When I have to make a decision my gf doesn't like (say, save money on going out), she gets upset or offended...

When I have to make a decision my gf doesn't like (say, save money on going out), she gets upset or offended. I am the leader of our relationship, and she agrees with that. However, I can't really lead if she acts like that each time. It feels like dragging rather than leading. She doesn't want to change roles, she doesn't want to be equal either. We're in love and everything else is fine. How do I change that for better? Is it worth it considering a break up before we're married?

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The fact that you've actually discussed that you're the 'leader' is not indicative of a healthy relationship.

How come? We've had a lot of talks about the relationship and what we wanted. If anything, that's definitely not an indication of something bad.

At least you have the balls to make choices, which she doesn't
I don't think it's fair for you to decide on everything, she'll just always have things to complain about

Yeah, I'm beginning to think that it's not the way I do it that's the problem, and I really need an advice because I'm tired of this shit.

Damn, that picture.

The fact that you've said any of this means you're not actually in love. You're both just afraid of being alone and settled for someone close to what you want. Break up for both of your sakes.

Bullshit. We have real chemistry and we both feel like high after dates. We are together for a few years now. There are real feelings. I don't need people explaining us, I know it better than you. I need a real advice.

Fuckkkk i hate undecided people
They're the worst! So inconsistent and expecting at the same time !!

It's always a matter of time until I snap and lose patience ... Maybe it's something about how indifferent they are towards everything....

So, you think there's no way she will change for the better or at least truly accept my leadership and suck it up? I feel like there's hope it will be better, but I also know that people rarely change, and I'm confused.

Reconsider your own priorities, both of you. If both parties don't decide for themselves, it becomes hard to have a common thing.
If she can decide things for herself, she can as well understand what position she puts you in.
Sometimes being independent is cool too

We actually have same priorities. Family and kids in a few years. Right now it's easy to not mind the issue I brought up, but it will probably fuck up us in the future if she will continue to be like that. There's no way we can become "independent", that's not how families are formed. Families are about a union. We both agreed (at least vocally) about that.

In healthy relationships, both partners work together. Yes, in some situations one will lead and the other will follow, but the majority of the time, both are equal and neither has more power than the other. Your relationship really doesn't sound healthy at all.

This is just modern bullshit that leads to divorce because abstract notions.

Of course, having an equal opinion and feeling valued leads to resentment, unlike being told what to do or having the sole responsibility of making decisions, right?

>I am the leader
How old are you exactly?

Since you have agreed on what is basically a dictatorship, just tell her to stop bitching and do as she's told.

I don't think it's unhealthy. After several years things begin to settle a bit and people need to rethink how it works.

Maybe talking can solve it.

>both are equal and neither has more power than the other
That's impossible to achieve, I think. But that's not the main point. I am leading because we both agreed upon that, and it was mostly her suggestion. I tried the whole equality thing, by the way. I explained her I want us both equal. And when we tried things like that, she was not feeling well, as she expressed. She wants me to be the man, and herself remain a woman, being traditional (more or less). That's not unhealthy on itself, if anything this type of a relationship is beneficial to both (women are happier, men get to chase their dreams without restraint because they are the breadwinners). Also, that's just like division of labor, it makes sense for the most capable worker to work, and for the most caring to care about children and the house. I am not sexist, I don't mind people living how they want, I don't have a singe issue with being equal. Now, that's my opinion, but she shares it. There's no abuse or anything like that between us. We feel happy. But I can't use my feelings to think, I have an issue with how things are because when something it's like she's wanted, it makes her sad, it's hard for her to accept it. It's not as bad as it sounds, it's not like she is trying to emotionally manipulate me to give her stuff for free. No, I simply see this as a growing issue that will really hit us later on, while having a family with kids.

Don't try to equate men and women having different roles with one telling another what to do all the time. One is a thing of leadership and respectful decisions always minding the relationship, the other is just abuse. Feminists always confuse them because they are silly cunts.

>That's impossible to achieve, I think
That's why that fragment of the sentence was preceded by "the majority of the time."

>We feel happy
You sure don't sound happy from your post. You sound frustrated, and maybe even a little resentful. You're either lying to yourself that everything's okay, or you don't know what good relationships should be like.

Just try to talk about what you think with her in a call way. That lately you've been putting efforts in things more than she does, that seeing her unhappy with the results makes you uncertain...
Try to communicate, she'll give hints I guess.

I'm 24, I have my own place (mortgage, all bills are on me), she's 21 and a student.
Leadership is not dictatorship. I don't want to tell get to stop bitching and do as she's told, I want mutual understanding and agreement.
>You sure don't sound happy from your post
I am not happy about the issue, not our relationships overall, and I address the issue itself. Again, I don't need people trying to explain me, I look for an advice in my current situation.

>I'm 24, I have my own place (mortgage, all bills are on me), she's 21 and a student.
Oh dear, you fuck up this relationship and she could take half the house. Quite a windfall for her, I'd expect

Thank you. That's what I was thinking. But I hesitate. I am kinda afraid this will lead to a fight, what's the best way to avoid one?
What makes you think that?

> (You)
>Leadership is not dictatorship. I don't want to tell get to stop bitching and do as she's told, I want mutual understanding and agreement.

Well, from her reactions to your leadership what she wants might just be dictatorship. What you want, as far as I can see, is to set the agenda and having her as co-responsible. Alas, you cannot always get what you want

>What makes you think that?
Relationship property law.

Say things in a simple manner and don't make it sound like accusing.
Try to dig out what in her point of view are the reasons of her pouting.
Just ask how she would like things to be improved.
And maybe say what reactions you'd like her to stop having.
Or tell her you'd like some support...

>always a matter of time until I snap and lose patience
You have a serious problem, please seek help. I'm not even joking, I'm concerned about what you can do in some situations.

>not going out to save money is dictatorship
I literally gave an example of a situation where she's not happy when I've made a decision that she didn't enjoy. I don't want to set all the agenda, for fuck's sake, can you read?
What makes you think that's her plan, what makes you think that's possible?
Yeah, that's a good advice. Though, I don't want to tell her to not have some reactions. I mean, at least she's not afraid to express herself, I don't want her to shut down communication for whatever reason.

Hwe hwe hwe
Why don't you go seek some help and stop imagining people are psychos ?

>What makes you think that's her plan, what makes you think that's possible?
I don't think that's her plan, but it's a possibility if this relationship continues to go south. Especially once you're married.

>I am the leader of our relationship
stopped reading there

all this damage control

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Yeah, worth consideration. Any personal experience you can share?
>all this explanation to have a better feedback
Funny, right? Get lost, nigger.

>Yeah, worth consideration. Any personal experience you can share?
Nope, just a glimpse into the future.

I don't understand why people buy houses if they intend to get into a relationship later, especially with a partner who won't be able to buy out half of the equity and pay half the mortgage.

You wrote 'when I have to make decisions'. This points to that you're the one making decisions on the whole and not arbitrarily. Can't you read your own post ?

No point being open about some kind of sub/dom thing without talking about other things. Do your version of sitting her down and having her listen as you explain the problem. Most subs are out to please and make things good, they don't want to be brats or cause you problems. Or you might find she has a good argument for going out more, maybe it's worth the money. In the worst case you'll find she's completely off the rails and you'll have to break up but by that time you'll know that's the only way.

Rent can be more than the cost of a whole mortgage, usually for a worse place too.