Should I break up or have I found the love of my life?

>You and I know what its like to want a guy the first time he looks into your eyes, save yourself for that guy.
I'm not very social and I work at the same company with my bf so none of the guys there might make a move on me (admittedly I like a guy but he's never going to "betray" my bf like that).

>you lose that steady male friend
Isn't this the honest way though? He was into me for years, so keeping him in the friendzone is kind of manipulative in a way, isn't it?

>My guess is that you were out of options and that's why you started a relationship with him in the first place.
Maybe you're right. However, he's the one person that has shown the most genuine love to me so far, so it's not like I just picked the first guy I found. I've been with other men and I didn't feel as safe as I feel when I'm with him. I saw it as doing something good for myself for once, but now I feel like I'm dishonest towards him because he's not my 10/10 guy.

You just said that you love your bf, now you're saying you're into some guy you work with? Stop wasting your boyfriend's time, he still has a chance of finding some decent woman to have a family with.

Maybe. The only reason he doesn't mind is because he wants you to stay around and not leave him. Have you considered therapy, or is it unavailable/too expensive? Also, you seem like you're embarrassed of him. Does it really matter what other people think? He's your bf, you shouldn't feel weird about doing stuff with him. It doesn't even have to be obviously teaching him to swim better, it's just hanging out at the beach.

>breaking up with a "good" guy just because you are bored may hurt you more than it hurts him long-term.
The way you phrase this makes it seem like hurting her boyfriend who is, by all accounts, a lovely dude is a good thing; as in, it offsets hurt that OP experiences.
Is this really how women think?
Am I misreading this or is this just an open admission women (or at least you) really just want to hurt men for the sake of it?
Cold.

I think you're right. Maybe as years go by I will mature more too and stop being as superficial as I am right now. I understand this is a problem and I want to fix it as soon as possible because it can only be an obstacle to my happiness.

"Into" as in "he's my type". Not my fault that I visually prefer a guy that is my type over my chubby, average bf. That doesn't mean that being with that guy (which also isn't a possibility) will make me happy, as there are more factors for a good relationship than just looks.

I think you should leave him. Yes you are shallow and yes i kinda feel bad for the guy you are currently with. You are writing an entire essay about how you aren't completely into him, but sort of. This basically means you are settling for him because you consider him 'barely good enough'. Your boyfriend deserves someone who desires him 100%. Also, if you stay with him, you will probably cheat on him or leave him for someone sooner or later. Let's say you decide to stay with him, what happens when you meet a tall handsome guy a year from now? You won't be able to resist the urge because you don't value your current boyfriend highly enough.

The same thing happened to my previous relationship. My girlfriend loved me, but i know i was never the 'love of her life'. She considered me OK. We were together for 2,5 years and when she finally found someone she considered superior to me, she left me. I wasted 2,5 years committing myself to someone who wasn't 100% into me.

Leave him now so he can work on himself and find someone who truly wants him. Instead of having him commit to someone like you who secretly desires a more attractive guy. Right now you are simply leading him on.

Why the fuck are you with this guy if you don't find him attractive? He is a good beta provider, is that it? You sound like a very ugly person OP, hopefully he will realise this and dumps your ass before long. Holy shit.

Its not manipulation if you make it clear there is no chance. Now they will ignore what you say and continue to believe, one day you'll do what you have done now, wear down and give up. If anything they are the manipulator.

I had one guy always pretend to protect me from all these guys that only wanted me for sex, shit talking any guy I went out with but when ever I would break up or stop going out with them FOR ANY REASON, here he comes wanting to console me by trying to kiss me.

Its horrible that you have to work with him and he has all the other male employees blocking the exit. Your friend is not a friend but a master manipulator, he's cornered you, tagged you as his, with the help of all the other guys.

You need to find another place to work or cut everything off with the guy and with a little time the guy you like may ask you out.

Another "friend" followed me to university, scheduled every class with me and it was smothering. Every break between class, every extra curricular activity there he was until I joined a sorority and he couldn't tag along anymore. First evening away I felt like a kid in a candy store when some frat guys came.

OP here, and I don't think that's how user meant it. However I find the double standards here unsettling. There are tons of threads with guys saying they don't like their girlfriends that much, yet it's treated like something cool to say, and everyone persuades the guys to marry the girls because they love them, yet when I say that my bf isn't good looking enough yet he loves me, the answer is to leave him because he deserves better.

