My gf of 2 months basically doesn't want to have sex until marriage. This wouldn't normally be an issue for me, in fact I would normally welcome it. My problem here is that she's not even a virgin. Granted, she's only had one partner in the past, but as she explains it, they explored the depths of sexuality, all while she didn't "love" the guy. So she comes to our relationship not wanting to "make the same mistake" that she did in her last, needing to make sure her next partner is "the one". In the meantime I'm getting ignored effectively. What kills me is that in those 2 months she's eagerly declared that she loves me, that she dreams of being married to me with a perfect family. And after a couple months, I've determined that im in love with her also. So to me, sex wouldnt just be about getting my dick wet, I just want to be intimate with her. But she still won't have it. Basically from my perspective she's made an exception to this one guy she didn't love, and by refusing me she she's showing that she doesn't actually mean it when she says she loves me either.
So, Jow Forums, how fair is this? Am I in the wrong here? Is it worth staying if we can't get past this? Should just leave now? Help please this causing me a fuckton of emotional turmoil.
I mean... she's not in the wrong for wanting to make positive decisions and control what happens in her own life.
You're also not wrong for feeling like it's hypocritical.
You both are probably completely ignoring the potential validity of one another's view points though.
If you can't find a way to do that, to try to see and understand things from one another's view, then maybe you guys aren't meant to work out, because that hints towards you guys lack a certain amount of fundamental communication, mutual empathy, and flexibility/willingness to find compromises that you would have needed for a lot of other things in the long run.
Nathaniel Scott
There's several other ways to foster intimacy besides sex
Dylan Lopez
I guess but sex is like 85% of the picture
Blake Cooper
Dump her. She's playing you for a fool.
Henry Bennett
Makes sense. For what it's worth, admire her desire to positively change. I know i should support it. But the insult to me is really what's preventing me from supporting her decision here. How do I get past my hurt feelings? Is it completely on me, or is there something she should be doing as well?
Tyler Allen
You should leave her. Women with that kind of traditional and religious thinking will always bring problems with them. She also sounds like the typical woman that has sex with everyone but not with you because “she commits mistakes like sex with other men once in a while but you will always be there to forgive her” or “it’s normal to commit sins, I’m a human being after all! But I still love you and I know you and the lord will forgive me!”, “I’m glad I committed sins and mistakes with other men and not with you, the person that I love the most :)”. In other words, she will cheat on you always while you believe the marriage bullshit. Please don’t be a cuck man, you deserve better. Also, how can you still be with her after she said she “explored the depths of sexuality” with other man but it doesn’t matter because she didn’t really loved him? It’s like spitting on your face. What kind of person does that make her? Having crazy sex with a person that she didn’t love or felt anything for. She gave an important aspect of a relationship and such unique and beautiful thing in the human life to another man that she didn’t “really love” but not to you, the guy that she actually loves? Bullshit, you should leave her ASAP. It enrages me now that I think of it, I can’t imagine such levels of bullshittery and how shitty can a person be.
Nathan Stewart
Well I don't think she's exactly coming from where you say, but fucking hell you got my feelings here spot on. I just don't want to leave her because i love everything else about her
Juan Murphy
Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Levi Taylor
This all the way
Michael Williams
Brutal but true
Jacob Thompson
If she doesnt want to have sex with you while the relationship is new, full of adventure, rommanticism and wild hormones, she certainly wont want to have sex with you when you two will become boring couple.
She may be asexual, raped, molested as child or has abortion experience. All in all she has problem inside her head. Avoid marriage until she actually fix her problem and tells you about what was it.
On one hand, it's good to learn from past mistakes.
On the other hand, it's not good to carry baggage from a prior relationship into a new one.
Her motivation sounds way more like the latter than the former. In other words, her decision doesn't sound like it's based solely on you, her and no one else.
Samuel White
Fuck guys this is hard. I do love this girl. I suppose giving her a chance to change her mind on the whole thing is out of the question?
Stop being a thirsty fag. Wait til marriage you fucking cuck. You sound like a child. Accept her decision
Andrew Cooper
>bitch isn't a virgin >bitch wants you to wait till marriage lmao get cucked faggot seriously tho she's being a retard for pulling such a bullshit stunt ajd you should leave her crszt ass before she divorces you for all your money
Adam Smith
Give her an ultimatum OP I'd drop that bitch in a heartbeat if I were you.
