You know the deal. say it

I know my crush in highscool felt the same about me but i was too fucking autist to figure it out. Now the oportunity is gone because we barely talk anymore, and she has a boyfriend now, but i can't ger over it and i don't know what to do. This feeling is amplified by the fact that now i go to a different school from all of my friends and i'm not good socializing with people, so i don't talk with nobody, and the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that next year i may be able to make new friends when i start college, but that's just a suposition.

You kind of seem like an awful person to be around.

lol i told you boyo don't settle!
in all seriousness that user is saying give non attractive females chances.
don't settle!

I'm an INTJ. Of course I'm awful to be around. I don't filter myself, because fuck everyone that can't handle direct, blunt, brutal honesty. I'm going to say what I think. Fuck you for not being able to take it. Just kind of my general mind set.

i've been trying to get my life together but im so unsure about everything i want to do or that i have to do.

i've made a decision in my life that i want to be an electrician, but i was horrible at math in school, i failed algebra 1 three years strait and i dont know if i can do anything more complex than basic formulae.

the school i've been looking into is far from me and id need a car to get there, im 30 and living off minimum wage hasnt been easy for me these past 8 years.

even IF i manage to stop being such a failure to launch faggot i still have no love life, one of my japanese co-workers has been telling me to setting down with a japanese girl and use a marriage agency and settle down since she thinks id be popular.

with all of this running through my head i have no idea if any of this is even a good idea.

thoughts or advice for my lame faggot ass?

>Of course I'm awful to be around
Well I think you answered your question as to why you're still single. It's probably a fair bit harder to get a non "dumpster fire" girlfriend if you're an intolerable person. Not saying you should change who you are if you're happy with it, but no point in complaining why no one wants to be with you.

I should stop trying to look for her here. It's hurting me a bit. Idk, she never really liked me anyway. Probably cause im poor. I dont know anymore, I hate being nice all the time. I hate this place.

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I really fucking hate how the only women I'm attracted to and seem to attract are unavailable ones. It's really bothersome.

You shouldn't let girls like that play with your feelings. Maybe you gave up a long long time ago, but if she was constantly trying to get your attention then she's the p
one to blame.

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"highly intelligent and funny"

if you have to say it... probably not

I dont know, anymore. She was the one who flat out told everybody we were close. I just let her words flow right through my ear, didn't take any of it seriously. She liked a bunch of dudes, never me. Maybe I was fat, or poor...definitely the latter. Then when we got older she continues to bother me even more. Then I'm all like "oh arent you dating that guy," and shes goes on saying "oh hes just a friend," yet she STILL followed me around the school and shit.
The worst part is that when I try to speak for myself no one takes me seriously. I wish I faked my death so I can start a new life with better people. I wasted those years doing what, studying? Fuck this.

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The more you refer to yourself as an INTJ, the more that you're not. It has nothing to be proud of. Believe me having this type sucks.

You have that "fuck off" attitude in front of everyone for no goddamn reason. But in the end you just wanna be relate with anyone else..

>be untouched hugless kissless virgin
>not bitter or angry towards anyone even if I'm sometimes very vocal about my loneliness
>someone gives me advice and tells me how they used to be just like me and then they met their girl
>turns out that the person telling me this is 20 years old
>tfw I'm 27, way older than him and his troubled experiences were never nearly as bad as mine
>suddenly feel even more pathetic

I'm so deep in issues that most people underestimate how bad my problems are.

Are you cute at least? I'd probably fuck you if we connected emotionally because I'm getting lonely nowadays too. Hang in there user.

Then its entirely her fault. Say its the school dance and no one picks you cause ur ugly for brevity sake. Then you decide to fucking leave cause you realize you have 0 friends. Last minute she throws you a pity dance.
You ask her if she likes you and she flat out says no. Then you ask who she likes and tells you the guy. Why would you kiss this person? Why would she ever like you? She deserves nothing from you. She never showed any form of affection towards you, because you remind her of some aspie guy? You dont even have autism thats the worst part. If she cuts herself im surprised she hasnt passed out from the bloodloss because she deserves it. This "best friend," of yours isnt really all that friendly to begin with.

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People say I'm cute and funny. I know I'm not bottom of the barrel material in any sense, but I'm not very social which essentially means I don't belong in any bin.

