I went to college starting in my late 20s, I'm 31 and starting my final year now...

Why do you need to be one of those popular kids? To me, you sound like an average person wishing to be one of the exceptional people. Most people wish to be exceptional but we can’t all be. It makes sense not to want to be a total outcast but to want nothing but the hottest girl and a bunch of frat boy friends is excessive.

You're right, of course, but I guess It's like, my younger years were so shitty that I desperately wanted to become one of those people to "make up for it," I guess. I don't want to be an average person. I don't want to date an average girl. I just wish that I didn't have to exist, instead. Like I said, I think about death all of the time...

To add to this, I *was* a total outcast throughout primary, middle, and high school. To be on the other side of that is, I think, the one thing I've always wanted more in my life than anything else. The idea that I won't ever do that, is ultimately what I'm fixating on, and I have a hard time accepting that without immediately contemplating suicide as I did last night.

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I think I internalized the idea of being an outcast very strongly. Now it doesn't seem to matter how many friends I have or whatever, I can't get away form that. I built up college in my head as my opportunity to reverse that.

From an objective standpoint, I'm doing better socially than I ever have in my life now. And that *can* pull me out of the darkness. But as soon as I'm reminded of who I am and what I'll never be everything ceases to matter.

Especially when I see those girls. Nothing brings me down quite like that.

I'm 29 going on 30, i have 2 quarters left at college and then I'll have 2 AAS and a AA. I might go for a BA or BS if i feel.

Less than a year ago I was left by my ex of 11yrs after 6 weeks of marriage so she could fuck around because she got cold feet and didn't wanna miss out on dating around. This was during finals week in winter.

I was devastated. But i stayed busy, threw my self into my hobbies , took up dance lessons, hit the gym, hung out with my friends and made more friends.

I was 29 hanging around 20 yr olds but no one cared. I have a new circle of friends , I took up choir / singing. Ill be starting a band with my new friends (18 & 20) soon and I have an amazing degree and job prospects.

I've never felt younger. I've never looked or felt better . this is the prime of my life right now and i thought it was wasted in my decade+ long relationship but i still threw my self into what i wanted from life.

And yes I've hooked up with younger chicks.

Anything's possible OP, no one cares if you're "old" , people care if you're fun to be around.

But seriously, hit the gym.

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I'm actually sitting in a café near campus right now. There's all these 18/19-year old Asian girls. Some of them are wearing their letter jackets, all of them are wearing crop tops and short skirts. I swear I'm not staring at them like a creep! But I certainly feel like one. I feel like I would give anything in the world to sleep with one of them just once. And I hate myself for feeling that way. I really, really do. I feel disgusted with myself for feeling so desperate. I feel like exactly the stereotype of a gross older loser who preys on young girls. I also hate the sense of needing external validation from another person so badly in general.

In America only the 5-10% of young men ever experience this. If you're not white, wealthy, and attractive it's going to be hard to be popular. But to be an "all american" Chad is such a small chance to be born into out of the world. 99% of people won't experience it.

You could run drug dealer game to get sorority sluts though if you want

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Op have you tried meditation, that's always helped me get through hard times.

Don't burn the candle in the present to try to light the past. Think about how you will feel when you are in your 50's looking back at your spinning your wheels now.

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Trust me OP, you have no idea how many normal-aged and normal-looking college guys who walk around perfectly fine everyday are virgins with little experience with girls either. Trust me, the 80/20 principle is strongest in college, both sorority and non-sorority girls go for the top guys in the top frats. A small slice of the guys get most of the pussy and most other guys are cockblocked or have to settle, at least at my university. Don't modernize modern sexuality it's really not that great for the average young guy.

Are there no grad girls that pique your fancy? Should be some around the college bar scene. You won't feel as creepy and they are somewhat intelligible usually.

