Sick of wife

I am married 16 years and am sick of my wife. Every day is strictly planned by her from morning to evening. I lost my job, dropped out of my masters to get time to do her "projects. " We have two children 14 and 18 y.o. have completely different beliefs about life and all my work/projects lie in an old drawer since we got married. I am desparate and do not love her anymore. I really need some advice.

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>Every day is strictly planned by her from morning to evening.
Why?
> I lost my job, dropped out of my masters to get time to do her "projects.
Why and what are her projects?

If you don't love her, talk to her about that and tell her that you want to wait with the divorce once your kids start living on their own.

Get the ball rolling with the courts and file for divorce, its by county so google that.
Its a lengthy process especially with kids. But it will be worth it. Life is way too short to waste it being unhappy. This is your one life.

Did you know that girls in university give their vagina away for free these days? Did you know that they send nudes on snapchat like second nature? Did you know that they all shave? Literally every single one of them?

That's horrible

I have guilt and am responsible for three lives. They are totally dependent on me but my life is shit right now. Everything is controlled in detail...she does exhibitions but I organize everything...all I every do centers around her....but children need stability for education and economy so I am stuck in this....

its not that I had plenty of chances to go somewhere else but I cant just spoil three lives down the drain. Its so irresponsible and unfair. At the same time, when life is totally controlled and I dont actually feel loved; I think I want to leave this - but I cant. I have this duality for years. I want to leave, have spoken to her many times but every time she get so sweet and nice and apologized. Once I go back to normal its hell-fire every saturday

No you arent. Grow a pair. You can support your children without your shitty narcissistic wife.

She is abusive my man. You are stuck in a cycle of abuse and it won't get better. Only you can change this if you want to be happy. Your kids are old enough for them to understand.

yes but what about grand-children? It feels so wrong in every way to leave them and start over. I am never going to start a new family again. This is the worst I have ever experienced. Also every time I decide to leave our relationship gets better again for a couple of weeks. Then its all over with hellfire, guilt trips, lectures for children that I am the worst father and I destroyed everything. Right now I am just apathic and I gave up actually....I let her do this with me but she still gets mad...

She is abusive m8. Seek a counselor. And you can still have grandchildren after you are divorced. The fuck you on about. Also start quoting people, gramps.
Don't let her get away with her abusive shit any longer. Please dont. You deserve to be happy too. And I'm sure your kids can see you arent happy either.

19478008
I tried to find a councelor once but she discovered it and told me usually therapists etc are bad for the family. She finds out before I even think it...its very scary and then there is a huuuge scandal always.

19478008
She is super-intelligent and very beautiful and charming and I love her when she is nice but she is never nice with me for long. I always do something wrong. I am completely deconstructed, I dont even trust my own memory any more...

Are you just here to whine?

Want things to change? Then make them change.

Want things to stay the same? Keep making excuses as to why you can't do anything different.

I tried to change these last 16 years. You are right 19477898 (OP) but how can I ever trust anyone after this?? tearing down this family safely for all parties will take lots of effort. It is too easy to shatter a life. I dont want to do that It is more complicated than just "make things change". How am I supposed to do that? If I go to the councellor that will be discovered right away. As I said - every detail of my life is planned. Every day. I get "schedules" every day and I dont have time to do anything. And when I dont do these "schedules" I get the hell of her again....its an elegantly designed hell-life

I advice you to wait until your 16 year old kid is leaving the household.
If you are planning divorce that is.
Divorces fucks up a kid, happened to me.

Be a man and say you need a break for a few weeks.
See how she reacts in the time you spend apart.
It'll be a MAJOR smack in the face to her, that you CAN be lost and need some respect.

Most likely she will come running back and obey to your terms, no more bullshit.
You have the power now. The most powerful position is ALWAYS when there's a serious chance you won't come back.
She knows she's too old to find a guy who has been as good to her as you.

ALTERNATIVELY:

- Dump the bitch, you're tired of her demands. You're a man, not a slave.
- Throw out all your old dad clothes, get a new look.
- Buy a new car and apartment.
- Go gym.
- Enjoy getting laid with a younger girlfriend.

She will regret losing you so badly.

19478168
That is what I was thinking about. In the meantime it is survival mode...it wont be for years...what happened to your kids when you got divorced?

19478173 Advice is good. I left her once for half a year. I came home visiting for weekends and she got better for a while. It was so nice to be alone and I felt much better (less slavery). Now that all got "so good" again and I am back in the house, she began again. I told her we had a break from each other and she agreed to it without any drama. Now - it's drama every weekend...Leaving her, getting a new look etc. I have a friend who did all that and I know how his son is suffering and living a squalid life with his mother. It was ruthless...so waiting for years again sounds rational. I dont know. Most likely something else will come up from her by then and then again I will probably show up here on Jow Forums again. ...

She honestly sounds like a selfish person.
Sounds like she's just using you to raise the kids.

Leave her and find yourself again. You NEED to be a good role model for your kids, what you are teaching them is to tolerate this crap from women.
Be a leader and show them how to live a happy life while their mother continues a squalid life.
Be their hero.

19478193 Sounds very tempting. So if I leave her right now then I have to be nearby to drive them to school etc. and be a role model (if that is possible after all these years). I feel the damage is already done. My eldest son started to treat me like she treats me already but my other son doesn't do that. We live in the coutry-side where there is no public transport for them to go to school, far away from everyone else...

Leaving her will be best for your kids. Lucky for you they're old enough to handle this, in fact they probably already see it coming.

Your eldest son sees you as pathetic because you are at their mother's knees, someone who sounds pathetic herself.

Leave now and save the relationship with your kids, not this cunt.

I want you to think about this, once your kids leave home, what reason do you have to stick around with this bitch?
Hell, she'll probably leave you first, don't let this happen.

Be a hero to your sons. Show them what they shouldn't tolerate. Give them standards.

No.19478221
Yes true.thank you for advice No.19478221
I appreciate that. Leaving would set the standard but in reality it would mean moving to a place where I get a new job. Which would be far away from here. I am in a remote place in a foreign country. Moving away to start a new ife would mean leaving this place/leaving her alone/and what about the children? I would have to explain this to them in an mature way so they can decide where they want to live? Also I would have to find a job somewhere else first before I move/before I begin to explain....Find a new place to live etc.

He doesn't have a jorb.

Don't worry too much about the kids. They are mature enough to understand and will respect you for this decision in the long run.

Here's a true story. I have a close friend who's father left his mother when he was 10, his dad travelled the world and lives abroad in Malibu, CA due to tax evasion in the UK.
He's living an immensely cool lifestyle for a 60 year old.
He went from some slave loser to a man who goes out partying in sports cars and takes his kids on holiday around the world. He doesn't need any one woman and does what he wants.
By the time this friend was 18 he absolutely idolized his dad, and still does, he is truly free and does everything on his own terms.

Be a new man. You are free. Leave the past behind and be the father your kids respect and love.
This bitch of a wife will try to hold you down just to be a provider, if she cared, she would have changed the first time you left.

You can do it. Do it. youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0

Learn to fucking quote you old fuck. This has to be bait because he just keeps on whining.

>16 years
Well it's too late to magically grow a spine now and expect her to be okay with it. You should just divorce, but then again that would require a spine

I dont believe a single thing about your story
In the unlikely chance it's true there's no point in helping you because you're clearly too retarded to survive without your surrogate mommy at this point

Do you think you can confide into your older child? Maybe you should also consult them and tell them that you are unhappy. They are observing you and your wife as a couple all the time, maybe they picked up on your emotions and would support your decisons?