Tl;dr Attracted to a male friend. Am male. I can't decide what to do so you decide for me

Everything is said in the picture but I'll elaborate more here. I've been on the internet since I was 9 (20 years old now, in college) and I know that Jow Forums is the only place I can put out 100% honesty and truth and get back the same, rather than some politically correct "go for it!" trash like on other websites.

I've pondered my sexuality my entire life. My mother and all of my close friends (guys, I dislike girls) are all aware of my same-sex attractions. John might be. I know his roommate last year knew, not sure if they talked about it or not.

I don't believe in people being "gay" or "straight". You're just attracted to who/what you're attracted to. For whatever reason. Genetic, environmental, it doesn't matter to me. All that matters to me is that I'm attracted to John and that I'm not sure what the best course of action is. He's a very good friend of mine and I'm scared of losing his friendship. But I'm also equally scared of the possibility of never knowing if he could reciprocate my feelings.

Without jerking myself off (do that way too much already), I'm fairly attractive, confident, seemingly not a loser by anyone who knows me's standards. John, by comparison, is not any of those things as much as I am from what I can tell, but this isn't about that. The point I'm trying to make is - that I'm not just some random fag in one of his classes asking him out.

I thought there was no way he would return my feelings, but lately his mannerisms have changed. He's started "flirting" with me in ways he didn't use to, like complimenting me excessively, being more shy rather than "bro"-ish when I tease him, and other little things like that.

I know it'll be very easy to read all of this and think that I'm delusional, and that what you've just read out is not what my reality is actually like. I can only ask that you suspend your disbelief and take my word for everything as being true. I'll respond to any questions you have for me if you want more information/context.

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You are gay. Kill yourself.

Let’s help this guy anons. We should make sure he diddn’t waste 11 years on here for nothing!

Say some shit like "Man, I wish you were gay." and leave it at that. He's not into you, but I get why you want to get your feelings out there.

Well bummer. You don't sound like a bad person but I don't have something nice to say. If that many people know, then he knows. The change in his behaviour could be because he doesn't know how to react or feel about it.

But I don't wish that he was gay. I don't care if he's attracted to other men. I only care if he can return my feelings and if it'd be worth it to pursue him.

He doesn't want to suck your dick. I'm sorry bro.

Your time would be better spent weighing the likleyhood of him saying yes, and the best possible way to get that response

I have been in an incredibly similar situation and I will call you delusional because that's what you are. Please don't waste your time on people who are not going to reciprocate your feelings. If you had to make this post it's because it's not going to happen, trust me. If he were attracted to you, you would know -- people aren't that hard to read, you'd just look him in the eye and it would be there.

Now if you don't care about losing his friendship or whatever, just go ahead and tell him. I'd recommend you do that if you're a confident person who has nothing to lose. If there's too much at risk and you don't know how to take rejection, don't make such a move, but also you can't keep this friendship. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can only be friends with this man from now on, unless you're very mature and self-sufficient, but it doesn't really sound like you are.

I have pretty much ruined my life because I fell in love with my best friend. And in my case, I had some actual hope, because I knew he'd kissed another man when drunk one time, even though he identified as straight. I waited for him, I waited for years. Kept telling myself that the fact he wanted to spend so much time with me meant he was secretly attracted, and he just needed time to realize that there was nothing wrong with this attraction. But he never did. And after years of being in this horrible position, of wasting opportunities to be with other friends, in other places, to meet new people, to do different things, to move to another city, I realized I'd been a complete idiot, and that he did not and would never see me the way I saw him. But it was too late. I had already lost most of my friends, I was trapped. We're still "friends," but now I can't stand to be around him, even though he's not guilty of anything.

I'm so perplexed by this response, and not in a condescending way (even though you lowkey insulted me), but in an interested sort of way.

From what I can read, it looks like you had a bad experience going down a path similar to mine. Your argument is that because your experience made you bitter and it detracted from your life, it's going to be the same story for me.

I noticed you neglected to mention that you ever confessed your feelings to him. Why didn't you? Fear?

Dubs of truth

I don't really have an argument. It isn't logic, I'm telling you what I believe will happen based on your post, but I don't have actual evidence, I can't back it up, it's all anecdotal. You say you don't identify as "anything" sexually/romantically, but many gay men go through similar experiences and boy does it usually end badly. You've already said you think he will most likely reject you -- that's your reading of the situation. You see him, you talk to him. If you have emotional intelligence, you will probably know. And your intuition already seems to know what's up.

I never did directly tell him, but it came close to that. I sort of implied it, and he did the math on his own. He stopped talking to me and we eventually had one big discussion that resulted in me taking back everything I'd said because I was afraid of losing his friendship. I cried in front of him, it was quite humiliating. I was in a very vulnerable place. I'd been nurturing this hope within me for years and his reaction had been terrible. He was shutting me out. After our argument, we hugged and everything, but our friendship was forever tarnished. I couldn't trust him anymore with my feelings. At that moment I decided I needed to get on with my life even though I did not even feel like living. He insisted on our friendship, though, and still does. I still haven't mustered up the courage to completely eliminate him from my life, but I know I will have to do this at one point if I want to truly heal.

By the way, this is my story, you're free to do things your own way. You know yourself, you know the situation better than I do and I'm sure you can make an informed decision. Just don't wait for this attraction to get more intense and don't fantasize the way I did. I hope you're stronger than I was.

Here's the deal. if you come on to John and he isn't gay/bi then you will end the relationship right then and there, and cause some bad waves in other areas of your life.

My advice is to tell John you have some same sex attraction and see how he reacts to it. If the response is very favorable then tell him how you feel. If the response is neutral or negative then do not make a move.