You're right, its not a big deal anymore. Its just that she was such a burden, for fucks sake I hated how she would just fucking lie to me and treat me like garbage when I was just trying to be polite because thats how I am with most people.
I stopped crushing on her the year after I found out who she liked. I realized "she has bad taste in guys," or someshit, I dont care anymore fuck it. She seems like the type to marry a fucking meat head and get totally beaten by some pudgy guy in a wife beater. Kind of like my parents haha.

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Maybe try looking for a gf online? Not Tinder, but something like match or pof

That's not fair, you wanted to distance yourself from theese freaks and they wouldn't even let you leave the school. They then proceed to mock and ridicule you after being traumatized, for crying out loud never visit them ever again.
If I was the god of this world I'd make sure they got severely punished. She want even pretty to begin with I dont think most of your peers are really.
I mean come on they all have minimum wage jobs, yet they exalt themselves so high. Hate to break to you but if the so called "hottest" girl im your "squad," works a crappy retail job, Im pretty sure her chances of being a trophy wife was thrown out the window.
Face it, they were all average. Don't let some lame ass nobody bother you about her feelings. She brought this unto herself really. I would even go as far as to say that you were never even friends to begin with. She should cut herself harder.

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Yeah you're probably right. Im already dead and buried to them anyways. Im just a loser

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I have tried talking to girls online and it's actually my preferred way to get to know new people. It's much easier to online chat with girls than talk to them in person and I get to show my true self without getting sabotaged by anxiety, but even then it's incredibly difficult to form meaningful connections.

dont want to make a seperate thread for this;

i have depression and and anxiety. I may have adhd too but it wont be certain untill the test, which is in like 2 months maybe.

thing is, i take ritalin these days, and i cant put into words how worryless, calm, motivated it makes me. But I keep thinking that this may be temporary, that i dont have adhd, just dont have enough dopemine because of depression.

Is it normal that i finally after 5 years feel hope when taking ritalin, or is it just a high that will only ruin my life.

I dont know if i should be taking it in the coming weeks, i keep thinking about it, someone please help

>have asperger's
>complete loser and social outcast
>check out Jow Forumsaspergirls to see what's happening on the other side of the fence
>m-muh bf, m-muh ex-bf, m-muh fwb etc. etc. etc.

I don't know why this upsets me so. Does autism mean different thing to women?

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I don't think so. I'm an aspie and when I'm not at work I sit holed up in my house doing my own thing and avoid interacting with people in every way that I can. I think it's just an individual thing. The kind of sperg women you might be expecting probably wouldn't be active in an open forum with names attached. Especially on... yeah. You know.

The thing about being an actual loser outcast is that there are reasons people are loser outcasts, and these reasons often keep loser outcasts from meeting one another in any substantial way.

youtube.com/watch?v=_w5JqQLqqTc

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Lonely house, silent phone,
Another night I spend alone,
I wait for a call, know it's in vain.
But my heart ignores my brain,
I know you're gone and can't come back,
but if my heart knew that it'd crack.

My first love, my first hug, my first kiss,
my one and only cause of bliss,
my world was dark before you were in it,
my house not a home without the hearth you lit
with fires of passion, devotion and love,
my guiding light, hope-bringing dove.

I see you still, when I don't think,
In the corner of my eye, gone when I blink,
A lingering scent, an imagined sound,
House cold once more, but with memories abound.
I spoke to you yesterday, and you replied,
A long conversation, before I sighed,
when I realised
The room was vacant,
makes me feel like a mental patient,
when I feel that you're there but I know that you're not,
I don't even have you, but you're all that I've got.

I miss you Em, I'm lost without you,
don't know how to go on without you,
the world's cold and dark again, without you,
but I live on, without you.

Even when I want to go, you won't let me,
a knife at my wrist and then a memory gets me,
you're crying on the bed, your panic showed,
and I swore I'd never go down that road,
And then I can't bring myself to finish it,
put the knife away, and in silence sit,
ponder what to do, and how to move on,
without you, with you gone.

All I ever wanted was to see you happy,
now you at all is something I can never see,
my mind's disjointed, I'm hallucinating,
you don't let me kill myself, but the feelings aren't abating.
One day I'll see you again, and I can't wait,
An extra day without you is another day too late.

Miss you Em.

My birthday isn’t today, but thanks anyway

Well there you go jackass, yes only tanned and ripped chads can get away with that attitude. Get a grip or get off the planet.

I molested someone in high school and sent provocative messages to a group of girls on a dare from Jow Forums. I regret it terribly but I cant apologize to anybody.

I want to have goals in life and be important, but with the climate of sexual assault in the US right now, I can't do anything for fear of someone coming forward about my past.

