ITT: Ask The Opposite Gender Anything

I think he meant the basic concept of feminism, the idea that women are equal to men and that women don't just exist to get fucked by men

Is that not feminism?

Not the user you're replying to, but most rape cases never even go to trial or lead to a conviction.

Since we're talking about rape
What can I do to reprogram myself not to freak out at the possibility of having sex again or entering a relationship? I have a therapist

Context?

It would be better defined as advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes, but sure. I don't get how that perception has destroyed the relationship between men and women unless you take the position that women are not equal to men, and do only exist to get fucked, which is why i try not to come to Jow Forums anymore because everything is invaded by Jow Forums insanity.

Because the frame you choose to see the world through doesn't align with nature. Especially when using a word as politically and emotionally charged as "rape". You want to be taken and completely dominated by your man, at least temporarily, you want him to be in control. But you don't want to be raped, not even by him.

You are not equal to men, in many ways. But you are more valued than men in many ways. And women do exist to get fucked, just like men exist to do the fucking. I didn't mean for that to be demeaning to you as an individual, but that is the natural order. Arguing with me or anyone else will never change it.

>Is that not feminism?

Sadly, it is not. Ofc feminism might sound like taht at first, but its message is actually that men andwomen are not only equals, but the exact same.
Most societal orders recognized that men and women are different and cast both into set roles, each working within their own sphere, yet equal.
Now, this concept might not be ideal anymore - but feminism goes one step further and denies that there is any sort of difference between men and women at all - which is why feminists have such a hard-on for male-female sexual dynamics, which is one area you cannot deny that women and men are fundamentally fifferent in some ways.
So in short, like any ideologues, feminists want to change the nature of mankind, which entails the duality of man and woman.

No, but then my best memory from my last relationship is when my sexsomnia acted up and we both woke up part way through.

Ice skating gets mentioned occasionally. There's also a list in the OP of these threads.

I mean, yeah. So long as I could see a future for the relationship, anyway. Granted, I probably wouldn't have broken up in the first place, though, if it were just circumstances, but I don't think I'm typical there.

>feminine clothing/fashion is seen as a sign of unintelligence in academia
>women's reproductive health is poorly understood by professionals

Please do elaborate of how any of that is true or discrimination against women.
For all of those cases, I easily find an equivlent for men - for example, how prostrate cancer was poorly understood for a long time, or how wearing joggers and a wife beater ("typical male" clothin) will be seen as a sign of unintelligence in academia.
Feminists take completely normal occurences and twist them to imply ill will and malice towards their favoured gender.

Also you seem sympathetic to feminism and probably identify as a feminist. So it is probably bothering you that you want to cum from simulating an act that hurt so many people you identify with, an act that you are suppoed to be against.

It's like someone on Jow Forums wanting to jerk off to interracial porn. It goes against their values

Almost 8 years ago I had my only sexual experience, which was nonconsensual. I spent almost all of 2018 trying to overcome the damage it had done to my psyche. Just in the past few days, probably because I have made some progress, I've noticed that I become very fearful and anxious, sometimes irate, at the prospect of relationships and sex.

>I've noticed that I become very fearful and anxious, sometimes irate, at the prospect of relationships and sex.

Judging from my own experience in therapy (though from a different kind of trauma) that is a good thing, because you are slowly stopping to repress these emotions and so will be able to work through them.
I found personally, that the things I became irate and anxious about where the things I wanted most deep down.

You feel guilty because you are a sexual deviant while poor people like this exist and a scarred by the very thing you want to simulate in a normal sexual relationship. The kind she can't have without a ton of effort and struggle

If you find someone you like and genuinely want to be with, you should still pursue the relationship. But let them know at some point about your experience and your discomfort. I'm not saying you should blurt out that you'd been violated before, but let them know that you're uncomfortable with sex because of a "bad past experience". Anyone with a brain ought to know to respect your space upon hearing that, and I'm sure you'd know to cut things off if they somehow aren't sympathetic to that.

