Hi Jow Forums. I don't frequent this board and this is my first post, but I just really need some people to talk to honestly. My suicide letter is written, my suicide location is set. I've scouted out the perfect building I can jump off without the possibility of causing harm to anyone. I've already called a few suicide prevention lines but I don't think anything will work out, I feel so empty that I don't really care about the aftermath that I'll leave my friends and family in.
I suffered through depression for years. My original depression kicked in after a series of pretty big failures in my life (getting kicked out of university, bad life choices and a general lack of luck with women and that kind of stuff). At one point I broke down completely on the way to work, I couldn't take it so I booked therapy. Therapy was good, I felt like I was finally making steps. My friends, specifically one friend, were always close to me to get me through it. It was wonderful to have her on my side, since no matter what happened, I could always talk to her. Over time, I fell deeply in love with her. Well, it was a him before. He's currently a trans woman. Being the coward I was, it took me some time to finally ask about her feelings. She said that she needs time to feel like a woman, and doesn't want to promise anything, nor does she want to give me false hope. I understood that, I respected that. --
I was making steps to recovery, and finally, my therapy was finished. I felt liberated and felt good (most of the time). I still had episodes, but my suicidal tendencies disappeared. I wouldn't even consider harming myself in any way. I also decided to make some steps with my life. I moved to Germany, where I started doing a language course with hopes that I will be able to start studying and get my life in order (once my language skills were C1). Why Germany? Well, I had contacts in Germany. Many friends and the girl I was into. After some time, I felt like things were starting to go wrong again. My suicidal tendencies kicked in, I purchased a rope with which I was going to hang myself. However, I got scared of actually doing it and got talked out of it. I disposed of the rope as a final statement to myself that I wont be going on ahead with such a pitiful resolution.
Fast forward to yesterday, at new years party. The girl Im in love with kissed another, though she did also kiss me after. But I felt there was something between her and the other guy. I asked her about us. She said that she still needs time and doesnt want to promise me anything. I don't know why, but my heart was broken. I love her so much.
So honestly, I dont even know what advice I want to ask for. I guess I just wanted to be remembered by some people at least, a few people to talk to before I actually do what I said I was going to do at the start. People say Jow Forums isn't a very welcoming place, but I've met some of the most wonderful people here.
Thanks for reading.
Hudson King
Jesus that is so sad, I feel so fucking sorry for you. Dont seek value through womens attention, stop those kind of thoughts immediately - it will set you free alot.
Mason Long
think of the years you have ahead of you, do you really think you couldn't accomplish anything within that time?
Bentley Campbell
Reading this, I feel deeply moved. Interesting choice of writing a suicide note on Jow Forums. I don't have any experience talking with people that are at the literal brink of suicide but fuck it. As a person currently slipping further and further downward into depression for months, I know the feeling of emptiness. It is devouring and reckless. The fact that you finally had to write a suicide note is sad. I personally am interpreting it as a last cry for help. Trying to talk you out of it wouldn't change a thing, I guess. I know it sounds generic, but you are NOT alone. Needless to say, there are many people, who will be extremely sad and as a result might even fall into that downward spiral of depression as well. Nevertheless, thanks for sharing your words. Actually, maybe chosing an anonymous online forum wasn't that bad of an idea after all.
And now my advice: Think. Think a lot. Think about everything, everybody and yourself. Meditate.
I'll remember you for sure.
John Murphy
why don't you murk the other guy just beforehand?
Blake Rivera
There are so many assholes, rapists and bullshit people out and the ones, the really GOOD people tend to suicide themselves. WHY?
Jayden Flores
>killing yourself because some thot tongued another guy Modern men are laughably weak
Austin Long
I wish I could go there and just listen to you, but I cant. You are precious, just the way you are. I know people hurt you, mock you and you're deeply wounded. I just hope you find your peace OP
Brandon Moore
Note this, before you do this: -You have a home -You have a body thats not in a wheelchair -You have no cancer -You have good working eyes -You have a good intellect -You would rather hurt yourself than hurting others: which is fucking rare.
People need someone like you, dont wipe out yourself.
Isaiah Carter
this isn't true, the world has enough people that you won't be missed
Camden Kelly
Thanks for the replies guys. Fills me with some warmth to get genuinely nice replies. Obviously there's some unsavoury replies but suicide is already kind of an unsavory option. I wouldn't consider myself a good person, since I'm willing to put my family through this so that automatically makes me a villain. At least I think so. I'm still thinking things through, but in the end I don't think anything will change. This is indeed the last plea for help but also just someplace I can talk to a few people.
