How do I stop being invisible sexually

While there may be some truth to this, I doubt females would understand what it's like to jump through tons of hoops to get to the sex stage of a relationship only to be launched at by their significant other because of a particular organs size. Even though that ex has already been through a divorce and remarried. Oh yeah, it's also a red flag I have concern for my ex's well-being. Must be I want snu snu again.

Probably yes, but most of them come precisely from the fact I've seen every other guy around me have a girl pining for him except me.

> I panicked and ghosted at the end

Attached: facepalm.jpg (300x300, 13K)

Because they did something right and you didn't. I would venture a guess that they actually talked to their tinder matches.

>there was one girl but I panicked and ghosted at the end

So someone did find you interesting enough.

You say "I've seen every other guy around me have a girl pining for him except me." but you run away from the one you had.

So at this point it's your choice to be single. Until you decide you want to give dating a shot, stop complaining.

To be fair I had a horrible week beforehand and last thing I needed was even more stress. Also that was like 3 or 4 weeks for ONE match.

Get back to swiping. Oh, and have your profile looked over. The majority of males have a shitty profile, with lame pics and a boring writeup.

>Also that was like 3 or 4 weeks for ONE match.

You are missing the point. You say no one is pinning for you, but you have demonstrated that even if they were (and they are, this girl is proof of that) you'd still miss the opportunity.

I'm sure there have been other girls into you, you are just no open to dating so you didn't even register them. You need to address your issues, because clearly you won't date until you do.

It's just that tinder kills my self esteem even further because I just get no matches at all. And tinder is just working on law of very large numbers, other people just meet their SOs via real life.

There is a smidge of truth there but there is also the chance the girl was just talking to me because she talked to everyone, plus we never had a date (I honestly don't even know how to plan a date, I haven't been on one in years). And again what I said up there, real life girls don't ever seen interested in me which is what kills my self esteem the most

>real life girls don't ever seen interested in me

And as I said above, perception perception perception.

They don't SEEM interested, ok. But are you sure they are not? Have you tried flirting, asking them out? Have you shown interest? Have you put yourself out there?

Because hiding is safe, but nothing happens to the people that just stay away and look from afar. You need to put yourself out there to see if none is into what you are selling.

I have a hard time flirting since I'm not very good at reading social cues. Also it's hard to flirt if you don't know if she's interested.

I WANT to put myself out there but it's so hard to believe somebody would actually like me and be receptive to me flirting.

You will never get better if you don't practice. Everyone has learned through experience, you need to do the same.

Did you ever have a girlfriend in your childhood, early teens, late teens etc?

Then try flirting without any expectations. It's like this, if you go hunting and only want perfect shots you'll never take any and starve to death. I flirt simply to pass time, or boost someone else's confidence , I prefer solitude. But my simian brain requires some level of socialization. However I can't say I don't take joy in making women smile or feel comfortable.

>I WANT to put myself out there but it's so hard to believe somebody would actually like me and be receptive to me flirting.

It's like I've been saying that for several posts. You need to deal with your issues.

Someone liked you, so you are not a monster. Do you have female friends? Then women don't hate aqnd avoid you. And then step buy step you will get there and start dating.

You are bad at social ques for lack of socialization. Make a lot of new friends, specially females, and you'll soon see the difference between friendship and attraction.

But you can't learn it without actually interacting.

Yes but other people did have more "organic" experiences, I'm a virgin going against girls who have had one or two exes already and know how relationships work, and the courting

Never.

I have one good female friend and a bunch of acquaintances. I think I can tell when they're attracted, but only to other people.
All in all you're right but it's like a vicious circle, I get depressed which makes me even more unattractive which makes me even more depressed and I just end in a dump where I feel like the most disgusting man on Earth.

How do you flirt? When is it okay to do so? I just don't see myself flirting just because.

Stop making excuses. Everyone has been a nervous virgin once. You need to force yourself, but it will get easier fast.

>Never
Ok. That's where it really sucks, and why most of this advice will not help you in any way.

You see there is a form of Sexual and Romantic intelligence (SRQ) that you build up throughout your years.

