So lads, im at a loss here. What do you think I should do?
>about 3 or 4 years ago >15 years old and living with my parents >love both my parents a lot, they've really helped me through some rough times and have always bent over backwards for me >didnt have a lot of money but we made it work >married to each other for almost 25 years with few disputes or fights >until one day my dad got caught cheating on my mom >she was horribly distraught, and felt betrayed by my dad >dad tried everything he could to get ger to forgive her >she honestly should of left him but decided to stay and work it out for my sake. >ever since then things had not been the same >we quit spending as much time together as a family >dad used to be my role model, and my best friend >now i cant even look him in the eyes for what he did to mom >a year or so goes by and dad asks for forgiveness by offering to "re-marry" her >they go to vegas together and have a good time >dad spends hundreds of dollars on her he had saved up for >they rekindle their love for eachother and things seem to change for the better >fastfoward to today >ask my dad if i can use his gmail for google play on my phone to watch movies >sign into his gmail and start getting his account notifications >several cheating sites and under-the-table meet and fuck sites
I dont want to tell my mom, i dont know what it will to her. I just want it to be like it was those years ago, i just want my family to be happy again.
That is difficult. I remember when I was about 10 or 11 I'd always see my mum on these dating websites, then one day I heard my dad ask if she's been with other men and she sounded shocked and said no. I would talk to your dad about what you saw, but I hope someone can give you advice you need
Brandon Perez
Thanks man, ill try talking to him. Im just worried he'll try to lie about it and make it worse for himself. Its hard already since its so touchy.
Ryan Russell
Well I don't know what to say OP, sounds like quite a predicament but not unheard of so don't feel too bad about it. It's up to you mate but think VERY carefully about what you're going to say and to who.
If I told you my life story and how my family fu*ked up my social life I would probably have to write a wall of text just to scratch the surface. In my case, the lesson is be careful who you help and for how long because you don't know if one day the people you help will betray and backstab you.
Kayden Ross
Thanks for the advice man, its a cold world out here. I cant image what had happened to you
Ayden Martinez
You have no idea how bad it was without being physically violent. I really don't wish that kind of life to my worst enemy, it's the kind of influence that would leave you friendless in the end. I'm pretty sure most people I knew up until high school wondered why I was so strange to them, they had no idea the kind of life I had with my family, if you even want to call it that. To me the right word is a clusterfuc*.
Luis Wilson
Maybe try confronting your dad about it, and make him decide wether he really wants to be truthful to his wife and his son and stop cheating, or he just wants to end his marriage and search for someone new. By staying all he's doing is showing his fetishism of having (or at least trying to have) a relationship outside of his wife, which kinda dates back to the kind of games you play as a kid of doing "bad" things and the weird ecstasy of not getting caught.
And leave your mom out of this, that is if you don't want her to suffer any more than she has; make it your own task to try and glue your family together, at least until you're old enough to not rely on them so much
David Hughes
If you want to see if he is really trying to do these things still you could use his email information and have it logged into on your phone. Delete/unsubscribe All accounts to those types of sites and then monitor his actions. If another account pops up because of email verification then you tell your mother and have her rip his life apart in court.
Alexander Moore
When you are married for that long, you will have some sympathy for your father and not look as badly upon him as you do now. Right now you are young and don't understand a lot about what marriage and monogamy does to a man.
Jeremiah Hill
I think ill follow your advice. I want him to apologise but i dont want my mom to find out. If he does it again after this point thoough, than theres nothing i can do and will have to leave it in their hands
Cooper Adams
Im aware of the MGTOW ideology and understand why my dad does what he does, which is part of why im not telling my mom outright. I just want him to be honest
Jose King
Good luck my dude
Brody Stewart
Was it in his spam? If it was, don't take it seriously.
Luis Fisher
Men cannot be honest about this with women; they do not understand. Your mother would likely scold him and demean him.
It says something that your father was willing to stay with your mother after the fallout. He probably loves her and your family immensely.
Joseph Bell
Spam email doesn't even show up on notifications tho
Jonathan Morgan
Wow, user. Your situation sounds eerily similar to mine but mine happened when I was like 10. almost 15 years ago now.
