Good Evening Anonymous!

Hello and welcome back! I'm glad we could help!

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I suggest you keep your priorities straight; schoolwork first, social life second. That being said, your social activities depend on what you like. Do you like movies? Do you like seeing live bands? Do prefer a comfy second hand book shop?

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I was obsessed with him. I e-stalked him. I checked my phone frequently in case I missed a text. I got jealous over his friends.

And now I lost it all.

Ah it's always good to see another thread. I hope you're doing well. Good luck tonight!

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And was it this odsessive/compulsive behavior that drove him away?

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has anyone here beaten alcoholism

i am miserable and i'm probably going to kill myself before i am thirty if this continues

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Thank you! And it's nice to see you here too!

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Yea I like movies and books shops, but I mean being social in school, got through a breakup last semester and was depressed the whole semester, want to be more positive in this one.

Everything I do is carefully thought out and planned to the point where I postpone action so far it is hurting my chances of actually doing anything.
How do I overcome this?

A good example is a hobby I have wanting to do for a long time, I started this summer, but it took me a year from making the decision to actually call someone and arrange a meeting.
Similarly, I made the decision that I wanted to get into a relationship 2 years ago, yet I haven't even started to talk to people in that way.
I feel the longer I wait, the harder it will be to begin at all.

How do you take on projects that is conceptually very hard for you to begin?

Potentially. He said he didn't love me anymore. 1000 knives right into the back.

I need to find a routine period.

There is no cure for alcoholism. There is abstinence. Stay away from the first drink one day at a time, you can't possibly get drunk.
Remember that one drink is too many, and that a thousand won't be enough.

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As soon as you meet a new girl who sparks your interest, the pain of the breakup will ease up.

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Fuck you and fuck your gay ass larp

Oof I know how you feel, she said the same thing to me, it was out of the blue and I thought we were doing fine. First you need to erase all of his info :number, text, photos, social media. Never contact him to heal and move one. Tell me more if you want to vent.

Lately I've been feeling completely lost in life. A few months ago I moved to a new city. It was supposed to be an exciting time in my life. But I've struggled to adapt and instead do what I normally do (stay at home when I'm not at work). Over the past couple of years I've battled with alcoholism, been ostracized from a friend group, and in general feel like I don't deserve love and as though I'm incapable of finding it.

Most of this negativity comes from ruining those friendships. I've convinced myself that I'm a bad person because I think they think I'm a bad person. It's gotten to the point where I question daily if I'm going to make it through the rest of my life without committing suicide at some point.

Sorry for the ramble, I just needed to vent my thoughts.

How long were you together? Did you live together, too?

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It's been four months since the breakup, a year relationship, I dont want to jump to a relationship too fast and make it a rebound.

It's not possible to get a good job without references.

In my 30+ years in the work force, no one has offered to be a reference, nor asked me to be one for them.

Should I An Hero?

It's totally ok to vent here. Living in a new big city can be a lonely experience at first. You don't know anybody. You don't know where to hang out. It's all new and a little scary. But slowly, you will find your comfort level. You'll find a place to go. You'll meet peop.e you want to see.

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I call my mom and dad everyday at night. I live faraway from them. The conversation are dry and usually go "how is everything, are you okay, have you eaten, what the you cook, etc" and last for about 10 minutes. I have a grumpy voice and get slightly mad when I talk with them like a retard, but I dont yell just sound powerless and tired. Is this normal? I left them after graduating and getting a job.

Don't wait too long though.
I fell for that trap of thinking "I just need some time for myself" and "There isn't anyone I WANT to date anyway".
Before I knew what hit me, I have spent my 20's alone and miserable just because it hurt less than losing it all.

Have you tried asking for one? Have you offered one for anyone else?

Don't be a coward and ask for it when you leave.
A letter of recommendation from your former employee means you left on good terms and you weren't a complete cunt to have working for them.

I must say, it's good to keep the lines of communications open. And yes, it's normal to be stressed, starting a new job in a strange city. You'll get used to it. You'll be ok.

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I call my parents once a week and we talk for about an hour.
That way, I can tell them positive things about my life instead of bringing them down with trivial stuff like what I eat etc.
Try to limit the things you talk about to "what would make them happy to know about" and "what do I need advice/help with".

What happened to you if you dont mind explaining? My problem is I dont want to be codependent and clingy like I was to my ex.

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Don't know if this belongs here, but i have this friend that likes to teach me things to help me out of nowhere. For example when playing a game, and suddenly lets say im not playing so well , he will tell me how to play better. Thing is he only does it to me and no one else in the group and almost every time we play something. Although i appreciate the help i feel like i get a bit annoyed since all i wanna do is have fun without getting a lecture on how things are done. How do i kindly tell him to stop?

I suggest you pull him aside and tell him privately. This is not a thing to bring up in front of everybody.
Also remember that he is simply trying to help.

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I know he is. Still it ain't necessary.

