I am a guy coming from a Mediterranean background. And when I got 17 moved with parents to West Europe. The Netherlands to be specific. I feel like shit. People are so cold here. No people are real friends here. The culture is super individualistic and people do not develop meaningful bonds. No friends, no love. I was one of the most popular people in high school and now at uni. It was not like I was unwanted. The opposite. It is just that the way people here are so hostile to opening up and showing emotion. It makes me severely depressed.
I am looking at a video clip of some Moroccan dude living In France. And it makes me remember how different it could be. youtu.be/WIbwDPTL8hM
I am literally crying tears realising I have no way to escape this hell until I finish studies in 4 years. And I will be 26 then. Been depressed since 17 and I'm 22 now...
Be careful. I’m from the US, and I can tell you that our mental health system is full of people suffering because the culture of the college they’re attending is a bad fit for them. Four years is a long time.
Where in the Netherlands? Anywhere near a city? The Dutch can be a bit cold, and matter of fact, but there's a fuckton of people not from the Netherlands in Amsterdam if you're anywhere near there. Lots of very warm and open travelers. I'd recommend getting out when you can and doing it up in the cities.
In the east. University close to Germany. Almost no foreigners here like in Amsterdam or Rotterdam or Utrecht. I am socializing with people everyday. I sit with em at the library, I went out eating with 6 guys that look up to me today. Tomorrow and Sunday I have plans to study and chill have dinner together.
But they are always keeping distance. There is no real connection. It is all superficial. They only do it because I am a vibrant personality. When I got sick a few weeks no one noticed and they just found another group of people to hang out with..
It is sickening to me how they treat each other like entertainment machines just not to be alone. Not opening up emotionally at all. Not forming any bond, no real friendship or love.
It is a long time indeed. I already have 30k debt and can't get out now. I will have to continue and push through. I proved everyone wrong by making it to university finally.
In the U.S. at least, like in LA and SF, it can be very hard in a similar way. People will be warm at first and shit, but it's all superficial and next thing you know they're flaking. I just moved to the South by myself and people are warm, but it always feels like people want something from me or don't trust me.
Idk mang, it's hard.
Southern US people seem very nice and warm. I literally cannot handle this...
I think I would be happier in prison then this.
Yeah I'm not deep south, kind of in the hood actually in a city. You'll make friends eventually probably, how long has it been?
Get some kind of counseling then, if you’re really in psychological anguish. You could meet some people in group counseling, maybe get some crazy pussy there. Don’t just neglect yourself.
Also, notice I said counseling, not psychiatry. I’m not saying you’re ill, just that you seem to be in psychic pain.
And, maybe you can make a more deliberate attempt to meet people. That’s what I’d tell someone here in the US. If you’re not making friends in class, and you want friends, join a club.
>The culture is super individualistic and people do not develop meaningful bonds. That is impossible for humans. I'm going to guess their bonds are just not meaningful to *you*.
> And it makes me remember how different it could be The fuck does some romantic fantasy music video tell you about reality? I might as well think if I was an US American black rapper person, I'd constantly have around 20 models showing their tits and ass and dancing around me.
If you want to be lovey dovey with your girlfriend, get one and do it as long as you can be arsed to.
You really did not read what I wrote did you? I am very social, I am head of a counsil in a student association, people look up to me and want to hang out all the time. Women throw pussy at me all the time. I am ripped, good looking face.
Please at least take the time to read. My problem is that there are all these people. But no one actually opens up really. Not only not to me, the people in this country just never do, to no one. They are ice cold. Their interaction is emotionless. No real loyalty, friendship, people to count on.
>I am a guy coming from a Mediterranean background. And when I got 17 moved with parents to West Europe. The Netherlands to be specific. >I feel like shit. People are so cold here. No people are real friends here. The culture is super individualistic and people do not develop meaningful bonds. >No friends, no love. I'm actually laughing at this. This can't be real.
This is every stereotype came real. Med monkey upset that his dancing doesn't make everyone love him
I am real.
>t. skullfucker germOid
You seem like all of those things and then on top of it narcissistic. I wouldn’t hang out with you either. Please don’t making humblebrag/social commentary threads disguised as a request for help.
>Medit to West yurop >The culture is super individualistic and people do not develop meaningful bonds.
Aren't you expecting too much intimacy too soon? There is a good reason they don't open up easily
People from cold climates do not understand or get along with people from hot climates.
Stick with your own kin when you finish your studies if it's that bad.
I'm studying in the Netherlands too and I find Dutch people to be super nice! They are highly capable of developing wonderful bonds, you just haven't tried enough to be a friend. Better introspect rather than think bad about the people who accepted you in their country.
Here's the problem. You're exposing yourself too much to too many different people and social events. You only have so much time room and space in your mind for a couple of meaningful relationships. Even in the best group of friends people will have preferences and experience different levels of closeness to members of the group. Stop trying to find and create intense friendships whilst having only group contact. It won't happen. Go do 1 on 1 activities or stuff with 3-4 people max (including you) if you want to start building shit with people. I'm on a Dutch University as well and most of the interaction there is usually superficial and validation based. This is due to the fact that 95% of these people are autistic af and want to catch up on missed social time during high school. By staying true to myself and not falling for the retarded student Life activities I managed to make a couple of great friends at uni and maintain the ones from high school. Never missed out on anything and go do stuff / out with them a lot
I do hang out 1 on 1 regularly. Also in smaller groups. I do not go to the cringy student association shit. But I invite people to cook together at my home. Or visit the gym or I drive them to a nice restaurant etc..
I get what ur saying and that would be great advice for 90% of the students. However I put in so much effort to go 1 on 1.go waterskiing, invite people out for sushi dinners, or movie nights..
I literally mean that they do not open up at all to anyone. The best friendship I saw here between two bff's for years have same level of friendship I would have meeting someone on the street in the middle east... :(
>>The best friendship I saw here between two bff's for years have same level of friendship I would have meeting someone on the street in the middle east... :(
That sounds suspicious because it is not believable. Almost sounds as if you are just humblebragging.
You can't de facto form a bond like that imo- it takes time and proving. To my experience, i am from germany, friendships form less, but they actually have more depth. It's like the trees here, they grow slower but stronger. You say you are the popular guy, maybe that's the problem. A lot of false attention that is because of your prestige, a lot of fluctuation of people making deep connection hard.
If it's true that you can't befriend a Dutch, well then you're fucked and there's nothing to do about it, so why this thread?
Actual Advice: Open your inner self. Do “1 on 1“ with a random person you feel some connection to, and try to be more introverted, and share from the depth of your heart. This invites the other one to do the same. This as a general rule. You get what you give in.
Radboud Universiteit? If so I'm on the same boat, could ever only really connect with the international crowd. Dutch people seem either closed off, or they see you as a novelty/entertainment.
Maybe because you only assosiacte with studenten vereniging kinda people ? Theyre superficial as fuck, i noticed as a White dutchie. I keep good contact with people and really do care about my friend group and one is irianen but that's doesn't matter
>Mediterran background Tell me, what shithole do you crawl from?