Mixed signals?

I have a crush on my coworker but he is difficult as hell to read

for as long as I remember we have always been somewhat awkward, catch eachother staring, lots of eye contact and he is incredibly shy and quiet around people

however, around me, sometimes he will try to joke or talk, small talk with me. Other times he's completely quiet and shy and just stares. We are both adults.

Recently we started messaging and we have a lot in common and get on well, he doesn't seem to be active much and I think he's quite introverted but if I message he is quick to read it, but other times he won't reply and I don't know what to make of it

the other day he found me at work to tell me that he wasn't ignoring me and that his phone hadn't notified him, I couldn't tell if that was something he'd want to reassure anyone, or if he had been worried I'd got the wrong idea

today we talked more than usual and he opened up a bit about things he wants to do and it was really sweet considering how long we'd been awkwardly quiet on and off.

Is it likely that he likes me too? I tell myself if he truly disliked me that he wouldn't bother coming up to talk to me or make me laugh or message back properly but he's still really ambiguous and I can't describe what I mean except that he can come across as really cold sometimes and it makes me unsure

also while I like messaging with him I don't want to scare him away or come across as too keen and it gets my anxiety on edge about whether to message or not if we have already recently, help

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You're seriously over-thinking this. He likes you, a lot. How do I know? He made a point of telling you he wasn't ignoring you even though you hadn't said anything about it.
He's probably terrified to make any move on you because (especially if he's as shy as you say) he's scared you'll not only reject him but you'll make a stink at work and get him fired. I guarantee he has sat around for hours debating how to approach you. If you want anything more you're going to have to make the first move because he never will.
This doesn't need to be complicated. Just ask him if he wants to get lunch with you or grab a coffee after work. He will likely drop his spaghetti on the floor in excitement.
BTW as a general rule I don't date co-workers because when it goes sour work gets ugly.

Knowledgable user, I'll elaborate as you understand him more than I do,

you're right that he approached me about ignoring me without me saying anything let alone posting, it was really weird actually, I'd been saying to my friend that maybe I should try to stop liking him because I thought he was ignoring my messages and the next day he says I'm just the person he was looking for and that he wanted me to know he wasn't ignoring me,

What I don't get is, we will message and talk about interests but sometimes he doesn't reply in the end, out of nowhere- I know he has to get up early as he has longer shifts than I do and he's probably busy but I try to imagine why a guy who might like me would do this unless I'd put him off, please can you help me understand this?

example: talk about things we have in common, he opens a bit more, I reply, he'll read it and not reply, but then at work he'll come over to me and make conversation and he seemed happy today when we talked and he brought up the things we'd been talking about there himself as well

I just want him to message back so we can get to know eachother more agh

When should I ask that? I probably won't be working here much longer anyway so if I did do that, I don't think it would be an issue, also several of my coworkers are dating and the company is fine with it, it seems

This all sounds very familiar.
You should tell him what you told us.
He will be so happy you have no clue

can someone interpret this?

She wants to get to know him better but he's a very reserved person and that makes her want it even more, or something like that.

For real?

You're joking, right?
It's obvious he's super into you.
The whole opening up around you thing kind of gave it away.

>we are both adults
Doesn't seem so

>a coworker
Don't shit where you eat

All of this sounds like he likes you but nothing implies that he likes you romantically.

>but nothing implies that he likes you romantically.
Except for the predatory death stare maybe

Interesting, sounds like what happened to me and my co worker only we never made it to the messaging and beyond part. Me being the guy didn't know what to make of her signals and tried to be very careful I wasn't misreading things. Eventually she started treating me with disrespect and ignored me when I was about to leave my job. I couldn't muster the courage to ask her what she wanted from me and just let things play out. I don't know what she thinks of me now but I'm sure she will get over it eventually. We were both in our early 20's at the time working at a restaurant. Another thing, as another user stated, I really didn't want to get involved with my co workers because I don't like to mix my personal life with my job.

I hope things turn out better in your case OP.

He really likes you OP, and if you like him back ask him out. Trust us, I guarantee he'll be very happy. It warms me up inside to see cute stories such as this, and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors! I don't really see how this makes him hard to read. It's very easy to see that he likes you, so if you don't mind getting in a relationship with a worker then go for it.

Hi, OP here, thank you everyone! I doubt things really easily so it's nice to hear!

To clarify before I ever consider saying anything to him, sometimes when he's in a grumpy mood at work he can seem cold but then other times he is really lovely

And he told me he can be awkward with messaging so maybe that is why sometimes he doesn't reply

I think I will work the courage over time and ask him for a coffee so we can talk more, I don't think I'll be working here much longer either so if we did get closer I don't think it would affect the work

Thank you user! double post but the things that make him hard to read are:

- when he comes into work sometimes if he is in a bad mood he won't talk back or he just seems off and I used to worry he hated me

- when we message a lot but then other times he doesn't reply but then at work he'll bring it up, like is he just bad with texts?

