I'm ashamed of the fact that I only lost my virginity when I was 21, to a guy who wasn't that attracted to me and was just doing me a favour, and no guy I've liked had liked me back so now I'm 26 and never had a boyfriend. It's humiliating
How do I not let it affect my self esteem? I feel worthless.
Everyone else gives way less of a shit about it than you do
Lower your standards and start involving yourself with people who have some substance, assuming you do too. If not then the people you likely want will see you as no more than a slam pig. Nothing to be ashamed about with when you lost your virginity, don't let stupid whores influence you with their dumb ass ideas.
It's about what you value. If you value sex and intimate relationships over everything else, then yeah you will feel like shit if you never have those things.
On the other hand, a person who doesn't value these things above everything else will not feel like shit when they don't have these things because other things matter more.
So take sex/virginity/intimate relationships off the pedestal and replace it with an actual meaningful goal.
The bonus to this is that it overall makes you a more interesting and attractive person to do this. It makes your relationships/friendships in your life more meaningful, even if they are not intimate, and you will generally be more happy.
I hope so.
I don't really have standards anymore, and it's been a long time since I've had a crush on anyone as I don't let myself develop feelings for anyone, it hurts too much when they reject you. No one has ever asked me out so it's not like I've turned down any opportunities.
It's shameful because I had to wait so long for an opportunity to lose my virginity, and even then it was just a favour. I'm undesirable.
Thanks, you're right, I should take them off the pedestal and have more meaningful goals.
Plenty of people have to wait. I'm 24 and lost mine just last year. I never cared about it. Also men don't ask women out often anymore, it's too risky depending on where it happens. An easy way to find out if you are actually physically undesirable is to post a picture here or elsewhere. Personality I can't tell you, but self loathing isn't an attractive quality.
>I'm 26 and never had a boyfriend
Same but I have a legit reason. If you mind being single work on your mindset and realize that most guys won't hate you for losing your v-card to some other guy. Its no biggie user
Why haven't you tried dating sites?
Not her but dating sites are full of despeate guys who want just a hole to poke
I like older girls op, lets fukk
I've been told I look average on /soc/
By working on my mindset, what do you mean?
I have, I just get hook up requests.
>26
>older girl
Underages need to be forcibly culled from this site
Pic? Or at least a thread with your pic in it so we can judge?
20 years old. Nice try bitch
And there are also plenty if decebt guys.
What's wrong with a hookup?
>20
Guess you're gonna be "old" real soon then user
Your mindset rn is garbage
>hurr durr I let some rando fuck me 5 years ago
Why do you still care? It was a dumb decision but you can go back in time so stop letting it control you life lol
get out
>what's wrong with a hookup?
They make me feel worthless because all I'm worth is a quick fuck and not a romantic relationship. Every time I've hooked up with someone not only did I not enjoy myself, but I felt like trash for weeks and months later because I then have to watch them go on actual dates with girls who are attractive enough for a relationship while you were nothing more than a hookup they settled for.
You're the worst of whites of them all!
A whore that isn't even good at preying men.
Try to get a hobby or something.
>How do I not let it affect my self esteem
Base your self worth on something other than men wanting to fuck you /external looks. Base your self esteem in self efficacy, have a skill or something that makes you valuable. Go learn to be funny, entertaining, smart, etc. There's many other things to get self esteem from. Make them intrinsic so you don't have to rely on others filling your inner void
>Every time I've hooked up with someone not only did I not enjoy myself, but I felt like trash for weeks and months later because I then have to watch them go on actual dates with girls
?????
Thanks
Which bit of that is confusing?
>because I then have to watch them go on actual dates with girls
Mostly this. Who is forcing you to watch people you fucked date other girls? Why do you even care what they do with their time?
Because they're in my social circle
I care because they didn't want to date me, they just wanted to hook up. But other girls are more valuable than me so they're worth more than just a hookup. Makes me feel bad about myself.
Why do you think that is? What do they have that you don't?
I've spent countless hours trying to answer that. Could be a combination of many things. Either way I'm not good enough, physically or personality wise. I'm just good for a quick fuck and that's it, because guys will fuck anything with a heartbeat. But they only date girls they're attracted to.
Sounds like it's your personality then, since many guys have found you attractive enough to fuck.
It must mean you’re a 5/10 or below. Stop pretending you’re more than you are and don’t sulk over it. Just accept it and fuck another 5/10
If you keep hooking up with guys from your social circle, you probably have a reputation of a girl who will have sex with a guy in a no strings attached arrangement. Maybe stop putting out on the first day and you'll find a guy who is interested in other aspects of your person than your holes. It's no brainer, user.
Well, at least you got laid. I'm 25 and still got my V-card intact. I do have a person I love though and things are progressing pretty well but I'm not trying to rush things either. My OVO D2 will have to suffice for now.
21 is later than average to lose your virginity, you know?
Most guys don't care about a girl's virginity. Most of the guys that do care are retarded and would make terrible mates anyways.
Like said, you are the only one who is making this a big deal.
I know plenty of, and have been one of, guys that will fuck someone they're not particularly attracted too because drunk/horny/lonely/need validation/etc.
Really the only thing that can be gleaned from this is that OP is not repulsively ugly.
What you are doing right now is making a bigger deal of your percieved flaws than what they are in reality, while also assuming that everything that is being communicated to you, verbally or not, could have a deeper, negative meaning. Everyone is judging you.
Except they don't. It's not like you need to find some really amazing values with yourself, you just need to stop judging yourself. Why are you saying that you are worthless based on what you haven't done yet instead? It doesn't mean anything. Why is it bad if someone doesn't have a boyfriend or never had one? There is no real, objective reason. Give up these disfuncional beliefs about yourself, they do nothing at all, they can't even motivate you to actually do something.
