Not sure if it counts as cheating but feel betrayed

My BF (21) and myself (F20) have been together for about a year and a half. He moved directly out of his mothers house into an apartment with me a few months after we first started dating. We get along pretty well, but lately he had seemed pretty disinterested in interacting with me. Not anything major, we still spent time together but he had been spending a lot of time alone in the bathroom which made made me nervous.

Sunday we got in a disagreement which resulted in him saying that he wants more freedom. He said not all the time, just that he missed when we only had one day off together. I told him that I could spend less time at home and he said that wasn't what he wanted. When I asked if he wanted me to move out he also said that wasn't what he wanted either.

I go to use his phone to look up my workplaces number and see that he has been on omegle. I immediately started crying, asking him if he had been doing erotic role play again (something he had done before we got together a lot) to which he admitted. I told him that I would leave him over this and asked him why. He said that he thought of it like interactive porn. I cried more and told him that I had trusted him, that it took me a lot to trust people and that he had completely betrayed that trust. He begged me not to leave and told me that he had only done it once (hmmm) and would never do it again seeing how I reacted to it. That he couldn't stand to lose me over this, after everything we had been through together. He said that he had never considered the fact that I might leave him. We went through his phone immediately and there was nothing aside from that on it. I also went through his PC as well and there was nothing there too.

cont.

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cont.
I trusted him a lot, so I decided to stay and see how things play out. I said I was willing to give him one more chance to make things right, but if he kept on seeming disinterested and started acting shady again I would leave him for good. I told him that my mother and younger brother are moving across the state in about a month and if he can't demonstrate that he is trustworthy and really cares about me I will go with them. We talked honestly about how we felt about our relationship. He said he just feels really depressed lately and that he has been directing it at our relationship which he now realizes is unfair. I told him that I feel like he doesn't pay enough one on one attention to me like he used to and seems to take me for granted. We agreed to work on these things and to talk about whats going on and how we feel about being together weekly.

Now, I don't know if I consider erp like real, in-person infidelity but I am terrified it will just lead to more and more stuff. He had met girls on there before and I feel like he was just looking for someone new behind my back. Sometimes I feel like I can forgive him, and trust that he will not do it again because he seems to be genuinely remorseful. And when it comes down to it, I still love him and trust him to some extent. Other times I feel like our relationship is just slowly dying and that hurts me so much. I just want to feel like he actually cares about me, and this whole erp and not wanting to spend time with me shit seems like an obvious sign he just doesn't care.

I just wish things could go back to how they were not even two months ago. Should I just leave? I really, really don't want to at all, I just want to work things out. But there is now always going to be that doubt. I'm just sitting here crying alone and wish I had him to comfort me.

Do you take care of yourself?

What do you mean? If in terms of hygiene yes absolutely, but I did gain weight which I realized and am now actively working on losing.

Go with your instict.
I have had this before in a previous relationship and I am glad to have gotten out. Yes. It only gets worse especially since he refused to commit and has a hard time admitting that he did cheat in a way. He sounds like a neurotic person GTFO while you still can. Also do not fall for anything he says afterwards it's all a ruse to get you to stay even though he refuses to change. I stayed and regretted it he got more abusive and legit was talking to other girls in front of me. Once I left he posted on social media that I cheated on him. Just so he can get more sympathy and what a surprise more girls. Guys like this won't own up to their mistakes ever and will take every chance to pin it on you. TL;DR Yes you should leave especially if you want a sane relationship. Go with your family.

Take care of your physical appearance.

Fuck off guy is a cheater and is trying to justify it. Even if she is 10/10 fit AF he'll still be jacking off to rando chicks. He should stay single if he is pulling this shit.

Dump him.

I made the mistake of forgiving an ex who pulled shit like this. Stayed with him for years, but never trusted him again or loved him in the same way.

I guess im just in love who I thought he was still. I don't really have anywhere to go though.

We talked about going to couples therapy and are working on scheduling an appointment

People dont change just like that. dump him.Learn from it.

And we all know you wont because you are stupid.

