she stopped going to therapy a few months after we started dating. She's crazy and I need her to start therapy again, how do I convince her?
Also general advide on borderliners.
inb4
>leave her, you can't fix crazy
I might. I just hope there is another option
I was with a borderline woman for 8 years, ultimately what tore us apart was just the usual boring relationship killers rather than any crazy drama: differences over career and education goals and financial stress.
So I have a few bits of advice. You can't "save" her but you can definitely make a difference in her life just by being there for the long term and providing that stable anchor. But recognize that you are going to have to sacrifice a lot! I failed to achieve certain important goals largely because I was so preoccupied with the relationship. It can be very overwhelming, you'll need to work hard to maintain your sense of self. Sometimes I feel like I wasted my 20s because my life was just so focused on the relationship for so long. But then I don't exactly regret it either, because honestly I still wish it had worked out with her.
There is no quick fix, you don't just go to therapy and "get better," but also she's not "a borderline" in a static sense, she'll grow just like everyone else, and she will mellow out over the years as long as you make the effort to communicate and understand, just be conscious of the price of admission and remember to ask yourself if you are actually happy.
You may have to work hard to get her to open up to you and then she may not be used to mediating her feelings when she does. That can get rough, try not to get hurt.
she's aggressive to everybody who's close to me, wich are: my therapist, sister, brother, father and best friend. She tries to isolate me and I feel like arguing is useless.
thanks for your advice and your experience. I am mostly happy with her and I'll try to be more patient
also your story sounds a bit scary, maybe I should leave the sinking ship before I'll end up like you
Yeah fucking run my dude.
Mine suckered me in with sad stories of her past and my protective instincts kicked in; it's also known as emotional abuse.
OP from Honestly, it's not worth it. Like said, the price of admission is too high and you experienced what I also experienced, she was hostile to everyone that was close to me, but everyone that was close to her she welcomed with open arms. The only time I felt peace was if I did exactly what she wanted, traveling to random places or going to shitty clubs because she wanted to dance with her gay friends. It sucked me financially and emotionally because, like , the protective instincts came in and I wanted to at least end the relationship with her in a better position that when we started. Now we broke up and you can read my thread to know about the rest. Seriously, it's not worth it.
God I just want to tag along and vent here a bit, I'm .
>The only time I felt peace was if I did exactly what she wanted, traveling to random places or going to shitty clubs because she wanted to dance with her gay friends
This. Holy fuck so much this that I'm laughing and tearing up at the same damn time.
It's like buying a bratty it's a toy that he doesn't deserve just so he doesn't make a scene in public.
99% of the relationship felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells to avoid making her sad, thus, being the bad guy, thus, being like all her ex's and adding to her list of emotional damage.
People like this don't change and they don't get better.
>I wanted to at least end the relationship with her in a better position that when we started.
Once again so much fucking this. She will condition you to have your whole world revolve around her, with her doing little to nothing for you in return.
Prime example. You're no longer together with her but you want he to better herself and learn from her past; there's nothing wrong with that, those are good and mature things to wish upon someone, especially one you were romantic with.
But here's the kicker.
She won't change. Her life will be a never ending cycle of the same exact behavior. It's sad, it hurts, but it's true. She will make the next guy she's with feel exactly like you assuming he's not more fucked up than she is.
>99% of the relationship felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells to avoid making her sad, thus, being the bad guy, thus, being like all her ex's and adding to her list of emotional damage.
it was this all day everyday. The worst part for me was right before the relationship ended, according to her, her boss was a pain in the ass and she always came home depressed. "Hey honey, what happened" "I don't want to talk about it", so I went back to work and she got mad that I didn't want to waste my life sitting on the couch watching netflix.
>Once again so much fucking this. She will condition you to have your whole world revolve around her, with her doing little to nothing for you in return.
Oh yeah, she didn't even pay her bills on time and I had to be a constant reminder for her do the her own things and keep her place clean, it was so bizarre how dependent she became, it was like raising a child
>
She won't change. Her life will be a never ending cycle of the same exact behavior. It's sad, it hurts, but it's true. She will make the next guy she's with feel exactly like you assuming he's not more fucked up than she is.
Yeah and I'm actually scared that someday she may want to get some sort of revenge on me because her life didn't go the way she wanted
I have severe BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
I take 3 medications daily to keep my brain in check. The medications turn off the 'bad thinking parts', but I'm left with little to no emotions.
I'm okay with that though. I've successfully been able to have long and 'happy' relationships without anyone knowing. But I'm also okay being alone.
I haven't manipulated anyone or caused any drama in years.
But if I did, I wouldn't blame anyone for not staying.
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
see, now you're telling us, you're the victim here and try to make us guilty. That's typical manipulation coming from your sick brain. Funny, I didn't read anything about therapy in your post, you don't want to get better, do you? You're just happy with ruining other peoples lives, right? You're complete trash and just a burden for society
Dude I hit the BPD girl lottery.
>Single mother
>Lives with parents
>4 or 5 diagnosed mental illnesses
>Parents are only focus on work
>Alcoholic & drug abusing little brother
In a way we have to blame ourselves. Not for the entirety, but definitely a percentage. A classic case of nice guys finish last perhaps?