Highly intelligent my ass. If you feel like you deserve a girlfriend regardless of quality then you're a self - entitled little shit. It's nobody's obligation to waste time with your arrogant ass just because you have a job and a car (congratulations by the way you egotistical turd, you have something most everyone else has)

Kys you pompous piece of shit, before you flip out and shoot everyone else

I cant stop thinking about this girl that's the ex of a friend of mine.
They've broken up about 3 months now and we've never been closer and I know she wants me too but I cant act on it because I think it'll destroy the relation between our close friends.
The reason I can't just stop thinking about her is because I've liked her since the first time I saw her (I got introduced and we literally stared
at each other for 10 seconds) we know each other close now for some years and the last 6 months it's been teasing, long eye contact bonding etc.
I've not had a gf for all the time she knows me personally now (did have some flings which she is aware of) and she knows I haven't been that close with someone for a long time.
I cant pass this opportunity to get the gf I've been dreaming of for years but it'll be at such a high cost..
I'm just venting my thoughts but if someone has experience in this I'd greatly appreciate it.

Went to a dance event tonight, didn't know a single person there. Ended up having some dude's gf grind on me right in front of him, and I didn't do shit. On one hand I feel pretty good about that, but at the same time sometimes I wish I'd just give in and bust a nut. I feel like everyone else in my position would've hooked up, don't understand why I have to be the morally correct one.

Why did they break up?
Bro code is kinda bullshit. Some times 2 people just aren't totally compatible, but someone else is more compatible. If they broke up just because they didn't see it working out, it shouldn't really matter if you date her.

If she cheated on the guy or there was kicking and screaming then yea, don't date her.

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Nop she found him more as a friend and they broke up without a fight or other bs.
I agree that some people just dont match and it shouldnt be such a problem of others match better, and then last week we all went to a club and we were dancing a little, I held my arm around her waist when we talked with our heads together, and her ex got mad and some other girl also said "what are they doing lol" and they were all talking about it.
Of course there's going to be friction but I feel like I wasnt even doing anything wrong and hell already breaks loose

This makes me aggravated instead of making me feel better and I could hazard a guess as to why but don't feel like it so I'm going to go get drunk instead

do it faggot, but make sure it is not a trap before.

some girls get high on teasing best friends, if he is no that bro, do it

some people get desperate when they see someone they think is worthless(even if they don't say it), suddenly starts to be appreciated. I've seem it first person, is awful, they don't even pretend to hide or are self-conscious enough. This what I hate the most on NPCs

Yeah the girl that said it is in a real bad relationship but she's scared she cant find anyone else, she also could be jealous.

I have all the resources and the knowledge and the (quasi)sanity to fix my life right now and start again.
But the sheer amount of ruin I've caused in the past, all the awful shit I've done, all the selfishness and all the stagnation, that absolute ugliness of my life is hanging over me and I don't even want to get out of bed.
I mean I'm 24!! my life has been such a failure! you're supposed to have happy memories of being young right? You're supposed to feel good when you get to this age right? You have a job and you look back on everything you did with your friends with nostalgia and your parents DON'T hate you lol
even those old friends I had good times with hate me now lol.

I'm literally starting with an entirely blank slate. I guess that is kind of nice, but everything's gone. It's all gone. I wasted it all. It was really nice what I had.

I don't know what this feeling is. It's not optimism, but there's also objectively nothing for me to be pessimistic about. I mean I lost everything so things can only get better right?

I'm 24, never had a gf, and I firmly believe at this point that it's due to me being short and thin.

yesterday when I sent the same fucking pic of my cat to 4 different chicks I realized I'm starting to become what people would refer to as fuckboy. And I finally understood what women hate about it so much. I dont care about these girls, and I dont care about their lifes. I just send them cat pictures to string them along until they come to my city and we fuck eventually. That is not good. PS: I got a gf ffs why am I even doing this

She is far more important to me then I am to her

It's going to be okay.

If I ever saw that bimbo in person, someone would have to restrain me so I didn't smack her. Why would you do this to me? You thought I'd like her??

Most people who believe they are trans are not. Paltry research, and a desert of critical thought in a social media driven virtue signalling landscape has lead more people to suffer the anguish of ending up in the wrong body than there were before this movement.

Not really, but I appreciate the sentiment regardless

Porn sites promote tranny porn and ads to get men accustomed to the idea. It works, they soon start watching it and then become one.

Gay and trans are good for depopulation.

As a woman I would never be with a bi or trans guy. Ever. The thought is revolting.