You overthink stuff way too much, you are on the last year of college, a good chunk of people you imagine they lead perfect lives won't even get to where you are.
You place obstacles in front of yourself that only exist within your head.
Sure, we all have regrets of what ifs, maybe you didn't experience certain things, but also, your current life choices probably taught you a lot of things too, so don't worry about whatever was across the street.
The only things that matter is that you find a goal to pursue, someone to love and make an effort for, and nothing else really

why do you think you can't go to one of these parties? if you're that desperate then just crash one and have a good time

and i'll add that fucking young pussy is great but so what? these girls are almost always vapid and boring. once you've fucked them then what? whatever problems you had before the sex will still be there and you'll just want to get far away from the girl. this can apply to any type of sex with a stranger but yeah, these girls don't have much to offer besides some fleeting physical pleasure

Don't let feminists shame you into thinking your naturally healthy impulses are creepy or 'wrong' somehow. Young girls roughly around the 18 range are at their most physically attractive peak - it is literally their most fertile years for bearing offspring. For literally thousands of years men around 25-35 would marry girls around 15 and provide for and protect them in a stable marriage for life. It is only in the last 20 years (and only in the US and Canada really) that some parts of culture have chosen to call 29-year-old girls "just children". For all of previous human history they would literally be grandmothers on average at that point.

That said, you need to have built yourself up to have something to offer in this exchange for female youth, beauty, and fertility, otherwise you are like a children with 2 pennies looking into a gourmet candy shop - tempting yourself isn't going to make you feel any better. If you end up in a serious relationship headed to marriage with one of these 18-year-olds, hell I'll mail you a wedding gift myself. But hitting-it-and-quitting-it with multiple girls is degenerate behavior. It ruins their ability to pair-bond with their future husbands (or their desirability to even get married in the first place).

Yes, young women are very attractive, that's why there is so much art, poetry, statues, etc. dedicated to adoring the female form. In the meantime, you are about to graduate, that's fantastic! What else are you doing to invest in yourself? Hobbies? Skills? Interests? What do you like other than women and getting high? Focus on improving what you bring to the table and you'll be happier too. The girls will also want to come to that table.

>strawman
>false equivalence
>appeal to nature
>begging the question

those are just the ones I counted

i'll say this once, this never helps, never really heals, it just feels good talking to anyone about anything becouse the mind is no longer in that negative thought/past/present state it so much hates, its good to let go, its not good clinging on talking about it to someone getting paid to listen, because in few years time, you'll relapse into that negative state and realize what a load of bs it was, unless the psychiatry is genuine someone who'v had similar experience and
gives a genuine advice, 1/12 chance

am sorry to inform you, what you feel is about as any human being out there feels when they could not participate or be part of something, regardless whether it was during childhood, college or adulthood, this is something you'll never be able to heal yourself from if you keep making a big deal out of it.

i came from iraq at a young age to sweden, escaping the war, and throughout my entire years i spent in elemayary school up to university, i've never had anyone, i use to put on my football T-shirt and play ball by myself.

i've lived a depressing lonely life, and experienced what you experienced, altho i was going to cut my wrist with a sharp knife however.. am still clinging on living.

This quote by imam Ali helped me to let go of the past:
Work for a Better Life as if you live forever,
And work for Better End as if you die tomorrow.

you can improve or you can cling onto your past experiences/life

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Is Sweden as racist as I imagine it being?

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Literally nothing wrong with sleeping with 18 year olds no matter how old you are

I feel like I would stick out tremendously if I did.

I actually have been to a literal frat party, once. Some of them aren't invite-only. One of the Asian fraternities at my school has big parties from time to time that they advertise on facebook and run realy professionally like a club with a lineup and doorman in front and their own cash bar inside and everything, you just have to have a student ID to be allowed in. I went to one when I was 29 right after I broke up with my ex. It was actually pretty amazing, way better than I would have expected it to be. And, although I *felt* out of place, I got on pretty well with everyone. The average age there was about 19/20. I had a lot of fun, but I already felt pretty weird doing it then, and I was still in my 20s and could easily have passed for like 25 physically.

They don't do them often but they'll probably hold another one or two this year and I certainly can't see myself going, even though there's not some literal rule against it.

