It's been over 4 years and I still love her Jow Forums. What do I do? She was the first and only girl I've ever loved...

It's been over 4 years and I still love her Jow Forums. What do I do? She was the first and only girl I've ever loved. I've been in relationships since, but I just can't get over her.

She's my best friend's sister. He went to prison 5 years ago, and we broke up a few months after. I had barely seen her since, except in passing at the store or whatever. But I've thought about her every single day. She pops into my head out of nowhere, for no reason.

Now, my best friend just got out of prison and he wants to chill all the time. That's cool. I'm helping him get readjusted and get his feet on the gtound. But, she's always there too. We're not on bad terms, but things are weird. She has a boyfriend who's there a lot too. I'm not sure if he's aware of our past, but he's trying to be my friend. He's an alright guy, but I still love her so much it hurts. She is the only girl I've ever wanted to spend my life with. Now, I have to see her with another man on an almost daily basis.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to abandon my best friend when he needs me most, but this shit is tearing me apart.

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Jot down all the reasons she left you be brutally honest

Examine them, how she felt and why.

Then start improving yourself

Buy a Loaded longboard they're pretty cool, learn to ride it.

Pick up instrument too, learn the fuck out of it Udemy is great for lessons.

pick up gym

Start listening to podcasts on how to improve yourself

Get gud

Get strong

Get smart

Help her brother try to mentor him as you learn and improve too.

Gotta fix yourself before you can take care of a girl user.

hope you make it, now get the fuck off Jow Forums and start improving yourself. Go on fuck off

Cont.

I try to hide my discomfort, and nobody seems to notice. Nobody asks me "what's wrong, user?". I can tell that she's feeling some kind of way about the situation as well, but I don't k now what she's feeling. We're both trying to play it cool and act like friends. Sometimes it's obviously awkward and forced. Other times, it's just like the old times. And that's when it hurts the most.

I know better than to try to win her back. I don't want to fuck up the life she has going. And I don't want to refuck up my relationship with the rest of the family. But, the more I'm around her, the more intense my feelings get.

I can't just abandon my best friend, he's the closest thing to family I have. But I don't know how much more of this I can take. I know I should just grow up and get over it. I just don't know how. I've never felt so strongly for another person. I love her so much.

Likely feels sorry for you, don't fuck it up.

back off her a bit you're basically driving a car with flat tires and hoping it doesn't damage it.

Get the fuck out of the car, leave it on the side of the road, go get shit to fix the car then come back and change the tires before you try to drive it again

bloody hell mate

screencap my replies and look at them if you get distracted.

you're wasting time here if you're not improving yourself to get her back.

Gotta one up the usurper

you here op?

I'm guessing your friend is a meth head?

She left because I started talking about the future, and it scared her. One of the things she loved about me was my "don't worry, don't give a fuck" attitude and how I lived life one day at a time. When I started talking about "forever" and marriage and other big things, it scared her and pushed her away because it was so unlike me, like I was turning into a different person. I can't blame her, it scared me too thinking like that. We had been together for 4 years. (I still have the same old anarchist views though. And I still hate the idea of getting the government involved in my relationship in the form of legal marriage. I don't know what was coming over me back then.)

I don't know about the loaded longboard thing, not really a good area for it. I have a motorcycle though.

I play bass

I work out

I've been on the self improvement wagon for over a year now. Making good progress

Getting gud

Getting stronger

Getting smarter

Trying my best, but these fucking feels.

You both sound like idiots and she was probably sleeping around

I don't understand your metaphor. I'm not actively trying to get her back. Just trying to be friends for the sake of all parties involved. I have been fixing myself though.

I don't know if I want to get her back. Like I said, I don't want to fuck up the life she has going. I just want the pain to go away.

I'm here, user

Actually, no. We've done a lot of drugs together, but meth wasn't one any of us were into. We all just smoke weed now, except for the friend because of parole.

Uhh why was your friend in prison. Inb4 drug dealer

Nah man, she was loyal as fuck. I would have trusted her with anything, and I have major trust issues. We were a bunch of idiots though, but we were young. As for being an anarchist, I have matured. I have the same views, but express them in more sophisticated ways than I once did. Not all anarchists are little punks and hoodlums, user.

We were a wild bunch.

Can we please get away from discussing what was, and get back to discussing how I should handle the situation at hand, or at least make it less painful?

whatdya mean all these people 'just show up'? are you in a drug den or rehab center or some shit?

No. Since he just got out, he's living at his mom's place. There were about 10 of us that always chilled together back in the day, and the house is where we always met to hang out. We were all like family. The door was/is always open to all of us, even when he was away. After me and his sister broke up, I kind of exiled myself, and went my own way. His sister has her own apartment with her boyfriend, but is there almost every day. I always stayed close with my friend though. He called me a few times a week. We were the first two, then our group just slowly grew. Now that he's back, we all hang out again.

Feelings will never fade from either. Not if they were that strong. The only thing you can do is be there for her. If all you want in life is to be with her, then be with her.

I'm in the same boat user, love of my life is with another guy. We still speak but it feels tense over text but around friends it's really chill n we get along well. We had a big argument awhile back and decided to part ways, I felt free but we fell back in as we do.
I never feel good enough for her, I used to rely on her to rely on me as it gave me purpose. She admitted that our friendship makes her anxious, I'm never consistent, she's always worried I'll judge her and criticise her.

I'm curious about these anarchist views. What exactly are they? I have a lot of libertarian views, it's about giving people a lot of personal freedom but there is definitely a societal structure and a necessary role that a government has.
Isn't anarchy just chaos? Sleeping in the woods with an AK 47 and knowing as well as expecting that you can't count on anyone or anything else at all ever? I mean sure I understand that the possibility of the unthinkable could happen to me at anytime but I also know with almost absolute certainty that if I go to the grocery store right now I can buy a gallon of milk for a few bucks.

Uh. I guess you don't have to say anything but I'm not aware of the one guy goes to prison for 5 years because he is in a wild bunch.

It's been over 4 years and you still love her. She is also your best friends sister. There are a lot of types of love, you need to evaluate what you have going on. If it hurts to see her like you said even though she seems happy with an alright guy sounds like you still are caught up with that romantic love with a big dose of infatuation that also has some jealously rooted in it.
Most people have strong feelings about their first love, and yours is also linked to your best friend. You need to confide in someone about this and if you can't tell your best friend you need to find someone else. Having this stewing around in your head for 4 years should show your way ain't gonna help this.
The bottom line is that you gotta be able to get over this hang up. Even if you are able to get back with this girl you gotta get out of the spot your head is in now. I hope that makes some sense to you.