I fucked up

I fucked up.
I dated this super narcissistic girl for two months, and we got pretty close. It became apparent that her parents didn't really give a shit about her, and her step mom would yell and rag on her. She didn't really have any close friends, most of them were the shallow basic bitches that have surface relationships. She was honestly a really nice, positive wholesome person. But she was so narcissistic it was impossible to deal with. Literally every conversation would go like this "Oh yeah I really enjoy topic x" "Oh no way, I knew this person that was into topic x, we used to play cards together, did i tell you im really good at topic y?". And she was an absolute attention whore, would get upset every time i wasnt paying attention to her, even when i was watching tv shows/movies that she picked. I had a serious conversation about she didnt really appear to care about me because she just talked about herself literally every chance she got.

Because im an empathetic person by nature, I always consoled her when she was upset, and it was clear that no one in her life hae ever done this for her. I was conflicted, but ultimately she was lacking the depth, insight and consciousness that I place a high priority on, so i broke up with her.

But, i fucked it up. I had just finished consoling her after a minor emotional collapse, and she asked me "what are we" and i told her i wanted to break up. She then proceeded to have a complete meltdown and accused me of leading her on, and asking me to give her another chance, all the while downing anti-anxiety meds. It became clear that my presence was making her break down and get more hysterical but she kept implying that she was gonna keep downing meds and drink as soon as i left. I managed to get a mutual friend to take her to the emergency room before i left. By the time she got there she had taken 10 times her prescription and drank a tall boy of Smirnoff. We hashed it out the next weekend when she was feeling better

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With finals in Uni and holidays I havent really had the chance to process it, i kind of dismissed her as crazy and i dodged a bullet.

I know i made the right decision breaking up with her, but i didnt do it gracefully. I feel like shes never had anyone in her life actually care about her and i just kicked her to the curb. I feel like shit.

If she really was a narcissist, you should be happy she only fucked up your life for 2 months.

People like this are tragic, but you're not in a position to help them. No matter how gracefully you handled the breakup, she would have had a dramatic/dangerous reaction, because that's how narcs are. That's on her, not you.

I guess. And she was a legit narcissist. That conversation pattern i described in the first post extended to everything. After comforting her for an hour for a random breakdown about her dad, I attempted to talk about one of my struggles with social anxiety (which i rarely do) and before i could even finish the sentence, she said "Oh I know that one, my brother had it when he was a kid, he was so weird. This one time in middle school..." and that was when i knew beyond a doubt she was a narcissist.

Hm, well just because she's particularly self-centered doesn't mean she's got narcissistic personality disorder for sure, but it could be. there are a lot of good videos online on narcissists and how to deal with them; I'd recommend watching some since maybe that would help you process the whole thing a bit better. Here's a good one:


She's manipulating you. Start considering the fact her words may sometimes or often be lies. Then things will clear up for you. Stat away from her

>She then proceeded to have a complete meltdown and accused me of leading her on, and asking me to give her another chance,

OP you are such a chad

You should feel like shit OP, what the hell is wrong with you?

You sound like a spoiled brat. Oh no, you mean this young chick you've only known for some months is a bit egocentric as some young people are and you're complaining that she is "too needy" while saying that you're such a sensitive guy?You just started dating this chick then broke up with her after you realized she had any kind of hard emotional issues you self obsessed jackass topkek. Has it ever occured to you that maybe you're the one being a bit narcissistic?
>I want a woman with depth, consciousness, and insight even though I clearly have none myself

I mean you just broke up with your emotionally needy gf while she was in a weak place in her life leading to a suicide attempt. You absolutely did lead her on and if she's crazy it's you're fault for making it ten times worse. Grow up you absolute cunt

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>She's a narcissist for trying to relate your story with stories from her family
A narcissist would've ignored your comments completely not try to relate herself to you and this sounds like she was trying to distract herself from being so emotionally wrecked with a story.

That's not narcissistic that's completely normal behavior

Similar thing happened to a good friend of mine. He stayed with her for 2 years even if he wanted out after 6 months, because she attempted suicide when he wanted to break up.
The girl went crazy for 18 months, was hospitalised in psychiatric facilities several times, managed to get a hold of herself by doing (a lot of) sport. My friend got married with an incredibly nice girl.

The only exit is to stop taking responsibility for her actions, which you did. It's always ugly with that kind of girl. Like user said and like you said yourself, you couldn't help her by staying with her.

He only knew this chick for 2 months my dude, and he is showing pretty obvious narcissistic personality traits himself. The fuck you talking about "he couldn't help her by staying with her" he never even tried to begin with. You know what else doesn't help? Breaking up with your emotional wreck of a gf in the middle of her having a crying fit over family issues after 2 months of dating.