In the end though, what is the answer? Do looks matter in a relationship or does it depend if it's a guy or a girl asking the question?

yes they do but with all detailed measurements, only a guy would do that, no woman has a clue

>In the end though, what is the answer?
The answer is leave him because he deserves better

Looks fade. Can you see yourself getting old and grey and wrinkly with this guy? What will looks matter in thirty years?

Not the guy who posted this but i believe looks ABSOLUTELY matter in a relationship. You know what the difference is between a friendship and a relationship? It's romantic and sexual attraction. If you are in a relationship with someone who you don't consider sexually attractive, your relationship is always on wobbly legs.

>Talk to him and see what plan you guys can come up with so you both can be happy
OP can tell him exactly what to do and say but he won't. OP isn't his mommy and most boys don't do what mommy tells them to do anyway.

I can kind of see us together getting old, yes. Plus he looks like a guy that will mature nicely, as he has very handsome facial features. If anything, I'll be the one that will get worse by age. And this is exactly my question I think. In a lifelong relationship, do looks even matter?

Then you could put him off for several more years, like 5 or 10, he'll still be there.

Looks always matter in a relationship. That doesn't mean that only 10/10s can have happy relationships, different people find different things attractive. And people are rarely completely attracted to their partners, there are always things we like more and less in our SO's appearance. However, it sounds like you don't find him attractive at all, not his body, not his dick, not his character. You are 28 though, so you're hitting the wall and you aren't stupid - you know what he genuinely loves you, so he will make a good provider who will make you feel safe. It's extremely cruel and egoistic to stay with someone you don't find attractive at all only because you yourself are running out of options.

>The question is, should I stay with him? I've seen similar threads here with reverse genders and the answer is always to stick with the girl even if she's not that attractive, but would you give the same advice to me? Am I overreacting a lot about things that don't matter? Will breaking up with him make me lose the one person that could make me happy? Am I even allowed to be picky at the age of 28?
entirely depends on how much it bothers you. if he is already losing alot of weight then soon he will look closer to what you prefer. Do you like his face? How old are you two?

you sound rather pretentious to be honest.

>It's extremely cruel and egoistic to stay with someone you don't find attractive at all only because you yourself are running out of options.
It is, yes. Should I still do it though? All things considered.

And I feel that my post came off like I consider him unattractive which is far from true. I actually even had a small crush on him back when he was still fat, but at that point I was in another relationship and did nothing. Now he looks far better than that and I already mentioned that he's more than a 6/10 with a lot of room for improvement.

>Do you like his face?
Yes, a lot. Even if he loses weight though I'm still slightly bothered by his height (which isn't even that short but all our coworkers somehow happen to be taller and I get reminded of it often).

>How old are you two?
I'm 28, he's 30.

Beauty may be only skin deep but ugly is all the way through

Dump him, he really unironically deserves better

>The way you phrase this makes it seem like hurting her boyfriend who is, by all accounts, a lovely dude is a good thing;
It is a bit more complicated than that.
If we assume he loves her and she doesn't love him, breaking up will hurt him here and now, but it is better for him in the long run as he is spared wasting more time on someone incapable of loving him back.
>There are tons of threads with guys saying they don't like their girlfriends that much, yet it's treated like something cool to say
We are not all one mind on this board. If the gender roles were reversed, I would say the same thing.
I am not saying looks doesn't matter, definitely encourage him to be the best him he can be for both of you.
But it is not that important that you can't wait a month for him to get fit or whatever we are talking.

The guys perspective on looks are typically this: a pretty girl catches your attention. This is important as it makes the guy want to pursue someone. But once you are in a relationship, it matter way more what kind of person they are. Would this woman be a good mother to my children? Obviously everyone prefers fit people. I know a fat guy with a fat girlfriend. She is pregnant now and they are scared of absolutely everything regarding the health of the child and the mother. Loosing weight in that case is also dangerous as you are past the point of just sweat and starve for a few months to get in shape.
In that case, both should have been loosing weight before getting pregnant.
But if we just talk about a regular couple who (maybe both) wants a hotter partner, then no, you are being silly, regardless of gender.
You make it sound like you won't get an honest answer because you are a woman, but it is not like that.
I am just saying that you need to be realistic about what is important to you.
What I am saying is that your market value is a lot higher than his right now.
But his is rising and yours is declining.