Why is jacking off to porn such a big deal?

It's not porn. He was roleplaying with a girl.
There was an interaction, it wasn't "just porn" where you're a passive viewer. There was another person behind the screen.

What is the difference desu? Would you care if he watched cam whores?

Not OP, but no unless he interacted with them one on one.

He was interacting with another woman. He was talking to her and being sexual with her, he got off with her. He had a sexual need and he went to someone else to satisfy it.

If your girlfriend sexted with her friend, would you feel betrayed and cheated on? What if she just undressed for him and teased him?

That is what I thought as well
I would go move with your family explain everything they'll understand. And dude isn't going to go to couple's therapy anyways once the psychologist gets on his case, he'll bail. Make sure to get a Male psychologist too.

But it's different for guys, we NEED fresh pussy 24/7. That or someone who is amazing in bed.

No, you don't.

I "need" to be fucked real good every day, but even if my boyfriend didn't get me off for 7 years I haven't cheated on him or acted like a whore. I just masturbated.

>7 years
There is no way literally 100% zero chance that he isn't fucking someone else.

>I cried more and told him that I had trusted him, that it took me a lot to trust people and that he had completely betrayed that trust.

Your fault.
You didn't have to trust him.

You could have been two individuals sharing good (and bad) times as you see fit. The things he did or didn't do, you could have taken at face value, and be displeased or pleased according to their impact on your life.
But instead you chose to impose your expectations onto him, and to invest your own ego into them. It was no longer about his actions, but about your expectations : if he did something against them, regardless of the direct consequences for you, he betrayed, offended, insulted you.

You chose this. You chose to raise the stakes, to put your pride in the pot, and for no benefit. This gamble wouldn't have been rewarded even if successful, as it couldn't make the good moments you had together better.

Furthermore, the gamble was probably punished from the start, for you shifted the focus of the relationship from companionship to personal comfort. Oh, maybe not just yours, but it's still ba). And now that your comfort is lost the relationship dies.

You shouldn't try to eliminate your doubts. You can't know everything, you can't know another person's deep thoughts and future choices. Hell, you can't even know you own. So of course, doubt is unavoidable, and of course you set yourself up to be hurt if you try to escape it.

So stop that. Stand up, face your fears, and take a chance, because you have no choice anyway. And if you like this guy, then just go and enjoy him.

We were fucking almost every day. He came, I never did. He was really bad at it, I'm not.

I'm now with someone else who fucks me really well and gets me off without a problem.

My point is, he isn't gonna look at other girls if you're a goddess in bed.

Once a lot of guys mature, the idea of fucking strangers becomes less and less attractive, and idea of having just one girl who's legit interesting becomes more and more appealing .youre probably young and inexperienced if you think all guys need fresh pussy 24/7

He wasn't, neither is my bf.
I was being fucked really bad and didn't look at other guys, tho, I just masturbated. Like any decent person would. Because when you are in a relationship you don't really cheat on your partner just because you don't get fucked as well or as much as you'd like - you either break the relationship or suck it up.

Her boyfriend is a fucking asshole and she should dump him. People who cheat are assholes.

>enduring 7 years of bad sex as if it couldn't be fixed and then breaking up
Sounds like your relationship was dysfunctional. Not really a good example of how one should act.

You're really fucking dumb or naive or both.

Leave him. Hes young and feels like the relationship is moving too fast. He's just wondering about all the "what if" pussy, which will drive him eventually nuts and ruin the relationship. Don't bother getting serious in a relationship before your mid 20s, your brain is under developed and most kids want/need experience, not commitment

How do you manage to blame someone for trusting like it's a sin? You're a fucking asshole. Enjoy the shallow and shitty relationships you just described, it's better than you deserve.

You're a woman, so you have no idea what it's like to have a penis. Also, he didn't cheat.

I tried to talk to him about it, tell him what I liked, guide him. He was really bad at it (not coordinated), had premature ejaculation, wasn't into any kink beside very niche ones that I didn't enjoy (but indulged in to make him happy), couldn't eat me out for more than 5 minutes without getting tired, hurt me when he fingered me.