>sexual deviant

Do Americans actually still think in puritan terms from early modernity?
Quite impressive to see here how the desire to control others sexuality through guilt manifests itself by using a poor rape victim to instill said guilt, now that the bible doesnt work so well any more.

Settle down, nigger

Holy shit, just don't look your boyfriend in the eye and say "Pretend-rape me!" Just tell him to be rougher or to dominate you. What, do you actually have rape fantasies?

Thank you. That's very helpful.
How early in the relationship should I bring that up?

>What about the aspects of feminism concerned with how women's reproductive health is poorly understood by professionals leading to things like PCOS or endometriosis going underdiagnosed?

Well first, yeah I mean people use feminism to mean different things these days, but different people define "feminism" so differently and they don't really have bad rationale for these differing definitions.

Any way, since its relevant to thread as women and men will, broadly speaking, inherently look at and know more about different social/political , I would say its not about the fact that they're supporting health, but that they're going under the banner of feminism which seems to imply its an issue of sexism, systemic or otherwise, which I'm not sure from what you've said so far it is.

If it is an issue of sexism, I don't think its productive to focus on issues of bias in a manner that makes bias seem exclusive to one demographic segment of the population.
Realistically, everyone faces bias in some form and unnecessarily focusing on issues as exclusive to named demographics generally, I think, leads to more issues.

At least, that's my perspective. I don't know if I've adequately explained or defended that position, but understand when people hate on feminism, its not really so simple, for example I've heard that when feminism was starting out, they were going to make shelters for abused people that wouldn't be exclusive or anything. But then the extreme feminists came in and said that women's shelters are for men and not women, leaving men with no where to go when they are abused, which can and does happen.

Because these extremists existed so far into feminism's history and since it seems linked to women exclusively even in its name, some people reject it in favor of egalitarianism.

So, when someone is stupidly hating on "feminists", its kind of like when a person stupidly hates on "liberals" or "republicans"; its uh... well basically its not that simple.

>Which feminism?

Today's feminism. The feminism where you need to have permission to touch and kiss a woman instead of just reading body language. The feminism that has killed courtship. The feminism that says you need to believe all women regardless if there is any evidence. The feminism that believes stare-rape is a thing and men just existing is oppression.

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> Maybe you neglected to mention something, but it doesn't sound like he was being a dick to you when he broke up with you, so there's no need to be dismissive to him. You say he had a lot going on, so don't add to that by being unnecessarily cold.

Thank you user. We had to exchange a few emails and he said he was feeling under the weather and I did not say anything about it, I just OK'd the schedule. I worry about being used, something he drops when things get tough and when things are happy to be picked up and played with again. It's a shame because I really truly liked him and would have happily been by his side during his hard time.

>Granted, I probably wouldn't have broken up in the first place, though, if it were just circumstances, but I don't think I'm typical there.

A lot of my friends say it was silly to break up as well. We only had weekends together and had he asked, I would have given up my weekends with him so that he could assist his really sick friend. It makes me sad that he didn't want me there to be there.

>How early in the relationship should I bring that up?
I don't know if there's a right answer for this, but I'd say, save it for when you get close enough to share serious emotional baggage or talk about problems that you'd only trust a good friend with. Serious past trauma isn't something to mention out of the blue or to someone you aren't very close with, you know? Give them time to get to know and care about you before letting them hear about it.

To women:

Seriously speaking, what is the motivation behind a lot of younger women dying their hair bright colors? What's your opinion on the trend?

Although I know I look at that poster you responded to, for the record, I don't agree with this user's sentiment Though it is a good example of how both the good and the bad of the feminist movement and its cultural impact on science and everything is fucking shit up now that something modern society as characterized as base moral beliefs everyone should hold that men and women are the same or whatever is now coming under question.

I worry for the future.

Well, this girl go to my uni and its friend of a friend of mine, we only chat once (not on phone, live), and we seen each other at the uni a couple of times, but we never really have a deep conversation (only how are you? and shit like), then after 2 or three weeks of no seen each other this girl start to follow me on instagram, what that fucking means?. She is a good looking and a social girl, but im a "illiterate" social guy ( average looking ).