People will call you a transphobic bigot but you're 100% right
Legitimate cases of gender dysphoria makes up like .001% of the population but this trend going on would have you think it's much bigger

Any pearl-clutching blanket statements made about preferences like these are always funny to me because they operate on the assumption that the people who are part of the group you don't like would want anything to do with you.

It's like a fat middle aged office woman sputtering around a lesbian because she's afraid she'll be preyed upon. Put it away roastie, not even the mentally ill people want you.

Same, only as a man. I dated once a bi girl, she had huge issues. And trannies are just gross.

I guess I offended you faggot tranny. You're undesirable to anyone.

Nice try but I'm a regular faggot. Having compassion for other people despite not fully understanding them is not a dead concept. Seeing pretenses of sociopathy and disdain for others become considered acceptable and trendy is far more the bane of my existence than your individual crowing into the ether ever will be.

I'm a piss poor excuse for a human. Got more than enough potential but do nothing of value.

Okay faggot. I don't give af what bi and trans people fuck, that doesn't mean I would ever consider fucking one, it's personal preference and has nothing to do with compassion. Too bad. I'm fucking sick of you people trying to force your degenerate lifestyles on me and others. kys.

How short are we talking? Just go for shorter girls

I can feel compassion towards people and still not want to fuck them

One side of the medallion

Stop moping and start acting

Who said I didn't feel compassion? What does compassion have to do with anything?

I feel compassion to all mentally ill degenerates. They need help.

Sorry I thought that was to me from the same butthurt guy.

I hate job searching. It's so fucking draining. I don't know what I want to do, my STEM degree turned out to be useless, and everyone keeps giving me the same advice over and over again that doesn't work.

I feel like life is more and more pointless each day. Even if I got a real job, I feel like I would just hate it. I know I should be up and doing real things, but I just can't make myself. Fuck this shit.

Don't go to college; it's a fucking scam. I wish everyone at that piece of shit school would burn alive.

I wish you would stop stalking me. My life has nothing to do with you. I can't imagine being with someone that as fucked up as you. I used to think that you were lying, that you weren't abused by women in your past but seeing how messed up you are, I'm not sure.

You're the most intelligent person I've ever known but your mental issues are too much. Mostly, it's your rotten temper. Your face goes red when you spew your hatred about women. You scare me. Stay away.

What does that mean

The point is that no one is forcing you to do anything. No one wants to, no one wants your crusty ass that much. You're pretending that they are so you can feel victimized by a narrative that wasn't even there. Congratulations, you are embittered for nothing but the peer pressure bogeyman you've dreamed up in your head after spending too long in echo chambers and not enough time out in the real world. Whatever elevates you, I guess.

kill yourself, tranny.

Wtf do you know about me loser?

Lots of bi guys have been interested in me. Some trannys as well.

You're a disease. Get lost.

I can't hold down a job longer than 5 months, I couldn't concentrate nor discipline myself for university, I can't seem to build any real connections with anyone, I get mentally exhausted being around people for too long but get painfully lonely spending so much time alone. I try my best to be polite and non offensive while still having a voice but people seem to just not give a shit about me or even dislike me. I'm tired all the time and generally feel low, talking to anyone I do have that is close is just like a broken record and I can tell they are getting sick of my complaints. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I need a purpose and a direction. I want a gf but not in my current state, while I'm sure if it were with the right person it would help my mental state but a relationship is a two way street and I want to be someone who has their shit together and someone dependable with at least something going for them. I honestly feel like I am in a mental prison which is manifesting itself physically as I rarely leave the house, I want to live my life to the fullest, work towards things, succeed, explore, fall in love and I only have myself holding me back. I know in theory what I have to do, how to get my life back but what the fuck is holding me back? why can't I just make the conscious decision to help myself?

Every day I drive past panhandling junkie fucks pretending to be homeless. Recently bathed, clean clothes, some of them have healthy dogs with them. Homeless yet when the weather gets rough they suddenly have a place to go, and you can literally watch them walk out of the trailer parks to trade shifts with whatever useless piece of shit they share a hovel with. Jobless and can't find work, nevermind the dozen fast food places and big box stores that are literally right behind them. Fuck junkies and pillheads, fuck them. I only ever knew one guy that used and never made it anyone else's problem and would you look at that, he overdosed and died because he tried to get clean and did too much when he relapsed. I'm sick of this shit, oh my god, I'm so sick of it.

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Found out my grandpa died today. My grandma died two months ago. It's been rough. I hope I can take off work to go to the funeral.

