This girl love bombed me and then completely pulled back and ghosted me. All I did 'wrong' was validating them with compliments and love.
Is this a manipulation tactic or innocuous fear of attachment? If it was the latter then why even come onto me in the first place...
How should I respond to this? Should I acknowledge it or pretend it never affected me?
She’ll come back in some time maybe a few days maybe weeks she’ll “regret it” at that point it’s completely up to you
She'll come back for validation, then once she gets it she'll pull back again. I'll bet you this girl has borderline personality disorder (at least). I was in a relationship with a girl EXACTLY like the one described by the OP and that's EXACTLY how it always went down. She was all desperate and clingy and told me she loved me and wanted to be together forever etc while I was sort of lukewarm, then once I reciprocated she was all lovey dovey for the first few weeks, then she went cold, got distant, started pushing me away, then ghosted me for a month or so. After that she got back in contact, was all so sorry, wanted to get back together, couldn't live without me, loved me so much. Then we got back together and within a couple of weeks she went back to being cold, distant, pushing me away, then ghosting me again. This cycle kept repeating over and over again for the whole 2 years we were an on and off couple. Finally I came to my senses and ended things, but it was a long stupid road of bad decisions up to that point. Don't make the same mistake as I did bro. If she comes crawling back, no matter how nice she acts and no matter how much she begs and pleads and says she can't live without you, DON'T TAKE HER BACK.
She was in a psych ward and told me she has 'mood disorders'. What hurts me is that besides this I like who she is. We bonded well and I thinks she's rare. Even if she has BPD or nacissism and is a grandmaster viper of manipulation I still like her other qualities.
Is their no way to control them so I prevent the pain?
Trust me bro, there is no way. I was genuinely in love with my girl too. I spent over $150,000 on her in 2 years and constantly gave her all my love and attention. I was there for her no matter what, loved her no matter her problems, I loved everything about her and made it clear to her in multiple ways. It made no difference in the end. People with those disorders can't help it. It's not even entirely their fault, it's just their mind can't be any other way. I don't even blame my ex, but there is no way it'll go down any other way. You need to bail out now bro.
>I spent over $150,000 on her in 2 years
Holy shit you're a cuck.
>I spent over $150,000 on her in 2 years
What did you buy her to spend this much?
I was definitely acting like an idiot, yeah. She wasn't cheating on me though, so I wasn't exactly a cuck, but I was definitely stupid. I really don't want the OP to go through what I went through.
2 cars, lots of clothes/jewellery, expensive meals and holidays. Plus she got arrested a few times and even went to jail for 4 months, so I was paying for her lawyers, legal fees, and sending her money for buy up in jail for 4 months too.
>She wasn’t cheating on me
Fuck, I'm going through this right now. I didn't want to fall in love but she broke down that wall. She was the one that said I love you first, put ideas of the future in my head. Now it's a struggle to talk to her. It feels like I'm just talking at her.
Yep, that's how it feels. Like you're talking AT them, not with them. Eventually you won't even be able to talk at them either...until they come back for a while.
She really wasn't. I had her surveilled for a few months a couple of times when she was really pulling back and ghosting me, and she was never actually cheating. Plus I was paying for her phone and internet and everything, so I had unlimited access to all her calls and texts records at all times too.
Yes, I know that's extremely unhealthy. Like I said, I was an idiot and in a REALLY bad place cause of this girl.
I guess its because I'm old, but what is love bombing and ghosting?
Love bombing is when someone tells you they love you first, more or less by surprise.
Ghosting is when someone just disappears on you, stops replying to your texts, stops answering your calls, and does so without explanation.
Lordy. Well at least you put that cunt behind you and moved on
I think love bombing is like spilling your guts to the other person all at once. Ghosting is when someone starts ignoring all your messages, calls, attempts to meet-up/contact them. Basically pretending they never got those messages or if they're trying to hurt you, they might leave you on "Read".
You should respond by moving on with your life. It is 100% a waste of time trying to psychoanalyze strangers and their dysfunctional behavior. If someone doesn't give you what you need or is a toxic presence in your life you bounce and never look back. That's it.
Love bombing is some retarded thing incels who watch too many romance movies made up. People use the word love all the time in normal speech but incels watch a lot of movies where there's a really dramatic scene where the 2 people say they love each other and kiss passionately in the rain, so all of a sudden they start to think that telling someone they love them is a huge deal when it's really not.
Examples :
I love going to the store : Not a big deal
I love my dog : Not a big deal
I love my girlfriend : HOLY SHIT DID HE JUST SAY HE LOVED ME WHEN WE'VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR 3 MONTHS?!?! OMG THAT MEANS WE MUST BE GETTING MARRIED
When you let it be known to a female that you’re emotionally invested and attached to her, she will ALWAYS lose attraction and ultimately pull away. It makes no sense, but it’s the truth. I bet woman don’t even know why they do it. They just do. The earlier men realize this the better it’ll be
If they could control that shit, it wouldn't be a fucking disorder, you dolt.