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How do I get over my fear of offending women and just actively pursue/flirt with them when I get the opportunity? I'm a likable, mildly attractive 23yo black guy but I can't get out of my own head when it matters. I have Tinder matches here and there along with eye contact and opportunities to talk to women at bars/social events in real life. And yet, I never really push through to make my desires/intentions known. My only hookups have happened when women do the heavy lifting. Basically, how can I eliminate this fear of humiliation/rejection and get out of my own head in the moment?

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How do you think you are offending tham?

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I see, I just dont want to be clingy and codependent like I was in my last relationship. I know what were the issues in my last relationship, so that's a good thing to know for the future.

You're either both non-American or one/both of you are exaggerating UK accents for no reason at all.

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Clingyness is based on the attraction between the people right? How often do you call, text, and go out with you partner in a week?

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I essentially don't know how to flirt with women and it's like rocket science to me because based on my friends (women and men) and Jow Forums, offensiveness of sexual advances is highly dictated by how attracted the receiving party is to the person initiating the flirting. It kinda stresses me out because I feel like with certain girls I can say whatever and it'll be fine because there's chemistry but I'm also afraid of being wrong and subsequently rejected, shamed, slapped, etc.
Maybe I'm just masking my fear of rejection as a fear of being offensive. I need to accept that most human beings in certain contexts want to meet people/hookup and just not take the rejections personally.

I have acne and it makes me self conscious, it’s not severe cystic or anything it’s just there. Do most girls even care abt that sort of thing?

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As a person who's afraid to reach out to his own friends, I attract almost exclusively clingy people.

Since I reach out to no one, my only friends are people who constantly reach out to me. And because I'm afraid to lose them, I always agree to everything they ask of me. It makes me feel powerless sometimes.

What's your diet like? Do you have a lot of milk/sugar? Those things are bad for acne.

I'm miserable and alone all the time and disliked by everyone I know. I don't know how or what to change. Everything just hurts.

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Ah, I always did want to be with her because I had nothing going on in my life, I'm trying to change that now. I'm also learning in how to improve communication because we never did that. Do you have any tips for me?

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Ah, it went down very dramatically. All very saucy stuff. There was cheating involved, a pregnancy scare, stalking, self harm, and proxy wars between friends. We had been dating for roughly half a year, and it turns out I have the side girl all along.

That's all I wish to say at this point. It's old news and I'm tired of this story.

You're right, I'm not American. Where I am from, I won't say.

additionally, you may have to come to terms with the idea that just because someone is offended/disgusted doesnt mean their behavior is justified.

you sound like a good-natured, honest person. if youre really just tryna flirt, if she gets pissy remind yourself youre just flirting. even if you care, pretend you dont, knowing deep down you shouldnt care. guys need to learn to stand their ground on this stuff and not get steamrolled by princesses masquerading as feminists. if you guys do this enough maybe our culture will reset to a more reasonable one. put princesses will always exist and luckily you cant be arrested for flirting.

BIG DISCLAIMER: none of this applies to an office setting. just dont flirt in an office, or flirt at your own risk. you can get really fucked up in that situation, even if its unfair. best to just invite a qt co-worker to a group outing after work and then flirt/ask out on date. even if she rejects you, she has no case for HR if she is upset with you.

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First off, flirting is overrated. By definition, it's forced, contrived behavior. And it is almost always full of fail. Just say hello. Just talk to them, in your own voice; in your own words.

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Eh diet is alright, not good as it can be. I’ve been working on it, drinking more water and what not. I’m just worried people are going to think I’m ugly based on it. Im alright looking apart from my skin.

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How do I stop having a one track mind? I'm so obsessive, I've been spending all of my free time googling things that I think are wrong with me. I don't even enjoy myself anymore.

Thank you.
To be completely honest, though it's only been a month and I do still feel scarred from the experience, I want to start dating again. I'm not sure how I'd go about finding someone to have a serious relationship with. I am very extroverted, but I also tend to be too self conscious to be very agreeable. This insecurity, despite my best attempts, gets communicated to the people around me. I think this is the primary reason why I mostly attract predatory men.

That aside, I would very much like to find someone to have a healthy relationship with.

Communication is something that comes with practice, of course. As for your first concern, we are most attractive when we are independent, that is, when we are truly being ourselves. Explore your passions, develop your talents, and let yourself bloom as an individual. If you don't have something meaningful in your life aside from a relationship, you're not ready for a relationship.

Have you ever sought therapy for hypochondria?

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How do I get a qt junior majoring in art to like me. She used to be in engineering but switched. I'm a freshman and I really want her to like me. What do?

Start by saying hello. She has to know you exist first. Then she should know that you know she exists.

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Hi, it's the 5'1", 4.5" peen, user here. so I have come to accept the obvious fact that sitting around and complaining about my probkems is not going to get me anywhere, despite my bad habit of constantly posting on here trying to find the answer ( on second thought the whole reason I do that is because I constantly find proof to the contrary). To get to the point I need to know how to start changing my life, if it even would be worth it, or if I should just give up and die like I want

she knows I exist we went to a frat recruitment event and we talked for a bit

I am aware I am a hypochondriac. But there is so much scary shit out there, and doctors are so inadequate, they don't put my mind at ease at all.

