Honestly i wanna kill myself. Image partially related...

OP here gonna reply to a couple things !

I actually didn’t expect the comments to be nice ? I came on here looking to be brought down more and y’all really made me feel better

I wanna say, there’s nothing wrong with being female. i love the female body, i think women are beautiful. I just feel like *im* not supposed to be female. Being male to me is looking the way i feel like i should look, without the feminine features and voice. I just want to like myself, and being called he, looking like a guy, feeling masculine, it fills me with an unhealthy amount of joy not much else brings in life

also - i avoid the LGBT at all cost. I’m honestly almost completely conservative and aside from supporting gay rights and all, I don’t agree with much the LGBT has to say. Hell, i truly believe being trans is a mental illness since there’s something wrong with my brain

hi :)

how old are you? what have you done so far to pass?

i'm 30 years old trans woman and i'm pretty happy with my life post-transition

Post a pic

(op here) replying to last comment

i’m under 18 and can’t afford T. realistically i’ll never be able to, though it would be a life saver. I guess that does play a part in my situation. My mom won’t even buy me a binder so i have to use the sports bra method

i’m so glad you’ve gotten happier after transitioning fully

The thing is user you don't need to be a man to be masculine, you do know what a tomboy is right? You have to accept that biologically you will always be a woman, that is the card you have been dealt with and this fad (yes it is a fad like bi/gay was in early 00's) will end sooner or later but unlike the early 00's where people could treat it as a experience, these trans people cannot recover from this, they are permanently damaged. Embrace being a masculine woman rather than trying to be a man.

I'm glad you feel better. I don't know you, but I know enough to realize that you're life is too beautiful to just throw away. Hope you can find some irl people who upport you. Take care OP.

(OP here) I wish it was as simple as that , beingg able to just accept myself. I can’t. I don’t feel female, being called such sickens me. Anyways, here’s me. sorry for bad quality and hiding my face. tap pic to see full

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But user no one knows how it feels to be male or female, they only know how they feel about themselves, even if you went through with it and became a "male", you will still be your female self and only know how you feel. I'm sorry but switching sex isn't a switch and even if you didn't listen to me and went through with it, sooner or later that reality sets in, it is the reason why suicide rates are so high among transpeople and I don't want you to be another figure in suicide data. What is your idea of female? What is your idea of you?

>LGBTQ community too much
Do you mean the entire LGBTQ+ thing, or just LGB? Pretty sure a lot of people live normal lives of they're gay/bi. Or are you speaking about the actual community?

(OP here) Well personally being female isn’t wanting every bit of male anatomy, masculine voice, being called he. I’d trade almost anything to wake up and physically be male. Being male and being female is about what parts you got, or what parts you feel like you should’ve gotten. I don’t feel like gender roles play any real meaning into it, i just feel like what you want physically is what defines who you are. I just want a dick man

ah, dude. T works super well and you can definitely afford it once you have a halfway decent job. once you turn 18 go to a gender clinic or w/e and explore your options. it sucks right now i know, but in the future you could be a badass powerlifting bro if you wanted.

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Definitely this, good advice imo

Best option would be just staying that way. A couple of years ago I really wanted to know what having a pussy was like, was jealous. How about you just keep that jealousy of males having dicks and don't harm your body. To add to this, your not quite near anorexic/muscular, so I doubt if you'll become a lot more muscular of you become a man. So yeah, just keep the being male thing a fantasy

I understand but your anatomy will always be female, your voice would turn masculine due to T and could pack some muscle but you will always have a female figure, female skeletal face and bone structure and will always be physically weaker than the average man who just sits about smoking and drinking, on top of that, for you to have an erection, you need to manually pump your penis like a balloon and will lose a lot of your nerve endings which makes sex pleasurable, are you willing to give up all that you have now for something that doesn't even make you male? Please think realistically about this before committing because there is no going back.

(OP) It’s been going on my whole life and i, like most teens, have ended up harming myself in other ways because of it. I usually wouldn’t share this but, i do struggle with self harm because of dysphoria.

(OP again) I’m not that sexual of a person so yes, I’d give up my legs honestly just to be seen as male to one person. I would do absolutely anything for all that..

You hate how you look and feel, I genuinely understand that, there isn't just gender dysphoria you know. The thing is user, if you went through with this, you will end up necking yourself without a doubt if you are self harming already, having this surgery and T does not solve these problems, it is a band aid solution that has seen disastrous results but due to the current climate and recent history of anti-LGB, those that could stop this and actually help you are thinking more about their careers than the well-being of the populace. You need to find someone that is looking out for your well-being rather than saving their own hides by sticking to the safest option, don't fall for the first person who promises you an ideal reality, go to the person who will set the record straight and will tell you your options.

(OP here) Uhh actually science has proved gender dysphoria is real, it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain just like any other mental disorder. Though, i do agree with the rest of the stuff

Why do you think being a man is just about having a dick and the pronoun he?
Male is a biological role that exists in nature in which you have to compete viciously for the right to reproduce as opposed to female which is a biological role in which you select the best male you can get to ensure the continued improvement of the species. This is why elephant seals fight and one alpha wolf fucks all the lady wolves and why men do dangerous stunts and die in war trying to get enough prestige to get laid. It's why females don't take as many risks and don't risk physical violence; because they are all but guaranteed to reproduce. It's why we have twice as many female ancestors as male.

Man is biological/socio-cultural role in which a human is specialized physically & mentally (through biology) and culturally (through learning & tradition) to specialize in a subset of the skills needed for a family unit to survive. The subset of skills that a Man is specialized in are violence and procurring resources away from the home. This is contrasted to a Woman who is specialized in child rearing, forming social bonds and strengthening the community, and managing/procuring resources at/close to home. These roles are culturally taught but are rooted in biology, men must be physically and culturally specialized in violence because they are disposable and women are not. Women must be specialized in procuring resources near to the home because they cannot travel long distances while pregnant, etc. etc.