If she has BPD, you don't actually like her. You like the parts of her that make you feel good. There's a difference.
Usually, but I wouldn't say always. I'd even agree almost always though.
No. Always.
The only thing that differs is the amount of attraction that is lost and how hard the woman pulls back
Not at all what love bombing is.
It's when someone bombards you with super intense, and overwhelming attention, affection, and attraction. It's common with people with BPD and NPD.
Back to your containment board, incel. This thread is about helping a guy process a very normal kind of relationship difficulty, not teaching him how to be a pathetic redpiller who literally repels vagina.
Naive fagboi: the post
Whether you accept this fact or not doesn’t concern me.
>fact
That fact is you're a bitter moron who somehow thinks that your inability to connect with women means all women are unable to. Its just more retarded incel babble. Girls don't like you and always pull away from you once you let it spill to them that you're an emotionally stunted manchild with absolutely zero self-awareness so now you're here peddling the tired old bullshit that it's all womens' fault and not yours. Never mind the fact that all you need to do to prove this "fact" of yours wrong is stick your head outside and witness the literal millions of people walking around and living everyday in functional relationships. You're entitled to believe whatever self-soothing bullshit you want to but just because you have a gaggle of fuckbois who agree with you doesn't mean your anecdotal drivel is fact. It is, by definition, an opinion, and a pathetically incorrect one at that.
Nice novel, cuck.
I woke up with a woman in my bed this morning and she won’t be the last one to do that this year. Just because I have interacted with enough females to notice certain patterns and use them to my advantage doesn’t mean I’m some bitter asswipe who blames everything on the opposite sex. The amount of projection in your post is laughable
>I seek out and interact with a certain type of woman, therefore all women must be that way
Son, you've got a bit to learn about life. Yes, certain women will act how you describe. But don't fool yourself into thinking that all women are going to behave like the ones that are willing to sleep with you.
I stumbled upon the term love bombing associated with narcissistic personality disorder a while ago
This is super hard to hear. It's obvious looking at it, but man does it suck. Letting her go is going to be hard, but deep down I know it's for the best. Even if it hurts to think about.
unironically this
if you don't give a single fuck about a girl you used to give a fuck about, they'll come around again
>gf breaks up with me
>move on with my life
>pick up old hobbies
>hang out with friends
>ex hits me up a few weeks later to see if I'm mad/upset at her
>ignore her
>feel liberated and progressive with my life
still get texts from her once in a blue moon. The minute you stop caring, they start caring
>don't fool yourself into thinking that all women are going to behave like the ones that are willing to sleep with you.
the only thing clear about women is that they bleed in the wrong spot
everyone else is interpretation
Intimacy is hard. Keeping it up is difficult. You can't keep it still, you have to keep it moving - asking her out on dates, keeping her interest, then pulling back to focus on yourself, but also not keeping her in the dark, etc.
t. married 20 years
Damn, she must be extremely pretty and hot.
But damaged goods.
Damn, the assumptions are strong on this dude. Chill tfo.
People like you makes coming to /adv a chore.
How is she so perfect?
Every song she writes is the most blase', boring, uncreative and middle school bullshit. She's perfectly garbage as a musician.
Jealous roastie confirmed.
I'm currently in the ghosting phase of this exact sort of phenomenon. Why do girls do this shit?
man i hate this shit. it just happened to me, how the fuck can people be like this?
Her entire twitter is pure fucking darkness. It is her fault. She brags about being 'evil'
playing games with you, or they just don't give a fuck.
you must be joking. she told me she was suicidal and i showed her pure love and care and she starts fucking with me cryptically mentioning me attention whoring.
that nice guy shit doesnt work, they like darkness
1. Most girls don't.
2. Those that do are either avoiding dealing with difficult emotions, and/or are not psychologically healthy.
So what does it say about you, that you got emotionally attached to someone that brags about being "evil"?
Sorry for falling in love with a girl who just told me they were 'depressed'... my fault they hurt me.
Stay away from self described depressed girls. They'll bring you down with them.
How do you end it with them on a strong note?
How is there this many melvins in a thread that don't know what love bombing is but are sure they do? Didn't you ever hear about cults?
This guy gets it.
>She brags about being 'evil'
If a girl ever says she is evil or mentally ill: fucking believe it.
They love to confess it in such a way that you think it's a joke, or exaggerating to make themselves seem more interesting or something like that.
In reality it's like how you joke about traps because you have beat off to trannies all those times.
Should I make fun of her for it?
Not that other user, but if you're "son"ing someone about life and posting on Jow Forums it's probably you who should rethink your life choices pops.