My six year relationship is dying and i dont know if i should save it

My six year relationship is dying and i dont know if i should save it..
Rundown
>meet at 14
>nothing happens, friend of a friend
>meet back up at 18
>head over heels wow this is it man
>stays the same for 5 years
>not amazing, not bad, just comfy and nice
>this year we moved
>he got a new job
>doesnt come home some nights, shady
>im starting to be sneaky because he wont talk to me
>snoop through a phone for the first time in my fucking life
>nothing. Allot of stuff about going to bars but no girls
>leave it alone, let him have his guy time i guess
>he starts waking me up by yelling at me for not being awake when he gets home at 3 in the morning
>im late for work several timea because he will not let me fall asleep, practically shakes me awake
>nothing i consider abusive yet
>this goes on for a long time
>fights become more and more violent
>he spat on me
>shut my fingers in a door once
>i stay because we have been together so long and the fights always happen after i bring up him being gone so much
>he always changes for the better for like, a week
>today he asked me for 60 dollars
>he got paid four days ago
>i ask him why he needed 60 and he told me it wasnt my business, to just do it ect
>i tell him to meet me somewhere because i was intown and he calls me retarded, a bitch, ect because i couldn't meet him at home
>i panic and meet him, toss the money in his window
>he has his family with him,i dont want to argue in public
>i speed off
>get flooded with apologies through text
>i dont know what the fick to do

Ive been ignoring his texts for about 32 hours now.. he hasnt texted me again for about 12. Im lost....things have been good for 5 fucking years...i love him. I dont know anything but him, even now id do anything for him. If he just showed up at my house it would mean so much but he hasnt come back since he got the money....his last text said he wanted to fix things but i cant believe that, but i want to...
I dont know if i can start over.. im a monster now..

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Stop talking about the previous years if the person you are with now is making you unhappy. Sit down and confront them, ask about the money, where it's all going, and that you're seriously considering leaving. Be calm but concerned.

There was probably red flags all over the place you just choose to ignore it because of your feels. It sounds like this guy doesn't give a fuck about you. If love is violence and abuse then you have plenty of it.

To elaborate on this fight cuz i ran out of room
>im in a store having a panic attack as he screams at me about being out when he needs me
>i leave everything in the cart and go to the car, drive to a local church ten minutes away
>he calls me a retarded bitch because he has no idea what church
>"pick a place i know goddamn you are the dumbest bitch iver ever fucking been with"
>im weeping and trying to drive somewhere else, walmart was my plan
>FEMANON WTF IM ON MY WAY TO THE CHURCH YOU ARE FUCKING WITH ME, BRING ME THE FUCKING MONEY
>also i have NO idea why he needed the money. He said he owed it to somone. Thats all he would tell me
>finally meet him at a gas station
>he has some same age male family members
>they sneer and laugh as he starts to shout at me
>im shaking and cryinf, i toss the money and run, tell him to fuck off
>he calls me a fucking birch and speeds off
>immidatly sends me long apologies
>doesnt call tho
>havnt heard anything from him since he said "look, call me. I wanna fix this" 12 hours ago. Havnt said anything TO him way longer... i just dont know what to say...

he's an addict retard

ditch him

It was so good for so long tho. It was so comfortable and it felt like..idk how its supposed to fucking feel?
What can i do ? To move on? Im afraid...ive been out the game...if we cant fix this i have to start over and im terrified..

Sounds manipulative. Sorry to say it’s best for you to just walk away from the relationship. He won’t ever change unless he has real reason to. Confront him. Give him a week to see how he reacts. Confront again and leave if he doenst change/or keep the changes. My ex did the same stuff, spouted off “this is who I am” when she wasn’t that way for the past few years. Broke it off and a year later she came back

just to be clear I meant this as "he's an addict, retard," not "he's an addict (and a) retard," but I guess either way works lol

As far as i know he isnt on drugs! I thought this too!! But hes never been fucked up at home, ive never found any shred of evidence of it.... no tracks, no bloodshot eyes...nothing..its like he just hates me so suddenly and i feel like my ribcage is expanding to its breaking point and its gonna collapse any minute...i was thinking of baby names with this guys last name and for what?
I feel fucking robbed...

