I’m new to work with one other new guy. I’ve always been a socially anxious guy. And this other guy is not. Everytime he’s making a progress in socializing, it makes me feel bad about myself and feel left out. I kind of see him as a competition now, that I will outdo him in terms of work, because he outdoes me in terms of socializing. It angers me that he’s ahead of me at socializing even though we’re both new. And I always feel like I’m making my surroundings awkward, my awkward presence makes everyone awkward, to the point where I politely refuse whenever they ask me to go chill with them at break time. I just hate being that awkward guy who brings awkwardness to the group. I don’t want anyone to dislike me for that. So I’m between establishing two kinds of personas now, either I work my way up to change myself and be one of them, or I just retreat back and be that guy who doesn’t casually socialize but work excellently. What do you think about the latter persona? I don’t think I’ll ever be their friend, they will never be excited to have me around, and they’ll only ask me out of courtesy.
I often fantasize internally having dialogues with them and chitchatting like I’m on their level socially. Is it normal? I daydream a lot, fantasizing living the scenario that I wish to happen, like for example, me being super relaxed and comfy with them. They’re cool and funny, they’re great, they’re definitely above me, and I wish I was like them. I wish I can be them. I’m just, cold, I can’t be emotionally invested in someone.
Also I’m 25 years old. I never socialized with women before but goddamn, this is my first time hearing women openly making sexual innuendos and it’s making me uncomfortable as fuck. I always see women as nonsexual beings, like angels. Combine that with my severe body image issues, especially my penis size insecurity, I’m doomed. Plus I can’t make friends with guys, I’m sort of bisexual, so anytime a guy is approaching me to make friends, I like him romantically.
Adam Rogers
I am REALLY scared of embarassing myself. And I did once when I went out for lunch with them, and I’ll never do it again. A therapist will make me challenge that but I don’t know if I’m ready.
Angel Barnes
I really hope someone can say something about this. I am VERY reserved, I don’t talk about this with anyone. I am VERY discreet about anything, especially my sexuality but let’s not focus on that.
Ian Watson
I think I’m still not satisfied with a lot of things in my life. I still can’t get over the fact that my 18 year old life was shite and I’m still kind of longing for that 18 year old degeneracy and fun life. Everyone seems to have at least one funny or crazy story that they can share with other people. I don’t.
Jeremiah Lewis
Is this such a non-issue that no one cares?
Jeremiah Jenkins
It's more that you've written a wall of text that a) is boring and b) we can't even tell what you want from us
Grayson Ramirez
Well I said what should I do
Cooper Jackson
Where?
Colton Howard
The title of the OP.
Josiah Collins
It's not exactly clear in your blog post
Hudson Butler
Well okay then, my blog post is clearly a wall of wrongness. I think I don’t even need to ask a question to generate response. But since you ask, I ask again now:
From what I gather OP is a 25 year old guy new at work and has trouble fitting in socially. He feels he's behind other new guys in fitting in and is wondering how to resolve this issue.
Thomas Reyes
I'm similar to you. All my jobs have been minimum wage so it might be different for you but I focus on being as amazing as possible at my work. Don't neglect talking to your coworkers, you could even apologize in advance and explain you have severe anxiety and ask for patience. That way they don't assume you're a asshole. Once I'm the best and I'm settled in and comfortable then i begin to socialize with my coworkers to a greater extent with joking and more frequent small talk. For me, knowing that I'm the best at what I do eases my anxiety, gives me value, give me confidence, and allows me to talk. For me, if I'm hard to replace people will be more forgiving of my weirdness. And as for daydreaming i do that too, but more like running through my memories and thinking about what I'd do differently or imagining how things would be different. I hope it makes some sense I'm tired af.
Brody Carter
Tell me something bud, do you feel you have achieved things since going to college, do you have a social life, what do you do at work (don't have to give details just a general idea)?
Carter Price
Pretty much
Thanks, this is really inspiring and I will try to implement this. Although I will have to try hard on the ‘admitting that I’m anxious’ thing, because it’s the hardest yet the most essential thing.
No, not at all.
