I guess I just need to vent off. Relationship issues thread

I guess I just need to vent off. Relationship issues thread.

I'm dating a girl for 8 months now. She is great, and we are great together. However, a few months into our relationship she planned a trip with a few female friends to Oktoberfest (and paid a lot for it), to "get wasted and fool around". Which brings as to the issue at hand, which is the fact that Oktoberfest is next month.

Last night she brought this up, both the trip and her plans for it, and asked if I would be ok with it. Being honest to myself and to her, I said no, I would not. I can't predict how I would feel, but I think that if I gave her the green light I would just feel really bad the entire time she is away, and knowing myself, that feeling would quickly make me stop liking her at all. But the issue remains that she is still going to the trip with her friends, still going to drink (side note: 2 beers is enough to get her drunk), and gods know what else. So I just feel like I need to think how I'm going to handle this situation, because probably the best approach is to talk to her about it eventually (that is why I'm trying to figure out what my stand will be on this). I do not know her friends or what influence they would have on her.

Just to clear things better, I think its relevant to mention that she did invite me for that trip. But since it is a really expensive shit for a few days of an overrated foreigner party, planned months in advance with someone I didn't even know if I would be with at that time, I thought it would be really stupid to go. I have gone with her to other shit I wouldn't normally go, but this just seemed like a bad move. And frankly, it also seemed a bad idea for her to actually plan this trip since she didn't know what her relationship status would be at that time. I think she thought we wouldn't last that long (she is not the relationship kind of person)

So, I'm stuck in this situation. Any thoughts?

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She invited you in the first place, so she's probably not planning on cheating on you. And unless she has a history of getting drunk and doing stupid shit, it's kind of pathetic to assume she can't handle herself just because you're insecure. If you really care enough to want to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, then you should have agreed to go on the trip. Sounds like you're just a self-involved child looking for a reason to bitch.

I say... try speaking to a friend of hers. You don’t need to know them on a best friend basis but just keep it real and say “hey I can’t go on the trip for reasons but please just watch out for my girl for me. I’m sure everything will be fine but I’m just concerned is all cause it’s a wild trip and I know there’s gonna be a lot of drinking. I appreciate it.”

>So, I'm stuck in this situation. Any thoughts?
I live in Munich. Oktoberfest is the worst. Drunk people every fucking where and any fucking time in the city.

You only want to get to work or are on your way home and you get hit on by drunk tards in the best case. At worst you get groped, kissed and if you're not cautious even raped.

I'm not kidding. I grew up and still am living here.. Oktoberfest is just a fucking pest because of tourists like your girlfriend.

Sorry I couldn't give proper advice but that are my thoughts.

Forgot to add obviously touch grounds with them when they get back.

I don’t think most women actively plan to cheat.

Sorry user, but I think you got this all wrong.

First of all, when I said her plan is "to get wasted and fool around"*, I'm not making it up. She literally said that to my face several times. Also, last time we went to a party together, after having a few drinks she said "when it comes to October, you are a goner"* . So this was clearly her plan for the trip, but like I said, she didn't expect to be on a relationship for so long.

Also, I'm not insecure. She is really slutty* (again, i'm not making it up, she literally says this about herself), but in these 8 months, I never felt any reason to worry about it. I think there is no point in dating someone if you won't trust that person. If she had said she just wanted to go with her friends and dance or whatever, I would just believe her. The same way I believe her when she says her original plan was/is to fool around. Now, I don't know yet what she will do now we are on a relationship (and honestly, I don't think even she knows), but I feel like I should prepare myself to all possible scenarios.

* = those are not the exact words because our language is not English, but its an honest translation

Now, about the trip, I disagree with you. In fact, I think you are being contradictory. If I it is pathetic to assume she can't handle herself, wouldn't it be even more pathetic to go on an expensive trip just to check up on her? I think I have every right not to want to go to every random shit she comes up with, especially when it costs more than what I can afford.

It’s so easy to tell you’re a woman.

Go with her, have a good time and tug her in a hotel if she gets too drunk.
Nothing wrong with having fun every now and then.
As for the party being overrated, who cares? Just go, enjoy.

>just to check up on her
You should go to party with her.
She can be as slutty as she wants if it is with you right?

