I cheated on my girlfriend and my guilt is destroying me. The longer i wait to tell her the worse it'll get...

It is right to never tell her. She doesn't deserve the pain. ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD WILL COME FROM TELLING HER. Speaking of it will not wash your guilt away. That is selfish thinking. I'm not giving lessons on cheating. I've never cheated. I have been married for twenty four years. You are not married you have not entered into a legal and symbolic contract. You are just a stupid kid who made a mistake and now you have learned. Don't make things worse by destroying her heart. What you did is lawful in that it did not harm any person or damage any property. Tell her and you break the law.

>ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD WILL COME FROM TELLING HER

This is disgusting.
Everyone deserves a better partner than a cheater and he should at very least leave her.

Hurting innocent people is disgusting. Loving them is admirable. Sacrificing your own feelings for the benefit of a lover is what a man should do.

>Tell her and you break the law.
Tell me that you understand this OP.

I'm not OP but I understand

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Explain?

Hopefully OP you learn from this. If you want, you can tell her what you did and make a plea for her to stay and rebuild trust. If you really love her this much you'd be willing to mend the relationship. You'll probably be walking on egg shells for a long time though after you've told her.

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Deceiving people is disgusting. Betraying people is disgusting.
He should break up with her.

I believe there are repercussions to telling her that would hurt others either way no matter what I do.

I'm fucked

What if OP lies to her and never tells her and she finds out which she probably will. The pain will be a thousand times worse, trust me I've been through getting cheated on, and finding out from a friend made me feel like a fucking idiot and hurt. Relationships are built on trust, you can't lie in a relationship and expect it to work.

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What do I tell her to make this 100% grandpa?

This is a tough fact of life, you can't do bad things and expect good results. You've ruined this relationship now, every second you look at her, you'll just think to yourself how you betrayed her trust and how you cheated on her, the guilt will die down but there's always a chance she'll find out. Just take a walk down the beach and find yourself and just think.

My wife cheated on me of 10 years, I came back from work and she changed the locks to my house and was fucking someone in my own house.

If you honestly can't handle the guilt. Just talk to her, preferably in person and say you've done something bad, and just confess. I can't predict if she'd want to stay with you though afterwards, but it's the right thing to do OP. You can at least think to yourself you tried to make things right. Trust me, it's really unhealthy trying to cover up you've cheated.

I will add that a woman with the wisdom of marriage for thirty years will understand the sacrifice her husband has made by keeping his guilt to himself. If you must tell her, wait about thirty years.

>probably will.
Then I would say the opposite. But OP seems to be worried about guilt and honesty and expresses no fear of being caught.

If there was no fear of being caught and he did feel those emotions, he'd tell her. Having a relationship built on a lie never works. Build it on enough lies and it will one day fall apart.

I want to tell her, she deserves to know, and as much as i hope she'll forgive me i don't think she'll want to be with me anymore.

Do i tell her and resolve the problem that I've been dishonest with her, she can take action with full knowledge of what happened, or do i keep it from her, try to bite through the guilt, stay with her and stay happy and just hope she doesn't find out at some point?

I don't know what to do. Yeah, the 'right thing to do' is tell her, but wouldn't we both be happier if I don't tell her?

I've no fucking intention in the slightest of ever doing shit like this again. This is my girl and don't want anyone else ever again.

There are no lies. Only omission. There is absolutely no reason to hurt her. Cheating is despicable. This omission protects her and the relationship. OP loves this woman. and if he wants to take care of her, he should live with the guilt. This seems really serious to the young. The older would dismiss this as a childish mistake. His guilt will diminish to self understanding. What is really bad is cheating on a married partner. Many married people cheat because they had little opportunity before marriage and they fantasize about what "may have been." In a fucked up way, it is advantageous that OP already learned this lesson and can now become a fully devoted husband.

hes a loser

That is.. a completely different way of looking at it.. Thank you for the advice

Yeah until she finds out and scolds you for keeping it from her. If you want to run the risk of keeping it secret, go ahead but don't be surprised if she finds out and you've missed the opportunity to soften the fall.

A relationship between two people who promise each other to be faithful ends the second someone breaks that premise.
He's deceiving her by not letting her know.

Tell her. If you love her in any way, you'd tell her the truth and face the consequences.
I found out after 7 years because someone else told me. I wasted 7 years of my life and it ruined my life.
I would much prefer just knowing it and moving on.

