My ex girlfriend and i have been on no speaking terms for a little over a year. however we do share a mutual friend...

my ex girlfriend and i have been on no speaking terms for a little over a year. however we do share a mutual friend, the one who set us up in the first place.

my cat recently died, and i guess she heard it from said friend and said "sorry about your cat." we have a brief conversation about animals or whatever.

then she texted me today, the next day, and asked for help installing something on her computer. specifically, she is an art major and needs to install some adobe program, but doesnt want to buy it and wants me to help her pirate it.

is this an actual jab at needing help with her computer or is she just trying to talk to me more?

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Might be a bit of both. Maybe she feels bad about it, especially if she knew your cat and liked it. Maybe she's been wondering about you for a bit and that seemed like a good time to try to restart the conversation with the death. Or maybe she really is just dumb about computers. Won't know unless you try.

“You will need to find someone else to help you with your computer.”

I would appreciate you not mock me for posting on here, I really am looking for some solid advice. Please keep the trolling on /b if you aren’t going to be helpful,


You tried. The point of a troll is not at all to listen, though.

Anyway, the problem here is entirely resolved if you go see her and swear you won't let yourself go "anywhere" with it. Y'all gotta respect it.

Not that guy but it is solid advice so no need to be an ass about it.

Ex is an ex for a reason, stay away.

Seems like I was being made sport of I just don’t appreciate it is all

How am I suppose to control myself?

If you were a friend that I truly cared about, I would want you to tell her that. I would be disappointed in you if you caved and helped her with shit.
I used parentheses because I wanted to simply give you the words to use.

My most sincere advice.


I don’t appreciate you, fuck off ok I’m done

I'm not that guy but why did you come to an advice forum and then when someone gives you advice you're so hostile?

Go help her, that's obviously what you want. We are not sages who know what she is thinking, you absolute sperg.

What is your question? By fixing her computer you'll likely have to speak more. Her motivations? Unknown. Speculation? Pointless. Usually distance from ex's is because you need to cut them out to allow the feelings to fade. When that has passed you can start a new relationship, one as friends, acquiescences, people with shared history. For some this is weird as fuck, for others not a problem. There is no right or wrong way to do this. One danger is some seek not to form an honest adult relationship build upon mutual past, shared interests and so on and instead want to validate themselves by comparing themselves to their past self.

Like ... don't hang around with an ex just so they can feel really good about dumping you back in the day. Unless you want to, whatever. But I can't see how anything positive can come from it.

Also sometimes the shared baggage stings a little. The good thing about time is that you move on, you put it in the past, you forgive and forget and the emotional response stings a little less. Don't hang out if you have a lot of heavy baggage. Hey, how are you? Great thanks, I can't believe you did that thing a year ago I'm still so super ass blasted oh wow explain yourself harlot.

Me? I am lucky to completely avoid ex's. Some are still VERY attractive to me and we cannot avoid flirting because we broke up out of need rather than choice. Always just 5 seconds left alone from sucking face. Others I have nothing positive I want or need from. It'd just be 'hey, we did a thing for a time and you/me were a piece of shit in the end, hope you aren't unhappy, bye'.

I'm way beyond like 'nice to see you! look at my house, my car, my beautiful gf and cats, let me tell you about her educational achievements!'

What the hell is a sperg? You guys are being hostile to ME I’m suppose to just take that?

Dude. New user here. I think we can see reasons to break up with you. Relax. Your ex doesn't hate you and saw an opportunity to get you back in her life. It may or may not have a bigger meaning but a grownup needs to be able to be polite, civil and business like with someone. Even if there is pain. It may hurt for a while but we need to work around that. Normally I would advise a kid against "can we still be friends" but you seem mature enough to start this lesson. Latter in life, friends are important connections and there is a network and maybe business related shit. You can't just split things up and cause others to pick what side they are on. Some people get married, have kids, get divorced and must maintain a civil relationship. Do your duty as a friend. If you don't want the hurt, explain that that's tough for you and you need to respectfully keep your distance. If you are wanting her back, it definitely won't hurt to be polite.

she only needs you when she wants something. grow a nutsack and tell her to fuck off

man you're a fucking nut bag, that dude wasn't being hostile at all

>is this an actual jab at needing help with her computer or is she just trying to talk to me more?

She is trying to talk to you more.

The computer stuff is a useful co-incident and so is your cat.

Sorry about the cat. My dog died some years ago and I have some of her things in a ziplock. I can pop open the bag and smell her from time to time. I say this hoping that cancer husband lady will lurk here because I do not have the balls to tell her.

This is either a troll-thread or you're the biggest autistic sperg of the week. Go be a mess somewhere else.

Not OP but wtf is a sperg?

better you say this to her.
after all that bitch left you
women dont deserve respect honestly

>had a cat
>dating someone who majors in art

nigga youre a princess or a huge faggot
you need to be a man

You and OP

This is absolutely her trying to get back on your dick.
Do with that what you will.

You are focusing on the tone and not the content. They are telling you to reject this girls request.

thanks for your input guys. i was afraid this was the case. ill be honest im a little scared of her which is why i was afraid of this. not as much as i was post-breakup, but i know theres some kind of subconscious "ouch" i have.

im fine with saying things to her like "hello" and all that when i see around every now and then but i am definitely afraid that if im around her on the regular some kind of deeper relationship, romantic or friendly or whatever, will begin to develop. i tend to have a pretty good control of emotions but she is pretty much the only person that has ever seen me emotional so im also a bit embarrassed when im around her which is another reason i dont really wanna see her. its not like i hate her, and i doubt she hates me.

im wondering what is better for me to grow as a person: talk to her and find some "emotional negotiation" between the two of us so we could, if we wanted to, be in a position to talk, or get the things that i do not like and do not want and the people that do not deserve my time out of my life.

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