So Jow Forums

So Jow Forums.
I have a problem. I really like a guy and we even had a thing for a month, but recently I dropped him. I didn't want to, BUT he's married and has a kid. He became clingy and texted me non stop. At first I ignored him, then blocked him and now everything has been quiet. The thing is, I still have feelings for himm and from what I've heard, his marriage is really unstable. Some evening I wish that I could be with him and others I hate myself for that. Should I ignore the feelings or just say "fuck it" and write to him?

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Why break up if you still have feelings

Because he has a wife and a kid. Well, technically two kids, but one is from her previous husband. I don't want to be a side piece, but he is reiterated multiple times that he won't leave his daughter

If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t be in that marriage.

Even if hepis excuse is for not leaving her is “it’s for the kids”, staying in an unhappy relationship and *especially* cheating is infinitely more toxic than getting a divorce is.

This is a bad idea.

He either never has any intentions of ever going anywhere serious with you, or else he has absolutely no ability to handle his current situation and it’s going to come completely tumbling down in the near future because he has no ability to prioritize, let alone room to add anything else to consider in his life.

In either case, you do not want to be any part of that.

He's married. Stop being a trashy whore.
Move on with your life.

I think so too, but when he talks, it all seems so irrelevant. That's actually is one of the reasons I blocked him. He can always talk me into bed. Also there's a hope that his marriage will fall apart and he'll fall right into my lap
So what that he's married. His wife was also married when they met, so maybe I'm Karma

>His wife was also married when they met
Then she's a trashy whore too, and he's an asshole.
Why would you get involved in that?

Because I have feelings for him. I didn't feel anything this strong in years. His mere presence makes me shake and blush

>I think so too, but when he talks, it all seems so irrelevant.

That probably more of your desperation/loneliness talking, not his charisma.

Otherwise why would you basically say exactly the thing you know 95% of other “mistresses” who know they’re never going to be the wife say on TV?

When you’re basically turning yourself in to a soap-opera character, that’s a pretty good sign shits gone Fucked and you probably need to extricate yourself.

I say this having basically had my own share of soap opera-esque melodramas where I’ve had to decide to cut people I thought I cared about out of my life because things were getting toxic (including one that literally just happened today)

And what do you think you're going to get?
He's either exploiting you for sex, or just... planning to drop his wife, date you, and then cheat on you. Someone who repeatedly cheats is not someone you want to date.

Well, he told me that he never cheated on anyone, before me. Good, I'm an idiot, aren't I?
There's a hope in me that this is real. He's so caring and loving when we are together. He just know what and when to say. It feels like he knows me inside out.

>Good, I'm an idiot, aren't I?
Yes.
Plus, I mean - he had an affair with his now-wife before, so he clearly doesn't have huge issues with the concept of cheating.

>He just know what and when to say. It feels like he knows me inside out.
He's manipulative.

Wow, thanks. This actually helped. This is surprising...
I will continue being strong!

Just give him a chance and judge him on his behaviour. I'd suggest taking things slow and see how he reacts. Also make it clear that you are unhappy with being a side chick. If his feeling for you are genuine, his marriage will fall apart with or without you. If he's using you, then you'll get hurt. It's up to you, to flip that coin. Still, if you just block him out, he'll be in your head for years.

If you don't, someone else sure will

i’m also the “other woman” in a relationship and honestly these other people will never really understand what you’re feeling or going through. finding such a strong connection.. it’s not easy to give up, not even after you find out that they’re in a relationship. i NEVER thought i would be a side girl, always looked down on cheaters, etc. but i fell madly in love with someone who won’t leave his long term girlfriend. other guys just don’t compare to him, and the chemistry and tension between us is undeniable. i don’t really have any advice, just offering some sympathy and wanted to say that if you do end up going back to him, there’s at least one person here who understands and does not judge you for it.

Thanks. I don't think that I will go back to him, tho. Being with him is way more painful than being without him

i understand, i’ve thought the same thing before but always end up getting pulled back in somehow. :(

i wish you luck no matter what happens.

How did you end up back with him? Did you stutter or was he persistently trying to get you back?

No?

i just can’t say no to him.

But who initiated the contacts, when you went back to him? Right now, I blocked mine, because he was constantly breaking our agreement not to stay in touch. However, I'm still tempted to write to him on a daily basis

He doesn’t really give a shit about you, OP. I think you know this as well as all of us. If he really cared, you wouldn’t be just a side piece. This isn’t about his kid, let’s be honest, he’s either too pussy to give up his marriage or he’s a scumbag who likes the excitement of an affair.

Don’t contact him. It’s for the best.

But weren’t you two in a relationship anyway? Or did you not know he was married at the beginning

I mean I don’t condone cheating but I think it would be goofy to jump ship from your wife as soon as you meet another person. You would at least want to “date” them for a while.

I mean, let’s face it, the marriage is essentially over if you’re seriously contemplating and considering “dating” another person and possibly leaving your marriage for them.

I knew that he was married, I just thought that I'll manage and I didn't
That's exactly what gives me hope. That he'll dump his wife and I'll be there to pick him up.

No, you wouldn't.
If you're considering dating someone else, you should leave.

>That he'll dump his wife and I'll be there to pick him up.
So when the honeymoon phase is over, he can cheat on you too!

Come on, OP. You know better. You can’t tell us you really think he cares that much about you. You’re just his side-piece. You know he’s too much of a coward to break off his marriage. I hope you realize that he’s just using you soon, and move on.

>But what if I'm not and he's the right one?
Is the question on repeat in my head.

The only thing id caution against is encouraging him to split with his wife, if things go badly and it negatively effects his kid he might hold it against you. Otherwise you're both consenting adults you're are both free to love whoever you want.

Drop him...adultery is no fun and he is married until he gets a divorce...besides if you stayed with him you'd be helping to raise HIS kid...not yours...sounds like he has a problem...not yours ...ignore

I don't mind his kid, since she's already somewhat big and I don't want my own kids anyhow. Pushing that shit out is mental in my opinion