Girls older than 15 years old who are not half-crazy are not like that.

And the solution for emotional problems is certainly not to pour them into a dubious relationship. That does only more damage.

Maybe you're right, and OP is a narcissic who doesn't know what to expect from a girl nor to tell a crisis from something graver. I have the feeling the girl is not right in her head, and I don't see how this could get better with him staying.

Maybe OP is a cold hearted egoist as you seem to say, but I've known and I've been friends with several girls who literally trapped their bf or relationships the way OP describes his girls, over a short period of time, and did themselves harm in the process. Burdening your partner with too much of your problems (which are often not as bad as you could think) is not a solution to anything and is dangerous.

Im glad that everyone here knows me so well, but I want a partner that will actually give a single shit about me. It was pretty obvious that she didnt actually care about me or anyone.
Just so i can learn more about me, what makes me seem narcissistic?

>That's not narcissistic that's completely normal behavior

They are known to manipulate and pretend they are similar to you, idiot

OP don't listen to that retard. He's probably a teenager himself who's still wrapped up in romantic idealizations of mental illness and manic pixie dream girls. The reality is that nothing good could have come from staying with her, and looking out for your well being doesn't make you a narcissist.

Yes they are
>Caring about someone will make the relationship worse

>Caring about your partner means breaking up with them after 2 months of dating for no actual reason besides "I don't think she's good enough for me"

The reasons OP listed are basically just projections of narcissism onto his gf, OP is a cold hearted bastard who doesn't even realize it because he just lacks that much self awareness

>It was pretty obvious she didn't care for me
Except she never actually showed ymhweself to be narcissistic or anti-social
>What makes me seem like an asshole
Mostly you breaking up with your gf and sending her into a suicidal state by breaking up during a major emotional event and not really giving a shit about her at all? Topkek

>Well maybe she is just lying I mean she obviously showed narcissism by trying to relate herself with OP
There is 0 signs of her being narcissistic at all. You could say this about anybody
>I don't like this person
>Clearly if I don't like them then they're mentally I'll
It's never worked this way desu

>Projection so severe
I can't even... she never displayed serious emotional issues until OP sent her into a suicidal state by breaking up with her during an emotional crisis I don't... No that is not looking out for yourself and caring about yourself that is callous disregard for another person's feelings you selfish jackass. Good God, when did I ever imply that you should date mentally ill women because muh goth gf or whatever the fuck.

I know this is Jow Forums and a lot of you are sociopaths but for fucks sake this is ridiculous

Are you fucking kidding me dude... you keep touting out this chick's "suicide" ""attempt"" as if it's evidence for OP's coldheartedness, when it's *precisely* that sort of manipulative, impulsive, pathological behavior that is a GIGANTIC indicator for a personality disorder, if not NPD then borderline or some other cluster B bullshit.

And just to be clear, this girl never intended to actually kill herself. Taking a shitload of pills *right in front of someone*? She knew full well that she'd just be taken to the hospital to receive a stomach pump and oodles of attention and sympathy. That's *clap emoji* manipulation *clap emoji*

desu, you're the person in this thread that I'm the most concerned for at this point, as this is exactly the sort of attitude that victims of narcissists have.

Yes well obviously im not going to list out every single thing i did for her over the course of 2 months, but I did care about her and it was genuine. Reflecting on it, I dont know for sure if she was a narcissist but she was way too shallow and self centered for me to form a meaningful relationship with. Ive also made it very clear I know what I did was wrong and I cant take it back, and i feel terrible about it.

>a girl was severely emotionally stunted so she's a narcissist.
Stop being an arm chair psychologist. Narcissists will manipulate you, and destroy you. Call you names that destroy your self esteem but are never bad enough to make you speak up. Narcissists won't meltdown when you don't comply, but instead get furious at their lack of control. Narcissists don't cry when you aren't paying attention to them, especially one who is semi attractive at all. They will easily just move on to their next victim because it's apparent to them that you aren't vulnerable enough to control.
That all being said, all you have to say about her is that she was "self centered" and that she just wasn't smart enough for you. You then call her friends shallow. Sounds like you're the shallow one for choosing to date a girl based on totally surface level things, then you act surprised when you don't actually like her.

OP here, this is getting far too autistic and heated for me. I definitely jumped the gun assuming she was a full narcissist. Thanks for your input, feel free to keep discussing. Jury seems to be out on which one of us as an absolute narcissistic sociopath.

