Does anyone else think that our romantic relationship culture is very predatory?
What I mean by that is that you aren't supposed to make a gf/bf out of your friend. You're supposed to begin knowing that person with a mindset of a potential lover. So you don't know that person well and can only go after them under the influence of the most basic and superficial indicators, like looks. Isn't that fucked up?
Please tell me if I'm wrong and where exactly.
>Please tell me if I'm wrong and where exactly.
It sounds like you want a debate, not advice. I hope you didn't misunderstand the point of this board so badly.
>What I mean by that is that you aren't supposed to make a gf/bf out of your friend. You're supposed to begin knowing that person with a mindset of a potential lover.
Wrong out of the gate. People can start dating their friends. It happens all the time.
You're right but what's your problem? Everybody knows what to expect.
>What I mean by that is that you aren't supposed to make a gf/bf out of your friend. You're supposed to begin knowing that person with a mindset of a potential lover.
You can start a relationship at any pace you'd like, but going under the false pretense of 'friendship' is far more predatory/creepy than being honest about your intentions. Culture is only as much as an influence on your relationship as you let it be.
This, I was friends with my husband before having a romantic relationship and our relationship has thrived better than any of my other relationships since I went in knowing much more about my partner rather than simply dating out of attraction and simple courting.
I have only had relationships out of friendships that i maintained with men and other women. It happens all the time op. Sounfs like you were a bit too sucked in by tinder
>It sounds like you want a debate, not advice. I hope you didn't misunderstand the point of this board so badly.
I know, I was thinking that before making this thread but there's no better board to ask this. And this thread isn't against the rules.
Jow Forums would work but all of its users are bitter permavirgins and Jow Forums seems to be much better.
Which board is better, then?
Never used Tinder or online dating, never tried dating in any way actually.
>but going under the false pretense of 'friendship' is far more predatory/creepy than being honest about your intentions. Culture is only as much as an influence on your relationship as you let it be.
You got me wrong. I wasn't talking about starting out a friendship with romantic relatioship as an end goal
>Which board is better, then?
I don't know, Just saying that if you want advice on how to get out of this mindset, then you came to the right place. If you want to argue endlessly over this until someone says you are right, you came to the wrong place.
By the by, you have three people telling you you are wrong.
>Posting on Jow Forums not asking for advice
Leave, incel
read the thread.
>What I mean by that is that you aren't supposed to make a gf/bf out of your friend. You're supposed to begin knowing that person with a mindset of a potential lover.
Some people choose to enter relationships with the out-of-the-gate intent of exploring romantic compatibility. Some people become friends initially and then discover romantic compatibility as they grow closer. Some people enter relationships with the intent of exploring romantic compatibility, decide they're not compatible in that way, but remain as friends.
Maybe it’s not that serious. Who cares how it starts as long as you end up liking the person
I started this thread because I see people getting advice "go on tinder or try online dating." all the time.
It disgusts me for some reason.
People get that advice because they are solitary assholes that can't meet girls in real life. For them, TInder is their best choice, unless they are willing to spend their free time going out more. Most are not willing.
You are wrong in the sense that there is nothing stopping you from dating friends.
However, if none of your friends want to date you then that says a lot about you as a perspective partner.
Explain
You're just really naive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing someone based off looks, the majority of the population does it before they get to know the other person and decide to get with them based on their personality and overall compatibility.
You also have to take into account the matter of personal emotional stability and being able to emotionally calibrate with the other person. Sure there are cases where you just end up "falling in love" with someone you already know, but a lot of times that comes down more to sexual attraction that manifests itself with infatuation. In any case, the person that falls in love is usually really bad at calibrating with the person they fell in love with; that is, they have no idea how to approach the situation. This is understandable because of issues such as social pressure, personal insecurities, fear of loss, etc. Sadly no one ever teaches you how to be emotionally mature such that you can pursue a romantic interest like that without fucking up the situation and making it awkward for all parties involved
And then there's the old classic scenario where a person (most usually a guy) wants to get with someone so they start out being their friend to later make the jump into a romantic partner, which is 1000x more predatory and scummy in nature
You want me to explain why the people who know you best dont want to be with you?
yeah
Take a guess.
I barely have close friends, I have no idea.
Your friends literally see you as a non sexual individual. That's it. There's a lot of nuances that go into it but basically it's down to simple sexual chemistry. Everyone will go on about some stupid shit but really it all comes down to how you convey your sexuality to them
>What I mean by that is that you aren't supposed to make a gf/bf out of your friend.
this is baffling and untrue. I guess that answers the rest of your post.
for reference, it takes at least a couple months to make a friend, and it takes about a month for a psychological mating bond to really set in. this means that you should wait to get to know your partner, in or outside dating, before having sex.
and, considering the variety of personalities in the world, looks should be a standard and not the ultimate goal. a partner with passable looks who’s a good person >>> a partner with great looks who’s a bad person.
do befriend your partners and potential
partners. please abandon the silly notion that you shouldn’t do so.
You dont have to play that game if you dont like it, but you sound like an underage retard too cowardly to do his own thing but also too much of a weakling to play along
not op. what’s ur defintion of playing along, using tinder and reading cosmo?
Pretty much. Either play the game or don't, stop sitting around bitching about how the game is flawed. We've heard your spiel a hundred fucking times before.
But I would hate tinder even if I could easily find matches.
t. OP
Nigger are you literally incapable of reading? Go fuck yourself, nobody is interested in some retard who csnt even follow a fucking text conversation
How do you think people should date? What would make you more comfortable? Think about it and try that
Spoken like someone who has never had a female friend with a crush on them.
People arent conscious of their attraction.
You make it seem like you can get over an ex by being their friend because your body naturally isnt attracted to friends.
What? The fuck are you talking about retard? You are the one speaking like he has no idea how people become attracted to each other
If your friend doesn't want to date you it's because you are not sexually appealing to them. You're seriously naive dude. They will obviously not put it that way, but by knowing how people actually think the first fundamental part is "do I see myself engaging in a sexual relationship with this person?
I don’t think that user meant that as a general statement about friendship. Just that OPs friends in particular have no sexual attraction to him