So at work I accidentally let it slip that my girlfriend got physical when she was angry

So at work I accidentally let it slip that my girlfriend got physical when she was angry.

I mean it's nothing serious cos I'm way stronger than her and I pretty much laugh off her futile attacks but it did leave some scratches on my arm which my co-workers noticed.

now they're trying to think of her as some sort of villain and acting like I'm in an abusive relationship and implying that I need to break up with her. how do I convince them it's not that big of a deal.

I don't want my gf to be treated differently or anything if she comes visit me.

like sure even though she gets physical I don't think I am in an abusive relationship and when I laugh at her attacks she gets more mad. plus I don't just give in when she hits me. and it only has happened like a few times. I've been with her for a couple of years.

what do you think, am I in an abusive relationship?

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Yeah you are, and abuse isn't necessarily physical, psychological abuse can occur as well, which you have either received from her or someone else at some point since you're okay with just taking it.

Yup.

You are in an abusive relationship.

if you constantly do what she wants and she never does what you want then you're an in abusive relationship (pro-tip: just because you think you're doing what you want by doing what she wants doesn't negate this

if you mostly do what you want and she also often does what you want then you're not in an abusive relationship.
pretty simple

IMO you shouldn't let it slide that she attacks you. It's like why chihuahuas can be so vicious because their owners think of it as cute or not a threat because of their size and don't do anything about it so they end up being little shits. I don't know it seems bad. She could pick up a gun or a bat and do some real damage one time.

>if you mostly do what you want and she also often does what you want then you're not in an abusive relationship.

she doesn't use it as a control thing and I don't give in to her bs

I just think sometimes she just has a hard time expressing herself when she is angry so when she is upset and stressed it comes out kind of extreme with the hitting. it probably doesn't help that I don't take her seriously and find it cute when she is mad

otherwise 99% of the time she never gets mad and is pretty self controlled. if anything she is overly nice and stuff to everyone and me.

I think she just bottles up she is upset about something until she explodes.

afterwards she does realise it was wrong to hit me and always apologizes for it.

I'm just worried about my co-workers (mostly female) who were always find of her. I don't want them to give her negative looks when she comes in to see me

well I just imagine if you let her physically damage you that she might emotionally manipulate you
most women do it
like withholding sex until you do something for her
if you're not in charge of the relationship then she's either already in charge or will try to take charge without you noticing it
there's no such thing as equal relationships and in the western world it's usually the woman that's really in charge

My man you have to give this info for a relative

Your Age

Her Age

You/10

Her/10

How Long youve been together

And check the law because in some states if you stay in a relationship with a woman for ~2 years she can file for alimony

DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT
DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT
DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT

I have a bruise on my arm from my wife right now user. Get help.
Also complaining about your gf to female co-workers especially if they are single will make them think if you break up with her they can jump in her place. Oh user I'd treat you better.

Leave now before you wake up to her find her going all Jodi Arieas on your ass. It's only a matter of time before she seriously injures you or worse.

she is weak and I love her. it really isn't anything.

I don't fear her when she gets mad or anything. plus it's kind of my fault anyways for getting all giggly and laughing when she starts to get pissed.

I just find it funny cos otherwise I very very very rarely ever see her get angry. it takes a lot and it's not like every time she gets angry does she hit me. hitting me probably hasn't even happened 5 times

and it's not like it's over shit like being jealous or anything

Op one of my ex girlfriends is like this, I’m 6’1/fit and she’s 5’1/skinny so I always thought this was funny. Plus she’s Latina so it was like they’re like that they get pissy it’s fine. I’d even gode her into hitting me when she was very angry, and we’d playfight all the time too so it was no big deal to me. This escalated into her throwing shit at me when we argued, plates, whatever. Even then I was like LOL it’s whatever, I honestly thought it was funny how upset I could make her, never seeing how toxic her temper was. Anyway she threw a iron at me, like one of those irons to iron out your clothes? She threw that at me when we were fighting in the living room. She was ironing something and I was sitting on the couch. I got out of the way of it and I freaked out and shook her, because I could’ve been burned and idk what else if the thing had actually hit me, asking her why the hell she would do that, she spit at me and I went outside to calm down. She called the cops on me and I spent hours trying to dispute her domestic violence claims. That’s just the tip of the iceberg bc I wasa dumbass and forgave her. I’d literally never speak to this woman again if we did not have a child together.

>I’m not saying this will happen to you
>I’m just saying be careful because this shit can escalate and they will side with the woman if theirs anyway it can be possibly tilted out of your favor.
>your coworkers are rightly concerned with that behavior
>red flags all just look like flags with rose colored glasses/when you love and care about somebody

I had a gf who was like this. She’d swat at me and stuff but she couldn’t really hurt me. She snooped on my stuff and was insanely jealous. After a while I tried to break up with her but she’d threaten to kill herself and I’d break down and take her back. It got the point where I’d literally have to threaten to call the cops to get her out of my apartment. At the time I didn’t realize I was being abused but I’m still disturbed from it. She still stalks me. I suggest you listen to the people on here or talk to someone else about it. Just cus you’re a guy doesn’t mean you can’t be abused and she can totally fuck your head up or worse your life if she “decides” you raped or abused her.