Though that is the worst part of it all. Also just thinking about my flatmates finding the letter just brings me to tears. It's an awful feeling, and eventhough I can cry, it still feels like I'm broken inside.
Dylan Fisher
you're not going to do it, you just want attention. suicidals just get up and top themselves without fanfare. they don't talk about it, not to their family/friends and especially not to rands on Jow Forums
> n-no really guys, I'm going to do it! get tae fuck
Ethan Wood
I've read both of your posts , and i just wanted to tell you that you know you shoudlt do this. What would this do to that girl you love? it would utterly destroy her and shed blame herself for the rest of her life for it. Think of who this would affect, everyone around you. Your flat mates that even the thought of them reading that letter destroys you. That alone should give you enough feeling just to hold on one more day.
I promise you it is worth it and that it does get better. I used to beg my girlfriend to hold on every signle night and now we are starting a family together. I know you dont know me, and we will probably never meet or cross paths- but for me please dont do this. Tear that note up and dont let it win man. Youll be glad you did, i promise you.
Elijah Hill
You forgot to mention his good taste. The Elder Scrolls....isn't that picture related to one of the DOS-classics?
John Moore
Consider the trauma and PTSD of whoever finds your body. Why impose that on someone?
Jose Gray
She's lucky she had you. I wish I had someone like that.
Just some art I saved of Vivec from Morrowind
Zachary Wright
Can you no jump off a building at least? Forget about the discussion about muh morals for second and consider the fact that someone has to clean you up afterwards. At least kill yourself in a way that keep major body parts intact like helium or slitting your wrists.
I'd suggest you don't an hero but you seem to have made up your mind
I got scared that this may be actually someone I know, this stuff freaks me out like shit, if you are the one I know: I am begging you not to do it, I have a crush on you for several months and I kind of like you too much, I didnt tell you because I thought this would come off as creepy, you appear in my dreams and they feel so real, I am literally crying typing this. You are everything I always wanted, you are my favourite day dream. Whats your name please? I am afraid this could be you and no one will ever know I had a big ass crush on you.
Oliver White
This, its attention-whoring at its best Just fishing for yous Next
Samuel Watson
>People don't make a big deal of their suicides like write letters and call people I can link you to like 5 LiveLeak videos that prove otherwise. How the suicidal became stoic in your mind is beyond me
Evan Cruz
Don't have the money for helium unfortunately. I'll think about the wrists, seems a bit painful though.
I don't know if you're just joking about. I don't think I'm the person you're thinking about. For your peace of mind, I live in Leipzig, Germany. I'd rather not give out my name.
Dylan Hall
people sometimes contact those close to them and then do it, not mew mew mew to strangers on a fucking image board about how they're dithering on which building to jump from
Nathaniel Parker
Sometimes the only friends you have are strangers, user.
Luke Roberts
I know having a broken heart sucks. I got dumped last week after Christmas, by a girl who's already dumped me once. It feels super shitty so I'm trying to hang out with friends more so I'm not dwelling so much on it. People keep telling me you have to make yourself happy before you can be happy with someone else. My best advice, which I'm going to try and follow, is make yourself happy, stay busy, stay social. Side note, I would fucking love to live in germany. Would definitely find a thick , big titted, nerdy white girl to hook up with. You should be living the dream, op.
Easton Hall
are you familiar with the story of vivec, or did you simply select the image w/r/t your trans friend
Luke Wood
Ist es schon zu spät? Wenn du das noch lesen kannst: Ich hoffe du hast gut über deine Entscheidung reflektiert. Sicherlich gibt es immer noch Menschen, die dich lieben und die sich um dich sorgen. Das Gefühl der Leere, die Einsamkeit obwohl man mit Leuten, eventuell sogar Freunden zusammen ist. Widerlich. Die Stimme im Kopf ist ekelhaft. Die Stimme im Kopf kontrolliert den Menschen. Die Stimme im Kopf kontrolliert den Menschen? Tut Sie das wirklich? Ich weiß, dass die Stimme im Kopf nur ein teil des großen Übels ist, dennoch ist Sie ein wichtiger Teil der die Leere aufrecht erhält, ihr die zerstörerische Kraft gibt, Krieg führt gegen Gefühle und Vernunft. Lass dich nicht von der Stimme kontrollieren. Die Stimme bist NICHT du!!! Ich finde es extrem mutig und bewegend, dass du deine Geschichte und deine Gefühle mit anderen teilst. Und wenn's nur ein paar namenlose im Internet sind. Halt die Ohren steif. Meine Gedanken sind bei dir.
