I really don't like the way my gf has been handling stressful situations. In general she responds to stress with a lot of fear if anything is remotely related to her but if it isn't, she couldn't care less. She wants me to drop everything when something as simple as a thunderstorm hits and she'll call me wanting to talk because she's "scared" but if I don't respond she gets furious and won't talk to me for a day besides saying I'm an asshole.
A few days ago, my best friend's dad passed away and he's wanted to hang out the last few nights since it happened because it was his last living relative and he doesn't know what to do with himself now, so I was just spending some time with him so he doesn't feel like shit and she got mad at me for "spending too much time with him" and not paying attention to her. When I said "he's upset, his dad just died in front of him" she says "well I'm upset too!" like I'm supposed to drop everything just for her.
Am I actually being an asshole or is this bullshit? I'm about tired of coddling her desu.
I really don't like the way my gf has been handling stressful situations...
Dump her. She is an abusive immature child.
that's bordering on emotional abuse, for sure manipulation
That's what I was thinking, I just wanted to make sure I'm not actually being an ass here, I've been accused of being very insensitive to women's needs before. I don't understand it personally.
bump
>I just wanted to make sure I'm not actually being an ass here,
>dumping your retarded gf because she wouldn't let you comfort your friend after his father and final tie to his family dies
Op, you are as far from an ass as it gets. Your friend is lucky to have someone legitimately dependable like you.
This.
Sounds like BPD. If you want to preserve your sanity, make like a chip and dip.
You handled it better than I would have. I would have squashed her on the spot and ended it with something like "i can't fucking believe that a man is DEAD and you have the GALL to try to make it about you. You are the most self centered, selfish person I have ever met. Get out of my sight."
Second this.
Sounds exactly like a BPD girl I was seeing and ended things with in early June.
Does she get offended at little things you say and take them really personally when it was nothing to do with her? Like, shes hypersensitive?
Shes she say all her ex's are piece of shit?
Your girlfriend is needy. You knew that going in. Don't make the conscious choice to date emotionally insecure and dependent women then complain about the consequences. We can talk about how ridiculous she is all day long but, ultimately, you are the one who chose and continues to choose to be with her. She is who she is. Take it or leave it.
Literally this
You could give her one last chance to say she isn't actually asking you to put off your friend but she sounds like a fucking teenager.
Just get rid of her, and be there for your pal. You're a good man and deserve better than that thot.
Everyone in this thead is pic related.
Everyone in this thread is right.
Good job op, she's a selfish child.
Crazy cunts have the power to inspire a thread on Jow Forums where every poster gets along. Wow.
If there's one thing posters on Jow Forums hate more than each other, it's women with bpd.
Legit laughing out loud now. Well done.
I've dated two of those wretched cunts. Run OP.
Thank you, yeah I thought she was being nuts about it and I didn't think it was proper but maybe there was some feminine thing I wasn't seeing where I was legit being insensitive towards her. Maybe I'm just a bitch.
I think yall are right and I've dated a girl similar before who I think actually had diagnosed bpd but at the time I didn't know what it meant. I'm not sure what I'm doing to attract bpd bitches, though, that's kinda worrying to me.
But yeah, she does, she gets very upset if I say the wrong thing and will project issues onto me. Mostly it has to do with me not answering the phone right when she wants me to, if I don't then I'm an asshole that doesn't love her anymore. She also uses sexuality the same way, like if I don't want to be sexual with her, she takes it very personally and will say the same thing, that I don't love her and she won't talk to me for like a day. When she starts that I usually just ignore her or tell her "I'm not putting up with this, you have your tantrum, I'm gonna go do my thing" then she'll come back saying how sorry she is and that she just misses me or whatever.
If I wasn't such a bitch I probably would say just this and not deal with it anymore but the "sorry's" and "I love yous" pull me back and I kinda hate it when I'm outside thinking about it.
I'm honestly very inexperienced as far as relationships go and I'm not 100% sure what's normal and what isn't, if it's just a woman thing that I don't understand or what, so I'm asking for advice.
I've seen that before actually, it's a nice brotherly thing to see among anons and I appreciate it, yall.
>But yeah, she does, she gets very upset if I say the wrong thing and will project issues onto me. Mostly it has to do with me not answering the phone right when she wants me to, if I don't then I'm an asshole that doesn't love her anymore. She also uses sexuality the same way, like if I don't want to be sexual with her, she takes it very personally and will say the same thing, that I don't love her and she won't talk to me for like a day. When she starts that I usually just ignore her or tell her "I'm not putting up with this, you have your tantrum, I'm gonna go do my thing" then she'll come back saying how sorry she is and that she just misses me or whatever.