- inner part of me asking myself if the reason he looks at me a lot is because he's suspicious maybe that I like him and not because he's attracted to me

- sort of shuts off and can be cold but I think he's been hurt badly before

- feeling that maybe he'd initiate the messaging more if he did but then in person he will sometimes try making small talk

- basically sometimes seems really keen other times seems really cold

Does your name start with L

I agree he obviously likes you but I would advise against Someone that shy can be both happy but spooked by something that emotionally forward.

He sounds tedious to be around.

Not an uncommon opinion given how passive the average woman is.

ALL MEN, not just the socially awkward, are genetically incapable of reading hints. We have to be told things in simple sentences, preferably with one-syllable words.

"I like chatting with you. Would you like to go out with me sometime?"

Or, if that's too big a jump, try a non-date date. "I was thinking of trying that new Chinese place for lunch someday this week. Want to join me?"

But so does OP

You're retarded, don't make it seem like all men are as retarded as you

It's more accurate to say this isn't how men communicate naturally and it has to be learned. Some learn it to a better degree than others.

yikes

C actually.

>because when it goes sour work gets ugly.

I can attest to this. It sucks because work is the only place where I meet new people and have an okay time interacting with them. But recently I made the mistake with a crush at work and now it's incredibly painful being in the same building as her. She chit-chats with another coworker but only discusses work with me and it's like knives to the chest and stomach.

If you really want to go for it OP go ahead, sounds like you both really like each other but if things develop you should probably sit down and discuss how to interact if things go south. I don't want to get your hopes down, but at the same time I don't want anyone to go through what I'm going through. My managers warned me about something like this and now I had to completely apologize to them for ignoring their advice cause it's pretty bad.

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I wouldn't want it to affect that, but I am leaving there soon if a certain job arises elsewhere so I'm hoping it wouldn't. I'm sure it wouldn't happen overnight anyway as we only recently started to talk more and I take things slowly, but I appreciate and hear your advice

I might be getting my hopes up anyway, if he did like me I'm sure he'd be the one to message or approach me more, I feel like if it's always just me it can hurt

I hope he'll message more first in the future, it's so nice to talk to him ugh

You sound like a real nice person OP, definitely go for him. I think you'll improve his life and your own greatly

Is your name Claudia?
If so, I love you but you know that already.

Oh :’(

How do I "go" for him? I want to talk more but he's so awkward with messaging and things that I always have to make the first move and I don't know how to do this skillfully please help!

Op here, sometimes he forgets to reply to my messages so I'm convinced he doesn't like me and I read too much into it

He says it's a bad habit of his but surely you'd remember to reply to someone you have a crush on? I feel stupid now

I would suggest the next time you 2 are alone, just tell him that you want to do something (lunch, movie, window shopping, a walk), that day or sometime during the week with him. Don't say "we should do x", make it clear YOU want to do something with HIM. He will probably maybe say yes but if he says no due to being busy or whatever bullshit he comes up with, it doesn't matter. What you need to do is make him promise that he will hangout with you. Tell him what you want to spend time with him and make him promise to see it through. Whatever shit is going on with his life he still will uphold his promise to you. I think from then after you guys hangout, I truly believe this. He will realize how great you are in his life later down the line

This guy is just going through some shit. He's super lucky to have you. I wouldn't bother with the lack of text. When you see him in real life back him into a corner and follow my instructions of the above postAlso. Make sure to tease him about the promise, make some type of stipulation of he doesn't follow through

OH SHIT

Is it you or not?
I'll tell you something very personal if it's you, if you want ofcourse.

My name is not Claudia

This is good, thank you user! Do you think he likes me? I'll be brave

I guess this proves women are attracted to men when feelings are unclear.

Any advice for the guy in this situation? There's a girl at my gym that I have the exact same dynamic with. We've talked but didn't make much progress until this weekend when we went out of town with a few other gym mates for a tournament. We both opened up more about our pasts and realized we have a ton in common. I got way too drunk that night and got really depressed reminiscing about the aforementioned past, and she comforted me and ending up falling asleep on my chest.

The thing is I don't know where to go from here, we spent the next day at the tournament and I've talked to her at the gym since, and I feel closer to her but we obviously haven't been as intimate as that night. I'm worried I made too much of a fool of myself while I was drunk, and that what happened that night was only because of the alcohol. Do I just man up and ask her out?

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I want op to confess

Me too, and I want the guy to reject her

Fuck, I'm that guy. He's really nice and friendly naturally, then his instincts immediately kick in, saying "dude, if she doesn't like you she'll just make a scene and get you in a lot of trouble at work." Then he goes back to the same old cold behaviour.

I know because I'M THAT GUY! Dating people at work is too risky man, it's too damn risky. Just thinking about all the bad shit that could happen sends me into a paranoia rage.

Also OH FUCK
Oh no no no, paranoia gets the better of me! I'm literally sweating.

It would be funny if your name began with S

Honestly he's so mixed, I feel bad if it's just me initiating conversation because I get the feeling I'll seem bad if I do