>
Yeah and I'm actually scared that someday she may want to get some sort of revenge on me because her life didn't go the way she wanted
Honestly never thought of this or even considered this as a possibility...
Logic would tell me (us?) that we did everything right or at the very least made a solid effort to fix a broken mess of a person, but people with BPD don't use logic and never take responsibility for their own actions... fuck now I'm a bit paranoid having considered the real possibility of this.
Don't date with and don't try to fix broken people.
read my thread I now know how bad I fucked up, but she consented. She refuses to admit it though
For a rare (least in numbers and statistics) mental illness, there sure as hell seems to be a LOT of people here who have or have had partners with bipolar and borderline. What the fuck is up with that?
Hell, Im going through most of this with a good friend whose BP and depressed. Won’t talk or text for weeks on end during this time. Yet says I’m one of her best friends, only one who truly cares, etc. Bit scared of what’ll happen if I left personally.
>rare (least in numbers and statistics) mental illness
BPD isn't rare, do your research
Yeah I read thru it. Quite a waste of time no offense.
Luckily I only pissed away like 15/18 months with mine.
Few questions, did you guys have any common interests?
Did she pressure you to move fast in the relationship (I'm thinking no if you were with her for 8 years), mine wanted to get married within like 2 years or something stupid as fuck. Wanted multiple kids, wanted to get and apartment together, ect ect.
Yeah I know, I didn't know any better. Just music and an interest in art, but she had a terrible taste. Oh yeah, after we moved on together it was all about marriage and kids and everything else. It took me a while to move with her because I knew inside it was a bad decision
Look at it this way you got 8 years of experience.
What if you had to suffer in order to find your soul mate, would it be worth it?
>What if you had to suffer in order to find your soul mate, would it be worth it?
not that guy but you're a fool if you believed this. Sad truth about life is that nobody is irreplaceable
>She will condition you to have your whole world revolve around her, with her doing little to nothing for you in return.
This is basically women in general though. They start out doing cute stuff and flirting and making you laugh but the second they feel secure in the relationship all effort just disappears.
The type of woman that keeps putting effort in is one in a million.
Well fuck it here I am trying to put a positive spin on it.
Basically just don't women?
>They start out doing cute stuff and flirting and making you laugh but the second they feel secure in the relationship all effort just disappears.
That hits hard, my GF is an odd one who says how much she loves me and how she could never live without me, even cries sometimes if she thinks I'm annoyed at her, but there is little to no effort put into her communication
It's mostly one liners, doesn't look at msgs, forgets to text back
Also she's too lazy to do anything, like she's borderline about to be kicked out of school as she claims that she can't actually work, when she sees a pen and a piece of paper, she says her brain goes on the fritz
I love the girl and I've been with her for a year, but sometimes it hurts
BPD chick ruined my life for many years I have generalized hate for BPD people as much as the next person but I have some respect for this one, at least they're doing something. My BPD girlfriend refused to take her meds because they "gave her bad dreams".
I wasn't manipulating. I was only explaing my personal life.
If you feel guilty, that's your own doing, not mine.
I'm definitely not a victim, just a being trying to be human.
And personally, I tried therapy. It didn't give me answers, it only allowed me to vent about imagined 'bad feelings'.
I believe that like with most disorders, with proper medication, people can lead productive lives.
The fact that you 'believe' that you're being guilted and manipulated is odd. I personally don't care what you feel...I was only explaing my own circumstances
I honestly think that where I am now and the girl I'm with made it all worth it, it's just the fear that the ex may fuck things up in the future
>nobody is irreplaceable
of course, but I'll be damned if the girl that I'm currently with isn't one of a kind
>The type of woman that keeps putting effort in is one in a million.
I guess I finally got lucky
I had a borderline bf who ended up punching his grandmother and stalked me for months after I broke up with him. I had no idea he was borderline until he went off his meds and became violent and clingy almost simultaneously. He wouldn't put any effort into talking to me, but kept talking about how much he loved me and he would kill himself if we broke up when I did see him. We dated for maybe three months before he went off his meds, and I left him a week later.
t. mentally sound 22 year old grill
Man and I want to get back to my ex BPD girl friend, I guess I rather go on with my life and wait for the one. I'm not OP but thanks for all the advice, keep strong.
obviously you're not gonna leave so i just wanna say good luck you'll need it
theres 2 ways to have a 'successful' relationship with bpd: either u become her ultra doormat, sacrifice yourself and your needs, love her unconditionally in spite of her treating you like shit, which isnt worth it imo OR u can go to full psychopath route which is to abuse her and control her entirely which she might or might not be into but at least u can cut down the bullshit significantly if she fears you. go google psychopath dating bpd threads and stuff and read. if you try normie relationship methods you'll fucking get destroyed
if she refuses treatments theres absolutely nothing you can do to have a 'normal' relationship (communication, honesty, open mature talks etc) and clearly it seems ur bpd girl doesnt want treatment. so again i say with all the people dating bpd: is this what u can tolerate or really want, becos its gonna like this forever, she cant help it, u cant help it either.