Except ours was reverse: my dad was using the computer (like a windows 98 machine or something lol) to check his e-mail and by chance, my mom was logged in instead. and lo and behold right on page one of the inbox is an email from another man who he does not know that does not look like a business email. And it turned out to be a lovers letter. And mind you that was before iphones and texting so this letter was straight out of an old movie except in digital form. My dad went through it, blew his top, my mom somehow wasnt sorry, and that just made things worse. Apparently she was holding in a lot of bullshit from my dad, too. Both sides had no reason to really patch things up and came to talk about a divorce.
Now 10 year old me was crying every day, life basically ended for me at that point. And long story short I cried so much that they pretty much said they will stick together because of me. But you see, that wasn't true at all. They couldn't leave each other if they tried. And I still hate them to this day for letting a child think that his parents, his world, remained together only because of him. That is a really fucked up thing to let a child believe, and maybe as parents they just said it out of passing and never cleared it up, hell they never really patched things up anyway, but fuck, If i were a parent I'd never say something like that.
But user, back to your post, I totally understand you. You want to believe things are getting better. You want to believe that your parents have some sense of responsibility. But problems can be big problems, and when they're big problems, they're gonna need a lot of time and struggling. They don't just magically clear up just because your dad bought your mom a necklace and took her to disney world. That is a grand display of safety that both of them needed at the time.
Robert Richardson
continued
As their child OP, you have to leave them be. That is a problem between them. And you have to learn to not blame yourself. A problem between a married couple like that will not go away, and I just don't believe the child can do anything.
I said my mom and dad almost got a divorce when i was 10. When I was 22, I beat my fathers face in. Between those two points in time, I did everything I could to keep them together. I listened to my dad bitch about my mom, and my mom bitch about my dad. I tried to offer what advice I thought I could give and they pretended to take it. And I became hyper vigilant and became stressed the fuck out. I went and graduated uni and never wanted to come back - I hated being near them, I saw, but I was stubborn and thought that I couldn't just walk away from their problems, when in reality that is exactly what I should have done. So I moved back, and one night my father comes in drunk as fuck, and drags my mother across the floor by her hair. She's not even struggling. She's trying to remain composed to show him what a stupid brute she thinks he is - to basically piss him off more. What i'm trying to say is - they were both fucking stupid as god damn shit. And it took me forever to see that. So I sit down my raging father in his room and try to calm him down, and he offered some choice words to me, said something I don't remember and don't care to, but it set me off - 12 years of holding it in burst like a damn, and I beat his stupid drunk face in with all my strength. My mother suddenly lost her composure and screamed at me to stop, I just got up to tear the clock off the wall because I intended to smash his windpipe with it while he was stunned. She slapped me and he tried to attack me but my sister tackled him. The most absurd thing about that night was MINUTES after being smacked in the face, he kept trying to say 'lets talk about it lets talk about it.' I said ok, lets talk, in between hyperventilations.
James Price
continued
I agreed fine, let's talk, as if you know how to talk, as if anything gets through that skull, as if we haven't been trying to talk it over for years. By chance there was a kitchen knife laying on the table between us. I grabbed it because I didn't know what the hell was gonna happen next. He saw me reach for it and fucking bolted out the door. Still drunk, still stunned, still enraged, and just drove off in his truck.
Come morning, he feigned ignorance. He said he doesn't remember what he said, did, or getting hit, and still insisted on talking it out. When he said he thought we could work things out, I felt like slitting his throat open. I was that exasperated, and willing to just become another parricide statistic.
Wanna know what stopped all the chaos? Age.
They fucking got older, and suddenly the idea of their own mortality made them see the dumb games they've been playing. They are only doing two things: working, and talking about how old they are. They even bonded about how old theyve gotten, and what they have to do before they croak.
To me, there are no morals from this. It's just something that happened, something that consumed my mind, and left. I want God to give me answers.
I still live with them though. I'm just as bad. But that's family.
Daniel Jackson
I do have one lesson
Mind your own fucking business, for your own sake.
Start growing up as fast as you can. Start planning out how to move out. Don't let yourself get baited by security.
Sorry but if you make your bed obsessing about very strict monogamy this is what you have to live with all this shit (when the alternative could have just been to not make a big deal about it)
It's like religious people who avoid porn/fapping
Owen Lewis
Once a cheat always a cheat.
Camden Morgan
This Though I cant speak for you on whether should talk to him or not because either choices could be disasterous