The most ideal situation is to have like a pretend girlfriend when you are a child, be together with someone in your early teens and have your first real relationship in your late teens, to build up your SRQ.

For instance I had a friend in elementary school. He was quite ugly and weird but he had no introspection so he ended up with lots of "girlfriends". Then when we went into junior high we changed schools and he and I ended up as uncool nerds.
This way he never got to keep on building his SRQ.

The next to ideal situation is to start in your teenage years when things are a bit more serious, having your first kiss, make outs, etc.
Because it will inform you that its possible for you. In your heart you will know. You will understand how certain things you do will give you different responses etc.

Another example is someone who had their first girlfriend at 14, which lastet to, let's say 19, and then now at 27 they have no GF and haven't had one since. Its because they did not build enough of their SRQ.

Basically you are fucked, I'm sorry to say, as someone with also low SRQ.

Op this guy's full of shit.

>I have one good female friend and a bunch of acquaintances.

Then you need to work on that, man.

> I think I can tell when they're attracted, but only to other people.

Don't be so arrogant. If you lack interaction, if you lack experience, then you can't tell shit. Stop assuming you know what you are doing and go at it with the intent to learn.

Make more female friends. Learn to interact with women.

So basically in terms of development within SRQ you are now at the level of a child. And people here are giving you advice that comes from their level of SRQ, which in no possible way you can meet.
And there is no way to start build your SRQ, unless you find someone who is as inexperienced as yourself.

Lol I'm similar to you but a tad more experienced, that having been said I've also fucked up a lot more. Start small, just make a conversation, anything, consider results, try again. If they aren't having it then back off. Tell them they look nice today or that x thing they're wearing is cool.
>Trying to get a but gets you nothing
Women can get dick all day, ask one of them how many d pics they recieve. It makes me feel shit. I started sending pictures of the letter D just to mess with them low key without being a creep. I'll think of more shit later. Procrastinating currently.

Again, this guy is full of shit.

This.
Over analyzed.
It's extremely off-putting to most the women I've ever encountered.

This is the first I'm hearing of SQR. Guess Hue Hefner died and made him king mclovin.

People that use made up number to measure social relationships are not qualified to help you. He is just making an excuse to stop trying. Saying he is too fucked up to change. That's lazy and cowardly.

So the best cause of action is to seek out a doctor or a psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist and tell them your situation. Few people realise how damaging this is to the psyche. They can help you how to best come to terms with it, and if you live in a good enough country perhaps get you on welfare for it and hopefully you can learn to ease the pain of the way your life turned out.

Fuck that.
7 years later you'll be in the same spot. No amount of therapy or psychology can teach you how to navigate socially. Make goals and meet them. I need to listen to my own advice. @_@

>and if you live in a good enough country perhaps get you on welfare

God, OP, don't listen to this guy. He is a lazy asshole trying to make up a condition to avoid responsibility. He just wants to stop trying and be justified about it.

Following this thread now.
Can we teach OP how to socialize with females?
Fuq if I know

I didn't say to learn him to navigate socially, I said to learn him to accept that this is what his life is and be happy about it, which is what therapy is about. To learn how to not think about these things too much.

Therapy can help, as long as you put effort too. A therapist won't teach you how to interact, they just offer an outlet for you to explore your feelings. They don't offer solutions.

I'm here for you OP.
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

>Can we teach OP how to socialize with females?

No, he needs to learn by himself. We all come from different places, have different ages, different hobbies, and a million other things that make the interactions be different.

We can offer general advice and shut down extremely dumb ideas, but he needs to try and get actual experience to learn. We can't make OP avoid mistakes. He needs to learn from them.

>Learn him
My eye twitches at your Russian level of English. You clearly have no idea what you're taking about, describing yoursepf or you're a sick bastard for internationally misleading OP.

How I can to describing yoursepf? I know not of Yoursepf.

Okay, more female friends then. I guess i can try to chat with female coworkers a bit more. That way I also practice some small talk.