I would just feel like such a creep. My face has aged a little more in the last couple years and, even though I've also become more attractive on the whole because I've been working out a lot, I honestly would stand out physically much more than just a year and a half ago. I recognize that this is mostly a cultural thing, but there definitely is this figure of predacious older guys who go to parties like that to try to pick up young girls. I would feel like I was falling right into that box, no matter whether or not I actually spent the whole time trying to pick up freshman girls or something. It just feels somehow off limits now.

I mean, am I just holding myself back? I feel like if I were to have just posted here asking whether I should go to one, most people would say it was pretty weird, especially women.

Who cares if people see you as that?

What you seem to be touching on is that to be happy, you just have to surround yourself with so many distractions that you can't spare any time to think about your purpose in life, your past, etc. It explains why people feel lost when they don't have work; it gives them time to realize how meaningless and tedious their slaving away is. To me being happy just seems like self delusion; I'd rather be miserable and yet truthful to myself than the alternative. Leisure is valuable, and yet we spend our lives doing things we don't care for, living in the hope that tomorrow will be different when it won't. Thoreau was right when he observed that the endless toil of his neighbors was senseless and blind. We are still given one life to live: that of work, when in reality, there are, "as many as radii can be drawn from a center." I still have yet to discover purpose and happiness but I find comfort in knowing virtually no one else has either (I mean here true purpose, not what they have convinced themselves to be purpose, ie money, pleasure, etc.).

If people perceive me that way, they're much more likely to judge or dislike me based on a first impression, be guarded when talking to me, etc... I especially think it will push women away, be they'll be consciously on the lookout for/trying to avoid men like that.

I mean, I have to admit at this point I'm just speculating based on popular culture, I guess. Some of of this could really be my own self-doubt speaking; the objective truth is probably that some fraction of people would see it that way, some fraction would hold those opinions but not put enough weight on them that it stops them from talking to me or makes them dislike me, some fraction wouldn't care one way or the other, and some might even be more interested to know why I was there.

I promise you, it's not as great as you think it is. I promise, the immaturity of those girls would drive you crazy after you spent some time with them. Grass is always greener and all that. Take off the Rose colored glasses, at the end of the day those girls are just people. Not any better or worse than you.

I hear this a lot if I talk about this stuff but it's hard to see it that way in my heart for two reasons.

1. I'm also so strongly inclined to want to be around a younger crowd in social contexts. And I know I'm not just making up a fantasy about that - because I was so caged in when I was younger, I just love being even adjacent to all that.. Being around young, very high energy people; hearing about the weekends' exploits... all of that is actually gold to me.

2. Hookups have held an enormous emotional weight for me in the past. It's kind of unfortunate, because as I mentioned above I don't like depending so much on external validation, but because I was such an outcast when I was younger, the handful of times in my 20s that I hooked up with someone or had a casual relationship had an incredibly powerful influence on me in terms of helping me to keep going with life, to see myself differently, and so forth.

Everyone says that that stuff is empty, and it won't really change anything for you. And in terms of where I've ended up right now, feeling defeated still craving that validation, there's some truth in that. But it's not been the whole truth of my experience, either. Which makes it that much harder to let go of, even though I think I should.

What you're missing there is that the enormous value you place on those experiences is directly proportional to their rarity.

If you had those things all the time, you wouldn't find so much value in them. For you, those are memories you will treasure for a lifetime. For Chad, they were Thursday.

This actually works to your advantage in a sense. You don't need to be some frat bro at the center of the in-crowd and you wouldn't aget nearly so much out of it and wouldn't utomatically be happy if you were On the other hand, you can probably get invited to a couple of parties. You can probably meet some 18 year old on Tinder and fuck in the back of your car.

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No

Achieving goals, growing as a person , pushing yourself and having a good attitude is what im touching on. Basically shifting priorities out of validation from other people and self validation.

Happiness is a bird,all we can do create an environment that makes it likely to visit.

Cynicism isn't wisdom, it's a lazy way to say that you've been burned

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There's nothing to bump man. This is it.