As a straight person I've chosen not to befriend any gay people precisely because of the situation you are describing. Most of the time they will always end up trying something. And that ruins the friendship. It's creepy I don't want to hang out with a guy that wants to fuck me. big unwanted feeling there.

If his roommate knew, I’d say there is is a 98% chance he knows unless they hated each other/didn’t talk. Ask your roommate to see it he ever told John about your same sex attractions.

If not, test the water. See what his opinions are regarding homosexuality and play it from ear there. Test the waters and gradually move in.

Need to make some corrections to your Pro/Con chart first:
>Pros
>A meaningful relationship
There's no guarantee it will be meaningful, even if you can get it to the relationship stage. Most gay relationships are based on the foundation of sexual satisfaction or mental illness (looking for a father figure, etc.)

>Cons
You didn't include rectal prolapse or contracting HIV.

Being publicly gay to the point that people know you are in a relationship with another man will close a lot of doors and opportunities in your life.

Need to make some corrections to your Pro/Con chart first:
>Pros
>A meaningful relationship
There's no guarantee it will be meaningful, even if you can get it to the relationship stage. Most gay relationships are based on the foundation of sexual satisfaction or mental illness (looking for a father figure, etc.)

>Cons
You didn't include rectal prolapse or contracting HIV.

Being publicly gay to the point that people know you are in a relationship with another man will close a lot of doors and opportunities in your life.

I appreciate you telling me your story. I'm sorry that it doesn't have a fairytale ending, I wish it did. If I tell him, I'm not going to imply it or be subtle or beat around the bush. I realize now after posting this thread that I have to be as articulate and clear as possible. Because I think everyone deserves the entire truth.

Even if your story didn't end the way we both wanted it to, I really hope that you get some solace out of the fact that you sharing it means something to me. Take care, brother.

> I dislike girls
You're gay.
Go find an actual gay guy, you dumb faggot.

>80% sure he's straight
He's not gay. Why is this a thread?
Go find a gay guy, start fucking him regularly, your feels for your friend will probably go away once you start getting some dick, and if they don't your friendo will know you're homo and will be able to approach you if actually interested.

t. homofag

>people would label me as gay
>is a man
>attracted to other men

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Fine you win I'll bite. Sexuality is far more complicated than anyone realizes. Even our top doctors and psychologists don't fully understand it. I myself am never going to fully understand it, and I'm okay with that.

But what if I don't like guys that label themselves "gay"? What if I think they're all boring and unattractive and 1-dimensional? I don't dress 'gay', I don't talk 'gay', and from what literally all of my friends who I've shared my feelings with have told me, I don't act gay.

I don't want a gay guy. I'm not a mindless sex machine who only wants dick. I want someone with the same sense of humor as me, the same interests as me, and who has everything I value in a person.

And I've found that with John.

Are you unsure if he's even gay? This could blow up further. Men sometimes react violently to the implication that they're gay.
Coming onto him is a terrible idea. The con is that it destroys your relationship with a number of people in exchange for a romantic relationship that may not last. This is infatuation, and it is clouding your judgement.

gay noun
Definition of gay (Entry 2 of 3)
: homosexual
especially : a homosexual male

So then you're a picky gay man, who does not identify with the gay community.

You're still gay.

I'm aware of my own infatuation. It's hard not to fantasize, but the logical and reasonable part of me usually prevails. He's not the type to blow up violently, we're too good of friends for that. I wish I could say more, but nothing you said was false.

I'm human. That's all I know to be true at this point. I've had sex with girls before, enjoyed it in fact. You would have me believe I'm in denial, and a small part of me wants to agree with you. But the other part of me that hates identity politics and stereotypes is winning that debate, unfortunately.

Ok, you're not gay, you're homosexual, maybe even homoromantic. Are you a happy homo now, you well defined faggot?

>I'm human. That's all I know to be true at this point.
jesus christ, you need a dicking, you pretentious twatophobe

The violent reaction is because he will think you've assumed he is gay and that challenges his identity. It's like assuming someone is poor when they are not. People get angry at that sort of thing.
Either way, do not do this. Your cons expose you to far more risk than a romantic relationship will bring benefit.

Calling a sheep's tail a leg doesn't make it so. You are gay or at least bisexual. You like other men, that is as far as those labels will take you.

You're super right about the cons outweighing the pros, I already know that. But when you're alone in your bed at night for the 2000th night in a row, you really start weighing your options. Or at least I do.

This thread isn't about "what should I label myself?". That's not what I'm asking for advice about.

sup op

im a homofag

you should go for it
lets face it if you dont you will regret it
you will create this what if in your mind
or worse yet
youll obsess like did
and to be honest even if things go badly
even if it ends up being the worst case scenario
at least youll have the freedom of expression
youll at least have an answer
and if you do lose then you can just start moving forward

just came here to say it's not gay if you're not gay, it's just budsex.

>I don't believe in people being "gay" or "straight".

This is incorrect.

Well, for women, it's a gray area. But for men, this is definitely incorrect. Men know (even if they haven't come out) whether they are straight, gay, or bi.

>fag hates labels
Yeah, checks out.

Pursue someone that you know is homosexual and don't lose the friendship.

>I don't believe in people being "gay" or "straight".
just because you're bisexual doesn't mean everyone is

Fuck i posted this long messgae and fucking shared ip banned bullshit op.

Lead him into questions if hes comfortable with other guys before you ask him. Gather information on his sexual prefences, ask if hes into guys. Be subtle dont lead with it. Start a conversation on something personal and lead into that.

why do you dislike girls? there must be some issue underlying here.

>some issue underlying here.
he just likes to lie under a lad's issues is all.