How to get over first love

is that good or bad?

>just get a new one
Every girl is unappealing after her.

Same deal with me, only she was my first relationship of four years straight. Unfortunately, the only solution is time. As it passes, it will fade. You’ll always have a place for her in your heart, not so much because of who she is but more because of her significance as a first love. Take comfort in the fact that your first could’ve been anyone. She seems like the prettiest girl in the world because in an early post-relationship state, she’s all you want. This will pass too. While you’re waiting for it to fade, occupy yourself as much as you can. At some point you may not want it to fade, but I promise you when I say that the version of you that is clear-headed demands that you move on.

April 24th of last year*
Everything was new and exciting.This is called the honeymoon phase. I felt in total bliss with this girl. We connected so well with each other and even finished each other's thoughts. She knew every reference and I knew all her references.We felt unstoppable against the evil in the world as cliche as that sounds. I've started noticing problems half way through our relationship when my girlfriend would fix herself to meet my needs and ultimately changing herself completely by the end of the relationship. This also happened to me because I wanted to become this perfect guy for her. This continued until it made things awkward between me and my girlfriend. We were both afraid of each other to be our real selves because we change the little flaws within ourselves for each other. We were caught in a routine quickly after this. Everything we did was a constant cycle of us getting mad at each other every week and then patching it days later. This started since the beginning of this year. Another problem was that I couldn't control my moods and led to my girlfriend being scared that I was mad at her all the time. This made her feel like she was walking on eggshells and disconnect herself from me. All this and not being able to let things go and resolve our arguments ruined us. A couple days ago she wanted to meet up with me and came up with the conclusion to break up with me because of the irreversible damage that we have caused for each other. She told me she loved me afterwards and I told her that I also loved her. We hugged and kissed each goodbye with tears everywhere from both sides. I've never seen someone look so sad. Her shaking is something that i cant get out of my head. The next day, I try to confront her about it and tell her that this isnt right. She agreed that it hurts her so much to do this but says that it's for the best for the both of us. I was heartbroken at this point. She says that we can't come back from this.

What really confuses me is that we both love each other A LOT and this was definitely not the way we wanted things to end. For example, we hung out today for an hour or so. We both walked down a place we call "sanctuary" which is a park where we spent most of our summer camping under the big dipper. Anyway, she was grabbing my arm like we were still together but I just let it happen. We were chilling under the pavilion and then asked her out to prom by surprise. She turned me down saying that if we went together then she wouldn't be able to control her feelings for me and make her want to get back with me. We talked about our breakup again but I STILL couldn't change her mind. She says that she is confused about us and our problems. I was sad to hear that she still didn't change her mind. This later made me uncomfortable to be around her knowing that she won't take me back for a while. I decided to tell her this and right before we drove off in seperate cars, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I told her I loved her and she said it back. Since I couldn't change her mind, I'm debating if i should stop talking to her. I know I shouldn't have too much hope that our relationship will ever be a thing again but we said that the first time we broke up back in our sophomore year. Should I continue trying with her and slowly her back over time or just go no contact?

Alrigh.
"Heartbroken" user here with 18 month experience from a bat shit crazy controlling woman.

Ask me your questions.

You broke up a couple of days ago, of course you're going to feel like shit for now, maybe even for a few months.

It took me almost TWO YEARS to recover from my last break up, I loved her very much, she was special, but what killed me is that I didn't get a proper closure to it, and that is the worst thing.
Thing is, you're probably young and will get over her sooner than you think, when it's a case of a more mature and serious relationship that lasts years, like mine with my ex, there is a serious and developed love involved and it ends abruptly and aggressively, then it's a lot more painful and takes a lot longer to recover from. I will never forget her and will probably never fully recover from it, but time, improving oneself, finding new hobbies and meeting a new someone heal 99% of it.

You have to decide whether or not this is actually salvageable. Not in the way of *can* you get her back, but you have to judge if you *should*. This is going to be hard because you’re likely going to try to justify getting her back very hard subconsciously. Instead, try your best to evaluate her claims and the issues your relationship faces. Try to see if those problems are real, and if so if they’re genuinely fixable. Stay clear-headed about this. If yes, you can continue to try to get her back, but remember it’s up to her as well. If not, then cut contact. The sooner you get her in a position where she can’t reach you, the sooner your emotional pain blows over, and recovery can begin.
DO NOT try move on with her still in your life. It’s one or the other, and your happiness depends on making the right choice, not on wether or not she’s with you.

Bump

Remember that only a tiny fraction, maybe less than 1%, of each other's firsts actually lasts until marriage and death. You will get over it with time.

I feel you user. It's gonna hurt, no lie.

Here's how to guard yourself from making it worse than it needs to be.

-put all photos mementos etc in a box for a family member to keep. Once you backed all your online memories on a thumbdrive, delete them. Point is to keep memory-triggers out of sight and reach.

-get back to your priorities: study, work, collect, anything. Do ALL your backlogged stuff. Keep working, pile everything up, look at THAT instead and say YEAH. HELL YEAH.

-Do not date immd. You will be tempted to compare. Memory-triggers.

-Drinking brokenheart beer is stupid. Time, money, gut wasted, your friends are not entertained by your moping, you might do dumb drunk shit meantime, wake up with more reasons to feel sorry for yourself. GET SOME SLEEP.

-Yeah its your first, some other guy will get a chance now. But you will *always* have that first. Bittersweet, yeah, but still better than bittershit. Bittersweet will make you a good romantic lover; bittershit makes you buy an uzi and start climbing the belltower.

immd?

Why’d you stay for so long and what ways was she crazy?

Put in box? For what porpoise? Delete that shit nigga I don't remember what my first girlfriend looks like. She is more of an idea at this point.

immediately dumbass

I hope i get to this stage

bump

I got over my first love, but not the second. Never the second. :'(

*immediately

:)

Delete everything is a far better idea, i agree.

But keeping in mind OP is rekt right now, putting in box is easier on his feels. The important thing is to help him put the trigger-items away.