Shit has already passed you by and there's nothing you can do about it except move on. I mean, most of the advice here is advice given by 20-somethings who still think in terms of chads and stacies and other bullshit terms. You're just here to ask for permission to break standards that you hold for yourself. Only you can answer that.

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I'm actually not sure I know what you mean. You're right that the life I wanted to have has passed me by, but I'm not holding myself back because of some kind of standard. Like, I would love to be accepted and be able to be part of that whole college social scene, but as you point out and as I am well aware, I've essentially run out of time.

The problem is that that is making me suicidal, especially when I'm around all those young girls. I've struggled on and off with depression my whole life, but I know that the night before last was very much the closest I've ever come to actually taking my own life. know I would have succeeded at doing so, too. And although I stopped myself from doing so, and I don't feel like I'm immediately at risk of harming myself anymore, I'm still in a really bad way right now.

So if that's all you want and you think your life is really, truly over because of that, what stopped you from doing it?

I really wanted to die, but I didn't want to hurt the people who care about me, especially my family.

Also I felt like when my ex found out she would blame herself and I didn't want to inflict that on her. I do have some friends at school, I'm in a community service group of which I was a charter member of my school's chapter, I thought that they would be really shocked and sad too.

If not for those things I probably would've done it. But I hate hurting people.

So you have a lot of things to live for, you have family and friends who care about you, you're about to finish college, you've been a leader in your community, why would you kill yourself just because you can't literally be a keg-pounding 20 year old frat bro?

OP, you're looking backwards. You're comparing yourself to people ten years younger. Why not get thinking about what's next? Sure, your past could have been better (it could have been worse); most everybody's could have. But why not get busy interacting with more mature people? The good ones are a lot more interesting, frankly, than college kids.

Shouldn't it be way easier to get those girls as a 31 year old? Or are you the dad-body balding guy?

I'm going back to school next year at 31, and I already know it's going to be a cakewalk. Change your perspective.

Is balding a killer? I'm fit but balding.

There's ways you can make it work, if you're fit thats a huge plus. Girls love older guys, but if you're walking around thinking youre past your prime its going to come out in your body language and people are going to be turned off.

This whole thing requires an epiphany, a literal change in the way you see yourself and the world. Easier said than done, but at what other option do you have?

Don't be one of those guys who thinks life is over at 31, bitch - you're just getting started.

If theres 1 major difference between guys successful with women and unsuccessful with women, its consistency.

Sure there are naturals, but it can be done by anyone if they put in the hard work.

If you think you worked hard, then prove it - if you worked very hard, you should have at least some record of what you did - ie. women asked out, how many times a week, types of social skills developed, friends made, accomplishments ......

hard work my ass

I'm near bald and semi-fit, I seem to be getting MORE attention from women than I ever did in my 20's - I'm not really interested in dating at the moment, more career focused.

meant for

First of all, I have to reiterate how I'm very fixated on young girls and how this is a problem. Not only am I always looking at college girls - especially stereotypical sorority girls - and putting myself down by telling myself that I'll never get a girl like that, my own thoughts make me uncomfortable. I get how someone said it's very common for men to like young girls and only recently has society really begun to take a dim view of it, but my thinking is obsessive and self-destructive. When I tell myself that I'm building a fantasy in my head, I feel like I am lying to myself because I actually really enjoy being around young people socially and because the few times that I've actually had hookups they've been really significant to me. Someone above pointed out that It's because of the rarity of having those experiences that they mean so much to me, and that if I had them all the time they would be insignificant, and I think they're right. To me, they're rare treasures, whereas to someone who was at the center of that growing up they're just how life is. Still, I am uncomfortably obsessed with young girls, and it is probably the biggest single trigger for depressive thinking for me

Also, I talked about how I was an outcast through all of primary/middle/high school. I guess I told myself at 18 that what I wanted more than anything in the world was to be on the other side of that coin, to share in the experiences I saw my peers having. So I started to put a huge amount of effort into improving myself. And I've come tremendously far. But I didn't actually integrate with my peers in that sense, instead I came out of my shell over the course of my 20s and kind of cut my own path. I picked up good friends along the way and found meaning in helping others. But, I'll never be young and surrounded by other young people sharing the same experiences. I feel like I failed. And I feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life being reminded of that.