>Although I know I look at that poster
*Although now I look at that first poster*

Ladies, I am looking for some insight and maybe some hints on how I am supposed to behave in my situation.

Been dating a girl for a total of 3 months, about half of it "official.

Anyway, she has a best friend (who is long-term single). From the start it was made clear to me that they a package deal and that's fine by me. Now though the best friend is very flirty with me, seemingly with my gf's permission. I don't think they're trying to set up a threesome or a three way relationship or anything, my opinion is just that they share each other's lives so closely (live together, work together, hang out together) that it's natural to them to share me a little.

The best friend does shit like:
>take my arm when walking
>hold my hand here and there
>hugs me, other general body contact
>a few instances of having them both cuddled up to me on the lounge watching a movie etc
>rests her head on my shoulder
>always in my personal space

I don't mind because I like my gf and the friend is a nice girl too and who the fuck ever complained about attention from pretty girls.

I just don't know if I'm supposed to be putting the best friend off, or drawing a line, or asking my gf to ask her to stop? Like is that something she is waiting for me to do? Happily accepting any insight.

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Don't think too hard about it. I doubt it means anything serious. Just take it easy and keep being friends.

>The feminism that has killed courtship.

It hasnt killed courtship at all.
It has just laden it with new anxieties and shame, following similiar mechanisms taht the church used to control sexuality. Effectively it has simply ended the sexual revolution and declared sexuality to be evil once again.
Doesn't mean that people arent still doing it due to their innate need for it, but it does make things more complicated and dangerous.

In that case, maybe it might not be tactful to immediately ask to get back together, but at some point, ask him to let you get closer and help him if he needs it. Let him know that being with you and facing his problems doesn't need to be a choice between the two.

Also want to say that last week I went to their house to hang out and cook for them. The best friend was the one who answered the door and she announced into the house so that my gf could hear saying.
>>"our boyfriend is here!"
and my gf laughed from somewhere in the house. It's the first time I've ever heard that line but I get the feeling they use it between themselves a bit.

It's only going to get worse.

youtube.com/watch?v=Rc_E9JtM_ss

>I worry about being used

Really? It sounds like you are worried about getting emotionally hurt, which is what women often mean when they talk about being "used".

You cannot have the good things without the risk of being hurt, that is true for everyone no matter what. There is no way to make sure you won't get "used". You just have to chance it and trust and deal with getting hurt if that happens.
Good thing is, if he actually "uses" you , you'll most likely see that its not that bad and alittle emotional pain is normal and well worth the times when things work out.

I'm mostly asking, because I think it's probably a good idea to mention it before I have sex again. However, I don't understand how relationships usually progress toward sex and thus how I can make the relationship work for me

>It's only going to get worse.

Yeah, by watching videos like that and believing that it matters,

Only the bottom craziest girls will take offense at simply being kissed, and of that group only the very bottom would ever take steps against you for it.

The real issue is that people like you start to believe that hitting on a girl is now suddenly forbidden, while most will in fact be delighted to be courted by a normal, well adjusted guy even more now that less men are doing it.

90% of women are normal, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

When he broke up with me, he said "maybe if you're still single in a couple of months" and trailed off.

>Let him know that being with you and facing his problems doesn't need to be a choice between the two.

I don't know why he wouldn't have thought I *wouldn't* have his back. He is also going through a kind of nasty divorce (aren't they all?) and he thought I'd bail but I said no, I'm here with you.

It's all just very hurtful because he really liked me and wanted to be exclusive early on and wanted to spend pretty much all his free time with me.

It sounds really fedora tippy but I'm the sort of guy who prides myself on my intelligence (college grades etc.). Is it weird for me to still like and date a girl I don't find that smart? It not like I have no respect for her but it feels really weird.