OP here. I thought about this, but it honestly seems like a bad move. I don't know her friends, and they are all female, so they have literally no reason to be on my side. If I'm going to say this to someone, I would just say to my girlfriend instead, which is something I'm strongly considering doing. But just being honest about it doesn't automatically prevent all bad scenarios from happening.

Its alright to share your thoughts, but I disagree with you. I think Oktoberfest is an overrated thing because I do not live in Germany. I live in South America. So the Oktoberfest here is probably some very expensive party that is in fact not Oktoberfest at all. If she was going to a German Oktoberfest, I think that would make sense, but if I'm going to party hard for several days, I would rather do this some local party (ps: there is a very traditional party from my city that is probably a lot better and A LOT cheaper, also going on in October, and if she suggested that one instead, I would love to go with her. Because that one actually have some tradition and meaning to me, and is affordable).

But I couldn't be angry at the drunks, because I'm often one of them. I love this kind of parties, but our own parties. I'm not paying 5+ times for the same thing just because its a bad attempt to replicate a foreigner party.

>I don’t think most women actively plan to cheat.
From what I know about her, she would either make up her mind and be open about it (eg: "i'm going to fool around there, you deal with it"), or she would be caught up in the moment/alcohol and cheat on me (and probably end up telling me about it later on).

But I honestly don't think she would actually plan on cheating on me and not tell.

>the Oktoberfest here
Oh sorry I thought you were talking about the original Oktoberfest here in Munich. We do have a lot tourists from all over the world including Americans coming here just for THE Oktoberfest. I'm not kidding the whole city is packed for two fucking weeks.

But if thats the case I take everything back I've said and of course nothing applies to you.

Bait.
Don’t waste your time with this one op.

Its expensive as fuck. I'm saving money hard to pursue my life dream, I'm not going to blow a big chunk of it doing something I don't even want to do just to chase someone. Also, I've already gone to expensive shit just to go with her several times, but this is way too expensive, and honestly, she can't expect me to go EVERYWHERE she wants to go. If it is reasonable, I will go, but this is simply not. I honestly think even she can't afford this trip. Also, it was expensive as fuck months ago, now its probably expensive as fuck x2. I simply can't afford that.

>She can be as slutty as she wants if it is with you right?
Well, while we are together, I sort of expect being the only guy she will be with. If she decides its worth breaking up on me before the trip, I honestly think that is her call, and its a fair play. But I don't think its right she gets to go on her trip, go wild AND expect me to just be ok with that. And just to be clear, I have literally considered just being ok with it, and if I could I would. But I know myself, and I know it would break us up.

Sounds like your priorities are good. I'd say this girl isn't worth the time. Dump her and find someone who is a better fit for you.

Are you mad that she is going because it is expensive, because she has more money than you or because you don't like the idea of her having fun without you?
I just want to be precise in the way I make fun of you.
I didn't make you poor, you did that to yourself. Being bitter about it doesn't help your situation.

>I'd say this girl isn't worth the time
Well, she sort of is. She is great, and we get along very well. She is funny, she is hot, sex is great. I feel comfortable around here, and she gives me the space I need while also give me the attention I need. Again, she is great. Obviously, I can always find someone else also great (I found her just a few months after breaking up with my ex, who was also great), but she is awesome and I don't deny her that.

The thing is, I'm also great (and humble, I know). At this point of my life I'm very confident about myself, and she clearly values being with me (we met at Tinder and she originally just wanted to have a fling, but she ended up asking me on a relationship even though she is not a relationship kind of person). Last night she also said that even though her plan was to fool around at the trip, she think its probably not worth to throw away what we have.

Most of all, we are great together, and we both enjoy being together. But since she is not a relationship kind of person, sometimes she freaks out about it and sort of tries to sabotage herself. She has acknowledge that, and maybe this is just her doing that again. I honestly think the plan to go on a wild party and fool around is legit, the only problem is that she is not single anymore.

>Dump her and find someone who is a better fit for you.
Might come to this, even though i don't want to. Like I said, I think I'm also great and I have no doubt I will find awesome people fast. Also, about breaking up, if I was to break up with her, I rather do it in a good way. Our relationship won't last forever, but my memories about it will, so I rather keep them good, so when I look back, I can feel good about it and smile

>Are you mad
I'm not mad. I'm just trying to plan ahead what I will do about this situation.

>because she has more money than you
I don't think she does. The thing is that I'm a very cheap fucker (I don't deny it), and I'm saving money to chase my life dream, so I think very carefully what I spend my money at. Plus, I don't even think SHE can afford it.