Once you realize this you wil feel a bit better. A bit more like a normal person.
This.
If you are picky/ fussy and dramatic - knock it off.
Believe me I've pursued guys who are below average in every possible way.
Haha well they're not interested in getting to know me, they always make a point of that so there's no 'first day', it's either I accept hooking up or they're not even interested in talking to me.
The hooking up with guys in my social circle is a recent thing, before then I would just hook up with strangers from dating apps, who made it clear that they weren't interested in dating anyone, just hooking up.
Anyway I told myself that from now on I'm not having sex with anyone else they were dating me, even if that means I don't have sex for the rest of my life.
>21 is later than average to lose your virginity, you know?
Which is exactly why it's shameful
>Why is it bad if someone doesn't have a boyfriend or never had one?
If it's a choice then it's not bad. But if you couldn't get a boyfriend even though it's supposed to be really easy, than what does that say about you? It means you're trash
What do you mean by a bit more like a normal person?
I'll be your bf user.
Why the hell are you basing your self-worth off of what you look like? Plenty of prominent historical figures have been ugly as fuck.
you realise you're not helping at all by saying shit like that?
Your character must be off, somehow.
Those ugly prominent historical figures are most likely all male.
Men can have other areas in their life they can improve on that can outweigh their physical appearance like their status, wealth etc. For women it's mostly about physical appearance. Men don't give a fuck if a woman is good at other things in fact most men would see it as a turn off if the woman is more wealthy and powerful than they are.
Being and ugly woman is truly suffering.
>Being and ugly woman is truly suffering.
Do you literally only care about how men perceive you? Because honey, if you think woman's whole persona must be attractive and interesting to men, it just proves that you're an empty and boring person. Tailoring your life so it appeals to other people instead of doing things you enjoy and you find interesting is the most moronic thing a person can do. Grow up.
Cute larp. You're starting to break character though
how many guys have you hooked up and had sex with ?
can you post a not-too-revealing photo of you so we can have a more precise idea of what your problem might be ?
OP here, I'm not the one you're responding to but I get what they're saying. Yeah you can have goals and hobbies and achievements but society is still going to shit on you for being an ugly woman, but literally no one cares if you're ugly as a guy.
It sucks because there's a whole world of love and romance and sex that I'm missing out on, purely because of bad luck in the genetic lottery. Yeah I can focus on my hobbies and career but they can't satisfy certain needs.
>Boo hoo I got sexually pleasured
I WISH! I've never enjoyed sex, I tried hooking up with different guys hoping I would learn to enjoy it, but I never did.
Do you know how jealous I am of women who can have orgasms and get to have passionate sex with someone they have feelings for and who have feelings for them?
The last time I had sex I cried afterwards because I felt so worthless.
Not necessarily, I've never dated women by choice and I'm about your age. I value women that are whole, as in having a balance between physical/personality traits. I would rather go out with a woman that isn't too attractive if she's interesting than a woman that is all style and no substance at all.
You have to let go of some of those worries and realize you still have time to improve yourself in what really matters to many people. Your time will come if you really want what you say you do. You have to be patient though.
You already hit the wall.
Better start stacking cats.
1) Stop having sex with random men. Promiscuity will never be an admirable trait.
2) Stop crying about the big bad boogeyman called "society" Start taking responsibility for your actions and mistakes. It's not society's fault you have sex with random men to try and raise your self esteem. Everyone has self esteem issues and deal with them differently than you.
3) Attempt to get a personality and interests that don't revolve around having sex or attracting men
Our whole purpose as a species is to find a mate and reproduce, these things are intrinsic to our biology. I just can't ignore what half the population who I'm trying to attract thinks about me.
I care what men think because I want a man in my life to have a future with. Hobbies and other interests are there to pass time and to fill the void caused by being alone.
>1) Stop having sex with random men. Promiscuity will never be an admirable trait.
I already have
>2) Stop crying about the big bad boogeyman called "society" Start taking responsibility for your actions and mistakes. It's not society's fault you have sex with random men to try and raise your self esteem. Everyone has self esteem issues and deal with them differently than you.
Not sure what mistakes I made that led to me not having a boyfriend. I know plenty of girls who were way more promiscuous than me and have boyfriends. I've only hooked up with guys a few times, I literally go whole years without having sex
>3) Attempt to get a personality and interests that don't revolve around having sex or attracting men
What makes you think I don't have other interests?
Don't listen to the faggots who tell you to "save yourself" and not try relationships. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. Bu the "purity" moral fags already don't want you because you are "damaged goods" - and not really a human being.
>Hobbies and other interests are there to pass time and to fill the void caused by being alone.
Wtf... Are you really saying that you don't feel any innate curiosity to explore the world, don't have any drive to get better at things for your own satisfaction, and if you force yourself to read a book or do some knitting it's only because there's no guy around who will plow your hole? So basically when you are in a relationship and aren't alone, you have no hobbies and interests? The fuck is this shit, do really women think like this?
If this isn't a well crafted troll, I think you need to talk to a therapist about these things.
Its really sad that you think losing your virginity under less than optimal circumstances makes you worthless. You're worth more than your virginity, OP. You shouldn't be on this website.
Are you overweight? It will help if you're fit.
How often do you go out? Saying "tfw no boyfriend" if you never leave the house ... go out more where there's lots of people, guys will talk to you but well you can always talk to them if they don't talk to you.
Describe the guys you've liked, think about it, try to find someone different than those guys because that didn't work.