If you love her, she deserves to know.

This
OP please tell her, so she can get past it and heal from it now. Maybe she can learn not to trust people so eagerly next time, because you cheated on her, you knew it was wrong but you did it anyway.

OP, you need to tell her, it's not fair. You're only doing it because you don't want to face the consequences, you don't give a shit about her because obviously you wouldn't of cheated on her. You're just feeling scared now becaues you might lose her, not because of how she feels. Own up and admit your mistakes, you'll start seeing your life more clearly then

>In a fucked up way, it is advantageous that OP already learned this lesson and can now become a fully devoted husband.
I dont agree with your entire statement but this one line is important. Sometimes I think its impossible to be fair without making an error beforehand, you need to cheat to understand how bad cheating is. Does it mean we should all cheat? Or maybe that cheating is good and makes you understand better?

OP YOU LISTEN TO THIS SHIT. Don't take any advice from any of this neckbeard single faggots!!

I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES, cheated of my girlfriend with a really good friend of mine that I've always liked in another country, but I never told my gf. THE GUILT, is gonna make you feel like shit, don't let it consue you but manifest it as being extra nice to your girlfriend DON'T TELL HER, if there's CERO risk of her finding out. if you love her, don't hurt her forever by telling her you cheated just because you don't want to carry that pressure and weight on your shoulders, you are a good man OP you just had a wild moment of lust, because we're fucking animals... Do you best to not cheat again, if you truly love her. You'll learn from this experience an up and carry this weight on your shoulders forever.

for the record OP I'd give my life for my gf I love her to death and we're still dating, been 5 years. I have to admit it does hurt, when she tells you "I love you so much and I know you'd never do that" but lust is lust man. You're still a good guy.

Thank you all for the help

This thread made me legit so depressed.
Men are scum. I hope you all get cheated on and get AIDS from your wives.

Thank you so much man

Same, most men are fucking assholes who justiy being shitty partners

Only you and Seem to understand. Intelligence is rare while stupidity is everywhere. Do the math my user. It is especially unfortunate that some are telling you to confess and break it off. What a terrible thing that would do to the one you love. In philosophy, there is a word called "dialectic" it is about using logical discussion to define what is true. I assure you that I'm telling you the truth user. Don't hurt that girl.

It's fucking ironic your spewing shit about truth and you want to lie to her. It's funny how this board demonises women but then there are people who are to fucking retarded to realise cheating is bad. I assure you she will be feel the pain when she fucking finds out. You say "no she wont find out" history repeats itself, she will find out, humans are social creatures word gets around fast. Then that girl will feel lied and betrayed and she will fucking despise OP just because "huh im such a saint i am sacraficing so much"

This. At the beginning I was scared how I was gonna deal with the guilt I thought it was gonna mess me up bad, I couldn't sleep properly for a bit, but it does goes away, specially if you treat her like the woman of your life.

I hope she cheats on you one day

mad whores itt
dump her and find a new woman, she'll find a new dick within days

I hope she gets pregnant with someone else's child and never tells you, so you raise someone else's kid but she "treats you like her baby daddy and the love of her life".
Scum of earth.

Tell her that you cheated on her and about the struggle and guilt you've been feeling.

don't tell her, cover your tracks and learn from it. The guilt is the price you pay for your stupidity

I trust my girlfriend and she loves the hell out of me, if she does, she had her reasons. I wouldn't get mad if it was only a one time thing purely sexual. What I would not tolerate is her FALLING in love with another man, sending cute letters going for dates and holding hands and shit. OP is not doing any of that... He wants to marry her in the future for fucks sake.

hahaha, dw user these niggas are just trying to supress their guilt, thats all it is. They dont give a shit about their partners.
You hear that everyone, it's ok to do bad shit because you feel guilty for it. Release all the criminals they feel guilty. No, consequences are what makes you learn user.

So on top of being scum, you're also a cuck.
Checks out.

The difference to murder or theft is however that his gf is literally not affected by it unless she finds out about it, dumbass

This, entirely!

Who cares? She doesn't know so you can act like it didn't happen. She might end up cheating on you in the future anyways, you're just pre-emptily evening the odds.

Words are cheap you rat. Oh so you have an open relationship then, you're a cuck and a liar haha.

