I’m dating a girl that has depression. Can I get some advice?

I’m dating a girl that has depression. Can I get some advice?

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Yes: stop dating her and never again date mentally ill people.
You're welcome

Drop her.

Realize you can never fix her/make her happy, only she can do so. Realize she might leave you at any time if she gets into a really negative way. Mine did to me after 2.5 years and me saving her from killing herself twice. I've still not healed really.

What’s the root of the problem?

But in all seriousness if it looks too tall of a task, leave her on the table.

Bumping for itnerest, I'm the girl in my case

She’s had a terrible life over all. She’s had an abusive mother and a suicidal dad. She’s had 2 exes that either beat her up or cheated on her. She recently told me that when she was 18 she wanted to end it, and was hoarding pills so she could OD, but she got caught doing it. She’s a very negative thinker, and even though I’ve treated right, she thinks it’s too good to be true, and gets paranoid that I’m cheating or have bad intentions. It’s really tough, but I still love her. At the times we are good it’s perfect. She’s thoughtful, she’s loyal, she’s honest and I trust her completely. It’s just a shame because she’s got trust issues. I am really hoping for a solution, i am hopeful that we can get past this and eventually be normal, but all her life she’s had to look over her shoulder and it’s really difficult to get her out of it. I just wondered if anyone has been in the same boat or if someone could give me some advice on how to deal with this type of person.

What I’m seeing is right now you’re kinda the last chance she’ll have. You’ll have to be the light at the end of the tunnel or be the guy in the chick flick that pulls through despite the odds and show her there’s more the world can offer.

As someone that dated someone with severe depression all I can say is to get out.
You will resent her eventually because get issues will overshadow everything else. You will only be there to give her support when she had yet another panic attack or can't get out of the bed to make food.
I thought I could deal with it and it broke me. You can not fix her.
Also a good chance that there will be very little sex.

I sorta knew this already, but because of her way of thinking, she doesn’t see it this way, she sees it that her life has been full if disappointments, this will just be another one to the collection. And it’s a shame that’s the case because I’m in a position to give her a life that she deserves, where we can both be happy, but she just fimds trouble accepting and is beimg pessimistic about the whole situation.

You sound like a schmuck with a savior complex. If she recovers, it'll be because of her own resolve and hard work, not because she had some boyfriend trying to play therapist.

Well I can leave you with this: If she doesn’t want to be saved she’s [Irredeemable]. Time is something that keeps passing and there is no rebate, so do what’s best for yourself.

I suppose I can see this happening. But I do love her, and from your own personal experience, you can agree that it’s not that simple to just up and leave. As for the sex part, I get it when I want it, and she’s happy to do it. I suppose she thinks that she’s got to keep me sexually satisfied so I don’t leave her.

This, user is a typical naive and immature fuckwit who thinks that he can fix and save a girl with major issues. A quick reality check: OP won't mend her broken psyche, his love won't help much because years and years of abuse and negative expediences with shitty people won't just go away. It's so deeply rooted in her that maybe a very good and experienced therapist can help her, certainly not some naive moron.
>She’s a very negative thinker, and even though I’ve treated right, she thinks it’s too good to be true, and gets paranoid that I’m cheating or have bad intentions. It’s really tough, but I still love her.
You will get tired with this sooner or later, people like her only exhaust and bring down their partners. 10 years from now you will regret getting involved with her.

I’m not that person at all. She’s a person I deeply care about and know if she got past this issue she’d be a lot happier in life. I know it’s her that’s got to get through on her own, and that it’s her problems that she’s got to personally deal with. But i just want to help her and give her a push in the right direction. I have genuinely fallen for this girl and all I want is a strong, happy relationship with her. But unfortunately in this case it’s easier said than done

A naive and immature fuckwit. Tbh you’re not wrong. This is the first serious relationship I’ve been, and was just looking for a bit of hope and advice to go about it. Are you speaking from experience?

Well you have been warned. I broke after 3 years. I will never date someone with depression again

>first serious relationship
Her mental issues aside, it's unlikely to last. People tend to fuck up their first relationships because they lack necessary experience or maturity
>hope
Is she seeing a therapist? Taking meds? Doing anything to alleviate her depression? If not, then there is no hope. Love alone won't save her
>Are you speaking from experience?
Yes. I was a naive fuck like you once and spent 5 years of my life trying to fix a broken person. It left me hollow and emotionally cold, my own mental health went to shit and because I focused almost all my energy and resources on my ex, I alienated myself from my family and friends. So when I finally mustered the courage to dump her, I found myself alone and broken. Not saying this is exactly how shit will go in your case, but if your girl doesn't want to get better and isn't actively trying to change her mindset, then you are fucked.

Your girlfriend sounds like the female version of my boyfriend and I’m basically dealing with the same issue. It’s rough. I knew him before he was depressed though so I know that the way he’s acting now isn’t the “real” him and hold on to hope he’ll pull his way out of it one day with love and support. Yes, therapy can help, but I think people on this board underestimate the importance of feeling loved and what a huge effect it can have on a person’s mental health. Love is at the root of everything. Love or the lack of it.

I think you are but you don't know it yet. I don't mean to be so harsh but it's true. I went through some shit (addiction, attempted suicide, institutionalization) and my girl stayed with me and put up with unbelievable amounts of bullshit for ~3 years. Guess what happened when I got better? We broke up, because I had to completely change myself, and we ended up just not being compatible when I was well. Add to that, she was (rightfully) carrying around resentment of me that would have lasted forever, and I'd have to deal with the shame of her having seen me at my absolute worst. It's just easier to start over. Actually what's best is to not date until you have your mental shit sorted out, that's what's best for all involved.

Easy way: Stop dating her.
Harder way: Talk about it with her and find out together how to find happiness.