So I met a nice girl in my English class. She's polite and sweet and I want to pursue her as a girl. She said she has severe anxiety, and tells me she has basically no friends and eats alone in the dining hall. She said: "Come eat with me, I don't care".
What do boys? Anyone got experience with anxiety? Will asking her out scare her?
>Come eat with me, I don't care When you're an anxious person that's the most forward kind of shit you can say. It roughly translates to >I flick my bean to you every night and I'm desperate to gargle on your cock
Tyler Ortiz
Ask her out upfront yeah, dont do the beta friendzone shit she will think you actually want to be a legit friend
Dominic Rogers
Does it really? She seems disinterested in terms of sexual signals...
Isaac Nelson
How do I ask her out? I just met her last week and I only see her two days a week. Isn't being upfront weird?
Julian Howard
Well as a guy with severe anxiety I have had girls come onto me pretty strongly but I would never ever reciprocate even the slightest bit of sexual interest (I wanted to of course but my anxiety prevented it). Maybe she's the same.
Dylan Harris
That's very strange to hear to be honest, no offense. So it may be a possibility that if I get to know her she won't convey ANYTHING? How do I work with that if I have no idea what my percentage of risk vs. reward is?
Lincoln Cook
>How do I work with that if I have no idea what my percentage of risk vs. reward is? I don't know man, I've only ever been on the other end and have zero dating experience. All I can offer is be very direct, if you leave room for her to wiggle around answering / responding to your advances she will. This is all assuming that she's similar to me.
Jayden Scott
Interesting. Should I get to know her more before I make a direct move?
Samuel Jenkins
My instinct says yes. She would still want some sort of connection to feel interest, just like any normal girl.
William Baker
ok. I will start by meeting her at lunch.
Jack Martin
Good luck man but bear in mind I'm really just guessing based on my own experience.
Easton Campbell
i wish i had an anxiety gf, i feel exactly like that
I also suffer from severe anxiety (but I'm a male), so I can say with certainty that her careless facade is her self-defense mechanism. When she told you "come eat with me, I don't care" she meant "come eat with me, I beg of you"
Definitely give it 2 weeks of eating together before asking her out on an outside activity. Obviously pick something that doesn't involve much public/strong social setting, choose something like a movie or quiet bar. My favorite is going for a drive/getting ice cream with a girl
Wyatt Jenkins
it feels so great to see someone with the same issues as me. i've had many girls come onto me strongly, tell me i'm good looking, tall, nice etc. but i wouldn rarely dare make a move. I actually had 3 girls literally pull me aside and kiss me. 2 went nowhere because of my anxiety, the last one spawned a 5 year relationship which also went nowhere because of my anxiety
go figure
Mason Nelson
Any sign you get, is suppressed to hell. Trust me on this. I have severe anxiety and fear of physical contact due to heavy physical abuse from my childhood, and the most straight forward I've ever been able to be towards a guy was "you are okay.". And this guy was literally the dream guy for me, and he could probably have done anything to me, and I would have been perfectly okay with it.
Anxiety affects people differently, but seriously, if she says anything good about you, especially directly to you, that has gone through MULTIPLE layers of "I should not say this", and "Let's cut it down and make it sound more subtle".
Matthew Brown
Hah.
I am not even going to argue against it. I rarely masturbate, but if I ask someone to eat lunch with me, I'm basically ready for sex. My body is ready a lot sooner than my mind is, and asking someone for what is basically a date, means I am more than ready to go all the way if I have to.
Jack Howard
The worst part is that you are completely right. I had a crush on a guy during uni, and it got worse and worse. When we had to do a 2 man group, I managed to ask him if he wanted to group up, and I swear it was some lame "I'm pretty good at this, and you seem alright, want to do this?" Request, in the most deadpan voice imaginable.
Legit couldn't sleep if I didn't get myself off first, the thought of him drove me insane, and that was the single most direct confession I managed to ever make.
Of course he noticed *nothing*, and it was only because he jokingly said we could continue work on Valentine's day as a study date, that things managed to escalate. Half a year of restless nights made me quite... accessible for him.
Xavier Rodriguez
well, as the other kinda already said, when you have anxiety you are repressed as fuck and don't even know your own feelings anymore or are scared of them showing. Repressing feelings is really hard to impossible, hence the anxiety symptoms.
Chase Foster
>but i wouldn rarely dare make a move. I actually had 3 girls literally pull me aside and kiss me. 2 went nowhere because of my anxiety, the last one spawned a 5 year relationship which also went nowhere because of my anxiety shiiit man I never went that far. 28 now and still a khv, probably will be for life. So even in a five year relationship you couldn't loosen up? That doesn't bode well for my chances...
If only understanding girls like you meant I had a chance with girls like you, too bad it's the opposite. > When we had to do a 2 man group, I managed to ask him if he wanted to group up, and I swear it was some lame "I'm pretty good at this, and you seem alright, want to do this?" Request, in the most deadpan voice imaginable. I really can relate. Expressing any emotion or interest makes you feel very, very vulnerable, which ramps up anxiety to unmanageable levels. Better to exude indifference and make people think you don't care either way.