Would be really cool to hear women's perspectives on all this btw, even if they're harsh.

Well you have found some meaning in life and thats good. I'd advise getting a coach who can help you with the emotional stuff. It's not so much what coach you pick, its just having someone there who you can feedback to your progress to - try not to just get someone who understands, but also one who doesn't let you stay stuck and challenges you.

You're just glorifying the life of a party college kid, there's a lot of shit you don't see that makes it unappealing. STD rates have never been high among young adults, people get knocked up all over the place as I'm sure you must have seen by now in your 20s, and now we have all this #MeToo rape culture shit.

You haven't failed anything, it's not like you're going to be a 40 year old wizard. Just keep moving forward, and if you hook up, you hook up.

I mean what you just stated is exactly my problem, and I that very well at this point. And yet, I almost killed myself on Friday night.

I do see a therapist, and I think it's the things I've gained from that that gave me the tools to kind of talk myself down from actually hanging myself.

Whelp I guess I will give it a go then. Hopefully it's not just 30 year olds.

That's the thing. I would actually say that I am highly attractive. I'm tall and very fit, I have a bit of a receding hairline but it works fine if I grow it out long or cut it super short.

That's part of what makes my thoughts so absurd. I think I mentioned above that not only am I not incel - though I've had a dry spell for the last 8 months, but that mostly comes down to having focused on other things - I have actually had more sex partners than average for my age. Objectively, if I really wanted to hook up with college girls, I probably could do decently on Tinder if only I could come up with a decent profile and good photos. Though I also feel like I wouldn't know how to approach, I've never actually done online dating.

I should go hit on college girls

Give some tips..

yes, this, tell us your secrets

Play runescape - its a good distraction from sins of the flesh

>31 is so incredibly young
This delusional, I understand its important to see the glass as half full but one must still not pretend the glass is full either.

I wasted far too much of my time online already.

I do that, I'm going to be exactly the same person at 40 talking about how I missed out on 30 year old pussy.

>watch motivational videos

Lmao

Seriously though probably every guy wishes they were young and fucking PTP.

There was frosh week recently and i saw so many hot young chicks in the city and i felt those same feels.

On the brightside youll be out or that environment soon

>i willed myself to survive

You sound like a maasive fag desu. If i knew you in person i would bully you

And yet it seems impossible to get it.
There must be a way.

ur saying u have no friends at college.
?
girls are just girls dont think about to much just make some friends if u dont have any yet.
u should have some by now unless.
u dont talk to anyone.
maybe u shouldmove to a rental unit in campusmake some friends.

I think most would experience that as a passing feeling, though.

But for me, somehow, I have all these things going for me, and then I'm reminded of that and none of it matters. And I'm struggling with this constantly. It's really fucked up and I'm very disturbed by my own obsessiveness. I don't know if I'll actually survive long enough to be out of that environment. I'm not trying to be dramatic, it's just that, I've definitely never come this close before. This time, I stopped because I thought about how the people around me would feel. But I was so, so close. I went around the back of the bar, the construction site was next door and behind it, across an alleyway. They were building a row of townhouses, so there was a little platform in between them. And a rope hanging down from the top of one of them. I just wanted so badly for my experience to stop. To not have to exist in this body, to step into the nothing so that I didn't have to continue living and being reminded of who I was and wasn't. I climbed up on the platform and I thought about how it was unlikely that anyone would find me until morning. It was a good, sturdy rope. I still felt so sad but now everything just felt calm. Cold, empty, welcoming, calm, all at the same time. But somehow, I stopped and started to kind of talk to myself internally. I sat down on the platform. I went back and forth. I wanted to do it so badly, but I kept forcing myself to consider the way different people in my life would feel. I went through this dialogue with myself for about 45 minutes. Finally I just stood up and went around the front and into the bar. I got really hammered and left after the second band and went home and went to bed. The next day, I posted this thread.