I still have a hard time thinking how I can tell a girl she looks nice without coming across weird. I feel they wouldn't be very receptive to a compliment.
Sometimes I do compliment them but I always do it in a somewhat sarcastic tone and I think they think I'm just teasing them, when I actually do mean it, I just say it that way to not look like a desperate idiot.

That's what I'm saying. OP keeps insisting that's he's incapable. I've been in those shoes and felt hopeless. A lot of the girls that made me feel worthless in school now have kids and multiple marriages. I'm not saying it's going to be course work but I'm not going to let him never make an attempt.

>learn him
Learn him is more of a southern turn of phrase than a poor translation, it's probably not international.

>I still have a hard time thinking how I can tell a girl she looks nice without coming across weird.

WHAT? Why are you jumping there? Why do you even need to compliment them?

You are just making friends. You don't tell your guys friends they look hot, don't do it to the girl ones. You are trying to flirt way too early, you are not there yet. Start by just making some friends.

aww shit, OP is coming around.
Women have endured a shut load of abuse if tell them they're cute is the worst you've got I'm sure you'll be fine.

I'm from the south and no one says that. Which part are you from?

This guy is shit.
I'm sure they'll burn you at the stake for complimenting them. You'll be tumble feminist famous, they'll construct a Lynch mob for the poor bastard that told a girl she looks good today.
Get a load of OP.

I can't tell my guy friends they look good, I don't use the word hot because I'm not 10. Grow the fuck up. Your masculinity should be labeled it's so fragile.

The guys lacks female friends. He is asking me how to compliment them. It doesn't take a psychologist to see he probably hits on any girl that pays attention to him.

He feels all girls reject him, but he needs to start learning more about girls before coming to that conclusion. Not hitting on them right away is something he should try.

You're probably from the city.
t. Texan who has heard the phrase multiple times

>I can't tell my guy friends they look good

And why do you need to tell the female ones? If you are not hitting on them, why is this a priority in any way, shape or form?

Yeah OP, I think you should just go for the low SRQ and learn to live with being invisible. These people can't make up their minds if you should say female friends are cute or if learn him is a southern phrase, don't listen to them. Its too late for you unless you find a woman that is as inexperienced as you are.

>These people can't make up their minds if you should say female friends are cute

You shouldn't. How is it a point of contention?

The point is, its a irrelevant conversation for OP. He shouldn't be filled with false hope of getting to where he want, it will in the long term just make him more depressed.
The only person that can give him advice is a person that is exactly in the same position as he is, without experience and invisible to women. Everything else is outside of his level. And the sooner he learns to live with that and accept it, the better.

You have given up, and you think if you can drag people down with you it will be better. I've been the invisible guy, even now I'm not "normal" when it comes to dating.

But I got out because I tried. You are still in the same position because you didn't.

I'm not a city slicker I read and talk to people that aren't from possum trot Alabama. It's a very rural thing to say, its been so long since I heard it I confused you for a ruskie.
I don't "need", I just do because it might brighten someone's day. Women and constantly graded on their looks while it may seem to fade with age and inibition. No one is going to social ostracize you for complimenting them. Worse case scenario they brush it off as youre trying to get in their pants. You don't have to make it the center piece of conversation. As if that's the only thing on your mind.
>Bone heads
You can choose to be invisible or,
You can choose to socialize a lot faster by making mistakes.
"Pain the greatest of teachers, but my god do you learn" - C.S. Lewis.

I think something I'm really bad at, actually, is showing I AM interested. I had a conversation with some co-workers not a long time ago where we did some what kind of personality do you have and the general thing was that I'm cold and unexpressive in general. These coworkers include female ones I have contact with, by the way. Fuck they even said my nickname should be Iceman.
It's true I take it very hard when a gkrl pays any attention to me but that almost never happens and my main predisposition is pretending to not care about anything.

If you are dating, you have not been the invisible guy. You probably were just down on your luck a small fraction of time and needed a boost. That's different from where OP is. And you are the one thats dragging him down, dragging him down to failure which will utterly break him. You think you're doing good but you're not. People need to be advised from the level of IQ, EQ, SRQ they are on not the level you want them to be on. You are trying to teach someone stupid about how to make rocket fuel. Your intentions might be good but its a setup for failure, and not the sort of failure you think he'll learn from.

