If there's any black guys on this board, I'd really, really appreciate it if you could clarify some things for me concerning "black masculinity".
I dated a young black dude (same age as me, he grew up poor albeit from a stable/intact family whereas I grew up middle class) for a little over a year. The relationship was quite turbulent for a couple of reasons, but primarily because I felt as if my BF was highly insecure. He suffers from mental illness (depression) and has a difficult time functioning in day-to-day situations. I was better educated than him even though he was arguably smarter than me. I am taller than him (I'm 5'9" whereas he's 5'6") and he hated taking pictures of us standing together for this reason. Even the fact that I'm white did something to him psychologically.
He was very compassionate to me, yet he was also sporadically abusive. He frequently hit/slapped me, even sexually assaulted me twice. I should hate him but I don't.
Since we broke up, I've been trying to research the whole sociology behind "black masculinity", since I'm almost certain there is link between this and his insecurities which made him abusive.
I'm not black but you have to remember that A not all black people are like this and B non black people can also be like this. You just found a shitty human is all.
As for the "black masculinity" thing he was probably just really angry at his circumstances and took it out on you.
Cameron Roberts
I don't know what you mean by that phrase, to me it's just a placeholder term for issues you had with your ex but if you have a more elaborate description please enlighten. Sounds like he was fucked up regardless considering depression, insecurity issues, and abuse but whatever. also >he was also sporadically abusive. He frequently hit/slapped me pretty contradictory set of statements OP, decide It isn't to say your problem doesn't matter but the way you attribute it to this generic term is kinda irritating. What's more, his version of "black masculinity" (still bs term but continuing) is very much dependent on the community he grew up in. He could be very protective of you or he could not be emotionally attached at all. The wisest course of action would probably be to ask him though nowadays communication skills seem to elude people.
Landon Mitchell
>pretty contradictory set of statements OP, decide What I mean by "sporadic" is, his abuse seemed to come out of nowhere.
Cameron Jones
This is 99% bait Because you're specifically saying the very things that rile up Jow Forums.
Plus you're not really asking for advice either.
Angel Rivera
Mentally ill black men are a ticking timebomb.
Christopher Evans
I'm asking for info on this subject since it's related to relationships and psychology.
Ian Evans
Still not advice, sweetums.
Dylan Stewart
While you're certainly correct you cannot deny that domestic abuse is more common with the black community. The culture seems to have some issues against anything white, such as when terms such as uncle tom or "acting white" are common place. His insecurities could very well come from his background. Also, manlet rage
Jack Lewis
Black men suffer from a stigma in our own communities that mental health is "not real" or is "a white people problem", and so I would say black guys with psychological issues usually don't end up dealing with them properly because they're never equipped with the tools to do so. We are more likely to end up bottling up our problems or denying that we have problems at all. This can of course lead to situations where fucked up shit happens like emotional and physical abuse
It's fucked up but a lot needs to change in the black community regarding mental health. "Toxic masculinity" as you might call it plays a big role because black families tend to be more socially conservative than white ones and push HARD on stereotypical male gender norms as well as suppressing homosexuality etc
Are you German by any chance? Either way Black communities don’t take mental health issues seriously. Especially black men where seeking such help is ridiculed and forget it if you are from ghetto where you might even be labelled a fag for having depression.
I volunteered in local mental health community centre for young adults and teens a lot of black dudes used to come up primarily with depression and drug addiction issues which I think are related.
Weakness is not tolerated in black community that’s why a lot of black men and even women may come off as hyper aggressive. It’s just the culture they have been raised in
Not to mention he was poor which causes its own range of mental issues and lowered self esteem
Luis Gonzalez
Domestic abuse was more rampant in white families half a century ago, theyve only really begun heavily conditioning people to say it's not okay to hurt your partner in any form.
I think it stems from this and the black communities failures to progress socially. I dont think it's just the men, black women are more abusive as well. It's being brought up in a world where it just doesn't seem that bad in his eyes
Jack Lee
Many of these cultural traits seem to come after slavery was abolished. Blacks didnt make the majority of prisoners until the 60's or 70's and as a result the single parents percentage went up. I think blacks are just abrasive to whites because of past crimes like mob justice and predatory tactics because they were uneducated. Unfortunately in the black community things like OP is more accepted.