Based on what you’re saying though it’s tough to tell if she’s actually abusive or just immature and has anger issues but either way it’s a red flag even if it’s “cute” now.

>excusing her being physically abusive to you
user, please. It doesn't matter if you're stronger than her, it's disrespectful, childish and disgusting behaviour. It's never acceptable to hit another person in resonse to what they've said

You're lucky your co-workers actually care about you. Vast majority of men go unnoticed.

answer this does she withhold sex to get you to do what she wants or constantly acts like she's a victim of your toxic masculinity when you treat her pretty well?
do you argue a lot?

he's probably good looking and they're just vapid females

here. Also stop laughing at her when she gets angry and try to take her more seriously and actually talk through your problems. Tell her to stop hitting you, and if she continues to do so even after you've tried to take her more seriously, then she shouldn't be in an adult relationship.

Based Chad being cared for by his harem of office sluts.

And if they laughed at him and said that men can't be victims of abuse you'd say...?

Literally the type of person who would hit an infant, child, or pet because they were 'stressed', 'frustrated', or 'angry'

It's not something to be ignored. While I agree it's not scary or abuse yet, it is still a poor way of dealing with emotions and it could escalate (especially if she starts throwing things). It would be more healthy for her if she found another way to express herself.

Also don't laugh at her anger you douchbag, take her feelings seriously, or you are infantilizing her. Which is probably why she's having these moments where she acts like a child.

By definition, of course you are.

Play each of the situations where she gets physical in your head. Then imaging the roles were reversed and you were assaulting her. If that would make a third party observer uncomfortable then it is, by definition, abusive behaviour.

yes

this

untrue, common law marriage only happen when you live together and refer to each other as married (this is me and my wife mrs. user)

but OP's Gf is still shitty and he should dump her

>does she withhold sex to get you to do what she wants or constantly acts like she's a victim of your toxic masculinity when you treat her pretty well?
>do you argue a lot?


nah she doesn't with hold sex. we don't have sex. we're both Catholic and try to take it seriously. She is the only one who I have dated who respects that.

other thots I have dated thinks it's a joke always try to seduce me eventually (usually early) and I have given in. so yeah I avoid these toxic bitches. her relationships in the past never work out for similar reasons because she doesn't put out.

I'm pretty sure I treat her well and she treats me well. she never acts like a victim. and to be honest she is the most caring and patient person I have ever met

we don't really argue. when we do we always talk stuff through and resolve shit. even those rare occasions when she has hit me. but yeah I guess I need to stop the laughing when she is mad, it probably doesn't help

really though in terms of values and how we get along with each other she is the perfect girl for me.

Another bonus on why I love about her is that she is absolutely great with kids. she is a piano teacher on the side and I really see how she instills passion and self-discipline in kids.

tell your co workers you deserved it a bit
maybe you are also not doing everything right

> plus it's kind of my fault anyways for getting all giggly and laughing when she starts to get pissed.
there you go

turn it upside down, tell them you sometimes behave like an ass to her, and that you kind of deserved it, which is true isn't it?
She is not really hurting you, and it's more of a sign of her helplessness in some situations.

sounds like a pretty good relationship to me then
just slap her in the face if she physically hurts you again not too hard but firm.
women need that.
you don't want her to start thinking you're a pushover and she can get away with crap like that or she'll most likely stop respecting you and lose interest
but more importantly you need to just not react emotionally, laughing or anything, when shes throwing a fit and maybe u won't get there in the first place
though that's not guaranteed to work because a lot of woman will work themselves into hysterics even if you don't react and if that's the case the only way to stop them from throwing tantrums is corporal punishment

someone is probably gonna say I'm evil/stupid/weak for suggesting to slap or physically punish (preferably paddling if you're married) a woman but i honestly believe it is a necessary part of a long lasting relationship

and I think a lack of corporal punishment from husband to wife is a big reason for the high divorce rate in the western world

>just slap her in the face if she physically hurts you again not too hard but firm.
>women need that.

This is how you get fucked by the law. Don't do this.

if you're dating a scumbag that would report you maybe
and it's called self defense anyways

yeah dude but not just that your own image will be stained too. First they'll try to help you out, but if you just remain stubborn about it they'll start thinking you're fucked in the head too and like being abused.

There's no out of it, you kind of messed up when you revealed your personal life.

Are you dating a Mexican bitch? You gonna get abused boy. Get yourself a nice white grill.

You won't be saying that when she beats your kids.

Knives in the house, she might stab you.
Scissors in the house, don't go to sleep, snip snip.

lol real talk though, she isn't psycho like my co-workers are starting to think

fuck you, op, for suggesting BEST EMMA is anything but a perfect angel. Seriously.

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