I was going to say you fucks can't make me feel any worse so I might as well ask here, but I know you Jow Forums. Still, I don't feel comfortable talking to people about this in person and desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've had one boyfriend and that only lasted about 3 months. A short time in he started trying to pressure me into sex even though I told him multiple times I wasn't ready for it yet. He'd say shit like "it's ok, I don't want to pressure you," but then right after complained about how his ex-gf (who he made clear he hated) never wanted to do it either. He said a lot of manipulative things that made me feel like shit, tried to get me to stop talking to friends, wouldn't let me leave his apartment after we broke up, and harassed me for about half a year after.
I was never forced to do anything, I was never physically hurt, but it's made me scared to date. It was like being put in a pot of water and having the heat slowly turned up, I didn't realize how fucked up some of the things he said and did were until after I broke it off.
If he could fool me and then turn into someone controlling and crazy then other guys can, too.
I don't want to believe all guys are like this, I'm sure they're not, but so many of my friends have worse stories than what happened to me.
I'm in a male dominated field so I have a number of guy friends. I enjoy our friendship, but when they talk about other girls it only increases my relationship anxiety. I don't want someone to talk about me that way or to think I'm a thot or slut or anything like that when I'm in a relationship or pursuing one with them. I don't want to be thrown away or used. It made me decide I'd rather be called a prude and stay out of relationships all together. It's just easier and until now I've been happy that way.
Then I met this guy about 6 months ago who is pretty cool and I really enjoy his company. We're just friends right now but we've started flirting and I want it to become something more. Hell, I've been asking people for advice on how to best ask him out instead of just dropping hints and waiting for him to figure it out. ...but dating and eventually becoming a couple would means starting a relationship and most likely an expectation of sex. I don't want to find out this guy is just as manipulative as my ex, and I don't want him to see me as just something to fuck and forget about. I want him to tell me about his day and his problems, I want to share memes and go hiking or cuddle during movie nights.
I'm not asexual. I have sexual feelings and have no issues satisfying myself solo, but I'm scared of having sex only to find out after that the person only wanted sex and thinks I'm a thot. I want a relationship, but I'm scared of being trapped in a bad one.
Brayden Sullivan
If he's like a beta type boi then he is probably more likely to actually give a shit about you desu. Idk just don't chase after chad :^)
John Thompson
Honestly this makes moralists with their fornication teachings n traditional marriage and shit seem better. But 4 real if you want to go for it, but if it turns to be shit probably just get out and if it's bad get a retraining order or something
Gavin Gomez
The last one wasn't a chad though
Tyler White
Tbh that's pretty surprising for a soiboy. Did he become confident or somethjng?
Austin Thompson
How old are you
Xavier Campbell
22
Robert Wilson
I am a girl almost the same age with almost the similar problem
Nathaniel Lee
You sound grounded and sensible. You should go for it, learn from your prior experience. You know the signs now and can get out if you're not feeling comfortable.
It's hard to do something that feels like you're repeating past mistakes which have led to hurt, but tip toeing around like that won't allow you to move on.
James King
Read your novel... The fact that you’ve known this guy for six months gives me confidence that you have a decent idea of his character and you’ve only now started getting interested in each other is a positive thing. I say flow with it naturally. If you’re ready give him a tight close hug and see how he responds. Or give him a kiss and see what happens. Go with your instinct. Lastly, if he only wanted sex he would have tried hard at the begining and now just see you as a prude/nun.
Ryan Jenkins
idk if I'd call him a soiboy either. He was kind of in the middle.
let me know when you figure out what to do about it.
Alexander Garcia
> now just see you as a prude/nun. made me kek
Adrian Flores
Well then you should have probably expected that he was going to be like that. This new guy seems good I doubt he would give a shit about you 6months in if he only wanted to fugg you
Luke Watson
thanks user
John Bailey
I dunno OP, I get the impression that most people are evil and you just have to use judgement. Not all people are like that but evil pervades society. You're not a kid anymore. Start them on zero trust and test them to build confidence.
Asher Walker
testing people sounds kinda fucked up though.
Oliver Wood
So, here is my story (not that we are all dramatic artistic people lol). First guy I fell in love with and dated when I was in highschool was in college and he kind of broke my heart with just comimg clean by telling me he doesn't want a relationship because his ex gf hurt him a lot and just wanted sex and us to be this close friends that we were. I didn't want to sleep with him because I wanted to be with someone that loved me back. I then fell in love with another guy and I wanted to be with him but he turned out to be crazy and we had a pretty awful time in bed because when we were first together he was really rough and he kind of tried to rape me well rape is a strong word for it but when he was holding me down with force and I told him like 10times no and to stop and he didn't that kind of messed me up. Then I left him and was in an ldr for almost 2 years with someone that I actually let myself love but we never saw eachother and he left me all that time for someone he just met. I really loved him and I really hoped that when I saved the money to move there I could finally be with someone that loved me back truly. But yeah he left me and now I feel so broken. I have spent my life till now without ever feeling truly loved. And I don't know if I want to wait for someone special for me or to just have sex with a friend and maybe put all of the love idea behind me for a while and when I actually meet someone for me it may be easier for both of us if I was not a virgin. It's like such a shock to everyone I have told that I am. All my gf think I already did it and all the guys I dated that I told were always so astonished. But I don't know. I don't really want to be with someone I don't love, although I think it's in the mindset of almost everone that you just have sex withsomeone and then you start to get to know eachother, which I am not really a fan of. I wonder if doing that will make me feel better or worse about myself.