Masculinity is a traditional set of values passed down in cultures from father and son. These values are those that make one succesful in the male biological role and the cultural role placed upon men. These are things like honour, stoicism, aggression, fearlessness, work ethic. These things are necessary to be successfuly in the fighter/farmer/father role placed on men. It is contrasted with feminity which is a set of values that includes compassion, love, gracefulness, emotion, etc.

That is where your reality would crumble and why you would end up dead, you rely on other perceiving you as that when those that are naturally in-line with their sex do not rely on others to be seen as male/female, they KNOW they are male/female. Transgenderism as it is right now can only be supported by a willing society and even then that fails, I'm honestly not trying to harm you, I'm trying to get you to see that you have to accept cards you are given and deal with them the best you can, if we could switch sex easily and safely I wouldn't even be having this discussion, I would be encouraging you.

You should really rethink wanting to be a man. As i have pointed out being male is very competitive biological role in which the losers get nothing. Setting aside that you can't compete biologically, all activities in the male sphere involve some aspect of this intense competition and mastery of skills. Even if you don't want to reproduce the male social role is a reconstruction of the biological role. You are in no position to compete in the male sphere. You are small and weak and anything but stoic. It is not a role that you want. Being male isn't fun and games.

(OP) Yikes. wouldn’t it be weird for a woman to be strutting around with a dick though ? All i want is to physically be male. i won’t want to go through surgery and T and all that. I will, but if i could, id just choose to wake up a guy one day and do all that guys do. Be a father someday, that stuff. Take on the male role while physically being male

(OP once more) It’s not about like... oh it’d be so much fun to be a dude !! There’s an imbalance in my brain and i feel like i was born in the wrong body. I feel like i was supppsed to naturally be born male but that didn’t turn out the way it should’ve , you get me ?

But you cannot be male because it is not about a pronoun or a dick. It's, at it's root, a biological role (and you cannot acquire the biology). The male social role is an abstraction of the biological role. And the attitudes and values that make up masculinity are just a further abstraction of the social role.

You might desire to be male but even if you do testosterone and get a penis you won't be male. Your only option is to try to be female. If anything you should do estrogen. Maybe if you do estroge you won't feel like you want to be male anymore. If you've read lgbt forums you undoubtedly know that the hormones have a large effect on people's brain and the way they think/feel. Maybe before you start the impossible task of converting to a man you should ATLEAST entertain the thought of converting to a woman since you are already mostly there.

Hey there OP. Not being trans or having gender identity issues myself, I know that what I have to say about this isn't coming from direct experience, but I've personally known and been close to many people with varying levels of gender non-conformity and talked with them about this and seen them suffer and struggle and succeed so this is where the advice I am about to give you is coming from.

1) no amount of medical interventions will make you biologically male in the same way an average cis male will, so please do not hinge your goals or happiness or idea of male-ness (the specific male-ness which you seek to embody not the vague concept) on this because it won't happen to that extent.

2) you don't have to adhere to anyone's else's definitions of male or female or be identified as such by strangers in order to be happy. I have a very close gay (mostly)cis male friend who always wears femenine or androgynous clothing, has long hair, is over 6ft tall, and lasered all his facial hair off. He is in the fashion industry so he is surrounded by people who don't give a fuck yes, but also he doesn't mind when people call him she, he takes it as a compliment even though he doesn't want to look like a woman and wants people to know he is male, even though he has experienced gender issues in the past he has worked through them and has manifested his inner self on the outside. He is incredibly self-confident and he's made his decisions about who he wants to be based on his own interests and not based on what society associates with male and female.

(continued)

3) I totally understand your frustration, I'd be pissed if I woke up one day and everyone called me the wrong thing, so I can understand your desire to pass and how it is linked to a desire for acceptance, but sometimes it's better to own the things that make us different from other people and just go with them. For instance, I'm disabled and for the last several years I've used a service dog, And I have some mobility issues so I'm always moving around in weird ways or doing things other people might find weird because I look totally normal. I am a very self-conscious person and I get stared at constantly by people because of these things, and people constantly come up and ask about the dog or me and I just have standard responses at this point and some days I'm so tired of it I can tell it comes out in my voice. But other days I do understand that people are just curious about something unusual and I get opportunities to tell people every day about service dogs and people with disabilities, and usually everyone is really nice about it save the occasional asshole in public service who says I don't look disabled and that my dog is a fake service dog, which might happen once every couple weeks.

basically what I'm saying is, some days it is going to be really fucking hard to be different from other people and I get that, and people might be less friendly to you than to me, but there are also good things about it too, for instance by me living this way instead of getting a wheelchair, and my friend staying male instead of transitioning, etc, we're showing other people that there are more ways to be and live in this world and that different can be confident and cool and productive and friendly and everything else too.

I hope this isn't over stepping, but from your pictures you seem to have a clear sense of style and I personally find it really cool and charming. I wouldn't want you to have to change who you are now because of insecurities or pressure from society to conform. If you want to modify your body or do whatever else to manifest your true self into this world then go for it, but please don't define or change that self based on other people and what you think would make you fit in. The world doesn't need another normal biological male, or female, or whatever other thing there is already billions of. There is only one you and it's your responsibility to embrace that you and take care of yourself and find a way to share everything good about that experience with the world. I guess TL;DR, don't take the easy way out and try to be what society already has and already has a role for when you would also fail to measure up to that because of medical impossibility. Be what you are and then go live and find the best version of yourself then go project that to others.

And now I promise I'm done.

This isnt true. I know a 9/10 goth babe that turned into Jon Snow.