I don't see why it has to be a gendered issue; say what you want about the number of women who are into dominating men, but I don't think that fantasies are exclusive to genders. I think the reason men tend to fantasize more about "raping" women and women tend to fantasize more about "getting rapped" is because they are observing something close to the norm of what they expect but with more 'spice', not because of some intrinsic gender exclusive reason beyond men just generally being more enthusiastic about sex.
Men have an urge to just molest women that they must resist, but the ideal situation is not rape, its just an easier fantasy to see.
I think both genders equally like sex games and that a person's "role" if they choose one is nothing more or less than individual preference. Consent isn't given 'subconsciously' nor is it given explicitly. People need to stop overthinking shit like consent. If people are making babies, sex works.

Not that user, but the problem isn't people watching videos against it and believing it's a problem.

The problem is people learning this kind of thing in school and from society. This demonization of male sexuality. I experienced it, and it seriously screwed me up right up until a couple of years ago. It basically turned me into, well, a not particularly confident guy who repressed his sexuality. You've heard the terms before I'm sure.

No that's normal. Men are generally open to dating below them intelligence-wise; women generally aren't.

>I think it's probably a good idea to mention it before I have sex again
Oh, absolutely! I was posting under the assumption that you'd be at the "confiding and sharing personal stuff" stage BEFORE the sex stage. I have a pretty puritanical mindset myself, so that's my default mode of thought. If the person in question happens to be particularly eager or pushy about sex and prematurely brings it up, let them know about your past.

Does my dick look ugly? My first gf said she liked my dick but my second gf complained about the curve. The curve triggers my OCD every time I look at it.
ibb(dot)co(forwardslash)h9TJ3pm

I can say from experience that I used to push my girlfriend away when I was having troubles because I couldn't bear for her to see me being vulnerable. I fully acknowledge how petty it is, and even then, in the moment, I have this pathological hatred of people seeing me when I'm vulnerable. Perhaps he has the same kind of neurosis that I did?

>Men have an urge to just molest women that they must resist

Your hair dye is starting to affect your thinking.

Looks fine. Maybe a little dry

>I can say from experience that I used to push my girlfriend away when I was having troubles because I couldn't bear for her to see me being vulnerable.

The guy before this one did the same thing. He has ED issues and decided for me that I was "too good" for him and ghosted me. I will be more warm and open next week when I see him. Thank you for thoughts on the matter.

Curves are fantastic. Don't sweat over stuff that you can't change. I'm sure the girl that complained wouldn't be so happy if you said her elbows are too pointy (or something similarly silly). I'll also give a shout out to guys who have girls say their dicks are too small/whatever - it goes both ways. Maybe the real issue is that Boeing calls her up when they need extra hangar space.

>The problem is people learning this kind of thing in school and from society. This demonization of male sexuality. I experienced it, and it seriously screwed me up right up until a couple of years ago. It basically turned me into, well, a not particularly confident guy who repressed his sexuality. You've heard the terms before I'm sure.

That's really awesome that you were able to turn that around.

Is it wrong to really want to find someone to cuddle with? I haven't felt another human being past a handshake for years now and I would kill to find someone who just wants to hang out, cuddle, fwb maybe, and talk.
Where can I find that without making a commitment?

Should i put her like in one of his photos?

>No that's normal. Men are generally open to dating below them intelligence-wise; women generally aren't.
Are you sure? Still feels like I'm doing something wrong, like if I'm not dating someone with an intelligent personality I'm just taking advantage of them.

>I will be more warm and open next week when I see him. Thank you for thoughts on the matter.
Best of luck!

I'm a bit of a caveman, so I don't know anything about Instagram. Is following someone on Instagram like friending someone on Facebook? If so, I'd say it doesn't really merit a reaction. Don't treat it like a big deal or anything. Just be cool and keep talking to her.

Eh, I'm a smart guy, putting it gently, and I struggle to be interested in girls who aren't conspicuously smart in the first place, but I don't discriminate based on intelligence if I feel something for the girl.

I didn't say it was hard to resist, only that it is resisted, also bad wording meant to use the word "touch". I don't know how else to say it...
When a single man sees a woman he's attracted to and she comes within a certain range of him, he's going to want to touch her ass. He doesn't do it, but the desire to do it is there and its relatively strong compared to women.
>hair dye
What the fuck are you on about?