Luke Carter
If gangbanging, stealing, raping white bitchez and sucking on chicken bones is your idea of "stereotypical male gender norms", then yes, you chimps are great at enforcing them.
Charles Bailey
Why are people like that able to be in relationships yet I'm stuck here alone, I can't wait to die already
Brody Murphy
>he was probably just really angry at his circumstances and took it out on you. His mental condition is definitely a part of it. I can't tell whether or not he's *clinically* depressed or *manically* depressed, because he often goes through periods where he seems happy with life but then has very low lows. When we lived together there would be days where he couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I feared he would commit suicide but he always seemed to recover and move on.
>The culture seems to have some issues against anything white, And why do you think that would be? Centuries of systematic oppression don't just disappear.
William Russell
>We are more likely to end up bottling up our problems or denying that we have problems at all. This can of course lead to situations where fucked up shit happens like emotional and physical abuse Yes, this is VERY accurate in regards to my bf's situation.
Canadian.
>Especially black men where seeking such help is ridiculed and forget it if you are from ghetto where you might even be labelled a fag for having depression. This is what I've suspected and what I mean by the whole masculinity thing: it's considered "sissy" to address emotional shit because you're seen as not being a "real man" who just shuts up and deals with his problems.
>Not to mention he was poor which causes its own range of mental issues and lowered self esteem This too. His parents are pretty loving but he grew up in a really bad part of Montreal (it's pretty gentrified now but it certainly wasn't 10 years ago). Montreal isn't exactly like, say, Baltimore but if you're black you still deal with most of the same issues (police brutality is incredibly bad here, for instance).
Parker Perry
>I can't tell whether or not he's *clinically* depressed or *manically* depressed, because he often goes through periods where he seems happy with life but then has very low lows I can tell you for sure that psychiatry can't and won't answer your vague questions so it's as dumb approach as any, and he'd have mentioned bipolar disorder if he were manically depressed. Being happy doesn't make you manic. In fact, you're trying too hard. Stop trying to analyse a jerk and being prejudicial, and move on.
Protip: your ex will most likely convert to Islam because he likes the idea of submissive women.
Ryan Thomas
Because you haven't turned your brain off bro just dab bro just get drunk man lmao
Evan Murphy
>He suffers from mental illness (depression) Yeah ok, definitely not just typical nog behavior, damn you hatchet wounds will fucking believe anything
Oliver Lewis
Again, black men with mental illness are ticking timebombs.
Adam Clark
I don't believe the depression shit. Depression doesn't make you violent.
Charles Scott
There is nothing out of the ordinary about this behavior in young black men. Once they hit about 30-35 it stops bring as big of an issue
Asher Taylor
I am black He is insecure about his race and height when hes the only one making a big deal about his height and about the race thing yeah he might have some hostility towards black people since middle class is fucking rich to most young black kids and they'll give him a hard time, but at the same time too black for the white kids. I dont think it's really a masculinity thing, just a race identity problem.
I experience the same thing being a light skinned black male and darker skinned black people and even Mexican hating me for no good reason. Never faced this discrimination from white people.
Colton Watson
He's pretty dark, and he grew up poor in a part of Montreal that was pretty shitty at the time. Granted, his parents are still together (I guess the black fatherhood crisis isn't as bad in Canada as it is in the States) and are pretty loving.
Brody Brooks
Whoops I misread you were middle class. Yeah then uh yikes hes probably learned some shit behavior from the culture around him, is mad insecure that he has nothing going for him in the future and is afraid that you'll leave him for a better guy, or something else.
So... yeah... good thing you left him in any case
Aiden Butler
If you have the urge to kill yourself, you will also have no issue hurting others.
Justin Lopez
You have no clue what the fuck you're talking about.
Austin Gonzalez
My bf was actually quite aware of his behaviour and how it affected others (people with depression usually are, which is why they tend to hate themselves since they see everything they do as wrong in some way). He would hit me, then he would realize the pain he caused me and apologize on the spot. That's what made him a walking paradox. I don't believe he was really thinking about his actions every time he was violent.