So, I mean, this time I stopped myself. And I don't feel any immediate urge to self-harm now. But what if I have another night like that, and another spur of the moment opportunity? I was *lucky* this time. Next time?

why do you want to hang out with teenagers and early 20's? getting a gf that age shouldn't be that hard because men get better with age unlike women but quit trying to be like a teenager, you sound like a faggot.

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thx bb

You should smoke this joint with me, fool.

OP i hope you read this

you’re being a complete bitch right now. your priorities are not in the right order. and you’re using this desire as a cop out. this is an impulse you’re just unnecessarily feeding into. just fucking get a young escort and stop bitching about it you sound pathetic. have some fucking divinity and get your priorities in order

dignity*

True that.

Young lasses are pretty hot, but I agree that it's time for you to move on with your life. Look at what's ahead of you and don't do the same mistakes.

Yeah it's the logistics of getting one.

>I've spent my entire life dreaming of girls like that and I'll probably never have one
>Every time I see girls like that, I'm reminded: I'll never get with one of them
>So now, I'm going to go my whole life seeing those women and be reminded that they're forever out of reach

I'm surprised no one else has mentioned this extreme entitlement complex you have. You aren't owed anything or anyone.
It's objectification at its worst and it sounds exactly like you're trying to tick boxes to feel accomplished. This is a meaningless priority as it won't sustain your self-worth long term. Ever heard of those guys who just can't let go of their frat house days? Do you think if you were given the chance that that would happen with you?
I think you need to work with your therapist to understand why this is so harmful.
This entitlement also encompasses how you feel you should have been allowed to be part of this frat scene in general. Like it was a birthright or something.
Let's put it in perspective, I've often fantasized about the idea of being in a band and becoming world famous and having adoring fans and being just otherworldly talented. You know what though? I've never felt like I was owed this.
Now, your fantasy isn't as inconceivable as mine. You could actually make ways to overcome your insecurities and make friends with others who attend those specific parties. You "may" be invited along. And if you are, you "may" end up hooking up with those fantasy girl/s. Or you may not. And this is where the acceptance comes in. Again, you aren't owed anything or anyone.
I think you're too afraid of rejection to even try.
What's really stopping you from ever having the opportunity is you. Not your age. Not your past unpopularity.
What's more concerning here is that you seem totally delusional as to perspective, long term goals, and a general lack of self awareness.

I travel in some of the circles you’re describing and I think sleeping with a much younger girl is a terrible idea. I’ve never been with anyone but most of my friends have had an experience with an older man. All of them regret it, and most of them are angry at the man in question for manipulating them and using them for their youth.
If you’re hanging out with younger people and being friendly and normal, you’ll probably fall into an older brother role and not be perceived as creepy. If you’re there strictly to pick up girls, people will notice. Please don’t be that guy!

This. While there are plenty of people that do, there are literally billions outside of the US who won't. Doesn't make your problem any less bad though.

Hey, look at it this way. You've actually been a in relationship and had sex - I haven't had that and I'm a 42 year old kissless, hugless, handholdless man. I shit you not.

I spent my entire youth playing D&D with my
cousin who later went on to become semi-famous. Me? I stayed inside everyday and allowed my social skills to deteriorate. Now I'm a remote software developer who is trying to get into the indie game development scene.

tl;dr shit happens, grass is always browner on the other side

I'm still here and I'm not sure that I agree with you principally because I've never actually expected, per se, that that's actually attainable for me. It *is* like I am "checking boxes" in an extremely objectifyong manner but my feelings are toxic on a much more fundamental level than that in that they are actually highly obsessive and irrational.

Like if it was just an issue of feeling entitlement it would be so much easier for me to let go.

Instead, I am *fixating* on a concept in a manner which really disturbs me.

Like, when
talks about how they run in those circles, and how the women always regret having relationships with older guys, and how toxic it can be - I believe them! But it really does instantly just make me want to die.