Yes move on please. For your safety and your sanity you desperately need it. Youre still young luckily. Move in with family and stay the fuck away from someone like that. Name calling abusing your spouse soulmate whatever is not acceptable in any way. How can he say he loves and he calls you a fucking bitch around other people? What's next? He chokes or slaps you in public? Have some love for yourself, you don't deserve that.

>erratic and secretive behavior
>gone without explanation for long periods of time
>constantly in need of money

girl... you don't need track marks. put two and two together.

Take it from me, t. addicts in the family, the two things an addict is *really* good at are lying and hiding their addiction.

but also I'd like to take a second off of giving you hard truths to say I'm really sorry this is happening to you, nobody deserves to have someone close to them be like this (on the off chance he isn't an addict, there's something going on that you should def leave for regardless). Do you have people irl you can talk to about this? Mom? Girlfriends?

;-; fuck man i dont even know what kind of person i am on my own anymore... what if im a fucking freak ,man? What if i dont find anyone in time...i havnt been alone in litteraly years... we used to even work at the same place, people used to make comments about how you never saw one without the other.
I did buy new sheets tonight though...i wanted to change my bedding immediately... it helped..
They got little bears and deer on 'em....

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Despite your understandable emotional attachment, this is bad news user. Sounds like your piece of shit boyfriend is turning into a junkie. Don't know if he's on meth, but he's definitely gotten onto some kind of stim' here (regularly partying 'til the early hours, complete disregard for your commitments, and mood irregularity typical of a fucked endocrine system, he's doing drugs), and he's clearly developing an addiction given the fact he's gone beyond his means to get on.
This is an EXTREMELY slippery slope. The moment he became violent, you should have cut ties. I know it's a hard call, but this situation is a serious risk to your psychological and physical wellbeing imo, and this is your perfect opportunity to get the fuck out.

My sister is absolutely irrate and the only thing she tells me is im truly retarded if i stay with him but...six years? Can break in one fucking day like this? Over 60 dollars? They arent much help and dont see why im conflicted...my dad hated him so he would be zero help. So i dont have much "support"..

>perfect oppurtunity to get out
God im fucking sobbing i know i fucking know its bad but fuck guys i love him i dont want him to turn into this fucking monster i fucking need him i dont know what the fuck to do obviously i myself am not enough AND it fucking HURTS after six fucking YEARS

It's not over 60 dollars and you clearly know that. Your dad probably saw this coming too. He's piece of shit father if he doesn't help in a situation like this. Stop acting like youre surprised. Your shit boyfriend started being shit a long time ago. You keep sympathizing him like he's done all these great things for you. Youre fucking blind as a bat.

I know it seems daunting right now dude, but you'll be ok. Take it from a guy who has had a few long-term relationships now, and also feared the fallout/loneliness/etc.
This is a learning experience, and his current behaviour, and the fact your whole family hates him, are two MASSIVE red flags.
In a years time, your only regret will be that you didn't end it sooner.
Six years is nothing in the scheme of the rest of your life, especially at your age. Future is bright friend.
t. 26yr old who left a 4yr relationship about seven months ago now, and life is good. It will be hard, but you'll be fine.

dude I really feel for you because this is a pretty brutal situation that unfortunately far too many women find themselves in. Especially when you've been together since you were so young; I get that you haven't really developed a sense of self without him. But you CAN do this and you CAN move on. :Your sister will be there for you, and I bet your father will be too, even if it means admitting that being with him was a mistake.

Also, this'll sound really goofy if you're not a Christian, but I truly believe with all my heart that Jesus will be there for you no matter what... maybe that sounds like bullshit or like it doesn't matter and like I ain't tryin to convert you or anything... but eh, it's true

I know im a retard.... i just.
It hurts so fucking bad i want to save it.
But i dont think he will change..he knows where i am and he hasnt come speeding up the drive to fix everything, no phone calls..just some texts begging forgivness and a plea to talk but what would i say?
Lets say i call him tomarrow night and he says sorry right away..what do i say? I wanna call him and see where he is but then i think "what for?he isnt reaching for me.."

