Laying in bed one late afternoon, get message from guy on dating app...

>Laying in bed one late afternoon, get message from guy on dating app, been on there a month found no-one I liked out of hundreds and hundreds of people.
>This guys different, he's quirky, fun, kind and rather cute.
>We meet up, hit it off really well. Hook up, play games, watch movies, go out all the time. Super intense relationship for a whole month. Messaging 24/7, seeing each other every second day.
>Then one day I have an anxiety attack and a breakdown. He tries to get me to talk but it's about something super personal in my past so I just shut down avoid him for an hour.
>Feel really bad about this but finally calm down and try to go back to making amends. I promise I'll make it up to him, it was only an hour and all I did was sit quietly in his room while he went about doing stuff.
>Go home, he messages me and asks why I went quiet so I tell him about being abused in the past.
>He sees the message and ignores me for 2 whole days.
>Panic and send him a million messages saying sorry. He responds, and tells me that what I did was "off putting" but he doesn't want to end this.
>Barely hear a word from him after, he's on facebook 24/7 and reads my messages but replies once a day at best.

What do I do? How do I get him back? Should I try being more positive and really try to win him over again? Or should I try talk about the issue with him despite him seemingly having no interest in me now? At this point I'm pretty sure he just found someone else and I've been relegated to backup. We were supposed to meet up tomorrow, but he cancelled saying he's sick and when I offered to come baby him and cook for him he turned me down.

I'm so cut up about this because I put everything into him and tried so hard to be perfect for him.

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It sounds like he's not someone who's going to be good for you. Maybe you'd be better off breaking it off yourself.

In my personal opinion, you should continue looking elsewhere. If he can't deal with you as you are, and you feel you have to try and keep up the facade of "being perfect for him" then it isn't likely to work. Fankly if that's his reaction then he isn't worth the effort.

Are you doing anything to get over your past trauma? This is going to sound harsh, but no one likes to be around a perpetual victim. You can't carry this trauma with you until you die. You are holding onto a memory because you enjoy the feeling of being victim. You like how it gets you sympathy, and makes guys protective of you.

I just don't feel like I can though. It took so long just to find him and I'm in my mid twenties now so most of the good guys are taken, those left are usually just after a screw.

He seemed so perfect just 2 weeks ago, everything just felt so right so I just want to recover this.

Go back to r9k. I'm not manipulating anyone.

You're manipulating yourself. I hope you eventually learn to leave the past behind you. There is no need to carry trauma with you forever into the future.

His reaction to your expression of emotional trauma, and subsequently opening up to him and confiding in him with personal information was to cut himself off from you. Unless you can magically untrauma yourself it isn't working. Dude can't deal with your shit, dude doesn't have the balls to do so, dude isn't fucking worth it.

He has self-respect. He probably wants someone who values themselves enough to work through their own problems, just like he does. Perhaps he went through something even worse than OP, but you don't see him making a big scene about it.

The first part is valid, but the second is not only unproductive, it's demonstrably false based on the state of her current relationship and her method of trying to fix it. Get your head out of your ass and pay attention to what's going on instead of regurgitating one-size-fits-all bullshit.

>Feel really bad about this but finally calm down and try to go back to making amends. I promise I'll make it up to him
You had an anxiety attack, you didn't do anything wrong. He's the one doing wrong by ignoring you when he knows you're vulnerable, but you don't expect him to make it up to you, you're falling over your own feet trying to pamper him for being a dick.

Don't confuse the guy for the feeling he gives you. Everyone wants to be with someone, it's natural to chase that feeling, but this guy's not the one who's going to give it to you. Not without enough shitty feelings to cancel out the good parts, anyway.

>I put everything into him
You need to put everything into yourself. Another person's not going to be able to hold you up, especially someone who can't even handle giving you an hour's worth of space.
Take care of yourself. Seek help with your trauma if you're not already, seek social bonds that aren't rife with the anxiety and pitfalls of romantic/sexual ones, pour yourself into activities and experiences. As much as this guy seems like kind a shit for not being able to handle one episode of drama, you can't put everything you've got into another person and expect them to carry you to happiness. You have to find your way there yourself, at least part way, and then a real bond can be forged, based on who you are instead of what you need.

He doesn't want to put up with your trauma so he's thinking about whether he wants to continue a relationship with you or not. If he's not willing to accommodate your problems, then you should just forgot about him and look for someone else. The fact that he ignored you for 2 days after you told him you were abused is a huge red flag to me, sounds like he REALLY doesn't want to deal with this shit.