I used to be in therapy. My therapist told me I was obsessing over it because it is a way to avoid my real issues. I think he was right, but nonetheless, I do think I have health problems that need to be fixed, but I don't know why I'm literally unable to think about anything else. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I have spent the last few weeks ruminating on it.

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I see. Essentially, just be me and don't worry about the outcome or trying to be someone else to achieve that outcome. I guess being a real person will net me productive results on average.
How can I translate that into online situations like Tinder and the like? I use those things primarily to find hookups but in my experience, being who I am doesn't work and saying a thinly-veiled version of "want some fuk?" feels weird and inauthentic. It's annoying being a good-natured guy that is simultaneously a horny degenerate.

Very good!
What did you talk about? Did you exchange phone number/contact info? Did you make a plan to do something/hang out another time?

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21 years old, just out of a too year relationship, feeling for ex have kinda faded away, but met a girl last night. We where talking and she said she thought I was hot for years (know her though a friend). Said to her I really like her but she said that she thought I was a bit of a slot (which I'm not). Anyways text her twice today and she still hasn't seen the message. What do?

Perhaps not attracting, but dating. I find myself dating disproportionately more predatory men than most of the women I know, probably because my insecurities make me easier to manipulate.

Just go and see the doctor. Mention your obsessive need to fixate on your health problems. See what kind of help he offers.

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Practicing as in how? I mean in communication where we talk how we feel in the relationship and problems in it. Being independent has always puzzled me, I just played video games and watch videos, but that started to bore me and I had no friends during my relationship. It's true that I wasn't ready, we were both immature when problems arise. I was scared to communicate because I was scared she would get mad and would argue if I criticize or disagree with her (funnily that was one of the problems that caused the breakup). I realized it was because I had an anxious attachment style that I acted the way in my last relationship, and now I'm trying to fix it.

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I suggest giving yourself a break from Tinder. At least for a little while. You can get a really negative outlook on humanity based on what you see there.

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You completely ignored me

I work as a barback at one of those college bars where almost all the bartenders are really attractive women. I've been seeing one of the bartenders for the past few weeks. She wants to know more about my life and spend more time with me, but I've been keeping her at an arms length because I don't want her to find out that I'm a fucking loser.

She's one of those girls with a ton of IG followers, like ~50k. Really attractive and honestly shouldn't be interested in me. I'm not going to question it but damn if it isn't really intimidating. Anyway, she wants to start "dating" me, and I'm nothing like the guys I assume she's dated before. I'm not interesting or particularly attractive.

What the fuck do I do?

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So this is going to sound incredibly vain and will vary between Women but here is my question
What are some great ways about going about being irresistible? What are some traits of someone who is this and how can one always be on a ladys mind.

Her 50k Instagram followers are mostly creepy older guys she doesn't want to ever meet irl. You are real. You are right there, working next to her. She sees something in you that you don't see yourself. Ok probably don't engage in any bullshit games. What she sees, is what she gets. And she likes what she sees in you. I suggest you roll with it!

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I just want to improve my work ethic and do the things I want to do. Just don't know how to go about it.

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im in graduate school and i feel like i dont really belong here. also not all but some of my classmates are really condescending and it irritates the hell out of me. i get so fucking mad. they get so condescending towards non-historians how "the public doesnt know how history works" and imply like theyre so fucking smart THEY are the torchbearers of truth. sometimes i really disagree with them on stuff, but more than intellectual difference its the fucking attitude that gets me SEETHING. i hate it when people talk down to others and i hate it when my classmates do the same to non-academics, even though theyre not even in the room. i also hate it when they give sligh pretentious reactions to something you say or get in a knot because someone says something contro. i fucking hate how everyone is so fucking emotionally invested in the israeli-palestinian conflict, even though i agree with their stance i hate how this one girl got so fucking triggered when some guy was defending israel

none of these people are even out of their 20s yet. half of them probably couldnt even change a car battery. in yet they talk so fucking high and confidently about shit like theyre some educated elite i fucking hate these people. its only like a handful of them that actually do this but it still drives me mad and i cant fucking stop thinking about it

i dont know. im not as smart as them and im insecure but juat the attitude fucks me up.

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A quiet, easy self confidence is irresistible. Being totally comfortable in your own skin is, too.
And, by confidence, I don't mean arrogance. Being an asshole will get you no place.

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I'm aware that Tinder doesn't represent our society as a whole but I still want to take advantage of it. I don't really have much intimate experience and I'm trying to play catch u \p (especially since people find me attractive now). Also, porn and erotica aren't doing it for me anymore. I just want the (often exaggerated) heterosexual manwhore phase that people had in college except as an adult. I want something more serious in the distant future but this who I am in the moment.

Just to be thorough. I do find myself very confident and try hard to to be arrogant or an asshole. What exactly is a quiet , easy self confidence though?

Nobody told me things were gonna work this way.

My job's a joke - I'm broke; my love life's D.O.A.

Seems like I'm always stuck in second gear.

You are probably less insecure than you think you are. You are clearly secure in yourself when you talk about these pretentious classmates of yours. Hopefully you have a circle of friends from other walks of life. They will help you keep tour cool. In the meantime, let yourself be an example of unpretentious humanity.

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