>his gf is literally not affected by it
She is.
She is wasting her time in a relationship with a man under the assumption he is faithful to her, when he's not.
She is being deceived and betrayed by the person she trusts and loves the most, she just doesn't know about it yet.
The crime is there. If you murder someone and hide the body really well, is it not murder because no one found out yet?

>"no she wont find out"
I said nothing of the sort. That is for OP's judgement. I think that you were speed reading if you do not know that my position is love.
I would wager that if she did find out and he explained that his silence was out of love and respect, she may feel less pain than she would if here world was otherwise pulled out from under her. I am finished here.

My ex boyfriend said the same shit - "I felt really bad, didn't tell you so you wouldn't get hurt, had no intention of ever doing it again".
If he loved me, he would have told me so I could find someone who cared about me enough to not betray me.

Sometimes, when you love someone lots, you do the right thing no matter how much it hurts you. It's really really selfish to lie and give your girlfriend a false sense of loyalty. You're being selfish. Let them go, let them heal, let them find someone better

So you just compared murder with OP making one mistake? WOW... some people are just incredibly retarded.

I didn't compare the gravity of the crime.
I used a comparison to express how if you do something despicable, you've done it, whether people know it or not.
Just because his GF doesn't know, it doesn't mean that OP didn't cheat.

I'm really sorry hon. I'm sure it doesn't feel good.
I can only go by OP's expression of love. I believe what he says because he has nothing to fear from me. I would love to kick you ex boyfriend's ass but, this is all I can do. I said that I was out of here but couldn't leave you hanging.

If you love her you should probably break up with her and avoid talking to her ever again.

If you cheat on someone, you don't love them. OP doesn't love this girl.
That's it.

You thinks that's thought? I cheated on my wife, with whom I have two kids. Just suck it up and continue like nothing happened. It's hard, but it's the only way ta save your relationship

Yes, and 200 years ago people would feel like guilty as fuck if they masturbated and if someone found out they'd put a chastity belt, and gay people feeling guilt for kissing. You judging OP like you know about his life is just as ignorant, good luck trying to find a guy as good as OP he's obviously looking for help and all you wanna do is destroy his relationship because it's the right thing do do? WTF, this kind of shit is why trump is your president.

I feel so bad for your two kids.

This, if OP loved her as much as he claimed, he would have stopped.

>implying Trump is a bad president after taming a one of the most dangerous leaders
You keep being a sheep kiddo

He destroyed his own relationship when he decided to cheat. Not our fault

>NK is still building new nuclear weapons facilities
Mission accomplished lmao

You don't have the kind of commitment that warrants telling her until you're married. So you made a mistake, you learned from it and you won't do it again. Let it go.

Man the fuck up. You didn't kill anyone, you fucked some random roastie. Think of it like assisted fap, like using lube and pr0n when you fap instead of relying on your increasingly unstimulated imagination. It just happens that the tool you used to assist your fap was sentient. So fucking what. Don't tell her, if anything you should do it again so you can see just how meaningless it is
>t. Married ten years with two kids user

is why they need logic/philosophy classes in high school. Retarded reasoning.
Omitting things also is untruthful and conceitedness just means your partner doesn't love you for who you are (because you're not showing your true self).

OP, break up but don't tell her. Take some time to evaluate what you've done and start the next relationship only after you are confident in controlling your inhibitions like a proper adult should.

>It is right to never tell her
This.

>Everyone deserves a better partner than a cheater and he should at very least leave her.
And this

If I was a big enough piece of shit to cheat I would just break up with her without telling her about the cheating.

One goes with the other. I fucked a guy’s fiance once. She told me she loved me before she even told him. Found some weird way to hang out with me on valentines while he was at work. Would talk to him on the phone like nothing while I was in the car with her. Fucked her raw and she literally laughed about him finding the plan b trash she carelessly threw in her car.

Total, guiltless, evil person, but I was in love with her. Would have done anything for her. She literally begged me to fuck her for like 3 months before I gave in. I regret it.

Gotto take that shit to the grave user.
What you already cheated, do you want to break her heart too?
Live with the pain, do it for her

>feeling a guilty

How is it like?

It's not a big deal when men cheat, it only matters when women do it. (think about it). So don't beat yourself up so much over it.