I know the feeling of finally finding a good match after a long time of searching, but you'll find more guys eventually, and they'll probably be better than this dude.

This user has it right.

Nah, this is bullshit. People who come from harsh circumstances tend to have sympathy for others who shared their struggles. If the dude had similar or worse problems he would have tried to connect with OP when he mentioned his abuse story not ignore him for 2 days. You just sound like an autist who hates people with baggage.

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Stop taking shitty advice from shitty people on the shitty internet.
Talk with him about what happened. Try understanding what his actual reason for getting some space was. Noone can read minds.
Also, confiding this kind of heavy information about yourself to someone you only know for a month isn't very healthy.
These are things you should be able to discuss with him IMO, but he can't fix them for you.

To add to this, if the roles were reversed OP would likely be labeled as 'emotionally unhealthy male who has unresolved childhood trauma and carries it over into romantic relationships'.
Just to get the whiteknights off your ass.

>Also, confiding this kind of heavy information about yourself to someone you only know for a month isn't very healthy.
It's not like OP went out of his way to tell him his tragic backstory. He had a panic attack and his partner wanted to know why so OP gave him some context.

I actually assumed OP was gay based on his post, but I suppose they could be female. I'd give the same advice either way.

It doesn't really matter.
OP's partner isn't obligated in any way to deal with these issues.
It'd be nice if he was all empathic about it but the reality is he probably knows he'll never get that pussy again if he does.
Alpha F Beta B in action

Sorry to say this, but as a dude who is with a girl who has anxiety problems because of a pretty fucking horrible childhood history...

This guy may not be the right guy for you.

My response to my girlfriend telling me about her past was: “Thank you for choosing to share that with me”. She cried and thanked me for not saying “I’m sorry”.

She has night terrors, anxiety attacks, and certain scent based triggers, but I still love her and it’s never really been a problem or even that difficult feeling to deal with. I’m not even saying it was easy, but rarely did it ever feel like it was something I felt like it was something I didn’t want to put up with or was put off by.

If he can’t deal, then he can’t deal, and that’s the reality of things. Don’t try to force yourself to be with someone where neither of you are able to function or get the things you need out of this.


At least at the very start, things should feel easy enough you never feel like you have to force the. If you do, then that just means that this isn’t right for you,

lmao the problem is probably really fucking stupid, just like you! Fucking losers, 1 hour is enough to make him go full autismo? Who the fuck even messages their partner 24/7 Id fucking kill myself if my bitch did that. smell my fartz fag

Dudes dodging a fucking bullet, lol. Good on him.

>Just to get the whiteknights off your ass.
What white knights? Everyone is acknowledging OP is emotionally unhealthy.

>Also, confiding this kind of heavy information about yourself to someone you only know for a month isn't very healthy.
lolwut
It would have been fucking nutso to just not address it after having a panic attack in front of him. Plus, if someone's going to be entering into a relationship with you, they deserve to know your baggage, especially when it's obvious and significant. Being open about it was literally the only healthy thing OP has done.

>OP's partner isn't obligated in any way to deal with these issues.
That's not a reason to keep it a secret. OP just needs to accept that he's unwilling to deal with the issues. It's better to find that out sooner rather than alter.

a classic aged like fine wine

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Imagine being a woman. Holy shit. Your self-induced "problems" finally backfire and then you come to Jow Forums to get "advice"(aka imaginary hugging and reassurance that you're perfect the way you are™)

I would do this exact same thing. Your little temper tantrum, pouting in a corner is what I would expect from a kid, not an adult. Also, claiming you were “abused” in the past is a massive red flag for me. You’re carrying way too much baggage if you’re having breakdowns on dates about this “abuse” years after the fact. He did the right thing imo. Move on.

you sound manipulative af

The people giving OP figurative pats on the back and basically saying it's the guys fault for not 'correctly dealing with it', I'd say that's even worse than whiteknighting.
Yeah, the encounter sounded really healthy to me too. Idiot.
She could've told him in a more grown up way, so that way he was able to give an adult response. She fucked herself and it's not his fault.
Who says he's unwilling?
Maybe just unable in the short timeframe, maybe he's already experienced something similar, who knows?
We don't, because instead of talking about and dealing with problems like an adult she curls up and throws a temper tantrum.
These come closer to the truth, sorry.

Bitch, I know you like this twink but get yourself a hobby and distract yourself.
People need space

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Wait why would saying "I'm sorry" be a bad thing in this case?

you sound like a nutcase. his red flags are probably going off. you fucked up op.