I'm sick of everyone ignoring me, LG RZ LM the only people I care about and all of them want nothing to do with me. I want to die so I can't bother anyone ever again

:( ((hugs))

I know what that's like. I've lost 4 close loved ones in the last year.

I'm a student working in a drug research lab as a scientist intern. My profession is basically 70% women at this point, but the leading positions are still 90% male. Despite putting in the most hours in the lab, fixing numerous already existing problems that hindered research, I'm still constantly being overlooked for new projects. I guess there's something about my face that just makes people assume that I'm a moron. I've noticed plenty of glaring mistakes in the knowledge and logic of some of the professors here, but questioning their authority is basically not allowed. When I did attempt it, in a construtive manner, and by asking questions instead of making statements, they end up giving me the silent treatment.

And the cherry at the top is that, while I'm frequently ignored, the female interns are showered with attention. When the lab chief tells another worker to show me something, he'll do it in a half-assed way and won't bother letting me try the procedure myself, but when the chief tells him to show it to a female student, it'll be a whole different story. Every male in the lab will invest time and effort in training the female students, while ignoring the male ones, and the female students will recieve opportunities even if they're not even investing any serious effort into the research, but just sit around and stare at the phone screen.

To add, I can already list several former students who unironically got to where they are by sucking dick, in a literal sense, one that used to be my friend even told me that she sucked a professors' cock to get to a certain position.

I want to kill myself, honestly. I'm already shit with people, people just avoid me. So I fell for the "hermit scientist" meme, thinking I'll be able to get somewhere and achieve something by dedicating my life to science, but the shittiness of the world is inescapable. There's no area in which one is able to progress through actual effort instead of sex, nepotism and asslicking.

Sending you a warm hug ;(

I don't have a nice past. It's really ugly. I was an ugly kid, I was an ugly young adult. I wasn't good. I was mean. I got into bad shit. I was abused and I abused people back. I was a coward. I ran away from everything.
I just want to start over. I want to forget my past. I want to never mention it again. I want to change. I want to forget all this awful shit that's been following me around.

You sound like a bit of a faggot. Chicks don't like you because you are shitty. Sorry.

I think that the idea of muh feels > reals started to get mainstream traction when people threw tantrums over Pluto being re-classified.

I don't know how much longer I can keep going. No one wants me here and I hate living.

You can't run and hide, you need to be strong and deal with it. If you deny it and run from it, it will show up in anxiety or depression or worse mental illness.

No one is 100% innocent. The key is to acknowledge what you've done without shifting the blame and without hating yourself. In order to not hate yourself for what you've done, you need to forgive others who have done you wrong. In forgiving others, you aren't accepting that what they did wasn't wrong, you are accepting ALL people are flawed. People have this idea that other people should do better, know better but everyone has a dark animalistic side that isn't good. You have to tame your animal side and forgive those who haven't gotten there yet.

When your mind replays certain moments over and over again, it's a way of making sure you remember the consequences so you don't do those things again. It's a little bit like your mind's immune system. Try to understand that being a bad person is a willful choice, not something you're going to do by mistake, and see if that makes the guilt a little more bearable. If you've tried everything but really can't get past it, there's no shame in opening up to someone or talking to a counselor.

I don't want to run away, I do want to start over though. I absolutely can start over but I'm overwhelmed by the shittiness of the person I used to be and I feel like any rational person would be too if I just confessed to them outright.

I know exactly what you mean by forgiving others bit. I remember the people who abused me as sociopaths, but maybe they were just kids like me who didn't know what they were doing. I haven't talked to them in years.
It has been coming up a lot more lately, and maybe it is because I'm at a point in my life where it's time to make some big choices. I have a lot of knowledge to pass onto others. A lot of mistakes I've made that I want to keep the younger people I know from making.
>Try to understand that being a bad person is a willful choice, not something you're going to do by mistake
Would you understand if I said that, at the time when I did what I did, I either genuinely thought that I was in the right or underestimated the affect it had on the victim?
I wasn't raised right.

Try being humble.

I lied. Okay? I lied to you. On sereral occasions about different things. I don’t know why I did it, but it eats me up inside. I regret it everyday. I promise to never lie to you again. I swear it, if you don’t ever trust me again I understand. I don’t deserve your trust anymore. I’m sorry

Confess here anonymously. Let's hear about what you did. It will be healing. Guilt and shame are only useful so you won't repeat wrong actions.