That pic is amazing.

the penguin is dead now
soranews24.com/2017/04/30/japanese-zoo-penguin-falls-in-love-with-cutout-of-cute-anime-penguin-girl/

Rocket fuel?
I'm aiming for nuclear fusion, and dreaming of gamma ray bursts.

>Worse case scenario they brush it off as youre trying to get in their pants

Yeah, that's the problem. If you are trying to make friends, don't make a move on them.

Also, great way to take their minds off being graded on looks all the time, you grade them too. Top notch thinking. (That was sarcastic.)

>I think something I'm really bad at, actually, is showing I AM interested.

Just because you don't say it doesn't mean they can't tell. How do you usually interact with women?

I date for the first time when I was 24. I was the invisible guy until I tried new things and broke away from those useless patterns.

Then you are an outlier or you found someone on the same SRQ level as you, with low sexual and romantic intelligence so you could build it up.

Or maybe you are the lazy one that didn't try hard enough. I know it's hard to think one has a problem and needs to solve it, but some of us can do it. Doesn't make us supermen, though, I'm not special for changing. We all can do it. We just have to decide on it.

I think problems needs to be solved by pragmatic and realistic approaches not by prepping people off to fantasy land. No one has stated anything about people being normal, i.e. normal SRQ is supermen, get off your high horse. You aren't special for changing, no, because most likely you didn't change. People rarely change, the best we at most can ask is to have our minds be put at ease and stop thinking so much - viewing what we perceive as problems as a problem. And I had to be taught this by therapists by the way, from being in the same position as OP was.

So you never compliment your friends, how rude. It's not supposed to be read into. I guess we could dig deeper, notice something not their looks and compliment that. Women hate feeling attractive. After spending thousands of hours on their looks I'm sure not mentioning will alleviate their disposition. Just because I compliment you doesn't mean I'm not trying to just make small talk. Yknow it's nice to hear a compliment thats loaded once in a while. Getting in their pants is the only goal. Looking deeper would require fore thought.

>Fantasy land
yeah, telling a girl she looks good is an illusion of grandeur only most doped up psycho could imagine.

You said I was an outlier because I got a date after my twenties with no prior dating experience. You afre the one convincing yourself and OP that you can't get a date because you are too messed up.

I'm not telling him that he will get laid tomorrow. I'm not selling him fantasy land. I'm telling him he needs to put his ass in gear to see change in his life. If that's too ambitions for you, then I'm so sorry, but that's your problem, not mine or OP's

I just treat them like I treat men or anyone I don't know. I ask a few questions over them and try to make the conversation about them since I hate talking about myself

I think if I made it clear when I like someone then maybe some girl would have ever been receptive to it in 26 years, no? I'm not a shut in, I've talked to a lot of girls.

So because it worked for you that's how it works for everyone? Why do you insist your route is the only way. OP doesn't have to, but I really don't think it's healthy emphasis the distress of being turned down on a compliment.

>So you never compliment your friends, how rude.

Do you tell your dude friends how good they look?

>I guess we could dig deeper, notice something not their looks and compliment that.

Stop that. You are looking for ways to make them like you, instead of just looking for ways to interact with women as people. Talk about work, class, hobbies, whatever. Talk about yourself, your life, anecdotes, etc. Make jokes and have a laugh. You don't need to complimenet them to have them spend time with you.

>I'm not a shut in, I've talked to a lot of girls.

Yet you only have a single female friend. How many guy friends do you have?

> I hate talking about myself

Learn to do it. People talk about themselves, that's how they get to know each other. If you are not putting your half of the work, then how do you expect it to work?

You are trying to tell someone who has no sexual or romantic experience, none whatsoever, who knows nothing of their own body language or how they carry themselves to start saying to women (that you advice them to make friends of) they they look good. You are sending someone to war without even having told them specifically how to fire their rifle.
You have no idea what you are doing, but you think you are justified in your advice because you want people to be happy. And the road to hell is paved with good intet.
Yes we are messed up, from actually being invisible to women. Something you clearly was not, you just needed that nudge to change. Good for you but again the road to hell is paved with good intent and you didn't change you simple took a hold of your normality which you always had.
If putting a cast on my broken foot worked for me, I shouldn't assume thats the way to cure a broken foot? This is idiotic relativism. OP will be 100% better off working on being satisfied with his life, not fretting towards something he might as well never achieve.