Run. She sounds like she has BPD. This chit can NEVER be cured. It will just get worse and worse and these BPD women are SUPER PRONE to cheating. They will use you until they see fit and then drop you like a sack of shit and be in a new relationship within that week. Your head will spin as to how fast it will happen and after all the arguments and bullshit, you will wonder how she can be ice cold to you now. When her new relationship fails, she will go to her list of people to give her narcissistic supply and try to suck them back in. You will be one of them. It will hurt you. More than you think. She will most likely become nastier and nastier and start using things you have confided in her as leverage against you to manipulate you.
Run OP. Run as fast as you can. This disorder is in the cluster b's... alongside Narcissistic personality disorder and Antisocial personality disorder.
Thanks for the advice, friend. It's really weird (or the universe screaming at me to run) but I got into a conversation with a dude at the gym who's going thru a divorce and he described the same thing. She's using the kids and things he confided in her to manipulate shit. He just repeatedly kept telling me "don't get married man, don't ever do it, make sure she's the best girl youve ever met before even thinking about it" so I think y'all are right.
I really appreciate the help, again.
One question though and it might be stupid, but is there something one might actively be doing to attract women like that or is that something most guys go through as well?
>I'm honestly very inexperienced as far as relationships go and I'm not 100% sure what's normal and what isn't, if it's just a woman thing that I don't understand or what, so I'm asking for advice.
Fair enough. It isn't a woman thing. Its an emotionally insecure/dependent woman thing. A relationship is an investment, OP. If you hang out with her the first few times and she comes off as unbalanced and clingy then chances are she'll be the same exact way in the relationship. Don't make bad investments and you won't get bad returns. Listen to your gut. Ignore the fact that her batting her eyelashes at you and paying attention to you makes you feel good and focus on what kind of person she is and what kind of person you want to be with. A rookie mistake is getting pulled into a relationship with the first girl who gives you butterflies. You mistake that infatuation for a meaningful connection and blind yourself to your their flaws. Don't do that shit. Pay attention. A person will tell you most everything you need to know about them the first few times you interact with them.
Ignore this advice This user is not a psychologist and not qualified to diagnose anybody. They've provided a lot of unfounded and false conclusions. BPD (if thats even what she has) has almost nothing to do with narcissism. This poster is projecting their own negative personal experiences onto you.
They do, however, have a decent point in their assertion that people who display BPD type symptoms are generally unreliable. People with untreated mental illness are unreliable. They are barely able to manage their own emotions so depending on them to also help manage yours is a fool's errand. Avoid unstable people. Their specific diagnosis is irrelevant. Demonizing the mentally ill isn't necessary to avoid them or make healthy decisions for yourself.
Nothing to do with narcissism? Ha! Sorry, user but you are wrong. I have done extensive research into the disorder. All humans inherently have narcissism. It's part of having a health level of self-esteem.. When I said "narcissistic supply", I was referring to the supply of attention that she obtains from having orbiting guys and/or the new relationship that she will eventually replace OP's with. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about and handing out some advice that is going to get OP mentally fucked.
Additionally, how is the scenario posted in the OP NOT narcissistic of his girlfriend... It's almost like you're trying to be some kind of contrarian for the sake of it?
you posted before and didn't listen to anything. you only want people to say what you want to hear like most threads.
NEXT
I'm not that poster but from what OP says, his gf checks a lot of points on the BPD checklist including the guilt tripping which in my opinion is the worst thing about "people" with BPD. I also see nothing wrong with demonizing BPD cunts because they endeavor to demonize everyone around them at the first sign that you're not 10000000% committed to keeping them happy.
I haven't posted my own thread here before actually, interesting to know others are going thru similar shit I guess
Good shit, user, you make a lot of solid points, thanks so much. I do end up giving in to the puppy dog disney eyes, I hate that I do but you're right that I need to not. Makes me frustrated though that I haven't found someone that I feel that connection with, I've said no to plenty of girls that I instantly saw red flags from but I've only been in one other relationship before and that only lasted 6 months before she cheated on me
.To be fair, my friend, I don't demonize them, they kinda do it to themselves.
>they endeavor to demonize everyone around them at the first sign that you're not 10000000% committed to keeping them happy.
That's actually almost exactly how she makes me feel and what I've told to my best friend when talking about the subject while he was over recently. Whenever I give a bit of attention to something else, she acts as if I'm just another person that doesnt' love her because she's "too fat" (she's 130lbs at 5'8)
Some people are just pathologically incapable of caring for anyone but themselves. Some people are just too fucking stupid to have empathy, the idea of looking past their immediate feelings/wants and putting someone else first just does not compute. I could not carry on a relationship with someone like that, I couldn't even be friends with someone like that. It's your call, but you should know that this won't get better