Oliver Rodriguez
I mean you don't construct some elaborate ruse, just don't trust them with the keys to your house as soon as you meet them either. Try trusting them with something small, a secret perhaps. What do they do when someone is mad at you, do they intervene on your behalf or are they a bystander. Do they remember things you tell them? Are they sensitive to your feelings or push you into whatever they want you to do?... etc.
Charles Reyes
My GF had the same problem, albeit it being family the root of her insecurity.
I think we dated maybe 2 years before she was ready for sex? And all the while she still feared I was only with her to fuck her and drop her. After TWO YEARS. If I wanted sex I would have dumped her a month into the relationship.
Look OP, ultimately it's your choice when open up to someone and to who. But just keep in mind that if this is a long term problem, it might be you who has a problem and not the person you're with.
That's not to say your ex isn't a piece of shit cause he is but not everyone is a manipulative asshole. Go with confidence and recognize your weaknesses so you can overcome them when the time comes.
William Cooper
>And all the while she still feared I was only with her to fuck her and drop her. After TWO YEARS there are people who do this though
Ian Bennett
Sex is part of a sane relationship, and if you really like this guy, you'll eventually feel the need to have sex with him, exactly like now you are working towards asking him out despite your fears about having a relationship. Don't rush it but don't fear it either, if he's the right guy is gonna work out, and since you said that you're not asexual, you're going to enjoy it
Zachary Smith
I have only had sex with one woman because I loved her, but she's gone because I hurt her and i dont want to do that with any other woman right now because my heart still belongs to that sweet light of my life. Don't have sex if you don't want to OP, it's meant to be done with someone you love wholeheartedly. I'm sure you're a sweet lovely girl and will find a good man who really gets you going.
Jordan Morales
Why not wait until marriage? Girls who get married as a virgin are more likely to be happy and to stay together forever. You can fall in love with a man who has moral fortitude, traditional values, and can give you many children who will have a good life from their stable family.
Not too long ago, only a tiny minority of children were born outside of marriage. Now it's almost half in the United States. Your desire to protect your purity is not irrational and is in fact ingrained in the feminine spirit. Don't be ashamed of who you are even if others try to drag you down. There is little future in women who get knocked up by a man who doesn't care about them in some "boyfriend-girlfriend" fake relationship.
Yes, we wouldn't want to disrupt the casual sex cock carousel echo chamber that is Jow Forums, my fellow white person. Lifelong poverty and depression due to single motherhood, or even better, permanent childlessness is a great alternative to having a healthy society.
Samuel Lee
Thanks for this. I was just about to install tinder because I'm totally starved for female companionship, but I'll be strong and stay away from the degenerate modern community of hookups.
Sebastian Butler
Just go for it. You gotta get over your fears. Maybe he'll be a dick to you too, maybe he won't; but if you just avoid the bad you'll never find the good because you can't tell beforehand.
Thomas Brown
The sad thing is that i don't even think you're baiting
Kevin Robinson
The truly sad thing is that youve let moral degeneration completely envelope your brain and rot it.
Elijah Wood
Worse yet, because anyone on Earth has done that, now you post on Jow Forums. Fuck, man, we've really done it this time.
So how do we get you to stop? Real talk though.
Either your fear rules you or you rule your fear. No relationship is ever safe from the usual pitfalls of a relationship, much in the same way even the best drivers end up in accidents. Why? Eventually, in driving, you'll have to involve at least one other person in the process in some way. Same for relationships. You'll have to expose yourself to experience any of the benefits. So weigh that and decide if it's worth it for you.
James Butler
How are you going to stop being a braindead numale degenerate?
Sebastian Long
>degenerate Naw, been with my partner for seven years, sexually faithful, sexually exclusive. Kids may be part of the project someday and we'll raise the little rascal(s) lovingly.
Not the poster you were replying to. Please be smarter on Jow Forums. Just a little. I know it's Jow Forums and intelligence is antithesis, but, please. You and I both know you're worth more and are better than that, so don't stoop to shitty Jow Forums games to make your points. Even IF you get baited hard.
I expected more of you. I'm disappointed in myself for having expected such; you're evidently not worth that.
Leo Stewart
Why lie on the internet?
Benjamin Johnson
Somehow, I still expected more of you.
Dylan Barnes
You're giving me exactly what I'd expect from a numale. Thanks for proving me right.
Jacob Roberts
I'm in a similar situation OP, albeit for different reasons. I'd appreciate a little insight. I'm very afraid of having sex, being in a relationship, or being intimate with someone to the point where considering the real possibility of any of those can induce a flare of anxiety or being told I need them/am less of a man for not having them can make me fly into a rage. Sometimes the anger and anxiety can even last for a couple days. Also, despite definitely not being asexual I sort of hate the idea of sex and find it vile. However, I still want to have sex and masturbate regularly. My feelings on relationships are a little harder to parse, but I can say that I have refused to open myself up in the ways I would need to for one to form. I'm a pretty attractive guy. I'm smart; I get plenty of exercise. I feel like that honestly just makes the whole thing worse. I know why I think the way I do. I know it's normal given the reasons behind it and I have a therapist to help me through it, but I'm not satisfied. I want to actually be able to have sex and intimate relationships. Right now I can't and I don't know how to make it so I can.
Leo Lewis
I am interested in what you discuss with your phychologist and I would just like to talk to someone. If you are interested you can send me a kik name or something like it