Nicholas Ward
>Expressing any emotion or interest makes you feel very, very vulnerable, which ramps up anxiety to unmanageable levels Yep. Showed interest in a FRIEND once, managed to tell her how important she was to me, and I just broke. She took it well, and tried to help me through it, but it didn't matter. Had to drop out and start my education over due to the crushing anxiety I got. Had my parents not ensured I didn't starve, I likely would have died by myself in that apartment.
It fucking sucks, because it also means you can't keep anyone close. Not because you don't want to, but because people inevitably assume I am not sufficiently interested, and then things die out. It's super unfortunate. My one "boyfriend", thought I wasn't interested in anything but his dick, because it was only during sex I managed to let go, I was completely cold in any other situation. Choked completely when trying to explain, and ended up having to let it go.
Maybe therapists works for you. They certainly didn't for me. Even my meds do nothing.
Caleb Green
>she has basically no friends Red flag for any female. I'd say talk to her and find out if she had BPD or bipolar or some shit. If she does, get the fuck away from her before you get #MeToo'd or she does some other fucked up shit to you.
I have no real friends because of this. Apparently I'm really nice and people love me but I will never ever ever contact or initiate with another person because I feel like they secretly might hate me. Eventually we drift apart because, understandably, it's too much effort on their part to maintain the friendship. Did you at least remain friends with her?
I always thought a relationship might be the one place I could relax (not that I'll ever know), but it sounds like that's not the case.
>#MeToo Someone with a bad social anxiety will NEVER EVER pull out a #metoo case, are you kidding me? Do you know how much attention it draws to yourself?
I don't think you fully understand what social anxiety means.
>Did you at least remain friends with her? Unfortunately not. She finished school, and moved away for a good job offer, and well... same story as you. Too much effort, I never contacted her, and it kinda just fizzled out at some point.
Strangely, it was super easy to relax during sex (well, as much as you relax during physical exertion), but the more mental and social parts of the relationship wasn't quite as easy as I had hoped. Might depend on the sort of person you find, my hope is that some people are better at handling our kind.
Landon Brown
>Someone with a bad social anxiety will NEVER EVER pull out a #metoo case, are you kidding me? Do you know how much attention it draws to yourself At some point, I'd imagine you would, even if you would let it run further than normal people might.
It's literally infinite support from all the women and white knights in the world. I think you would manage.
Sebastian Murphy
>It's literally infinite support from all the women and white knights in the world. Thanks for the information, I'll be sure to never report it no matter how bad it gets now.
I don't know what kind of meme anxiety you've heard about, but you don't seem to fully understand what it means.
Connor Hill
That's a shame, sometimes these people contact you again out of the blue after years though. It's happened to me a few times. >strangely, it was super easy to relax during sex I honestly think this would be the hardest part (figuratively, but definitely not literally). Being naked in front of another person? crazy. >depend on the sort of person you find I'm not even going to pretend I'll find someone. I had my chances and I blew them all.
If only I could make a girl giggle in real life
Even positive attention feels horrible, lots of it even more so. You just want to hide away from the notice of others.
Asher Foster
>That's a shame, sometimes these people contact you again out of the blue after years though. It's happened to me a few times. Not yet for me. I wouldn't mind, I have gotten *slightly* better. Still only really function if I am mostly anonymous and doesn't draw direct attention to myself. >>strangely, it was super easy to relax during sex >I honestly think this would be the hardest part (figuratively, but definitely not literally). Being naked in front of another person? crazy. I honestly think it was just due to an almost overpowering lust. I don't think I can understate how badly he affected me. Haven't felt anything like it before or since. >>depend on the sort of person you find >I'm not even going to pretend I'll find someone. I had my chances and I blew them all. Maybe not, but it's always worth holding out hope, don't you think?
Anthony Stewart
well I'll be honest, they fizzled out again because I'm the same anxiety-riddled mess I always was. >I honestly think it was just due to an almost overpowering lust. I don't think I can understate how badly he affected me. Haven't felt anything like it before or since. sounds really nice, I can't even begin to imagine it... >Maybe not, but it's always worth holding out hope, don't you think? For how long? I'm 28 and I've never even held a girl's hand. It's a fools hope.
Tyler Scott
don't rush things. Become close friends with her first. Show her warmth, trust and comfort.
Jace Hall
Women like to laugh... tell them stupid jokes with confidence and talk about shit you believe in. They love expression, chad is dramatic, hence the fondness for the chad.
Jason Sanders
>chad I do agree with you though. A funny guy is the best by far for a girl with a lot of anxiety. Doesn't have to look good, doesn't have to be popular, doesn't need experience with girls. Just be funny, and make her laugh. It's one of the greatest tools for making someone forget their worries and open up a bit.
Don't be discouraged if she doesn't respond well at first. The first joke can make cracks, but it usually takes some time to hit the bullseye, especially since you are unlikely to know what her type of humour is. Joke, be positive, and never target anything at her, unless you are absolutely 110% sure she can take it.