Cucked or just paranoid

I love my girl. We have a deep, loving, caring relationship built on trust.
I've helped her tons in building her confidence and self worth, and she's starting to socially come out of her shell, which makes me immensely happy.
She has a lil autism her, so there's some societal norms and traditions she doesn't understand quite fully.
I've never been jealous, but a couple of weeks ago she went out alone with one of his work colleagues because everyone cancelled last minute. She was with him from like 9 pm until 2 am. I would classify that (and I think the dude himself would) as kind of a date.
This made me extremely jealous. Not in a mad, angry way, but in a sad, scary way.
We're very open so I vented what I felt and she told me I should know her by now, that nothing happened, and that they just talked about work.
I can't stop obsessing over it. It never happened to me. Yet again, she never goes out so I never truly experienced her having male friends.
I need help. Am I being dabbed on? Am I just scared? Am I missing something?

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she's been in an emotional affair with him for months. i know because I'm him and we're fucking now. GL

if i were you id forget about it.. if things like this happen a second or third time with this guy then do something about it but it sounds like a legitimate reason

>2 am
and everyone didn't cancel at the last minute. This was planned and you were told a lie. There is trouble here

Honestly there is one thing to have male coworker friends,and another thing to stay up till 2 am with one of them by themselves.

I've been in similar situations with ex'es in the past and i understand that emotional tormoil. You need to talk to her and tell her that you trust her, its just that it makes you uncomfortable. And she should seriously respect this, because staying up till 2 am with a male coworker would make any bf jealous. Like jesus christ

That's what I told her and she apologised, like I said, there are things expected and widely accepted as the norm that she doesn't know/get. That's what stopped me from getting extremely mad. Also what gave her a "pass" is that having this in mind, I can understand and imagine a scenario in which the guy thinks he's making advances in a "date" and my gf being completely clueless and friendly.
What is tearing me apart is the idea of them together, even after our talk, even after her reassurance and believing and trusting her words, one thing is what can be rationalized and the other is what I feel.

Even if she doesn't understand some social cues etc , after your talk with here which seems ,genuine and not parental, i think she wont do anything like that again.

The other guy is being a piece of shit and prying on her niceness and thinking that means she likes him. And unfortunately staying up till 2 am with him really doesn't do anything besides reaffirm that. And i truly believe that she loves you.

Just if she does it again especially after you showed how it makes you feel ,then i would honestly be worried.

I know the thought just cant leave your mind right now, but just talk to her and show her that you love her.

praying for you brother

The only time i've stayed out late with coworkers, i was in a group
Only time i stayed out late with dudes was if we're friends and dudes my boyfriend knows about. I texted and sent pics to my boyfriend through the night about what i was doing

She could have very well just been careless. Talk to her in depth about it and don't trust people here with trust issues. It's definitely abnormal, but it's up to you to decide what really happened

As hailing from my single days, the only girls who spent until 2AM with me objectively wanted to fuck.

let's be honest everyone to some degree has trust issues

From my experience if you get a bad feeling in your chest, like one of those rare uncomfortable feelings, then something bad happened. So far this has been true for me every time. So my advice is to listen to you gut if it's trying to tell you something.

AH let the great Kami Swami peer into the crystal ball~!

Your issue is a Uncertain Evil Breeze that looms around you~

On the outside you are ready for a fight~

On the inside you are hiding and afraid to confront your gf

The key it to ask her straight up

Do this and your relationship will strengthen

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I suffer from anxiety and mild paranoia. I always get that bad feeling in my chest. bad standard.
Wanting to fuck and fucking are very different things. I too can very well want to fuck another woman, yet I don't.
Thank you for your words. What seems to be really difficult is to act like nothing happened. I feel sad.
She has no problem in dissipating my doubts, anything I ask her she answers.
I hate this feeling

You did the right thing with talking to her about it , seeing that she has those social Que issues. I think now if she does something like that again i think it would be a matter of respect?

Honestly ,i really think she feels terrible about it right now which is why she seems to be pushing you away or being avoidant. The same way she doesnt want to come to terms with how she made you feel.

It will all make sense as time goes on, just stay strong and focus on her. Have you guys been having any problems ?

Heed this sage's words friend.
No women hate here either, just healthy suspicion of people in general.

No, like I said, we have a strong relationship, that's what saddens me the most.
Imagine the person you have the purest relationship in your life pulls of this shit.

I know more or less how you're feeling right now, my girlfriend has been distant lately and its literally killing me. I would be probably on my couch tearing up for days if what happened to you happend to me. And i feel sorry for you man.

Just keep a look out for this happening again. What you gotta keep in mind tho, however weird it may be, you dont want to let paranoia create a wedge between your relationship. Just try to keep it out of your mind until you have tangible evidence to think otherwise.

Once again im sorry about all thats happening to you man. Love is the best and the worst thing sometimes

>Hanging out with any member of the opposite sex means their is sexual tension in the relationship
If she's autistic but kind she probably just wanted to talk to a friend. If she is breaking your trust and sleeping with other men behind while trying to make you into a fool then you're going to catch her fuck up eventually and you can then break off the relationship and kick her to the curb.

This sounds like the usual paranoia and fear of new couples. You can't be afraid of their freedom , you have to trust them.

As suspicious as it may sound, it's quite possible. It's happened to me several times to meet some female friend for coffee and end up at 1 or even 3 am still talking, with nothing else having happened. And the female friends in question were in relatively serious relationships (and were old, unambiguous friendships). I got once a clue that one's bf was angry about it (she missed their Skype rendez vous or something) but he never mentioned it to me.

If there's nothing suspicious (should be easy to check), OP shouldn't be too upset about it or overthink it, especially if he has made clear that it upsets him and that she shouldn't do it again. He has a right to ask her that.

You can also ask her to make it clear with the co-worker that she's not interested in him.
However if she lacks social skills it can be hard for her to make it in a friendly way.

It's great that you talked to her in a non-angry, controlling manner. Don't listen to these negative post saying she's cheating, if there's no evidence of her doing it or any reason she did to you for you not to trust her, dont let it cloud your mind. If it still bothers, talk to her again.

Dont keep thinking about this because it will cause paranoia and resentment between you two. Don't give her an ultimatum, that usually leads to breakups. Communication is the most important part of a relationship, good luck OP.

That's not *super* bad, especially paying mind to how you claim she's a tiny bit sperged, so she may have not seen the subtext and how most people would understand it.

That two a.m. bit is weird though, and seems a little strange. I know you want your fears to put to rest for better or worse, but I say that you should monitor the situation and be a little more observant. Not creepy or spy-y or anything, just keep your eyes open.

Out of our talk I learned that she too felt paranoid at times when I was meeting my female friends, especially exes, but for obvious autism reasons didn't say a word and just suffered in silence.
Thanks, I myself come from a really toxic relationship that made me develop those kind of behaviours and they honestly sicken me. I just love her and I care for her. I want to and have made enormous efforts to give her the emotional freedom and the self worth to go through social situations and enjoying them, or at least not suffering them. I don't want to get controlling, I don't want her to overly change her behaviour, I just want not to be dabbed on. She can and I hope WILL have male friends, I just don't want to feel cucked an paranoid

Just always keep an eye on her, not to be controlling, but to not be complacent. It's good that you're controlling your clingyness, but dont let her be too free if it bothers you because you'll start to resent her and will blow up on her eventually. If anything bothers you, talk to her about it, not in an angry or accusing manner, but in a passionate, empathetic way. Dont try to start arguments, if it escalates to an argument, try to calm both of you guys down.