>or because you don't like the idea of her having fun without you?
She can have fun without me. We don't need to be 100% of the time together. Each of us have our own lives. The only thing I don't feel good about is the fact her plans for the trip are literally fooling around with people there. I don't get to say what she can or can't do, but the only 1 rule in our relationship is that we are exclusive (which honestly, its sort of given). If she had just said "i'm going on Oktoberfest to have a good time with my friends", I would just say "have fun and text me when you can".

>I just want to be precise in the way I make fun of you
You get off making fun of people on Jow Forums or the internet in general? That seems quite pathetic, honestly, but if that is what floats your boat, go ahead.

>I didn't make you poor, you did that to yourself. Being bitter about it doesn't help your situation.
I'm neither poor or bitter. You gotta try harder, user.

Listen dawg, you’re overthinking it. To them you’re just the boyfriend trying to protecc his relationship, I’m sure they can get on board with that. They definitely won’t tell you if you don’t ask, but if you do ask them and something happens, they might bring it up.

But from what else I’ve read I can truly honestly say I would break things off softly. She never planned for this relationship but is too financially and emotionally invested to back out now. What kind of s girlfriend actually says she’s going somewhere to get drunk and fool around? You’re dating a party girl and that’s a big red flag my boy. Think about it, she’s all the way who’s nowhere around who knows who thinking who knows what with her hoe ass girlfriends. She may have invited you but let’s not fool ourselves, she knew you weren’t going to be able to do it from the beginning, it was more of a courtesy then anything.

Ultimately the choice is yours but that’s what I say. Bet she’s at least going to kiss another dude though.

Why did you just waste your time responding to that idiot? Can you not decipher bait when you see it?

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This. FFS this.

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I don't even know how to get in touch with her friends. They are friends from her work, they might not even live in our city (she works in another city). Also, I don't feel good about needing to ask people to watch over my own girlfriend. This is between me and her, I don't want to drag anyone else into this (hence why I'm asking anons and not people I know)

>What kind of s girlfriend actually says she’s going somewhere to get drunk and fool around?
She is weird, as in she has no filter what she says. She didn't say she WILL do it, but she said that was her originally her plan. And I think that is an ok plan if she was single, the only issue is that she is not single anymore.

>dating a party girl and that’s a big red flag
Well, I can't blame her for being slutty, because I knew she was this way. She never wanted a relationship to begin with, I was the one who made her change her mind. But she enjoys it, because I'm actually great guy to be with. But at the same time, she has this thing about sabotaging herself, and she also miss the perks of being single. I mean, who doesn't? Sometimes I also miss meeting new chicks and stuff. I honestly think its better for her to stick with me (I know, I sound really weird saying that), but that is a decision for her to make. I'm ok with whatever her pick, since its not my decision anyway.

I'm just trying to figure out what I will do on each scenario. I delayed thinking about it the maximum I could, but since she brought it up last night and might bring it up again sometime soon, I think its time for me to decide what to do accordingly.

OP here. She just texted me saying she is thinking about breaking up because of this... so I guess today is the day I need to figure out what to say

Your gf sounds like just one huge red flag.
I avoid women like this and you should too.
Dropping her would hurt you less in the long run i can already see this relationship will never last based on how she acts.

You have 3 options.
>Drop her
>Be a cuck and try to stay together knowing she will be riding the cock carousal
>kill yourself.

>Dropping her would hurt you less in the long run
Not sure. I take these things ok, last time I broke up with someone (3 yo relationship, we had plans to get married and i moving to her country), I got over it in about 0 days. I simply get over people really fast. So the way I see it, the longer it last and we can enjoy each other company, the better. Nothing lasts forever and one day will end up breaking up anyway.

So my point is that it won't really hurt me that much.

>I avoid women like this and you should too.
Well, we had a lot of fun in these 8 months, and if we break up tonight, I'm still really glad we shared those moments together. She is great and I will always like her for that.

I don't think she is that likely to cheat on me, or at least she would tell me about it afterwards out of regret. She can't keep something like that to herself. But also knowing her, I think its a lot more likely she will straight forward break up with me before the trip than just try to keep me around and cheat. I mean, she literally said just now she is thinking about breaking up.

If she threatens to end it over something like this, she’s not the kind of person you want to be around. Dump her.