If you’re taking her commitment to make better decisions for herself as a direct affront and insult to you... than maybe yeah it’s completely on you to either get over it, or get out of there...
This goes double since you guys are apparently already having problems during what should be the “honeymoon” phase where everything is supposed to be easy.
I dunno man. If you can’t ever talk to her about it, then I’m not really sure what you’d do if anything tougher comes along.
Decide if you’re going to talk and try, or if this is too much trouble for you.
Those are your only real options here.
Charles Martinez
I am assuming you are a virgin. Don't wait OP, you will regret so fucking much. You have one life, don't waste your youth.
t. 23 yo user here who only ever had 1 gf and still regrets getting into serious relationship so early
Wyatt Watson
dump her, she's hiding something. my brother's wife did this, she was divorced but wouldn't let him fuck her until they got married because of "muh religus beleefs". turns out she pisses herself when she cums. fucking disgusting unless youre into that which he isn't.
Jaxson Baker
Well shit. What do i say? I can't imagine it would come across as anything other than "fuck me or i'm leaving you" That would be like holding her emotionally hostage.
Ryder Gray
I assume you guys sleep on the same bed? So make your advance there, and if she refuses (She will) you will go sicko mode and bring the other guy that banged her good and... Idk just argue and break up
>My gf of 2 months basically doesn't want to have sex until marriage. >[...] problem here is that she's not even a virgin.
This never works, from my observations.
I've thought about this a lot, and come to realize, a girl must always put out for a guy she likes, if she put out for another.
For instance. If she put out after 2 weeks for one guy, then she HAS to put out in 2 weeks or less for the next guy, or it won't feel special for him. For the rest of his life, he'll feel insecure and wonder what the first guy has that he doesn't. He'll feel lesser than the other man.
This can only be solved if she puts out under 2 weeks, in this example. Because then, he'll feel like he's better than the previous guy.
And so on... until eventually after enough break ups, she has to put out ON THE FIRST NIGHT with any guy she happens to like. Otherwise, any guy she tries to get serious with will feel emotional turmoil.
Which then is ironic, because it'll make her a slut, it'll also put huge pressure on her to basically decide if she wants to marry any prospective man on the first day she meets them.
Literally this problem can only be solved by a girl remaining chaste until marriage.
So anyway, OP... this girl is manipulating you. She doesn't have the right to do what she's doing. That train has left the station. Have self-respect and hold her to account. Tell her to put out for you or you'll leave her because it's evil what she's doing. If she loves you, she'll understand. If she loves herself, then she'll keep doing this.
Dylan Smith
>"fuck me or i'm leaving you" Yes , literally this. You have the right and should feel no shame in saying that.
See my post above for specifics.
Jose Foster
Read the "Rational male" By Rollo Tommasi... All your answers are there
Brody Rogers
>If she put out after 2 weeks for one guy, then she HAS to put out in 2 weeks or less for the next guy, or it won't feel special for him. For the rest of his life, he'll feel insecure and wonder what the first guy has that he doesn't. He'll feel lesser than the other man. k.
and you guys already talk about being married? then just get married already whats holding you up?
Connor Wood
The problem is that she's effectively telling me I'm not special to her despite CONSTANTLY telling me the opposite. Either she is lying to me about her feelings or she's actually just terrified that I don't love her back. Its completely on her to determine exactly if her reasons are coming from principles or insecurity.
Jason Hughes
You're just a future investment, she'll eventually marry you if you're stupid enough to stick around. But she'll fuck other dudes on the side, no doubt about it (Not including you of course). If you're not getting sex now from her, you won't be getting it later
So she says that she wants to marry you after 2 months ... Thats the biggest bullshit i have ever heard
Justin Jackson
OP here with an update: I discussed this with the GF and she was receptive and acknowledged that she was creating a lofty goal without being able to accommodate it herself. We haven't fucked yet though...