I personally don't think you're a narcissist/sociopath. We tend to warp/exageratte the bad traits in another after break ups, especially if you're feeling a lot of guilt. Threatening suicide is absolutely toxic and dangerous behavior. People consider it emotional abuse because it has a pretty huge affect on you. You're allowed to break up with people. You sound pretty young, so just learn from this. Learn to get to know people before you get into a relationship with them. And it's good to follow through with the break up with her, otherwise you're enabling her totally awful behavior. At least this way, she might stop and consider that her threatening suicide will drive people away. This is coming from a woman who is pretty crazy and has learned to at least develop some kind of communication skills that aren't "The world is absolutely ending!"
Also there are different degrees of crazy. Some one can be nuts and in therapy but still totally toxic. Others can be more self-aware and not just react to everything all of them, but only flare up here and there and then apply skills they have learned.

Looks like you just have trust issues m8 holy mother of all keks. Any kind of suicidal idolation is now a symptom of fucking narcissism I can't even...

>GIGANTIC indicator for a personality disorder, if not NPD then borderline or some other cluster B bullshit.
No... It doesn't. Stop reading WebMD for five minutes holy shit not everything is symptomatic of a personality disorder.

> She knew full well that she'd just be taken to the hospital to receive a stomach pump and oodles of attention and sympathy.
Or maybe she was having an emotional breakdown and actually thought people hated her so much that they would let her die? This wouldn't be borderline either that would histrionic, and not signs for a personality disorder just a behavior associated with one you complete moron.

Want to know how I know this? I work in the medical field for the love of God, you have 0 idea what you're talking about when it comes to psychological emergencies

also you would be a narcissist if you posted this all on her facebook page and then proceeded to leak her nudes to "get back" at her. Crying about it on user is okay.

Neither of them are narcissists, they're both egocentric it's completely different. It basically just means that they both need to become more self aware. Threatening suicide is not """""toxic""""" btw and never will be
>It's considered emotional abuse to threaten suicide

>Maybe she will stop thinking about suicide if she realizes it drives people away
Welp, you're not lying when you say you have severe emotional issues

You absolutely never as a reaction, say "WELL I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE OF THAT THING THAT YOU'RE DOING." Absolutely not. I have suicidal tendencies, and they are no one else's fault. People are responsible for their own actions.
It's absolutely one thing if he said he was leaving her, and then she immediately called her therapist because she was feeling suicidal. Not putting it on the person who was trying to leave her. Or hell, she could have even said "okay I'm sorry, I'm in an extremely bad place and need your help for an evening, then we can break up."
>maybe she will stop thinking about suicide.
Way to twist my words. I literally said
>threatening suicide
not being suicidal.

Every narc should be killed (except for)


>People are responsible for their own actions.
Not really, it's a nice between you and others responsibility. There are people in your life who have failed you. If you can't deal with that yet, then I'm sorry but it's important thing to learn in order to not repeat the mistakes of others.

Looks you have some issues with being egocentric yourself if you think the only possible reason why someone would threaten suicide would be due to Machiavellian personality traits leading them to want to emotionally abuse someone else. Let's just , theoretically, say that she tried to kill herself because she actually thought no one cared for her and it was genuine and not part of some greater scheme to abuse people. Let's say that because she had no known prior history of anti-social or histrionic behavior and that this was a unique event. Maybe the issue here isn't that she was "putting this on someone she loved" maybe the issue actually is that someone else put this in her by breaking up with her at the worst possible time imagineable. We are assuming she is not manipulative in this scenario, mainly because a lot of people in an emotional crisis will not calmly ask for assistance by saying

>okay I'm sorry, I'm in an extremely bad place and need your help for an evening, then we can break up."
In fact the only people capable of doing this are people who lack emotions, sociopaths. So... Like I said I completely believe you have some severe emotional issues and I'm sorry for that. Don't be giving people advice about this kind of topic when it's clear you struggle with it yourself

Why has Jow Forums been overrun by anons who defend anything crazy any guy posts about a woman? Did you even look at the links? She is clearly manipulating.

I’ve got a friend like this...
I love her and she’s the sweetest person ever, but I haven’t spoken to her in almost two years now because everything always became about her and dealing with the train wrecks she kept putting herself in to, when I was barely able to keep it together on my end as it was.

I feel pretty bad about it too because I know I *was* one of the few friends she had in her life that was always positive and caring towards her...

But as cold as it is, sometimes you just need to prioritize yourself.

You can’t live other people’s lives for them, especially when you’ve got your own shit to deal with. That helps no one.

Not really sure what advice to give you, just wanted to give my sympathies.

