exaggerate illnesses for attention. Just letting you know.

Put her in a home

>Yeah, I'm really bad at that.
then enjoy putting up with her. set your boundaries or get walked over, its your call

Inform her that she needs to get some serious paychiatric help. And that you will have her sent in against her will if need be.

So, what is your father doing during all of this?

Tell your mother to stop being an ungrateful cunt, because that's what it sounds like. Grow a fucking pair and stand up for yourself, you make yourself look like a fucking omega