We had a pretty happy relationship. Sex was mediocre but heh.
We broke up for things that aren't at all related to sex.

Yeah, because women aren't horny or want to fuck.

He did cheat. He was sexting with another girl.
If your girlfriend sexted with another guy, would you be fine with it?

Do you realise that average guy in society have to make an effort to not rape women when he goes to the grocery store? Yeah, wrap your head around that one.

>projecting your own weaknesses unto the entire male population.
Well aren't you a piece of shit? Not all males are mentally weak like you.
>24/7 rapist
You have issues, and that's not normal

Don't project this over onto me, I said the average guy in society, not me.

"Interactive porn" lmao. OP dump him, he cheated. Probably more than once.

Aww, look at the little incel trying his very hardest to be soooo scawwy! I bet he tried the school shooting angle at first until the party van gave him a stern talking to. Keep telling yourself that petty online vengeance against those evil wimminz will make you feel better, if it gives you something to do while your tendies heat up.

stop posting.

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I'm not incel.

Damn, 7 years and he never got any better? I'm terrible but I thought you'd get better with time.

He got a little better on some fronts, but still never managed to get me off.
I don't blame it for it, he's not a bad person.

>Effort not to rape.

30 years and I've never exerted an ounce of thought or effort to prevent myself from raping..

I lf this is your experience, I'm very sorry. It must be hell. I would HIGHLY recommend you get a cat scan.. something could be seriously terribly wrong with your pre frontal cortex...

The part of the brain that handles not making bad decisions for you pretty much automatically...

He’s the only one making sense here. Nice trips mate.

Sure bud, I'm sure you got the idea that all men are walking rapists from the very air.

From the minds behind SHIFTING GOALPOSTS, we bring you... BACKPEDALING! Deflect accusations of character with vocabulary semantics! Derail discussions that you don't like with the bait-and-switch minigame with free nitpicking power boosters! You're the winner!

30fag here...

You're either underaged, dumb or both.

It does indeed slow down a lot. Still able to fuck anytime I want, but done enough to know that it's not worth my time and effort. It's a momentary good feeling, and I haven't got much to prove anymore, so the ego stroke part of it is gone too.


My wife suits me just fine.

No, that is false no avarage male thinks about raping women 24/7
Only Rapist do.

diminishing marginal utility
you've probably been the exact same since forever now and he's bored. you're probably not exciting in the slightest anymore and you even admit that you've gained weight, which lowers your value even more

Keep telling yourself that negging strangers online will make your life better or get someone to touch your sad penis. She still has sex and a relationship, and you don't. :)

...

You probably got fat

>How do you manage to blame someone for trusting like it's a sin?
Because if sin exists, it is one.

I'm a nice person who tries to make the most of my relationships, enjoying the other one's company and making them enjoy mine, all the while without trying to deny their autonomy or my own.
I keep my ego in check instead of putting it in between us.

If you see a relationship like that as shallow, I pity you.

Only a self-absorbed sociopath would make the leap from "trust" to "restricting autonomy." You're probably the type to play games like waffling around the "what are we" discussion so you can fuck around with side pieces, and then say "but we never ssaidddd we're a couple" and then ghost your main girl for being "clingy." You are transparent.

I get what youre saying but people arent robots my dude. especially women, you got a point but you come off as bitter boy with bad experiences. I pity you for not feeling any passion in your life.

OP here. I'm just still really uncertain. He was roleplaying as a horny monster girl. Not kidding at all. I read the whole thing. Does that make it different? I'm just so confused honestly.

Not really. I look about the same have less muscle though

Of course you're good at it. How hard is it to lie down???

Honestly my boyfriend and I fuck in missionary just after I came 4-5 times because I can't stay on my legs anymore.
Other than that, I'm basically always on top and even when I am laying down I'm moving my hips or doing something with my hands.

Not all girls are lazy in bed, user. I'm sorry if your sex life is depressing.

People do change just like that if hey really want to retard.