>Yes we are messed up, from actually being invisible to women. Something you clearly was not, you just needed that nudge to change. Good for you but again the road to hell is paved with good intent and you didn't change you simple took a hold of your normality which you always had.

And how do you know OP is not like me? How are you so sure he is like you?

How are you so sure you are not like me?

From his posts.
From his posts.
From your posts.

Because you two are still invisible! How do you know I wasn't talking differently when I was younger?

Come on, this is obvious shit. I changed, but I was like you two. Not as lazy and defeatist as you yourself, but I was in the same boat.

>Not as lazy and defeatist
so you were not the same at all, by your own admission. I know people like you, you think just because you watched a youtube video or read a book that taught you something that you felt you went out into the world and did and got results from it, that's the way it is for everyone. Because at heart, those are the things you felt you always deserved and wanted. Your only problem was that you didn't have enough of a social standing to teach you these things sooner, the thing in and of themselves were never the problem for you. And now you can't see that people are different, they have to be like you and it has to be the same way for them. But its not. People are different, there might be 4 personality types, or 8 or 16, but we are different and if you were truly invisible to women, not just from lack of self-esteem but actually invisible to them, you would know. And you would carry yourself differently. Even in your comments here.

Like 4. I have a small circle of friends, she's what id consider a close friend.

But people don't want to listen to somebody blab about themselves. Plus my life is incredibly boring, I'd much rather ask to people what exciting things they have to tell.

You have given up. Maybe it's too late for you. Maybe you need someone or something to help you break out. I don't know.

But my problem is not your own lazyness, it's not the way you are hurting yourself. I speak out because you are trying to drag OP down.

As you say, there are a lot of personailities. You pressume to know OP's, but you don't know him anymore than I do.

>so you were not the same at all, by your own admission.

OP hasn't given up. He is looking for ways to fix himself. With that logic, he is more like me than like you.

I didn't say I had infallible logic, I suppose I'm inexperienced myself. You're right though.
By encouraging him into small talk? I'm seeing some of where I'm wrong.
You're killing me with this "were messed up" mentality. Your metaphor would apply to your advice as well. Over analysing cost me my first gf. I might never achieve my next step. You shouldn't tell him he can't achieve it.

Do as you wish. OP will discover that there is no way for him to become more visible to women and then he will blame it all on you, when he could have worked on just being ok with being invisible and that life, and worked on other aspects of his life as a result of that.

>Like 4.

Then you are a shut in. It's all the same group of frineds or do you at least have people from different places in life?

>But people don't want to listen to somebody blab about themselves.

You do, don't you? Or do you hate hearing poeple talk about themselves?

>Plus my life is incredibly boring

Oh, so that's the problem. Maybe you could make your life more interesting by changing it up a bit? I don't know, you could try new things.

Its better to tell someone they can't fly then sending them over the cliff with a umbrella.

Or maybe he will change. Being a weirdo doesn't make you an expert in mental illness. You are no doctor either.

People never change. Not even those that think they have changed, they just got over the bump they had in their life and their life returned to normal.
youtube.com/watch?v=wwPh01IKgGQ

Yes, House is a role model. Are you 15 by any chance? Stop talking, you are making yourself look worse and worse.

You don't have to be a role model to be right. People never change. They become more of who they really are. But change is generally impossible.

I change all the time. Stagnation is cancerous.

Yes, the world will end if you attempt to make a light hearted attempt at flirting.

Even more fitting then. Joe and the penguin are in heaven with there waifus now.

OP doesn't know how to flirt.
no you don't. no one changes. you think you avoid stagnation because that would really be change for you, so you don't really change you just run away from it. its impossible to change.

Oh my god shut the fuck up you retard.
Don't pedal your defeatist bullshit just because you were born an autist with low emotional intelligence.