Don't say shit. Pack your stuff and find a place to stay at. He's probably out there right now getting high off of those 60 bucks you gave him. God knows how he'll react when you leave that neurotic asshole.

>Lets say i call him tomarrow night

then you'd already be fucking up

make sure your stuff is secured and then cut all contact

;-; i hope you are right.. i hope i can stay strong..
i take your prayers graciously, thank you so much.. i need them...i dont know what i wil do when its really time..

He JUST TEXTED ME after 11 hours not 12, my bad. He said
"Are you ok? Havnt heard from you :/"
.......
Do i say anything at all?
Ive been avoiding him because i know im too weak right now...

Also it has been storming and a tornado tore up a buncha houses near me so maybe he is actually worried?

what a fucking retard. If he really wanted to make sure you were okay he would have been home a long time ago. Call your sister and your mom. You don't need advice rn you just need to get to a safe place.

idk I suppose it's reasonable to let him know you're alive if you REALLY think he thinks you might have gotten fucked up by a tornado, but you have to make it clear that it's over ASAP

then again, I don't think you owe him anything

You can dude, trust yourself. With every passing day it will get better.

Honestly though, I would listen to the previous anons' advice. He's already used his last chance in my opinion, do not call him tomorrow. You'll only be giving him the opportunity to keep emotionally manipulating you. And let's face it, he just abusively demanded that you give him $60 and you did, he has you in the palm of his hand in that sense. He'll weasel his way back into your life.

Also is 100% right. He's getting lit with his boys while sending those apologetic texts, they're nothing but damage control. THAT is why he hasn't tried to see you in person yet. Trust me on this, he is. Fuck this dude.

>he would be home
True..
Im at my moms rn. He told me in an earlier text "dont be scared to come home please, i wont be there if you dont want me too" and then said because i didnt answer him he just wouldnt "bother me" but i didnt want to be there if he showed up, i knew id give in and my sister was pretty much screaming at me not to haha... so i stayed with them tonight.. we are binge watching trailer park boys.
It IS very bad out, lets just say im on a coast with a huge storm system rn..

Might be drugs famalan. Wouldn't say this if it weren't for the money bit.

I'm happy to hear that. I'm going to have a drink in your honor. That took some big balls to stand against a manipulative fuck like that. Start screen shooting all those nasty texts he sent. You might need them for evidence just in case.

I dont think ill answer.... i dont want him to drive out NOW though...if..if he IS a drug addict he could fucking wreck or somthing..
If he had jusy said.. "im sorry, but i fucked up and got into somthing and im having problems..i need your help." But...he screamed at me... he made me look like a fool to my sister (who had met me at the store and i had to leave her to try to find him) and...my fucking god i feel like my hearts wiggling out my throat im losing somonento fucking DRUGS ARE YOU KIDDING ME this is a fucking joke...it has to be....this is my worst nightmare i didnt even know i fucking had....
I genuinly you guys...i never earnestly considered drugs..i checked his arms in passing while he was driving once... and i didnt see anything and he never came home visibly high so i just..i didnt consider it even today until i sat and thought.... im so fucking blind and stupid....i was so panicked i didnt even really care what it was for..he said jump and i tripped all over myself in the attempt for him....fuck....

I have em all saved, my mom warned me to save all the ones he called me a dumb bitch in.. theres quite a few...:(

Now's a good time to be with your family and evaluate your life choices. You don't have any fault in this but maybe some of the choices you made led to this. It sounds like you're too nice and expect people will be just as caring as you are. I hope you do find someone that loves and cares for you, don't ever let it make you blind. And don't codependent on one another unless you're married.

That fat nosey bitch is my sister.
...all over 69 dollars..he acted like iw as crazy for asking why he needed it...like i was a bitch for saying anything at all about the amount..this was after he got his fucking money...

You guys..thank you..you all right...im going to..maybe ghost him for a while..i know me, if i talk to him he will worm his way back inside.... i need time..
Im so fucking..i ache all over..ive lost something so fucking dear to me...to somthing so FUCKING stupid

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Anyway, thank you all..theres not much better advice that can be given..i just have to face the facts and handle this shit..and...try again later with somone different maybe..hopefully..

That's what we're here for

Pleasure dude, sounds like you know what you've gotta do now. All the best!