Ian Adams
Oh, I’m an SEO Trainee. So far, I have been given tasks like optimizing the clients’ blogs so they can be more Google-friendly. Pretty fun job. I can see myself adopting a lot of other skills like programming.
Jace Anderson
How so? Did you go to college? Do you have a social life (doesn't really matter if you only have 2 friends, they're friends), and what is your job (do you work in a bank, warehouse, restaurant, etc.)?
Asher Williams
Ah, ok so you did accomplish things in life, the fact you even have that job tells me you're not doing badly in life. Well then OP, to start off you still have a shot at doing things with the time you have now. Improving your social skills will take time, this is just the way it is but you will gradually become more and more comfortable interacting with people in general the more you do it. Understanding the value you have will help boost your confidence, and everything else will follow if you want it to.
Benjamin Thompson
Yes I did. I didn’t do too well but I finished it with a Bachelors in Economics. I have friends that I sometimes talk to, I’ve known them since middle school. Because in high school and university, I didn’t make any close friends that I still talk to. Just acquaintances. I work as an SEO Trainee at a digital marketing agency.
Thanks. Well yeah I’ll just keep on doing it slowly, or just be comfortable with NOT doing it.
Dylan Anderson
One more thing that's helped me with anxiety is taking the ideal me that I have in my head and playing him as a character. That way I'm focused on staying in character and playing him to the best of my ability, while also not giving my mind the chance to over think things or doubt myself. For example, say I'm at work and one of my coworkers says "hi user, how are you today?" Now normally this is enough to give me an oh shit moment and I just mumble hi, and try to find something else to do. But when I'm playing the ideal me, and they greet me, instead of the oh shit moment my mind asks how would my character respond and behave. So now I'm able to make good eye contact, tell them I'm good, ask how they are, and then proceed to make small talk and joke with them. Just don't be a sperg and try to make a bad boy character or something retarded like that. For the love of God just play a normie character.
Hunter Moore
Yes I did. I didn’t do too well but I finished it with a Bachelors in Economics. I have friends that I sometimes talk to, I’ve known them since middle school. Because in high school and university, I didn’t make any close friends that I still talk to. Just acquaintances. I work as an SEO Trainee at a digital marketing agency.
Thanks. Well yeah I’ll just keep on doing it slowly, or just be comfortable with NOT doing it.
Luis Reed
Actually I have been doing this for quite a while and it’s not helping. I feel that every interaction has become plastic and numb, that I can’t honesly enjoy anything. I’m not anxious about day to day communication, I’m just not comfortable about recreational interaction. Also, people can tell when you’re not being yourself.
Sebastian White
Actually I have been doing this for quite a while and it’s not helping. I feel that every interaction has become plastic and numb, that I can’t honesly enjoy anything. I’m not anxious about day to day communication, I’m just not comfortable about recreational interaction. Also, people can tell when you’re not being yourself.
Jason Gonzalez
One more thing that's helped me with anxiety is taking the ideal me that I have in my head and playing him as a character. That way I'm focused on staying in character and playing him to the best of my ability, while also not giving my mind the chance to over think things or doubt myself. For example, say I'm at work and one of my coworkers says "hi user, how are you today?" Now normally this is enough to give me an oh shit moment and I just mumble hi, and try to find something else to do. But when I'm playing the ideal me, and they greet me, instead of the oh shit moment my mind asks how would my character respond and behave. So now I'm able to make good eye contact, tell them I'm good, ask how they are, and then proceed to make small talk and joke with them. Just don't be a sperg and try to make a bad boy character or something retarded like that. For the love of God just play a normie character.
Lucas Howard
...
Daniel Peterson
I’m also not close with my dad. I’m pretty much scared of him and I always feel uneasy whenever he’s close to me or touch me.
Ryan Adams
I feel like I can make friends with women better than men. I’m not anxious about talking to them, even if they’re pretty. But with men, I always feel the need to impress them, or I always face the fear of not impressing them.
Charles White
Your job
Samuel Gomez
So should I just ignore the pressure to socialize and just focus on my job?