Similarly, I am well aware of how noticeable the contrast between being that guy and being the actually cool older brother type guy is.

Like what you're missing here is that I'm extremely self aware of how messed up this is. I think I've used the words disturbing, uncomfortable, etc. in this thread several times to describe my own feelings.

So, the awareness of those things doesn't seem to really help make the extreme emotional state go away.

Also to add to
I mean this is what I'm talking about when I say I wouldn't be comfortable going to that party I mentioned. Sure, it's not really the only reason I would want to be there, but an environment like that with my agr most people are going to jump to the conclusion thay I am, in fact, that guy.

So I don't think it's my own standards holding me back, I really don't believe I could ever be accepted.

Basically I would say I have a very similar sort of complex to what incels have going on, sans the misogynist ideology and actual lack of any sexual history.

I'm aware that this is extremely pathetic.

Someone also talked about how I seem to feel like It's my "birthright" and I can't emphasize enough how strongly I disagree with that characterization. It's more like I assumed for a long time that I was born to be an outcast and completely fucked on a social level, and I spent a long time telling myself that if only I worked hard enough for it it was possible to be on the other side of that coin, to be at the center of everything. Failing at that seems to lead me to feel like I'm going to be a "permanent outcast" - no matter how many friends I actually have, no matter my plans for the future, no matter that I am actually very invested in the people around me.

I think at some point that got tied up with my sexuality and I started literally fetishizing college girls. The flipside of that being that feelings of sexual frustration get tied back to feelings of being an outcast.

I don’t think your dilemma thing is unusual or messed up, especially since you’re exercising good judgement and trying to do what’s right/socially sanctioned.
>with my age most people are going to jump to that conclusion
Maybe at a frat party, but those suck anyway. House parties are more fun and at those there’s usually someone’s older roommate/cousin/friend floating around so your presence wouldn’t be unusual. All of this is under the assumption people will guess your age in the first place. If you’re Asian you probably age slow anyway, and no one will know you hit 30 unless you tell them.
When I say “don’t be that guy” wrt chasing younger girls, it’s less that this will carry social consequences for you (it probably won’t) and more that I worry on behalf of girls who get played by guys who are after them because they are young, and for no other reasons.
Are you comfortable being a cool older brother type person in these settings? Would that give you the sense of belonging and status you’re looking for? Because that’s definitely achievable.

Like, again, I have to point out that *I think this is incredibly toxic up and a seriously self-destructive way to think*, but It's like I've got this binary dialectic deep in my head where somehow if I'm not dating the hottest girl in school it means I am permanently at the absolute bottom of the social ladder and completely fucked for life. It doesn't matter that I have all these other goals and dreams that I want to be focusing on, it doesn't seem to matter that I do actually have friends at school and a handful of close, lifelong friends, it doesn't seem to matter that objectively I'm really starting to make strides in repairing my life after the break up - as soon as I engage with that dialectic, *nothing matters.*

It is totally fucked up.

Yeah, to a certain extent I already play that role! I think I mentioned earlier that I helped charter a community service organization on my campus in my freshman year - it has grown very large in a few years and I am by far the oldest member.

This actually puts me adjacent to the frat scene in a way. There a lot of members who are also in frats/sororities. A bunch of girls who are also members of the organization actually started a new chapter of Phi Mu sorority on my campus.

It is definitely a very different dynamic than even a couple of years ago when I was still in my late 20s though. Like, they like spending time with me, but then they're less likely to invite me out to a college bar, things like that, because they assume I'm just not going to be interested.

>He didn't choose a college with 1 hottie for every 200 people
Heh, what a loser, enjoy your pain

As a 23 year old I'll say it's not that great all you're missing out on is loud music and drunk people doing stupid shit. We all wish we were younger, but you should be more interested in exploring your future especially when you're only 30.

I mean, I know what you're saying objectively, but I still really wish I feel like it was acceptable to go to another one of those parties. I had a really good time at the one I went to when I was 29.

Just
Go
You
Faggot
Nobody
Cares

bump

You’re a fucking man child good god