I want you to sit down and think VERY hard about this girl. Do you enjoy her presence? Does her intelligence level cause you any annoyance or discomfort? Do you ever have condescending thoughts or feel like you're above her? If you enjoy being around her, and her being less intelligent than you doesn't really cause any problems, then don't overthink things. You're not taking advantage of her of you both feel loved and content with each other.

Either way, my point is that men are more needy/forceful when it comes to sex.

>You're not taking advantage of her of you both feel loved and content with each other
Isn't mutual validation a bad basis for a relationship?

Maybe I worded it wrong. I just mean if you both really feel happy with each other.

I guess time will tell. She's really easy to talk to which is rare for me. This is all pretty new for me so I'll just have to see.

Its a mostly female fetish. For a lot (maybe even the majority) of men its either neutral or a turn off. I know it is for me, in real life, fiction, or pornography. Maybe it cause i'm pretty vanilla, but I guess violence, fear, and abuse are very far away from arousal in my brain because it doesn't matter who or how pretty she is, i'm going to hibernate for the winter and wont come out till spring.

vice.com/en_au/article/bm9w7v/why-are-so-many-women-searching-for-ultra-violent-porn
menshealth.com/sex-women/a19523178/women-watch-lesbian-porn/

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A lot of people want to stand out from the crowd, or they feel like it's some sort of small rebellion which makes them feel counter-culture. Some probably just like how it looks.
It isn't my cup of tea personally, but I don't care at all what others do with their hair. It doesn't hurt anyone and it makes them happy, so what's the harm?

>Men are generally open to dating below them intelligence-wise; women generally aren't.
Its personality, not "intelligence" that women are attracted to. If you seem like a human being that can hold a conversation and everything, then the next place to go is empathy and socialization not fucking how many fedoras you own.

Of course, that is still generally speaking.

Honestly I would ask your gf about it. "Friend is really quite friendly and touchy feely. Is she usually like that? Is that what you meant when you said you come as a pair?" and then judge her reaction to it - if she seems uncomfortable about it you can discuss and/or implement drawing a line, and if she seems fine with it and it doesn't bother you, I guess you just carry on as usual

>women generally aren't
If they were to date down intelligence-wise, they would only have retards to date.

I just wish I knew how baristas and cashiers flirt.
I thought I was getting a hint with her giving me a discount but I'm too much of a pussy to take the risk.
Besides, I need my caffiene. I will not last without it.

Would anyone care to tell me? Preferably anyone working in customer service obviously.

Girls, is the friend zone a real thing or is it just a meme?

It's real. But it's more like putting a potential bf in stasis than profiting off of some beta. Or the guy never makes a move so we are just waiting for them to

I feel like this is misleading. The friendzone is for people who want to date you, but you don't want to date. You make it clear that you're just friends, and then I guess it's their choice to stay there or cut contact. It isn't some mystical thing

An acquaintance and I started talking, which turned into sexting over a few weeks. We get along very well as friends and we are definitely into each other. However, I'm unsure of whether he wants something hook-upy because we started out as friends, but it quickly escalated to intense sexual talk. Tomorrow we're supposed to meet up for the first time in person, and today he told me about some childhood sexual related trauma he had and it's throwing me off. He just wanted me to understand his background, and I'm grateful he told me, but it's just freaking me out a little, because it seems like something he confided in me because he is more serious than I imagined.

So I guess my question is, would you tell someone about your sexual trauma if you were only interested in a hook up, or do you think it's a little special he wanted to tell me beforehand?

>Or the guy never makes a move so we are just waiting for them to
>believes in equality

Not enough info, if you need to vent or greentext go for it

Meme. Pretty much every girl I know first became friends with the guy they like before deciding to go for it relationship-wise. Unless she's kind of easy, inconsiderate, or speed dating, which in that case it's not that she considers you just a friend, more that you weren't on her radar in the first place.