>Did you even look at my shitty links
For the love off-site remember how I said stop reading WebMD for 5 minutes? You're an egocentric armchair psychologist who has no clue what she is talking about.

No, not everytime someone threatens suicide (although she didn't threaten it she tried to OD) is part of a machiavellian scheme especially when she has never shown any signs of this kind of behavior before an unique event. You have to establish a history of this kind of behavior before you can even begin to start calling someone emotionally abusive or manipulative. It's clear that she was not expecting a break up during an emotional crisis then went nuts after he moronic bf decided "oh now's the time to break up, while she is crying over he terrible family life. Of course!"

You're projecting and using confirmation biases to sure up a worldview you've created that does not properly captures the variance between people's personalities. I work in the medical field and it's never so simple

Jesus dude you're kind of insane. I've literally have learned with a therapist how to ask for help in an emotional crisis. And I'm talking, level ten, sobbing, hardly able to think. To just say "I'm freaking out right now and I need your help." whether it be calling my mother, my therapist, or helping me bring myself back down so I can deal with things in a way that's not flipping shit way. But it's not okay to say "im killing myself" in said emotional crisis. Just like if you're in an emotional crisis, it isn't okay to hit people,or destroy things. Just because a person isn't intentionally manipulative doesn't mean their actions aren't manipulative. Throwing your hands up in the air and saying "im going to kill myself" when some one chooses to leave you is trapping them. He isn't trained to deal with some one in an emotional crisis. Most people aren't.
So now it's up to her to talk to her therapist on how to not jump to suicide when things go wrong, and how to reach out for help. I have been miserable, on the floor, wanting so bad to kill myself, but have never threatened it. Suicide and depression isn't "this isn't going my way, so I'm going to die." He isn't responsible for her depression and lack of coping skills. In fact, one of the only ways she will ever be able to function in relationships ever in her life is by learning to take responsibility for her own emotions, reactions, and actions.
Her being upset by him breaking up with her, and her then saying "if you're doing x, you are in control of my life and I will end it if that is true" is not her taking any ownership of her feelings at all. I don't think she's anti-social or histrionic at all, she probably was just never taught on how to deal with her feelings and probably grew up in a chaotic environment. The world is cruel and it's on her to work through those things and seek the proper help.

I just want to mention that I (the person you told to stop looking at webmd) am and , not the person you just responded to. You're talking to multiple people here (all of whom, mind you, can see that you're being ridiculous)

>accuses others of confirmation biased
>when he refuses to google "is threatening suicide abuse" and look at the first 3 pages

You work in the medical field, but you aren't a psychologist. They dated for two months. That is a blip, and he learned that he didn't even like her. Maybe it's different if they lived together and had been together for a few years.
2 months is extremely early into their relationship to show this kind of behavior, and who is to say that if he stayed with her, it wouldn't continue to escalate? Therefor giving us the "history" of abuse that you want.
Ironically, many women choose to not leave men who hit them because of opinions like yours. "it was only once! and he has no history of acting this way, so it must be my fault that he reacted that way."
Those women tend to end up dead.

>That is a blip

you can't measure love by time.

Oh man, I get it. You're some one who threatens suicide and believes it's okay to act obsessive and lose your shit over some one leaving your life who has been in it for two months. I see.
Grow up and be in a real relationship.

i met a girl for 2 months and i feel like she is my soulmate, everything connected, but she left me because she couldnt handle a relationship right now.

its been two months since she left and i still think about her everyday, more so than i think about my ex who i dated for over a year.

what 'growing' up needs to be done? love is love, its not measured by time

Ever consider that maybe you're in love with the idea of her, and not actually her?
also sorry to break it to you, but
>couldn't handle a relationship right now
is code word for " i have no interest in actually being with you but it strokes my ego to have you in love with me."
People are complex and have many sides, not just the side that you meet while discussing interests and world views. You were never around her beyond a surface level. You are in love with the idea of her.
and lmfao at "soul mates". I'm in a relationship of five years with some one that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. The idea of a soul mate is to just comfort you that things are supposed to just magically fit into a certain place.

>i have no interest in actually being with you

she was pursuing me like crazy and liked it when i reciprocated but then said she didn't want to feel anything due to her mental health. it happened three times in the same two weeks. she was in a psych ward recently too.

why do you think it's my fault? What should i have done?

omg FINALLY the truth comes out. this entire time you were using OP's thread on his relationship issues to vent about your own broken heart in the guise of defending this random girl

making other people's problems about you... that's almost... what's the word

Based narssasist/bpd poster.

It was too fragile, you broke it without realizing it, like an egg, now see if you make it an omelette or a century egg.

thats what we all do