If you're sure it'll end the relationship, then carry it to the grave. Even if your life is at stake, choose death over confession. That way, you will always prioritize the value of your relationship over the value of your life. That means a lot mate, think about it.

Everyone makes mistakes. Some bigger than others. You need to learn to apologize to YOURSELF and forgive yourself. It's hard to do because you're not forgiving yourself and coming up with all these reasons you should be punished.

Forgiveness is a hard virtue to learn and it's a mark of maturity, hence why so many posters on Jow Forums are reluctant to forgive and will give you evil advice.

When you see threads occasionally like "I can't get over all the little socially awkward things I did in the past. These little memories always haunt me", that is what it looks like when someone can't forgive them self. That's a small-scale example. You are a large one.

You've learned a lot from your mistake and you can even learn more if you dive into it. You can turn what was a grossly immoral decision into something that is substantially more moral. You have the ability to use this energy you feel to make your relationship even better. So please understand it's not over user, things can actually get better from all of this.

The world needs more forgiveness. Next time a stranger makes a mistake around you, remember they're just bones and blood like you, forgive them and spare your ire.

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>I don't know what to do.
Tell her and accept the consequences.

>I love this girl and wouldn't ever want to hurt her in any way
Yet you cheated on her.
>want to marry her and start a family
Cheated on her before even marrying.

If you don't tell her now she'll eventually find out anyway. Better tell her now, because it's the best solution. Hurts less.

>I feel so bad for your two kids
Why? Because I made one mistake, that didn't reflect on them, or anybody but me?

...

>This, if OP loved her as much as he claimed, he would have stopped.
In a world of robots, maybe. In a world full of humans, no. That is a ridiculous dichotomy.

Fine, I'll bite.

It's not up to him to grant himself forgiveness, that defeats the purpose.
If he wants forgiveness he should tell her, but that is a selfish idea to begin with and he needs to break up and be silent about it.
Also, >downplaying humans to le just flesh and blood

take a train ride

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who gives a shit about that pseudo machiavellian 'if she never finds out it wont hurt her' bullshit. i doubt if you believe that, that you've never cheated or are in any way a moral person. Its who you are in the dark that defines you, not who you are in the light.

The 'damage' is already done, shes just yet to find out. His options are man up and tell her, leave with a singular shred of dignity or degenerate into a shameless nothing that convinces himself (or just others) that by lying he did the moral thing,

honestly i think I dislike people like you more than people like op. Take notes op, this is you if you dont tell her and leave.

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>There is no lies only omission
What is, lying by omission? Its the same thing and you know it dont pussyfoot around and make excuses for shitbag behavior.

>There is no reason to hurt her
Already done, her not knowing doesent mean she isnt already hurt its merely a matter of when because theres not a single guarantee or reason to believe it wont be revealed to her.

The rest of this sounds like a cult leader explaining why his immoral actions are actually moral. You're full of shit, dont try to pull people down to your level by giving them the same justifications you use.

>cheating makes you human, only robots are capable of not cheating on their partners
whatever helps you sleep at night.

You have codependency issues possibly. She's feeding into them. You probably both like the sex, but as soon as you're done, neither of you have respect for each other.

t. Guy who cheated on gf of 5 years after we had major issues, ended up becoming fuck buddies for 9 months about 3 weeks after we broke up

Tbh, it stunted my emotional growth and I feel like I could have done way more shit during that time period instead of getting content in a non-relationship

Why did you cheat on her if you love her so much, OP?

man up

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Youre just a coward if you dont tell her

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

>he needs to break up
No he doesn't. If that was true, the earth would fall apart overnight.

You speak like this because you haven't learned forgiveness, and you apply unreasonably rigid standards to imperfect beings.

Like nobody is saying what he did was right, he doesn't need to be taught that. What he needs is advice and you're just coming in here and trying to fuck him all up because you're angry and bear an inhuman moral code.

I've never cheated, but if someone else does, I'm not going to pretend like I don't understand them.

Yeah I'd tell her. Best thing for both of you. She needs someone who will be honest with her.

It's not up to him to forgive himself, it's up to her.
He either breaks up and stays silent, or asks for her forgiveness and confesses.
Anything else is deceiving.

Self-forgiveness releases you from destructive thoughts.

Like it's reasonable to feel bad about making a mistake, but you can't torture yourself forever.