That's shitty man

Thanks you m8's

No girl wants a guy that can't even muster the balls to stay out of the friendzone.

Men put themselves in the friendzone, not women

Okay, misandry and/or jealousy noted. Maybe if you got up and did something about it you wouldn't feel so horrible and cynical you need to shitpost.

I suppose I was trying to avoid asking directly but I'll have to I think. I was wary that this was going to be one of those things where I am made out to be at fault for seeing her behaviour as flirting instead of just considering it strictly platonic and not noticing it.

Will a girl act unattractive/stupid around someone they're not interested in?

>the guy never makes a move so we are just waiting for them to
That's not friendzoning though?
Also that's easily solved and I'm not even going to explain how just so you have some idea what that's like.

It's a meme in the way guys tend to use the word to mean that they've been unjustly relegated to being a friend when they deserve to be a bf.

If a girl likes you then no amount of being just friends is going to stop her from liking you when the opportunity to be together comes around. Guys who claim to be stuck in the friendzone were never an option to the girl in question and never will be.

>That's not friendzoning though?

Men go after and win over women, not the other way around. It's nature

It's not even that. If you're not into someone you're not into someone, and therefore they get categorised in your head as a friend only and not dating material (aka the friendzone). There's nothing particularly malicious about this - no one is attracted to everyone, and guys can friendzone girls too. The problem only arises when the friendzone-ee gets tunnel vision on the friendzoner and won't look for other romantic options who are actually interested.

What the fuck? Depends on a countless number of factors and context.

girl just told me that she can tell that the light in my eyes has been dead for years

seriously what the fuck

Yeah I can totally see why you don't want to. By the fact your girlfriend doesn't seem salty about it and they have in-jokes calling you "our bf" she's probably fine with it desu, though of course you'll never know for sure without checking. But I'd say odds are it isn't bothering her at present

wew rude desu

Wtf. A random girl or your girl?

Also post eyes

>Guys can friendzone girls too
I call bullshit.
Any man thirsty enough will drink anything. Even salt water. You know this.

They flat out reject you or they ask you out.

alright humor me guys
went to an amusement park with a group of friends and the girl i like. i dont talk much, im very shy. at night it was very cold and i had a pair of gloves i was wearing. i took them off before we got on a ride and gave them to her, she took them off after though. we got on another ride and she sat next to me out of the 3 other available seats, she chose after me and was originally going to the other side furthest from me but changed her mind. i offered her my gloves again and she accepts but this time only 1(maybe because we were seated in an awkward position so handing her my other glove would have been difficult) she usually doesn't talk to me and vise versa but she tries to converse. later that night she ends up bumping into me with a good amount of force, mind you we were in a big open space and im not even sure how she would accidentally bump into me. she ends up apologizing and says that she mistook me for her brother who was way ahead of all of us and was wearing a bright white hoodie who you could see from a mile away. there was plenty light so it wasnt dark.
c-c-c-c-c-c-c-could this be the year bros?
im probably just being a gay faggot and overthinking things, anyway thanks

I hope it's okay, I like them both and am not uncomfortable with the situation as long as my gf is cool with it. I got tripped up in my previous relationship when I acknowledged to my ex that I knew girls flirted with me sometimes. She was 100% not jealous until she found out that I knew what they were doing and suddenly she felt threatened. I was the bad guy for "allowing" it when nothing had actually changed and I was still in love with her and it was eventually what broke us up.

Depending on the context this would either be hilarious or really nasty.

>and said that women's shelters are for men and not women
*are for women not men

Damn I really need to get in the habit of reading my posts before I submit them.

I’m trying to talk to this girl I like but because I’ve only been asking questions of the topic at hand (vidya for example) am I messing this up? We both like each other and we’re friends. I want something more but she wants to wait for us to build a deeper friendship before we start being bf/gf. I need some advice because i’m a nervous wreck ever since I found out she likes me

I have girls I'm friends with who are squarely in the friend zone. I'd bang some of them for sure based purely on looks, but otherwise there are none of them that I would date.