Living in wartorn country with a devastated economy.
Single child to my mother, father died 5 years ago.
Quit school to work so me and mother could buy food and pay father's debts.
Working 3 shifts a day, got kicked out of one of my jobs for falling asleep.
One day mother suffers from pain in her pelvic area, squeeze every coin in my pocket and borrow money to get her examined and pay for imaging and tests.
Doctor tells me my mother has a 10cm tumor in her ovaries, could be malignant and the complications can kill her any minute, surgery costs what I make in about three years combined.
Already borrowed so much money, nothing to sell that would get me even 10% of the money I need, that includes the room I rent with my mother.
Now I have to sit and watch the only person I've ever cared for in the whole world die in front of me because I am too much of a failure to save her life.

OKay. There is a lot but here's a quick rundown of regrets I have. From elementary school up until now
- Bullied a girl who had a crush on me, mocked her appearance and her religion, told her that god didn't exist and that she was too skinny for me
- Bullied an autistic kid who clearly didn't know any better with my "friends" (who would later turn on me, figures)
- Was a huge gossip, loved to shit talk everyone, again mostly to kiss up to this shitty group of friends I hung out with
- Told my mom to "shut up"
- Called my father "pathetic" and a "cunt"
- Would throw angry tantrums at myself where I would hit myself and cut myself and scream if I made even the slightest mistake
- Threatened suicide to my first girlfriend
- Cheated on my first girlfriend
- Stole money from my parents
- Totaled my parents car due to texting while driving.
- Went through a radical SJW/commie phase, abandoned friends who joined the military (ironically, I'm now very patriotic and want to enlist myself)

So yeah. I never killed anyone or physically abused them, but all in all in the past 11 years of my life, since I turned 13, I've been a spoiled, selfish, good for nothing waste of space and an embarrassment of a person.

I was raised so wrong that I was diagnosed with a personality disorder in my early twenties. I'm not going to give you a boring speech on the parts of my life that I've turned around, but I started getting my shit together at about the same age as you. Even if you were fifty, and it sounds cliche, but it really never is too late to change if you really want it.

My potential is completely fucking clouded by my lack of fucking impulse control. Why can’t I just have everything I want without working for it. Yeah fucking right. This shit stain of a planet is filled with evil that hides in the fucking shadows. Nothing is free and everything costs a piece of your soul it feels.

Why, why can’t I control my fucking impulsive habits. I fucking eat and eat and play video game until It’s time for work the next morning, where I spend most of my day doing labarous work because it pays “decent”. Come home and repeat the process because the day was so shitty I just want to relax and get all the entertainment in before I wake up and go back to another shit day. It’s an endless cycle.

Then the weekend comes with a false sense of freedom. Finally I get to catch up on the sleep I’ve missed through the fucking week. Maybe bang my gf and go play some mini golf or see a movie. Whoops looks like it’s Sunday night again ; dreading that fucking Monday where I do the same repetitive bullshit, except this time it’s lemon flavored. Not once over the weekend did I maybe invest in knowledge, read a book, fucking work on a hobby. No, it’s because I hate myself and I want to be a lazy slob. It’s fucking easier.

I’m a marvel of fucking science. Formed from the stars and created through trillions of years of mixing and morphing elements, pariticles, and whatever the fuck else. I’m the creation of a beautiful and loving benevolent entity that crafted me from It’s image.

I’m

Fucking

Alive

But with all that said it doesn’t fucking feel like it. Here I am living an excuse, living a lie, living like a fucking ape minded peasant. Day to day paycheck to paycheck welcome to the fucking planet.

I have stories I want to create. Ideas in my head. Knowledge I want to share. I want to fucking be somebody. But Im just a fucking lazy pushover.

And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of me.

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Okay so that is shitty selfish behavior but nothing out of place on Jow Forums. You honestly sound like some of the guys I've had relationships with. I've also done similar things although I was less influenced by my friends than you, I stood up to bullies on my own. As a teen I stole stuff, I told my parents off, broke a store window, manipulated a drug dealers son to give me weed because he had a crush on me, etc etc.

I was a bad kid too but I see it's because of my upbringing, lack of attention from my parents, being blamed and not treated right.

You sound like you've always had anger issues. Why is this? What caused you to be that way?

Understand that you're being controlled. You're right to be angry, but you can save being angry at yourself for later. The important thing is you realize you are being locked in a cycle, that your potential is being wasted, and that you are falling for the consumerist addiction hook, line, and sinker.
As long as you can see the walls closing in on you, there's still time to escape.

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