>The guys perspective on looks are typically this: a pretty girl catches your attention. This is important as it makes the guy want to pursue someone. But once you are in a relationship, it matter way more what kind of person they are. Would this woman be a good mother to my children? Obviously everyone prefers fit people.
This is exactly the same for girls though, yet girls are discriminated for asking if they should settle for someone that is loving and a good potential father, but not as good looking as the neighborhood's chad.
Shouldn't the advice be the same for both? The advice being 'choose the one that loves you more'?

But has she told him what to do?
I don't know what the mommy stuff is about, I am not advocating that she orders him around, but rather they work out a plan together so they get what they want.
If it is all about him loosing weight too slowly, the telling him what to do can be a big help.
Sweat and starve have worked for me.
I started to loose weight over the summer and I have lost 19kg over the past 3 months.
And all I did was skip breakfast dinner and all snacks plus adding an additional 45min workout every day and a 45 min evening walk.
My goal was to loose 30 kg before Christmas and it looks achievable right now. Obviously the first kgs was easier.
But before that, I just didn't know what to do in order to lose weight.
I ate healthy, took the bike to work and nothing seem to change except me hating life more and more because I couldn't eat anything good.
I got winded tying my shoes, so I couldn't do a long workout.
But now I enjoy doing it. It is actually a lot of fun and seeing the scale every morning gives me a boost of energy and confidence.
Loosing weight can be very difficult until you find a way.

I hope you kill yourself and every woman like you does the same

Guys who want the next door Stacy also get told they are morons if they have a girlfriend that is potentially a good wife and mother.

This is my worst fear. I hope you never tell him this.

I was actually thinking you were talking about me. Everything you used to describe him described me even the dick part. Only thing I dont do is act like an kid.

But seriously if I ever saw my gf posting something like this it would break my heart. I feel bad for the guy and I dont even know him. OP if you dou t yourself this much just break it off. Dont lead the guy on. This is exactly what I worry about if I ever get a gf. I've lost over 100lbs and still losing but I'll always think I'm never good enough and this just added fuel to that fire.

Yes but they are also told to stay with their current gf and not dump her because "she deserves better", even though the same applies.

I'm sorry user. Again though I note that you guys think I feel less of my bf than I actually do. Yes I care about looks and he's not my 10/10 but I'm still moderately attracted to him and admire the effort he puts into being a better person. If I wasn't considering marrying the guy I wouldn't even bother making a thread about it, and I've dumped better looking guys in the past without a second thought.

>I've seen similar threads here with reverse genders and the answer is always to stick with the girl even if she's not that attractive
In my experience, the answer is usually "you clearly don't respect this poor girl and should stop wasting her time by pretending you actually like her."
And that's where I'm leaning for you, too.

Yeah, it feels like an insecure guy LARPing as a girl to try and figure out if his girlfriend is too good for him.

>I'm not very social and I work at the same company with my bf so none of the guys there might make a move on me (admittedly I like a guy but he's never going to "betray" my bf like that).
Yeah, you don't fucking love this guy. Cut him loose.

Have you not been on this site?
That gets said all the time.
Again, it is not a gender thing.
At the core of a relationship, it is not about having the same hobbies, how good the sex is or how hit your partner is compared to some imaginary man on the other side of the fence.
At the core is mutual respect.
It needs to be mutual, because if one person can't overlook certain things, everything falls apart.
If you can't respect someone because they take too long losing weight and you won't help them get there, you shouldn't be with that person.
If you think the sex is great, but you wouldn't show him off to your friends or family, you don't respect him.
If you sleep around and think lying about it will make it fine, you don't respect them to make the call themselves. If you can't see yourself working with them towards your common future, then you don't respect them.

>However I find the double standards here unsettling. There are tons of threads with guys saying they don't like their girlfriends that much, yet it's treated like something cool to say, and everyone persuades the guys to marry the girls because they love them, yet when I say that my bf isn't good looking enough yet he loves me, the answer is to leave him because he deserves better.
What Jow Forums do you browse? Are you from the Bizarro Jow Forums?

I stopped reading at 'escaped the friendzone'.

I can't believe women think in those terms.

I really hope this is a troll, because it actually makes me sad. I can't imagine talking about my boyfriend like this.

Then work out a plan with him.
Telling him that you don't like how he is too fat is fucking heartbreaking to hear so be careful about how you phrase it.
But say he agrees to try out this OMAD diet and set aside time to workout with you every day, wouldn't it be better than just bottling it all in?
>I've dumped better looking guys in the past without a second thought
Is a great line, and telling him why you want him as a person could make it a lot less hostile.
Being on a diet sucks. Some days you just want to cheat and being two can definitely help you through that, so finding the right motivation is a good thing for both of you.