First of all do YOU want to get married? Tell us what's in it for YOU before you decide to wait on that. For most men getting married is a massive risk, a waste of time, and you're now stuck with a financial responsibility. More importantly what if you two aren't sexually compatible and get married? What if you have a high libido and her a low libido, what if she can't come through penetration, or she's just a fucking starfish in bed? Sex isn't worth being married unless you do do it under a private contract and you two are sexually exclusive to only each other.
Second she's manipulating you because she thinks she can, she wouldn't do this to Brad Pitt or her dream guy, she's doing it to you because you put up with it.
So how do you deal with this? Well you can't negotiate with her, you can't negotiate desire out of someone, or convince her to want to fuck you, just tell her where you stand, if youre not interested in that deal then dont take that deal. She'll either come around off that horseshit or not.
The best way I found to deal with this is to straight up pursue other women, (granted I know this isn't what you want to do) but it'll give her competition anxiety with other women around that want to fuck you. That on top of working on yourself to make yourself a better prize, the gym and money will male your girl more attracted to you. And lastly start treating her like shit when she's ovulating. (This sounds like bro science I know) I've put it into practice and women confirm they are more attracted to dominant masculine shitty men when they're ovulating and horny. Learn your girlfriends period and use an app or whatever to figure out when that is.
THIS is the way to get what you want, NOT negotiation. Men are rational, women are emotional, my directions are how to be effective in maintaining control over the relationship, because it's never an equitable partnership.
Yeah she could have some underlying issues and if you pretty much force her to have sex with you to stay in the relationship she could end up getting resentment and cheating on you.
Luis Campbell
You've dated for 2 months. Why is she talking about marriage? Marriage is a lifelong commitment. She will own half of everything you own. It's a huge deal. People talk about marriage after knowing each other for years. Not months. She sounds like she wants to use sex as a lure to rush your decision. She doesn't give the picture of a honest person. If she didn't want to have sex too soon she could said she would be more comfortable after a week, or a month, or a year, whatever makes her more comfortable, but it shouldn't take marriage to make her feel more comfortable with having sex, especially when she already had sex in the past. Two months. A lifelong commitment after two months. And she whispers in your ear that you'll get your dick wet. No this isn't healthy.
Aiden Johnson
She doesn't see you as worthy for getting the poon and she wants all the benefits of having a boyfriend without putting out. She probably realized that it takes a lot of work from her side to put out and she's one of those gals that doesn't enjoy it much so she's making up these excuses. I can assure you that once Chad comes along and he's interested her pussy will be open as if it was never closed and you'll remain a sad little beta cuckboy. Do yourself a favor and break up with her or give her an ultimatum and then break up with her if she's not changing her ways, and don't let yourself be shamed by her because that's 1000% what she's going to try to do, repeat after me - there is NO SHAME in wanting sex in a relationship, sex is A HUGE part of a relationship, of forming a bond and keeping it, a healthy relationship has a strong core of continuous sexual relations and anyone who tells you otherwise is a pussy whipped millennial who's been brought up to think this way or a religious person.
And to assure you that I'm not talking out of my ass - I've had 4 relationships in the past 6 years, for a total of 4 years of relationship time, and many dates in the times I was single. so I'm not some inexperienced virgin spouting psuedo knowledge. Good luck brother
Women can be fucking disguting in their ways and still feel good about themselves because they lack fundamental self awareness. This is an extremely effective evolutionary strategy that let's them appear genuinely charming and good natured despite their actions that are clearly unethical. They are not aware of this conflict and that's why you don't sense it. This is what makes women so dangerous for inexperienced guys like you. Always judge women by their action not words.
Jason Gray
Tell her to fuck off. >Am I in the wrong here? You're in the wrong for still wanting to have sex, since it's showing the same weakness she did, but as for wanting to step back from her, definitely not. So yeah, cut your losses and bail. Sorry, user.
> there is NO SHAME in wanting sex in a relationship Yes there is, MGTOW--they're not committed (read: married). Take your hedonism and blow it out your ass--you accuse others of spreading 'psuedo knowledge' and yet maintaining that reckless sex is tolerable or even good is the epitome of the psued.
Samuel Reyes
>maintaining that reckless sex is tolerable or even good is the epitome of the psued. >Literally Hitler More like literally putting words into others mouths