Let's say it was something different. Let's say it was him not achieving or aiming to achieve enough professionally.
You can either of ignore, ridicule or build him up. Building him up has the benefit of actually getting what you want.
It is so much easier to just ridicule him, but that does not get you anything.

>He is a typical nerd and sometimes he gets too excited about things which makes him look a little childish.
He'll be less so as he gets older
>He's not bad looking but he's still in the process of losing weight
If he goes down that path he'll look better and his dick will look bigger on him.
>His dick is on the lower side of average. He says it's 15cm but it's probably 13 or so,
It may look smaller cause of his proportions but you can only find out through measuring yourself. Would you be happy if he had 15 cm which is a little above average or do you need a big schlong on your man?
>The problem is that the above often worries me, even though I understand is completely superficial.
It is but it isn't wrong desu
>Will breaking up with him make me lose the one person that could make me happy? Am I even allowed to be picky at the age of 28?
It's all really hard to answer. On one hand your clock starts ticking and your priorities in men will probably start shifting. Plus he'll get more exciting for women and you won't get more exciting for men. On the other hand if you're genuinly worried then the fear of not finding someone better shouldn't hold you. If you've sought out your men till now by how exciting they were you've kinda used them like a drug.

All these replies and no one hits the obvious?
Miss OP, calm your hypergamy down. You're probably not more of catch than him. You're 28 and not wifed up. This is classic, you love him but only if you're sure nothing better is coming along? Or what? You've had Chad dick a few times and think your Chad husband is just around the corner?
And society says men are the ones who treat women like objects, fuck me right
Be a grown up. If you love someone, you take the good with the bad and make a the best life you can together

You're honestly a shallow cunt who will dismiss anything anyone says because you're think you're better than others.

I already know where your life I going and it's very miserable.

Fixed, 5 minutes in Paint

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>not changing 'little' to '5'11"'
what a missed opportunity

My point is guys rarely do anything on their own and wait for mommy to tell them what to do and they expect the same from a gf. Like what to wear, when to take a shower, shave, get a haircut, when and what they should eat....etc. f he's an adult and hasn't figured most stuff out then forget the "talking".

they don't

People bring value in many ways. He may be a Chad sex god which will prob treat you like shit, or a lover/best friend like he is. Sex is a very small part or a relationship.

And before belittling you little man, how do you look like you fucking bitch? I doubt you are even 5/10

I automatically sage and hide these types of threads they come up with one almost every week with a premise like the following
>I have a boyfriend and he's really great but he's not "x", why can't he be like "x"?
>I want to break up with him because he's not "x"
>proceed to ramble about how much """""she"""" loves "x" and has sexual fantasies with men who posses "x"

not her but i want to start swimming? any advice? good beginners programs?

>He escaped the friendzone some months ago and we're now in a relationship.
>I'm attracted to Really tall guys

You know these bait threads would stop popping up if you angry autists stopped getting so easily triggered.

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Well he honestly deserves better , he doesn’t know it but there’s no reason for him being with someone so shallow and so unappreciative as you, when you do break up with him , break up with him as in don’t ever talk to him or see him again . You can either use him or lose him but don’t make him suffer through the absolute punching bag of your standards , problems and emotions.

Fuck you're really insecure. That dude is definitely not your "one". As other people in this thread said, either dump him or take a break. I hope he finds a better person than you.

dump him you sound like a cunt

while you're hitting the wall he can get some hot young thing that isn't a picky whore

Just cheat on him. It's not like manlets and manchildren are even human anyways. You might as well have your "love" plant his seed in you and half the subhuman raise it.

>However I find the double standards here unsettling. There are tons of threads with guys saying they don't like their girlfriends that much, yet it's treated like something cool to say, and everyone persuades the guys to marry the girls because they love them, yet when I say that my bf isn't good looking enough yet he loves me, the answer is to leave him because he deserves better.
ah, so you were just looking for validation.

I’m a girl and I think you’re wrong desu. Double standards or no, I sort of expect guys to be more shallow or “visually oriented” or whatever. In my experience girls usually stop caring about the guy’s appearance once they really fall in love. My boyfriend has shitty posture, ugly tattoos, dad bod, not that tall, hairy back and shoulders. A lot of girls probably wouldn’t find him attractive, but I love him so much that I think he’s super handsome just the way he is. I feel like if you aren’t attracted to your guy, it means you don’t really love him.